Virgo Men and Fidelity (Page 2)

"Another person who doesn't appreciate the insight of a young'n. That can be a mistake sometimes."

I didn't say that I didn't appreciate the insight. The point was, the experience is limited, compared to someone twice the age . . so, having experiences of an 18 year old, means there isn't as much growth as an older person, who has experienced much more. It's the tone of the post, it suggests that you know more, yet, asking an older person . .

Nope, I don't think I know more, but all I have now regarding Virgoes is my own perspective. So I'm just trying to get some of theirs.

"If a Virgo proves to me that there is hope for them to be loyal, that would be a nice plus."

Proves to you?

"it's not like I walk around with a sticker on my shirt that says, "Hello My Name is Superior""

Does this not sound like a contridiction?

Wheels, I know how it feels to be let down by someone you care about. And, that person happened to be a Virgo . . but, that was just one person, out of billions. Because that Virgo was not "faithful", doesn't mean all are like that.

The original question was: "What does it take to make a Virgo stay faithful?"

What takes a man, any man, to remain faithful, is different for each individual man. Just as, it's different for each individual woman.

It's a man thing . . not Virgo.

There's one on here who answered, he did cheat. Another said he wouldn't ever. So, it's individual . . not sign related.

Hehehe. It may sound like a contradiction, if you choose to see it that way. To me it isn't, because I was saying that the purpose of the thread wasn't for judging anyone. I can't help forming an opinion about Virgoes based on things I have experienced. I really didn't think my intentions would be questioned (typical Leo), but honestly, yes, I was hoping that someone might change my opinion.

"I know how it feels to be let down by someone you care about. And, that person happened to be a Virgo . . but, that was just one person, out of billions. Because that Virgo was not "faithful", doesn't mean all are like that."

I know, I know. I'm not just basing it on one Virgo, but I am basing it on my own little microcosm. I can't help it; it's all I know 😉

For decades, I've been married to a Virgo, who is just a man.

What qualities does it take for him to remain faithful? Really only one that matters, the rest he can deal with.

That I believe in him.

When asking your question and additional posts, you say such things as, "Don't tell me this", or, "Whatever", with attitude. It's apparant that when you approached this with your man and he answered, you coped an attitude because you dont' want to accept his answers. Now, I don't know that to be fact, but, you use these rebuttals in your posts suggesting that you've already heard it before, so don't answer that way.

That's not believing in your man. That's believing that what he's telling you is not acceptable. Why should he then be faithful to you, if you don't believe in him?

"What takes a man, any man, to remain faithful, is different for each individual man. Just as, it's different for each individual woman.

It's a man thing . . not Virgo."

Mm, well, maybe, but there are definitely patterns in what certain signs seem to like in their women. I was wondering if there are trends in things that could influence them to stay loyal as well.

I'm not meaning to argue, Wheels . . glad you're not taking offense.

People have tried to tell me how to do smilies, but, I'm technically challenged, so I'll just say:

Smile

P-Angel, please don't make this about me and my faults. Yes, I do have an attitude occasionally on a public message board, but this really isn't indicative of how I handle conflicts in relationships.

And my original question STILL hasn't really been answered...because it seems people just want to accuse me of being judgmental or state whether they are faithful or not.

I know you aren't meaning to argue, and you have raised some good points that I hadn't considered before. I appreciate your input.

"because it seems people just want to accuse me of being judgmental or state whether they are faithful or not"
- This was sarcasm; sorry if it sounded overly critical.

Yes, there are patterns.

Just believe in him, in his judgements, his decisions, and he'll remain loyal because in understand men, specifically the Virgo . . they must have order. So, if a decision has been made, to undermine that, or argue with that, causes chaos in a systematic mind. If you cause his brain to constantly have to re-organize, by doubting, then he won't trust that you understand his brains inner workings. He'll venture off and start to look for someone who would believe that nothing is done without deep consideration.

That's not to say, that they are always right and you have to abide by everything they say . . it means, to have faith and believe that they've looked at this from all angles and their conclusion comes from a deep analysis . . not just some off the sleeve reaction. If they are continueally rebutted, then they will see it as . . your not comprehending that they are thorough, considerate and fair.

At least, that's how I see it, judging from my V-man.

So, he is loyal to me. He can trust that I am aware of his depth.

>I'd hate to get into a relationship with her just because I like having sex with her, I'd rather get into a relationship because I know I love her... and I'm just not there yet.

I KNEW I loved my first wife. I KNEW I loved my Cancer Gal... but the relationships ended all the same. But at least I HAD some relationships. As the old saying goes, "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all".

