Virgo man... what does this mean?

Been dealing with a Virgo guy for 15 months now, and I'm confused to tell you the least. I really hope someone here can help me with this.

We've known each other for 10 years through our sisters and mutual friends, and we became closer 15 months ago when we hooked up and ended up sleeping together. We had both just come out long term relationships at the time. There's always been a strong connection between us (I noticed him over the years because he kept staring intensely at me and wanted to stand very close to me, even though we both had partners at the time).

Now, he's been with quite a few women since he became single 2 years ago. I know a few of them. We have also slept together a few times, but it has always been me who's instigated it. He's never pushed and have waited for me to make the move. The times I havent made a move, nothing happens. I get a lot of attention from other men, but he's the only one I care about.

What I don't understand is that he's so relaxed around the other women he's been with, while he's been too scared to even come up and talk to me (even though we've been intimate 5 times). He needs to get drunk to even talk to me. The trouble is, I get extremely shy around him too, so don't easily go up to him either. I'm normally a very outgoing and sociable woman, he's a lot more enclosed and shy. But despite this, he can chat easily to the other women he's been with.

As he works abroad for a few months at the time, we don't see each other very often. When we do, we always seem to end up bickering and fighting with each other and I don't understand why. We saw each other for the fist time again a month ago. We had not seen each other for 4 months or had any contact at all during that time. We ended up really arguing, sleeping together, and then arguing again. It was incredibly intense. At one point during the argument, we stood pressed against each other and just stared into each others eyes. His eyes were suddenly very tender and gentle. We ended up calling each other bad and childish names, he threw me out and I sent him an email five days later opening up about my feeling for him for the very first time in 15 months. I ended the email by saying that I like him, care for him and wish him all the best for the future, because he really deserves that.

What do you make of all this? Any serious replies would really be appreciated, as I'm confused and hurt by what happened.

I find Cardinal signs on the whole have problems communicating with people without coming off as demanding and thus offending people.

If you are the instigator for coitus then it doesn't seem like he is interested in you beyond that point.
He will wait til you stop trying with him to show interest and at that point, most likely, only to keep you on the hook/hooked.

"I find Cardinal signs on the whole have problems communicating with people without coming off as demanding and thus offending people."

True LoL.

I think there are some kind of feelings there. With earth/earth you have to sometimes gauge it by behavior/reaction, which the shyness tells a story, what story? Not sure. It seems that whatever is there is mutual, but if there's hesitation to get past a certain point, and if the two of you have no problems not communicating for months, then you have to look at that as well. Sometimes what you feel may not be enough for much else. You want him to step up, I'm sure, and if he really wanted to he would.

Thank you all. Would any of these factors play a part:

He's tripple earth - sun, moon and venus in Virgo, Capricorn, Virgo, respectively. When we hooked up, he had just gone through a very bad breakup from his girlfriend. I too had just come out of a very long relationship/marriage. Right from the start I said I did not want anything heavy, just some fun and games, and that he could be with whomever he wanted to as it had nothing to do with me. I did not say this to play games, but because I had heard that he probably did not want anyone sitting at home waiting for him (he works abroad in a war zone), and because I was really scared of coming across as too keen (I hate being too pushy and nagging like that).

Posted by Cajunspirit
I find Cardinal signs on the whole have problems communicating with people without coming off as demanding and thus offending people.

If you are the instigator for coitus then it doesn't seem like he is interested in you beyond that point.
He will wait til you stop trying with him to show interest and at that point, most likely, only to keep you on the hook/hooked.

I'm normally a very outgoing and verbal person who chats and laughs easily with anyone. When it comes to him, however, I'm nervous and often get a bit tongue tied. My feelings for him are running so deep, that I'm scared of making a mistake or to seem too keen which might push him away. He did instigate intimacy once by very carefully touching me. When I looked at him, he looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Absolute terror in his eyes. I wonder if he might have a very strong fear of rejection?

