Virgo Man Analysis Paralysis?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by midnightmercenary on Tuesday, January 9, 2024 and has 5 replies.
Looking for some advice. I (24 y/o Aries woman) met 31 y/o Virgo man at a wedding this summer. We hit it off immediately, and had the most romantic evening talking, dancing, and kissing. We exchanged numbers and when we said goodbye, I just knew I’d see him again. He texted me the next day and we’ve talked every day since. The only thing is, he lives 4 hours away from me.
He’s incredibly consistent and caring, even though he's super busy with two jobs (appraisals and real estate). He’s come to visit me 4 times since the summer. He often has to show houses on the weekend, so he can’t visit me as often as we’d both like. On top of that, he recently went back to school part time to move up in his appraisal job. I know this is an unideal situation, but there’s something real between us that I’ve never felt before. We fit so well together, we have shared interests, values, and dreams. He’s smart, funny, sweet, thoughtful. Even though there’s all these circumstances working against us, it’s just feels so easy to have him in my life.
However, the topic of commitment has been an issue. Neither of us are seeing anyone else, BTW. We’ve talked about it a few times now, and I’ve told him that I want to be in a relationship with him. He keeps saying that his life would be empty without me, and his heart says 100% yes, but his logical side is making him hesitant because of the distance, and going back to school adding to his plate. He’d feel like a failure and a bad BF if got really busy and couldn’t come see me for a while or be as present. I love how hardworking he is, and his busy schedule isn't the problem for me. And it's not really the distance either, because I've always really valued my independence. It's the lack of willingness to make a decision and commit. He's putting all the pressure of keeping our relationship together on himself, and I feel like he's not hearing me when I say that I'd understand if he had a busy period, and I want to be there to cheer him on.
I told him I know I deserve someone who wants me in their life no matter the circumstances, not just if it’s convenient for them. We talked for hours about it, and he said that he just needed a little more time to see how busy he gets now that this course has started. I agreed to give him that but told him he needs to meet me halfway and consider all the things I said.
I know this sounds like excuse central, but I feel in my heart that it’s not because he doesn’t like me. I feel a real Virgoan analysis paralysis and anxiety in him, and I think he's standing in his own way. But on the other hand, I know that a guy should want to do anything to keep me in his life. I've struggled with anxiety myself, but I think it would be extremely stupid to throw something like this away over things that haven't happened yet. I've always been such a romantic, and believed that once you find the real thing, there's nothing you can do to fight it. Is this dumb of me? Or do people actually stand in the way of their own happiness? Does anyone have advice? Am I just dealing with your average Virgo, or is he a jerk in disguise?
He’s incredibly consistent and caring, even though he's super busy with two jobs (appraisals and real estate). He’s come to visit me 4 times since the summer. He often has to show houses on the weekend, so he can’t visit me as often as we’d both like. On top of that, he recently went back to school part time to move up in his appraisal job. I know this is an unideal situation, but there’s something real between us that I’ve never felt before. We fit so well together, we have shared interests, values, and dreams. He’s smart, funny, sweet, thoughtful. Even though there’s all these circumstances working against us, it’s just feels so easy to have him in my life.
However, the topic of commitment has been an issue. Neither of us are seeing anyone else, BTW. We’ve talked about it a few times now, and I’ve told him that I want to be in a relationship with him. He keeps saying that his life would be empty without me, and his heart says 100% yes, but his logical side is making him hesitant because of the distance, and going back to school adding to his plate. He’d feel like a failure and a bad BF if got really busy and couldn’t come see me for a while or be as present. I love how hardworking he is, and his busy schedule isn't the problem for me. And it's not really the distance either, because I've always really valued my independence. It's the lack of willingness to make a decision and commit. He's putting all the pressure of keeping our relationship together on himself, and I feel like he's not hearing me when I say that I'd understand if he had a busy period, and I want to be there to cheer him on.
I told him I know I deserve someone who wants me in their life no matter the circumstances, not just if it’s convenient for them. We talked for hours about it, and he said that he just needed a little more time to see how busy he gets now that this course has started. I agreed to give him that but told him he needs to meet me halfway and consider all the things I said.
I know this sounds like excuse central, but I feel in my heart that it’s not because he doesn’t like me. I feel a real Virgoan analysis paralysis and anxiety in him, and I think he's standing in his own way. But on the other hand, I know that a guy should want to do anything to keep me in his life. I've struggled with anxiety myself, but I think it would be extremely stupid to throw something like this away over things that haven't happened yet. I've always been such a romantic, and believed that once you find the real thing, there's nothing you can do to fight it. Is this dumb of me? Or do people actually stand in the way of their own happiness? Does anyone have advice? Am I just dealing with your average Virgo, or is he a jerk in disguise?
Be firm and consistent. His wiggles is actually normal in this situation and will fade away on thier own.
Secondly, his concerns are valued. What you need to communicate to him is, you don't mind or need a lot of attention.
You guys can have your great days just like with your meetings.
Other days you will both be busy and it will be low energy periods.
Adult relationships ebb and flow with high and flow energy/engagement. You don't need to give each other 100% everyday.
This is most likely what he is worried about.
Both stay busy and schedule your "great days" and dates nights. No other obligations outside those days.
Also assuming everything you said is true.
there is a good chance most of his energy is in his career and he is a potato when not busting his ass.
With you as a big part of his "vacation" from his grind. That's definitely not all you are to him with a 4 hour drive. That's some real effort!
I doubt you spend enough time for him to show his other sides of his personality and habits. Like his potato mood🤣
Secondly, his concerns are valued. What you need to communicate to him is, you don't mind or need a lot of attention.
You guys can have your great days just like with your meetings.
Other days you will both be busy and it will be low energy periods.
Adult relationships ebb and flow with high and flow energy/engagement. You don't need to give each other 100% everyday.
This is most likely what he is worried about.
Both stay busy and schedule your "great days" and dates nights. No other obligations outside those days.
Also assuming everything you said is true.
there is a good chance most of his energy is in his career and he is a potato when not busting his ass.
With you as a big part of his "vacation" from his grind. That's definitely not all you are to him with a 4 hour drive. That's some real effort!
I doubt you spend enough time for him to show his other sides of his personality and habits. Like his potato mood🤣
If a Virgo man makes time for you especially if he is super busy, this is a good thing. He is building a foundation right now.
It sounds like he does not want to lose you. Most Virgo men are loyal. If he loves you, it's only you! You will have a real Gem there.
It all depends on you.
He would be worth the wait, if you are the patient type.
Best wishes, hope it works out
It sounds like he does not want to lose you. Most Virgo men are loyal. If he loves you, it's only you! You will have a real Gem there.
It all depends on you.
He would be worth the wait, if you are the patient type.
Best wishes, hope it works out
Hm. He sounds very analytical but it might not be paralysis. Virgos are known to marry late in life, well, some of them anyway. Just tell him to not to forget you in his mental file cabinet. Maybe put a sticky note it every once in a while. With his such busy schedule, you're so prized because he makes time for you.
Not reading all that. I wish you the best
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