virgo man and taurus woman...compatible?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by liana on Monday, October 20, 2008 and has 23 replies.
I am taurus and my husband is virgo and we have been married for 5 years. I am 28 and he is 41 and we have two children together. We met at work while working in seperate departments with him pursuing me with a flower on valentine's day, which I was just getting over a lenghty relationship with a cancer who I was so in love with from high school, but was currently in the navy and the long distance ruined us. We dated for about a month and he asked me to move in and I got pregnant about a month after that. I had our son and months later, after much pressure from me and compromise from him, we got married. He has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. Anyways, 5 years later, I am still wondering if he was ever in love with me because things happened so quickly for us and I have always been attracted to him on many levels, but feel that he limits us from having the "in love" experieice by not being intimate and vulnerable and just opening up(about real stuff-not sports). I know he trusts me, but now I am having all this doubt about my role and how I compare to his past gf's because I feel that surely one of them would have seen this side of him that I may never get to see and I feel so hurt to think that someone could have touched him this way and not me. I feel connected on an intuitive level with him like no one else (and I have dated cancer and pisces), but I need the connection, the knowledge that I am "the one" that he loves like no other because I am special to him. I never had to ask the cancer this question ever or the pisces, I always knew. I feel so unimpressive to him many times, even though I am a full-time working mom and still keep the house in order. He has hobbies and thinks that I am lacking happiness because I don't indulge in my hobbies like him, but that was before the kids, who has the time or energy to do hobbies after a day like mine and he knows i get way too lazy for that sort of thing. But if he wants, I will go out and socialize and be happy with others, but I did not get married to live two seperate lives. I don't want to cling on him, but I want to be more that his tv watching buddy. Please any virgo men, any advice? Should I just chalk this up to he was never in love with me, never wiil be and move on. I have heard many times that virgo and taurus can be nothing more thatn friends and lack passion, but I love him so much, he really is everything I am not andI would be hurt if didn't feel the same. Pls help
"after much pressure from me and compromise from him, we got married"

There's your answer, right there ^^^^^^^^^^^^



" .. if he wants, I will go out and socialize and be happy with others, but I did not get married to live two seperate lives. I don't want to cling on him, but I want to be more that his tv watching buddy"