I do not pester him or contact him very often. In the past 15 months I've contacted him just a handful of times via emails or chats (I should think about 5-6 times in total). I'm not pushy on Facebook (unlike many of the other girls he's been with who likes or comments anything he does on there). The others have also hung him out on FB, again something I do not do. The reason I have not contacted him more often than that is because I'm really scared of rejection and of getting hurt. I know I have com across as cool around him, then a bit keen, then back to being cool again. It's my self-protecting mechanism, I think.

continued:

I posted a song on FB in the summer while he was home. It's called You're the One. Songs mean a lot to him. I saw him that night in a bar, but I again kept my distance. He followed me around and in the end came up to me and just said :"I'm confused".

Have I confused him by my actions?

"When it comes to him, however, I'm nervous and often get a bit tongue tied. My feelings for him are running so deep, that I'm scared of making a mistake or to seem too keen which might push him away."

Haha, this can be a Capricorn thing when we REALLY like someone. Now his reasons for his nervousness or shyness could be from something else, or it could be from the same thing. If so, on both ends, the root is fear of rejection.

Posted by lnana04
"When it comes to him, however, I'm nervous and often get a bit tongue tied. My feelings for him are running so deep, that I'm scared of making a mistake or to seem too keen which might push him away."

Haha, this can be a Capricorn thing when we REALLY like someone. Now his reasons for his nervousness or shyness could be from something else, or it could be from the same thing. If so, on both ends, the root is fear of rejection.

I know! 🙂 I haven't EVER felt as much for anyone else as I have for him. I become calm whenever I touch him, when he's in the same room as me it just feels right, and he makes me feel really safe just being near him. Whenever I see him, I have to concentrate really hard not to just go up and touch him.

As for the shyness, he seems to be very relaxed and normal around other women he's also been with. With me, he has to get drunk to even chat normally or come up to me. He's been so nervous in the past that he's dropped things on the floor, left them there and run off to down a large drink. He's said things that's taken me by surprise, and when I've looked at him with a big question mark on my face, he's retracted it very quickly.

Perhaps we both have a very strong fear of rejection? I know I have, which is why I have been very cautious around him. It seem to have been a constant push and pull thing going on. I know how strongly I feel for him, yet I'm aware that I have a cool facade. It's a safety thing. Underneath the calm surface I'm paddling like mad...

Posted by MoonMan

Posted by sunnycap


He's tripple earth - sun, moon and venus in Virgo, Capricorn, Virgo, respectively. When we hooked up, he had just gone through a very bad breakup from his girlfriend.

He's a triple Virgo!! Damn, all I can think is... would take an impressive woman to break through and obtain a serious romantic relationship with this guy, with Sun/Moon/Venus in Virgo? Geez.
Am I right thinking this??


What's "Capricorn, Virgo, respectively" at the end of your sentance mean sunnycap? Capricorn Ascendant for him? Or is that You?

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He's triple earth with sun and venus in Virgo and moon in Capricorn. With his moon in Capricorn, I think that makes him cautious regarding matters of the heart. To quote his sister: "You won't see much on the outside, but everything is going on on the inside". I know he's got a lot on the inside - I've seen it a few times already when we've been together - but he's got the famous Virgo wall around his emotions. In fact, I told him I see right through all that, see the real him and what's on the inside, and that I "get him". I really do. I'm a Capricorn and we're meant to be a good match. Maybe that's why. Apart from the good match with our sun signs, all our other planets are good matches too.

He's also got some more Virgo in his chart. I don't know his Ascendant, but I have a very strong feeling it's Taurus. If that's the case, he's quadruple earth!! 🙂

MoonMan, are you a Virgo yourself?

I sure as hell fear rejection.

The same defensive mechanisms you have are the same he has.

That has always been the issue I foresee with a Capricorn relationship. My having to do and prove everything to her before she does anything for me.

That's why Virgos like Fire women, who go after what they want.

Earthen women need to be wooed, sucked up to, complimented, visited habitually, given so many opportunities to go out that they can pick and choose which ones they want to entertain, hence rejecting every so often.

For a Virgo, I simply believe this is asking too much.
If you want some, give some.