>And if I give 100% of my love to a woman and receive 100% of her love in return, then I have no need to look elsewhere for love, hence, I can turn down sex from other women and remain faithful to my gal

Both with my first wife, and with my Cancer Gal, once we started into a LTR, I felt so RELIEVED. I no longer had ANY desire to even LOOK at another woman. I felt FREE finally. Relaxed. Then around the third year together with both... those feelings crept back... I fought them, but they would not go away. I stuck it out thinking maybe over time those feelings will disapate, but they would not.

So what do you do? Tell the one you love that you're bored with her? Never... I could not do that to her. It would have broken her heart... so I sought another way... but that didn't work either... so I guess I just should have been cruel and got it over with at year three... because it ended all the same.

Nevertheless, those years spent together after boredom set in, there were still some good times. Still many experiences that I'm glad occured and likely would not have happened if I'd left at year three. So I can't regret the fact that I stayed so long.

>And my original question STILL hasn't really been answered... what does it take to make a Virgo stay faithful?

What does it take to MAKE me stay faithful? MAKE ME.... I don't know. I wish I knew, so I could find a way to turn off that wretched thing within myself.

If my first wife was able to give me BJ's without scraping her teeth against my shaft.. would that have MADE me stay? If she had been into ANAL would that have made me stay? If she had realized that I need sex several times a week, even if she's not in the mood, would that have made me stay? (I had my faults too in that relationship, so I'm not laying all the blame on her)

Continued:

If my Cancer Gal was able to give me BJ's without scraping her teeth against my shaft, would that have made me stay? If she had been more into anal would that have made me stay? If I could have gotten thru to her, how important it is to me to not have to make the first move every friggin time, would that have made me stay? If she hadn't told me, a couple years into our LTR that sex really isn't that important to her, it's the hugs and snuggles she can't live without, would that have made me stay? (it's not like we didn't hug and snuggle... we did that all the time... every day. But it was a let down for me, to hear that sex really wasn't that important to her... not as important as it was to me.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know..... it's really frustrating. You start out a relationship thinking it's the bomb. It's SUCH a relief to not feel any doubt, not feel any desire towards anyone else... then one day, BAM. It all comes back and it's so depressing. And you try to deal with it as best you can.

And how to tell your love what's going on in your mind? You can't. You have to keep it to yourself, you have to suffer with it... because to tell, would end the relationship. And both times, I didn't want to end the relationship... I wanted to find a way to deal with my "problem", find a way out, or around it. I failed ultimately.

Sorry for this rant... I'm feeling SO emotional lately. much more than usual.

So, pretty much . . I take this to mean . .

. . it's just about sex and nothing more. She could do everything wrong, be a bitch, not work, be as dumb as a box of rocks, have bad breath, no friends, spend all your money . . nothing to offer at all.

But . . is she put out . . that is worthiness and trust to keep you faithful?

This is an exaggeration . . but, it's what you meant, isn't it?

* if she puts out

>. . it's just about sex and nothing more. She could do everything wrong, be a bitch, not work, be as dumb as a box of rocks, have bad breath, no friends, spend all your money . . nothing to offer at all. This is an exaggeration . . but, it's what you meant, isn't it?

I don't see how you could have made that observation from my post, but as I highly value your thoughts, It must be in there.

No, it's not what I mean at all. Has to be love there. Have to get along. Have to have the same interests. Has to love me, I have to love her. Has to be stong, has to have a life of her own. But also has to feel the same about sex as I do.

Well... I guess that hasn't been the case so far. I have met women who were more compatable sexually than my two LTR gals, but didn't match up in other areas that I felt more important. Maybe I should have dated more, but the desire to be in an LTR has been so HUGE for me, that to find someone who is somewhat compatable, tho not perfect, has been enough to go on. Perhaps I should have been more picky.

I'm being so blunt here, because I'm trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life... and if life is worth living for me. Where do I go from here? Who should I seek out? What sign would be most compatable? Am I likely to find anyone who fits most of my criteria, or am I just too weird? To screwed up?

I am literally scared that my next LTR will end after three years because I will become sexually bored, and it scares me so much that I wonder if it's worth it to even try. I'm really depressed about it.

"I don't see how you could have made that observation from my post, but as I highly value your thoughts, It must be in there."

Because that is how it appears to me. You seem like a very thoughtful and deep person, so, I'm sure that the other things matter. It just doesn't look that way from your post.

">And my original question STILL hasn't really been answered... what does it take to make a Virgo stay faithful?

If my first wife was able to give me BJ's without scraping her teeth against my shaft.. would that have MADE me stay? If she had been into ANAL would that have made me stay? If she had realized that I need sex several times a week, even if she's not in the mood, would that have made me stay? (I had my faults too in that relationship, so I'm not laying all the blame on her)"

"If my Cancer Gal was able to give me BJ's without scraping her teeth against my shaft, would that have made me stay? If she had been more into anal would that have made me stay? If I could have gotten thru to her, how important it is to me to not have to make the first move every friggin time, would that have made me stay? If she hadn't told me, a couple years into our LTR that sex really isn't that important to her, it's the hugs and snuggles she can't live without, would that have made me stay? (it's not like we didn't hug and snuggle... we did that all the time... every day. But it was a let down for me, to hear that sex really wasn't that important to her... not as important as it was to me."