You do realize that he's a dude ..... and not a girl.
p-angel, we had just had our son and I did tell him that I did not want to stay in our current living arrangement with my child and we should get married, he could have said no and I would be a single mother, but he agreed. Although, these are never really the terms by which a woman wants to marry because look at me now, unsure of where I stand. He says he didn't marry me for the kids and I know he didn't have to marry me. Yea--I know he's not a dude, so in acknowledging this, do I forfeit my needs? I get a good portion of dude time with him, are you telling me this is the REAL connection. This is being in love? Comfortable enough with me to not even TRY anymore?
From my experience, female taureans and male virgos don't really gel... the conversation is good, the shared love of nature is good ... and that's about as far as it goes.
Taurean women love to be romanced, spoilt, shown affection openly, and they like their men, sensual, passionate and emotionally connected in bed. Sorry, I just don't see you getting that from a virgo male.
thank you sensing taurus and fumingli scorp. Sensing Taurus, what you say is the battle I think I fight the most, can I give up what I think I NEED to live? And what would you say is the best for taurus? Fumingli Scorp, it is true about either I accept that space or make myself unhappy, which I had made myself miserable all by myself(how pathetic right). And i felt sooo bad comparing him to the cancer because I know they are so different, but it made me think that I am not connecting fully with my husband and not reaching him when I think of the closeness I have felt in other relationships. I also found out that i am taurus sun, pisces moon and he is virgo sun, taurus moon. According to my sun and moon, I am highly sensitive and emotional which is true, but i try and repress a lot. I was never so much into signs until I realized that my relationship with my husband seemed to be missing something. Fumingli, since you are scorpio, you must have connected with your ex-husband virgo on a deep level, are you seriously saying that YOU were not able to bring out a passion in him? I just feel like if your sign is not having luck, I am very discouraged. I do not want to feel like I am chasing anyone for affection.
and just like you said sensing taurus, we like our men emotionally connected in bed, so i guess my question really is do virgo men emotionally connect with their partner in bed or not? or do they just take more time to connect? I know it would bother me if I felt he has the connected with another in bed before and cannot do the same with me for whatever reason.
lol
thanks fumingli, that is it---what i learned through him is that i have endless freedom and i am learning to be myself , but unfortunately i feel so lonely- a lot. I feel like honestly, how will he ever really KNOW me if he will not value something about me that I feel makes up so much of who I am. I really think that this is the part that really hurts me is that I guess he can just disregard emotions right?, or he doesn't put much value on them. Well, how would I feel when I am the opposite and I am empathy to a fault and sensitive? I feel like he does not value my nature and what makes me unique? but I have seen that I bring out a much softer side in him that only I get to see really and it is beautiful. He has a good heart and I feel like I never want to hurt him because I actually can see just how fragile he really is. He has experience physical abuse from his mother growing up and sexual abuse from his older brother while growing up and I hurt for him and I don't want him to be trapped in himself all his life. I think he is always sad deep down and it hurts me.
I have turned off emotions too, but just because they were too much to bear. I have a specific emoathy for children and animals where I cannot bear to see either in pain or hurting, it crushes me and pushes me ito such an abyss in my mind. I become consumed with the feelings and internalize them and delve into the psyche of the victim and live it out sort of and always ask questions of life and why this innocent being was allowed to hurt and be tortured this way and I do to such a dark and despondent place and can become depressed over it. i know I am THIS weak so I protect myself by shielding myself from certain influences. I know I cannot watch scary movies because I will take everything in too deeply and I will be adversly affected, I know I cannot read certain stories in the newspaper. I remember stories to this day that cut me so deep mostly involving children that I even have to supress them from myself because if I think too long, I will be trapped in my mind in the emotion which will not let me go, like a hell. I think I can understand why my husband would tuck in his emotion, but I view bottled up emotion as a destructive force that will eat him up from the inside. I am not even selfish to want to know his innermost feelings(except about me). But I will one day ask him to write them out on paper to get them out of him--to get the burden off of him---and then burn the papers.
specific empathy
p angel do you have any advice?
No, no advice ... just awarenesses that you haven't even begun to put into a reality yet.
For example ..
"I will one day ask him to write them out on paper to get them out of him--to get the burden off of him"
A Virgo man is not burdened with emotions and needs to write them out ... the reality is YOU are burdened with a want of having him write these out, and need for him to get him out.
The reality is .... you pressured this man into marrying you, and he agreed to do so because it was the right thing to do since you gave birth to his son .. however, that doesn't equal love, or being in love .. it equates to honoring an obligation.
Now you want feelings? And can't understand why he doesn't present feelings to you?
Your relationship is existing exactly within the terms set. Your not going to change the man, your not going to change any other person ... the reality is .... you can only change yourself.
lol, theskys .. shows how pretty unaware you are if you think I give people advice.

Light-switches are right there ... a person can turn on or off, at their choosing .. but, first they have to realize that the switch can only operate at ones own choice, and it cannot be operated by another for you because you want the other to.
What advice is it you would seek, liana?
For the only questions I can gleen out of your posts are asking how to do you proceed in changing the man from being who he is, to who you want him to be.

Apparantly, others would think that there is advice to give you on how to do this, and would also offer it to you, as if you would have a position to stand on to do this >>>>>> ignorance breeds ignorance seems to be a theme to those who are unaware of reality.

Reality Check >>> you cannot change the man, nor any wo/man ... and therefore there is NO real advice a person can give you, even if people think they can .. they cannot >>>> because it's impossible.
liana, there are plenty of women in here, a couple in particular, who will gladly tell you how to play his feelings, manipulate and twist his feelings to get him to respond to you.
However, keep in mind ... the women who tell you this, are the ones who lost the Virgo man.