Posted by MoonMan

How can you be sure?
If you don't know his ascendant (an important aspect) and requires acurate birth "time".
How do you know you are profiling both your charts accurately?

I found his Venus and Mars signs in a table. I used a calculator to find his Moon sign going through the whole 24 hour period on the day he was born (I know where he was born, just not the time). I did the same with the other planets, and as there were no change within the 24 hours, this how I worked out the planets.

Of course, the Ascendant changes every 2 hours, so without knowing his exact time of birth I'm unable to work it out. I would love to know what it is, because I think it would explain things even more.

Posted by Cajunspirit
I sure as hell fear rejection.

The same defensive mechanisms you have are the same he has.

Perhaps this would be even more of an issue then if you'd recently gone through a bad breakup, where the girlfriend cheated on you while you were away working (he works abroad for a few months at the time), and she got married and had a baby with her new husband within a year of splitting up from him?

I'm wondering:

1. How would that affect any possible relationships in the future?
2. How long would it take you to get over it (he's told me he's not over her yet)?
3. What would you need from a new person you meet in order to feel safe?

Posted by Cajunspirit

That's why Virgos like Fire women, who go after what they want.

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Interesting. He has in fact been dealing with an Aries woman on and off for the past 15 months. They had a thing going before he and I hooked up last summer. She's true to her sign, fiery and pushy. I think she fascinated him to start off with, but at the same time I think she disturbs him somewhat. She gets angry when she doesn't get what she wants from him (responses etc). When that's happened to me, I let it go. She will hang him out to dry in front of 400+ friends on Facebook (calling him names, swearing, posting negative, angry songs), whereas I will deal with him one on one (either face to face or in an email).

I think the difference between me and the Aries women is the she's very impatient and does not understand him at all. I really get him and have quite a lot of patience.

Also, he's ex was a Sag. Now they were a very bad match (her own words). I've also read this several times before, that a Sag and a Virgo do not really understand each other. Of course it will depend on other aspects (and planets too).

Would love to hear your answer to my query, above.

Posted by 1urbanicblue

Interesting. my Sag sister is happily living with a Virgo man. (i think he is sept 6)He's got fire moon and she's got earth moon. Might be why the deep connection too.

My moon and venus are in leo.
My Sagi girlfriend is Moon in Taurus, Venus in Sagittarius.

There can be happiness between the two. But the Sagi girl will go out and do things behind the Virgos back, then lie about it to keep the peace. The Virgo may or may not find out, it's how they deal with it that ultimately reflects on the longevity of the relationship.

Posted by sunnycap

Perhaps this would be even more of an issue then if you'd recently gone through a bad breakup, where the girlfriend cheated on you while you were away working (he works abroad for a few months at the time), and she got married and had a baby with her new husband within a year of splitting up from him?

That is grade A messed up.
The last Sagi I was with did the same thing, save for the fact we were not married.
She cheated on me with a September 2nd and married a September 4th and is having his 2nd child, I am September 8th.

I'm wondering:

1. How would that affect any possible relationships in the future?

Virgo men really do have a bachelor mentality.
These things are very discouraging. Though we will get over them, it shatters our confidence and increases our cynicism. As we grow older we begin to care less and less.

Hence, our need for a woman who knows, communicates and acts on what she wants from the get go.

2. How long would it take you to get over it (he's told me he's not over her yet)?

Depends on how much time we wasted on that person. For me it usually doesn't take that long. Anywhere between 2 seconds to 2 weeks. I usually have prepared myself for the breakup before hand.

But I have never been married so that is something I can not accurately respond to.

3. What would you need from a new person you meet in order to feel safe?

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Transparency, Honesty and OPEN communication.
If you can't tell me what you want, how you feel or what you think then I will hesitate.

You would have to appeal to my shallowness for looks to get any progress otherwise.