When your mind thought for a minute about the question, your answers were sexual.

A lot of men feel this way, so I'm not faulting you. I can't even imagine what it's like to be a guy and have to worry about getting laid so often.

I'm just asking . . so, for you to view which woman is worthy of your faithfulness, she has to put out.

Or, is what's closer to the truth . . . having someone there who does put out is a lot easier than having to go for the hunt. So, since the woman is giving it to you, and what she wants in return is for your faithfulness . . that's worth giving her what she wants (though you desire other women), to get laid without having to pick someone up?

"And how to tell your love what's going on in your mind? You can't. You have to keep it to yourself, you have to suffer with it... because to tell, would end the relationship. And both times, I didn't want to end the relationship... I wanted to find a way to deal with my "problem", find a way out, or around it."

What problem are you referring? What's on your mind? Cheating?

FC, I'm thinking that you aren't understanding something about what you are looking for in a relationship and this could be the reason for that state you are in.

You aren't aware that you measure love according to the woman's sexuality . . do you?

I'm not trying to offend you, only show you that in your words, your answers to questions, you judge a women's worthiness in her libido and her sexual knowledge.

Like I said, it's seems normal in males, so, it's not a bad thing, I guess. It's just that I don't think you realize it.

>When your mind thought for a minute about the question, your answers were sexual.

It's because sex was the only problem. Well... the main problem, the others were pretty minor. And I wonder if they had been TOTALLY sexually compatable, would that have made the difference to keep me? The answer is I simply don't know. So all the IFS, were just me venting on if those things would have made a difference to me.

But again... I simply don't know. I don't know why I became bored, I wish I did. Maybe it WAS because of those IFS... but I can't say because I have no point of reference. I have not had a LTR with a gal who was an exact match for me sexually. So it's just a huge ? mark in my mind... and I obsess on how to avoid it in the future, if it can be avoided.

But as you say in another post, "when the spark goes out, you should just break up and go your seperate ways". I guess that's the ultimate wisdom here... Once you realize the sparks gone out, just take the chance of being cruel and break it off. Because their feelings are going to be hurt eventually anyway, may as well be now.

IT's just so hard to deal with the guilt of hurting another human that you otherwise love so much... it makes you wonder if you should do something drastic because you can't deal with the guilt.

FC,

Oh, I see. That makes sense. I guess we all think about what the problem was, when there's a problem. lol

"IT's just so hard to deal with the guilt of hurting another human that you otherwise love so much... it makes you wonder if you should do something drastic because you can't deal with the guilt."

So, I guess that's all the more reason why when the spark goes out, so should the people involved because then when you look back at memories, you only see the good things that were beautiful. If a person stays until everything turns so sour that the people end up HATING each other (which happens way toooooo often), then the only memories that want to surface in the mind . . is the BAD.

If you leave as soon as you realize it's ending, the parting can be heartfelt . . seems like that would leave a huge impression in my mind. I would remember the other person as respectful of feelings and honor.

>A lot of men feel this way, so I'm not faulting you. I can't even imagine what it's like to be a guy and have to worry about getting laid so often.

IT's hard to describe what Testosterone does to some of us. Most gals don't have much of it, so can never understand what it does to those who have lots of it.

The longer you go without sex, the worse it gets. Masturbation is usually not enough to sustain you. I hate what happens to me. As the weeks tick by, it gets crazyier and crazyier, to the point you wonder if you should try to buy sex, but then you are too afraid of STDs to go that route... then you wonder if you should save your pennies and fly somewhere the gals are clean and tested often and take the chance there... but you don't because you're too broke to afford such stuff. You start to wonder if having sex with the family dog would be possible, but you dismiss it as too onesided, too selfish... too dirty. But all these things go thru your mind... it's what testosterone does to you.

Then when you finally meet someone compatable and have sex again... it's such a huge relief. It's like you've been starving and finally get to eat again. I suppose it would also be like going without some addictive drug, and suddenly getting your fix. That's what it's like.

Maybe there is a way to reduce testosterone... maybe I should look into it.

I have found a solution sort of, in my later years, but won't go into it here. Only that it involves consenting adult females. But it's not a perfect solution. I wish there was a better way.

>What problem are you referring? What's on your mind? Cheating?

That you've become sexually bored.

>You aren't aware that you measure love according to the woman's sexuality . . do you?

I don't think that I do, but do I? I will ponder that some.