Hopefully, you'll find what you seek .. just don't forget that ^^^^^^
REally... don't doubt him. I know that a marriage can get to a point when it gets a bit worn down. When we want that passion sizzling in our inner. What you need to do, liana, is to remember what brought you together on first place. Try not to hold your cards too close to your chest. Children are a blessing, but we also need the romance back that was there once when it first started. Pay a little more attention to him at times. Just stop everything and turn your attention to virgo man. Show attention to what he does. Just ask him questions about his game or how his work was today. Once you get his attention, observe how he will be more receptive to you.

Best advice ever--thanks fs I think I need to be there for him and show the unconditional love i have for him. H has taken a quiet back seat to our babies when they needed much of my attention and now they need less and I am able to devote more to him and I will, it will be fun.
and I really did not pressure my husband into marrying me-that was a bad choice of words, i rather drew the line in the sand for him and he chose. But I had doubt because i got swept off my feet(all my other relationships have moved way slower) and I guess looking back, I would have very much cherished our initial stages of dating had we taken it slower and really gotten to know each other(but i felt like i already knew him when I met him and I felt that he wouldn't hurt me and I instantly trusted him). I know that with my previous relationships, we courted for a while and it was during this time i thnk that we fell in love. Maybe my husband and I did it opposite, maybe we did fall in love and now we are able to be friends too. Maybe I am looking at everything the wrong way. I could change perspective and see that now that I recall, he and I were both impulsive with our feelings in the beginning and reckless. We moved in after a month of seeing each other because we found that we were spending all of our time together at his place anyway and I have always felt drawn to him, just to be around him and feel his beautiful, honest spirit, i think he is the most honest person i will ever know so I shouldn't doubt him.
I would agree that a prudent move at this time would be to attempt to find a balance .... BUT ....

"I need to be there for him and show the unconditional love i have for him."

.... that ^^^^^^ is NOT a balance.

Seriously, liana ... you came in here upset because you felt like you weren't being appreciated, and now your resolution is to give him even more of yourself without any conditions in place?

If that is what you seek, then fs can surely give it to you ... my only hope is that one day, you wish to deserve for yourself.

Good day, and best wishes smile
liana i am probably not the best person to be giving advice seeing as i just lost my virguy very painfully but i would say to you whole heartedly you are doing the right thing by resolving never to doubt him. I learnt the hard way that by doubting a virgo it is the one sure fired way to push them away. Trust him with your whole heart because the more you trust him and trust in his love for you the more he WILL love you. I doubted my virgo's love when he was at his most fragile and the result was he doubted my love for him. But we learn from our mistakes...
Also i really sympathise with the sadness you feel for him, i had the same with my virgo. He didnt open up easily and it hurt me that he was obviously in so much pain a lot of the time and he chose never to speak about it. I never pushed him to tell me, but i could see how he was suffering and it hurt, maybe because i sympathised with him too much. I guess what im tryign to say is that you are going to have to try and let go of this sadness if you want to really make a go of things because the sadness will become a burden for you too. Believe me i know because i still feel it and we're not even together anymore. I still feel immense sadness when i think of him and how he must be feeling about some stuff that is going on in his life at the moment. I dont understand virgos, i respect that they are very solemn in their sadness and maybe i dont understand because i talk abotu my problems, but surely it must eat them up inside?
i would agree to p-angel to some extent (shocking!) i think you should show your unconditional love however i dont think you should show it by changing for him and i dont think he would appreciate you being there at his every beck and call (plus you are not a mug right -he's not changing for you!). Some stuff is nothing to do with star signs and i would advise you pick yourself up a copy of "men are from mars women are from venus". It is like a bible i wish i had read it before my relationship went pearshaped! In this book it points out that actually men want their women to go out and enjoy themselves they dont like you to be there all the time because it makes them feel claustrophic. It is a healthy thing to do for your relationship to make sure you have your own hobbies and it makes it much easier for him to love you when you are there because he's had his space and you've had yours. So go out there enjoy yourself with your girlfriends and come back to him and he will love you more for it. Read the book i swear it sounds like what you need right now and it tells you good techniques of how to make your love stronger.
theskys. mine sounds pretty much the same as yours except he never showed anger, he just went quiet and thoughtful and i could see the sadness in his eyes. At these times i let him know i was there if he needed me but i let him have his space because i realised that he didnt want to open up about it so i let him be, but it hurt me to see he was hurting. This may be nothign to do with star signs and just the fact i am a woman and he's a man, but when someone is sad i want to be there for them and reassure them, so it hurts me when i cant.
The majority of the time when men go silent, especially a Virgo man, is when a woman bombards him with emotions.
A woman will 'act' like she is for the man, and present an aire to him that he is free, and she poses no pressure on him. Then once the man opens up a tad to reveal an emotion >>>> she pounces on it.
what do you mean, are you saying (this), you can tell me, how do you feel, why would you say that, I am here for you, I love you, you can tell me how it feels, I can help you, blah, blah, blah
^^^ that is the reaction from women 99% of the time when a man attempts to voice how he feels about something. Eventually, when having to deal with women all the time, a man eventually learns to keep his mouth shut because he knows that is he says something, anything, that resembles feelings about her or the relationship .. then he's going to get smothered/suffocated.