Interesting. He has in fact been dealing with an Aries woman on and off for the past 15 months. They had a thing going before he and I hooked up last summer. She's true to her sign, fiery and pushy. I think she fascinated him to start off with, but at the same time I think she disturbs him somewhat. She gets angry when she doesn't get what she wants from him (responses etc). When that's happened to me, I let it go. She will hang him out to dry in front of 400+ friends on Facebook (calling him names, swearing, posting negative, angry songs), whereas I will deal with him one on one (either face to face or in an email).

Though your response is ideal and mature.
The fact that I would know without a doubt the Aries woman is upset AND why can often be preferrable subconsciously. I have a need to understand.

Posted by 1urbanicblue
OP: you're correct it depends on the planets. No matter the sun signs. I feel that same earth or same element suns understand each other 'communication' wise, however, when the love planets: moon and venus do not match up, it is more difficult to obtain for the long run. Not to mention, how your views are in life. If it doesnt really match: like one is more of a partygoer, the other a religious freak, it just usually isn't going to work no matter how good your planets match.

A wide array of similar interests can not be understated as the foundation of a solid relationship.

Posted by MoonMan

Posted by lnana04

Posted by sunnycap


When it comes to him, however, I'm nervous and often get a bit tongue tied. My feelings for him are running so deep, that I'm scared of making a mistake or to seem too keen which might push him away.

Haha, this can be a Capricorn thing when we REALLY like someone. Now his reasons for his nervousness or shyness could be from something else, or it could be from the same thing. If so, on both ends, the root is fear of rejection.

Inana,
I just need to chime in here.
Personally I don't think the above is a "this sign or that sign" type of thing but a human thing.
I think it is reasonable to say that most people, regardless of their astrology sign, get nervous around someone they REALLY like and may worry about making the right impression, particularly if it is something NEW, even old friends or acquaintances who haven't seen each other for a while and now find they have an attraction to one an' other.
~Just a thought.

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I'm not saying it in a territorial way, I definitely agree that getting nervous around someone you like is a human thing. I just relate to her in saying she fears making a mistake and worry about pushing him away. I've noticed as a Capricorn, and with Caps, the deeper the feelings the more it can appear on the outside we are pushing that person away or we don't have feelings at all. That's what I relate to as a Cap, not sure that everyone else does, but if so then it can be a virgo, aries, human etc. thing as well lol.

Posted by Cajunspirit
My moon and venus are in leo.

If you're scared of rejection, as you said in your earlier post, I suppose someone with moon and venus in earth signs would make them even more cautious about their feelings and matters of the heart?

Posted by Cajunspirit
That is grade A messed up.
The last Sagi I was with did the same thing, save for the fact we were not married.
She cheated on me with a September 2nd and married a September 4th and is having his 2nd child, I am September 8th.

They were not married, but together for 4 years and lived together for two of them. She also had a child from a previous relationship which he became very fond of. Because the breakup was so bad, they do not have any contact what so ever, so he does not get to see the child anymore, which I know has affected him quite a lot.

Posted by Cajunspirit
Virgo men really do have a bachelor mentality.
These things are very discouraging. Though we will get over them, it shatters our confidence and increases our cynicism. As we grow older we begin to care less and less.

Hence, our need for a woman who knows, communicates and acts on what she wants from the get go.

click to expand

This worries me. From the start, I said that I was not after anything heavy, just some fun and games and that I wasn't that interested. Please let me explain why I said it. It was in no way ment to play games or to hurt him. I had in fact been told by a mutual friend that he probably did not want anyone sitting at home waiting for him. Also, he ignored me when he had in fact suggested that we meet at his place. I called him and texted him and he did not bother to reply. I wasn't angry, but my pride was hurt and I felt foolish and I didn't want him to think that I was too affected (i.e. being someone who would sit at home and wait for him). The next time we saw each other, I also said that he could be with whomever he wants, as it's nothing to do with me. Again, I said this because we had a falling out and he met up with another girl. I was scared of pushing him away by showing I was too keen.

Posted by Cajunspirit
Transparency, Honesty and OPEN communication.
If you can't tell me what you want, how you feel or what you think then I will hesitate..

The final problem is that I had just come out of a very long term relationship myself when we first hooked up more than a year ago. So by saying what I did, he probably thought I was just on the rebound (I had been in a 20 year long relationship/marriage) and he has met my ex a few times, so knows who he is. Me and my ex live in different countries, but we're still very good friends, talk often on the phone and I still use my married name. I have told the Virgo guy that my ex and I could never be more than friends ever again and that we had some problems that can never be changed.

So this is why I've held back and not told him my true feelings. However, after our spectacular argument a months ago, I sent him an email where I explained why I've said and done what I have over the past 12 months. I told him that I've had feelings for him for quite a while, but that I'm terrified of rejection and of getting hurt. That what he's said and done has made me even more cautious. I told him that what we said to each other that night affected and hurt me, and that I took responsibility for my words and actions. I ended the email by saying that I like him, care about him and that I wish him all the best in the future, because he deserves it. Then I told him to stay safe, always (he works in a war zone).

People I've told this said it sounded like a final goodbye. Is that how you, as a man and a Virgo, also would have interpreted this?

Posted by Cajunspirit
Though your response is ideal and mature.
The fact that I would know without a doubt the Aries woman is upset AND why can often be preferrable subconsciously. I have a need to understand.

Yes, I agree that it's probably better to know how someone feels. However, calling someone and a....hole, up yours and everything else, to me only shows irate anger.

I think I might have confused him quite a lot by my words and actions. I know I probably come across as cool and uninterested, when in fact the oposite is true. When we saw each other I posted a song on FB called "You're the One". Songs mean a lot to him, and the lyrics to this one could have been written about him. I rarely post songs on there, but I did it that particular day, and he announced that he was at a venue in town. When I got there, I did not go up to him at all the whole night. I said hello from a distance, and he followed me around. In the end he came up to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said "I'm confused". I'm not sure if he meant that he was confused about something else, but in retrospect, I wonder if it was about the song I posted and the way I was with him that evening.

Again, I really wish I could just go up to him casually when I see him, but I find it very hard. Firstly because the Aries woman always seem to hover around him, secondly because I get so nervous around him I need to drink a bit before I feel brave enough. I know how juvenile it must sound. We've slept together a few times, yet we behave like shy kids around each other! Also, we're in our early 30's and 40's, which makes it even more ridiculous!

Posted by lnana04
I'm not saying it in a territorial way, I definitely agree that getting nervous around someone you like is a human thing. I just relate to her in saying she fears making a mistake and worry about pushing him away. I've noticed as a Capricorn, and with Caps, the deeper the feelings the more it can appear on the outside we are pushing that person away or we don't have feelings at all. That's what I relate to as a Cap, not sure that everyone else does, but if so then it can be a virgo, aries, human etc. thing as well lol.

I know what you mean, and that's exactly how I've felt around him. My feelings for him are dunning deep, and I know that I've probably come across as cool without any real feelings. The opposite is in fact the truth. You see, I can hug, laugh and chat easily with any man I do not have any feelings for, but with him I'm really, really shy, often tongue tied and nervous. I've now told him in an email that's how I've been around him and why I've been like that. I had to do this because we had such a bad argument, and he's often seen me do this with other guys, while just about saying hello to him and not going over to him for a couple of hours.

The other women he knows and have been with are very different in that respect. They walk up to him, chat, touch and joke with him. I do that when I've had a couple of drinks and have found my bearing around him...

questions to cajunspirit :
~"There can be happiness between the two. But the Sagi girl will go out and do things behind the Virgos back, then lie about it to keep the peace. The Virgo may or may not find out, it's how they deal with it that ultimately reflects on the longevity of the relationship."~

do you weigh in your mind/figuratively speaking / with what you ca tolerate or put up with wjen you're in the relationship withyour sagit lady?
example: if she is an amazing woman and better than previous ladies you had ,you might feel scared that you can loose her ,so you stay together
in this way of speaking : what is the importance of the sex you shared together? if it's awesome ,then it's explainable

~"Virgo men really do have a bachelor mentality.
These things are very discouraging. Though we will get over them, it shatters our confidence and increases our cynicism. As we grow older we begin to care less and less."~

bachelor mentality ? is this not the easier way you could choose,because when you have to consider how it will be if you step in the other person's shoes ? when "you " and your sagit girl should have to become "us" ?

well, she is young and i believe with your help and guidance she will learn and achieve much close to the perfection you desire!