Trust me, Virgo men aren't suffering with any kind of sadness in him because he is unable to get emotions out to you .... that is something you have deluded yourself into believing.
Virgo men don't suffer with that .... they do, however, find women who are co-dependent upon them for this emotional nurturing, as I've described it ... to be insufferable.
rescueme, you sound just like one of my friends who has recommended this book to me. I think I need to get it.
And I do wish to deserve for myself and I suppose thats why I needed to know if I was being irrational in my thoughts. He does many things for me that lets me know that he loves me and cares about me as a person, but I guess I wanted to know at what point should I regard his feelings toward me as more plutonic than romantic. There are many levels to a relationship. friend, lover, soulmate. I want and deserve a soulmate and I will never demand anything more of him than he is willing to give because I would never want forced love anyway. I just wanted to know if anyone experienced anything like this where it seemed like the person who you were in love with seemed to enjoy so much to be around their friends but then you get the comfortable, lazy them that doesn't want to do much except go grocery shopping on Saturdays or watch tv**with none of the enthusiam shared with the friendssmile. We are intuitive with each other enough that we don't have to be too vocal conversation wise with the "how was your day, how was YOUR day?", but c'mon, it can be ridiculous sometimes the lack of real conversation about ourselves and what goes on with us on a daily basis. He can feel I get a bit annoyed with that because it is so surface and so avoiding and insulting sometimes. For a long time he tried to act indifferent to me, like he didn't need me, like he would be just as happy if I were with him or if I were not with him, but why can't he see the same way he wants to feel needed, I want to feel needed sometimes too
p-angel i do agree that bombarding a man with questions is the worst thing you can do which is why i NEVER did it, i dont know why you think everyone on this board is so incompetent.
liana this is another piece of useful advice and i really would advise you buy that book. I unfortunately read it too late but it did give me an insight into where i went wrong in my relationship and (no offence to the people on this board) it does give you a rational outlook on what you may or may not be doing/have done wrong. This board is great for support and different people's opinions on situations but the book helps you to identify the things yourself. Please persist and read it because whilst i had it in my ownership for a couple of weeks before me and my virguy broke up i didnt actually read it until it was too late. It was then i identified all the things i had been doing to push him away (unknowingly). Until you read this book you will never realise how different men and women really are it astounded me, but it is all true and you will see it reflected in your own life. Men show love in very different ways to women and vice versa which is why there is always this huge miscommunication between the sexes. Men think they are showing loving by trusting you, accepting and appreciating you whilst women show love by caring and trying to nuture people. One example is that when me and my virguy were on the verge of breaking up he said he needed some space and told me not to worry about it. I thought "dont worry what do you mean dont worry!" i felt like he was belittling our problems and that really hurt me so it made me angrier...which made him more hurt and upset. After reading the book i realised that actually him saying "dont worry" was him trying to show he cared because, when a man is upset they deal with the problem on their own they dont like to make a big deal of it and when a male friend has a problem they show their friend trust and respect by saying "dont worry". They therefore mistakenly assume that women behave in the same way so whilst him saying "dont worry" was him trying to show he cared what i really needed was reassurance. The book explains ALL types of different behaviour in so much depth and it totally explained all the things that went wrong with out relationship so you must read it, let me know how you get on.