Posted by sunnycap

If you're scared of rejection, as you said in your earlier post, I suppose someone with moon and venus in earth signs would make them even more cautious about their feelings and matters of the heart?

Possibly.

This worries me. From the start, I said that I was not after anything heavy, just some fun and games and that I wasn't that interested.

BIG mistake, though not your fault.
Virgos generally have good memory. We also have a tendency to take what people tell us seriously and their overall message sticks with us.

Please let me explain why I said it. It was in no way ment to play games or to hurt him. I had in fact been told by a mutual friend that he probably did not want anyone sitting at home waiting for him. Also, he ignored me when he had in fact suggested that we meet at his place. I called him and texted him and he did not bother to reply. I wasn't angry, but my pride was hurt and I felt foolish and I didn't want him to think that I was too affected (i.e. being someone who would sit at home and wait for him).

You hid how you felt.
I can usually tell something is amiss, not exactly what.

This is when I try to ask or gently prod it out.
It is likely you avoided/shut down his inquiry which would have pissed him off.

The next time we saw each other, I also said that he could be with whomever he wants, as it's nothing to do with me. Again, I said this because we had a falling out and he met up with another girl. I was scared of pushing him away by showing I was too keen.

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COLOSSAL mistake.

If you want to make anything happen with this man, you must backtrack on ALL of these little statements which are burnt into his memory, re neg on them, CLARIFY WHY you said them and admit to your true feelings and desires if you want any chance of hope.

Posted by sunnycap
Me and my ex live in different countries, but we're still very good friends, talk often on the phone and I still use my married name. I have told the Virgo guy that my ex and I could never be more than friends ever again and that we had some problems that can never be changed.

Using a married surname from an ended marriage will most definitely not be interpreted positively by a man interested in you.

May I ask what sign your ex is?

So this is why I've held back and not told him my true feelings. However, after our spectacular argument a months ago, I sent him an email where I explained why I've said and done what I have over the past 12 months. I told him that I've had feelings for him for quite a while, but that I'm terrified of rejection and of getting hurt. That what he's said and done has made me even more cautious. I told him that what we said to each other that night affected and hurt me, and that I took responsibility for my words and actions. I ended the email by saying that I like him, care about him and that I wish him all the best in the future, because he deserves it. Then I told him to stay safe, always (he works in a war zone).

A year of actions contradicting words is very confusing.

He will take his time, remember what you said and if and when he does approach observer intensely for your actions to meet your words. If you fail to live up to them, then he will not be convinced.

People I've told this said it sounded like a final goodbye. Is that how you, as a man and a Virgo, also would have interpreted this?

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I would not interpret it completely as such.
I would just see at as a marker to be tested if I choose to see you again.

Posted by sunnycap

Yes, I agree that it's probably better to know how someone feels. However, calling someone and a....hole, up yours and everything else, to me only shows irate anger.

Anger to certain extents can be measured, given direction, sources observed, consequences plotted and contingency plans drawn up for.

Silence... silence can give the impression of apathy, insignificance, disinterest.

I think I might have confused him quite a lot by my words and actions. I know I probably come across as cool and uninterested, when in fact the opposite is true.

Well this is an observation of Capricorn behaviour.

When we saw each other I posted a song on FB called "You're the One". Songs mean a lot to him, and the lyrics to this one could have been written about him. I rarely post songs on there, but I did it that particular day, and he announced that he was at a venue in town. When I got there, I did not go up to him at all the whole night. I said hello from a distance, and he followed me around. In the end he came up to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said "I'm confused". I'm not sure if he meant that he was confused about something else, but in retrospect, I wonder if it was about the song I posted and the way I was with him that evening.

Again, actions not living up to words.
Confusion, Contradiction, Clinging to pride.

Relationships are about compromise.
Someone has to give.
Neither of you are convinced of the other's interests sufficiently to make a solid move. Based on you consistent accounts of not following up on your interest, can you blame him for holding back?

We are not a male sign. We are not a fire sign. We are not as bold or daring as other male signs.
Many women expect the same behaviour from virgo men and end up confused when they realise he won't bite till they at least show some interest first.

Again, I really wish I could just go up to him casually when I see him, but I find it very hard. Firstly because the Aries woman always seem to hover around him, secondly because I get so nervous around him I need to drink a bit before I feel brave enough.

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You need only look at the end result to see who's methods are prevailing.

Posted by Cajunspirit
You hid how you felt.
I can usually tell something is amiss, not exactly what.

This is when I try to ask or gently prod it out.
It is likely you avoided/shut down his inquiry which would have pissed him off.

I don't think he's asked, or he might have done without me really being aware of it. Don't know if he's tested me some times. I know his sister, and she's asked me some questions while he's been away at work (and at times felt like she kept an eye on me to see who I was talking to). She knows there's been something between us, but we have never talked about it. During the argument I had with the Virgo guy, he said something about me which I've only told his sister. Also, hen knew about some problems I've been having with my sister (we know each others sisters and partners), even though he had been away for more than 4 months. So, it seems like he and his sister have been talking about me.

COLOSSAL mistake.

If you want to make anything happen with this man, you must backtrack on ALL of these little statements which are burnt into his memory, re neg on them, CLARIFY WHY you said them and admit to your true feelings and desires if you want any chance of hope.

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I KNOW! I should never have said it! The terrible thing is that a few hours before I said that, I confronted him about some of the women he's been with. He said (very quietly) that the other's are just casual one night stands. My reply? "So see me like that too, then". He got annoyed and replied with "Fine!". I was drunk and full of emotions at the time. We had had an argument a couple of weeks earlier, and I thought I'd never be with him again, hence the high emotions at being at his place again.

Posted by Cajunspirit
Using a married surname from an ended marriage will most definitely not be interpreted positively by a man interested in you.

May I ask what sign your ex is?

We're not divorced yet, only married on paper, living in different countries. My ex is a Scorpio and had no problems showing emotions. I knew where I stood with him from the word go, very outgoing and sociable and good at communicating - so very different from this Virgo. The thing is, I was in a 2 year long relationship with another Virgo before I met my ex husband, but he was very different from the one I'm dealing with now. Some similarities, but more open.

A year of actions contradicting words is very confusing.

He will take his time, remember what you said and if and when he does approach observer intensely for your actions to meet your words. If you fail to live up to them, then he will not be convinced.

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Yes, I agree. But he has also done the same thing. The pushing, pulling. Walking off with other's in front of me, and then sitting with me for hours on end a couple of days later. He had trouble saying anything and I could see in his eyes that he felt bad about walking off with someone else. He had to get drunk before he said anything to me (we were at a social function with mutual friends). Painfully shy, unable to verbalise his thoughts (he was very thoughtful, I could practically see the cogs turn over in his brain - which I've seen a few times). He simply has problems communicating, it's all on the inside. He did not leave my side all night. People commented on it, and some wondered if we were a couple (I've heard that quite a lot). When it came to closing time, he disappeared very quickly, walking off fast and looked almost scared.

We have seen each other twice at social functions since the big argument a month ago and after I sent the email. The first one was at a friends birthday bash at a local pub. We did not look at each other or even say hello. I was so nervous and felt very awkward, so stayed completely away from him. I felt that since I had sent him the email, it was up to him to say anything. I felt very vulnerable about opening up like that in an email. However, as he's had trouble talking to me when nothing like this has happened, what did I actually expect?

Posted by Cajunspirit
Relationships are about compromise.
Someone has to give.
Neither of you are convinced of the other's interests sufficiently to make a solid move. Based on you consistent accounts of not following up on your interest, can you blame him for holding back?

I know, and I've been in a 20 year long relationship/marriage to prove it. I find it very hard to open up when I really don't know if the other person feels the same. There have been small signs, I realise that now, but at the time I was not sure if it was just my imagination. The thing is, my feelings for him are running so deep, that I was terrified of opening up to him in case he would reject me. I've never felt so strongly about anyone before, so to be turned down by him would have completely devastated me! I simply couldn't afford it emotionally. It has made no sense to me that I should feel so much for someone I've spent relatively little time with (and who's away more than he's at home). I need things to make sense, and this didn't. That's why I turned to astrology in the end to see if there could possibly be something there. And lo and behold, there it was..... it suddenly made sense. What I read about our combinations is exactly what I'de been feeling for months!

Posted by Cajunspirit
You need only look at the end result to see who's methods are prevailing.

So what to I do now? Bear in mind that the night we really argued, I followed him home, wouldn't let him go. This was because when we saw each other that night for the first time in 4 months (he again announced where he was on FB), we did our usual weirdness. I turned up, walked to the other end of the bar from him, said hello from a distance. He walked past a few times to go to the loo, we said hello as he past, but nothing more. Aries woman was again hovering around him, so I stayed well away. He talked to others without problems, I talked, hugged and laughed with quite a few guys (male friends, two mutual ones amongst them). When I finally went over to him, he looked really annoyed, didn't want to talk to me and turned his back on me. He was rude, swore at me and suddenly wanted to fight a friend of his. Then he threw this thing about my sister in my face, which really made me react.

So we bickered and argued. I forced my way back to his place. I think I really needed some answers after 15 months. Even thought we argued and said some stupid, childish things to each other, it almost felt like a game at the same time. I was never scared of him, we both smiled occasionally. Then it all calmed down, we had a quiet chat where I got to tell him a few things. We ended up sleeping together, and even though we had not slept together for 10 months (and he's been with a few women in the meantime), he remembered all the little details of what I like. Then, afterwards, we started arguing again. At times it felt like a power struggle, like he had to show me that he is stronger than me. I am a very strong character, and this felt like he had to show me that he was in charge. He lifted me outside the front door and said that he had to deal with me in that manner because I don't listen to him. He smiled while he said it and his eyes were almost sparkling with passion. I've seen it before when we've had disagreements. There's an intense excitement there.

BTW, in the middle of the argument, he suddenly looked at me with such gentleness and warmth. I can still remember it now. Very strange.

I would really like some advice on the best thing to do now. I've been advised to just leave him be for the time being. Let him trust me again that I will not follow him home or anything like that. Well, I've already done that twice when we were at the same functions recently. What breaks my heart is that we don't even say hello to each other now. I suppose it's still a bit raw, so it might take a bit of time before we get to that stage again.

The last time I saw him was a week ago. Again, he said on FB that he was going out to a concert in town. I went on my own and he was also there on his own. I ended up chatting to a lot of guys and did not go over to him or look at him for very long. When the concert had started, I sat completely on my own in the bar, and he came and stood right next to me to order a drink. I was really nervous, just glanced at him quickly and then concentrated on the concert. I didn't say anything - again! He walked past me closely 3 times in the next 30 minutes, walking a detour past me to get to the bar. I could tell he was a bit drunk. I got a lot of attention from one particular guy that night. I did not flirt with this guy, just chatted with him. During the concert, the Virgo guy suddenly storms past me and stands right next to this guy (in front of the stage), looking at him a few times and getting a bit pumped by the music.

Afterwards I was wondering if this was perhaps his way of either saying he's not worried about me, or his way of seeing if I would notice him and say something.

What do you think?

Posted by MoonMan
I admire the effort you've put in.

This site is very good in my opinion, the delineation is excellant.
The free charts are good, it does all the calculations for you and you can add up to 4 people as a guest (it remembers them so you can go back later, make adjustments or followups etc), more if you register.

http://www.astro.com/horoscopes?;cid=p7jfile5pSmfV-u1322384919;nhor=2.

Thank you, MoonMan! I will definitely check out that site! 🙂