With my Cancer Gal, I still loved her for what she was outside of her sexuality. She still loved me and I knew that she loved me. But as my sexual needs weren't being fulfilled, those crazy thoughts started to plague me every day. THe thoughts I've mentioned above.

>If you leave as soon as you realize it's ending, the parting can be heartfelt . . seems like that would leave a huge impression in my mind. I would remember the other person as respectful of feelings and honor.

Yes, that likely IS the solution. Perhaps I should do what my dad finally did, which is to never get married again, never move in with a gal. And keep your own place. Have a steady girlfriend until it goes sour then simply break it off and find another. Actually, he had a steady and several lovers all the way till he hit 73 and started ailing and then died at age 74.

Yes, that likely IS the solution. Perhaps I should do what my dad finally did, which is to never get married again, never move in with a gal. And keep your own place. Have a steady girlfriend until it goes sour then simply break it off and find another. Actually, he had a steady and several lovers all the way till he hit 73 and started ailing and then died at age 74.

Oh my, yes many people (men and women) are like this ... but I think it's a very sad way to live life. How will you ever really know love (and all the difficulties) if you don't surrender to it?

Yes, I sound idealistic ... but am I really — Or course I don't think so 🙂

Clyde,

Like many individuals, you have jus made mistakes in your love life and that's very normal ... but you are suppose to learn from them, not give up. No finds the "total package", it never happens because we as humans are not perfect. Sure, we may put on a false image and/ or get plastic surgery, but at the end of the day ... you cannot escape yourself.

Those that try have many mental, physical and/or emotional issues -- they even try to escape those problems through random sex, intoxication/ substance abuse and identity switching (pretending that you are many different people). Living life aimlessly is another side effect ...............

It's fine for you to respect your father, but you don't have to have such a sad love life 😢 Biologically speaking, we are humans are built to have single interpersonal relationships ***sorry if this disappoints all the players and gold-diggers out there ***

lol, I want get into the science aspect of it all, but the Equilibrium is thrown off by going from partner to partner and by having unstable unions -- like many people do. The reasoning behind why it's not the best to do is very complicated and I don't want to confuse anyone 😉

LOL!!! That's shy it's best to actually "think" before hopping into bed with someone.

Oh yeah and Clyde,

If you have certain sexually needs and desires, it's best to discuss those with your choosen person before you get serious with them. Also, sewual compatibility is BIGGIE and should be discussed before entering a new LTR -- it can be difficult for those who don't like to talk about sex but there are ways to get the conversation started without being too blunt -- but everything should be put out on the table. If that person is willing to learn, teach them certain things too 😛

Also, sex a huge deal in the first half of a long term relationship because you are experience a new interaction.

Hey, if you want to get any where with that Caplady, you will need to communicate exactly what you want (but in a certain way so you don't intimdate her) and in turn, she should do the same.

>Dude, IMHO, you're rushing into these LTRs, and you haven't really learned enough about the Mind / Soul / Personality of the woman before commiting...

You're right DY, absolutely right. My first wife, I was 27, and after dating only two months we got married. My live in LTR Cancer Gal, we'd dated briefly when I was 22, then lost touch. Then after my divorce we got back together, but I really didn't know enough about her, only that I had been in love with her and still had feelings for her, as she did for me. I thought it would be enough.

I've never been comfortable dating, but I suppose I should date and not commit right away... but here I go again... SWORE to myself that I was going to date this time, but end up after ONE date heading for another LTR with this Cappy. AARRGG.

I've only dated around 50 women in my life, most of them before I hit 27. Since then there have only been 4.

My first marrage... I wanted to be married so bad. To have a family, but it just didn't work out for me. I did rush things, I should have dated her for a couple years to make sure... I was dumb, and it was sad for both of us.

After we broke up what did I do... went right out and called an old flame and we moved in together. I shouldn't have done it. Should have dated her a few years at least till I was sure.

And here I am already talking about commiting to this Cappy gal and waiting for her to make up her mind.... maybe I'm on the wrong track again, I don't know.

>Hey, if you want to get any where with that Caplady, you will need to communicate exactly what you want (but in a certain way so you don't intimdate her) and in turn, she should do the same

We have been, but we're in a sort of catch 22. I want to know how she is sexually, so I can get an idea if we'll be compatable long term, but she needs to be comfortable with me before she will have sex with me... so the sad reality is, everything could go along smoothly, she falls in love with me, and then we have sex... and then I end it because I feel she isn't sexually compatable. Damn I'm being negative today... aarrgg

Maybe I should just tell her "lets be friends and horse buddies" and forget the LTR possibilities for now, date other gals, and see where it goes after I've known her for a couple of years. Should I do that CappySweetie? DY? Avoid the LTR game until I've known a gal as a friend for at least a couple years? I'm depressed today, sigh.

I am officially terrified. lol


NOOOO! I won't believe it!!!!!

Anything ALV said! It's too scary.

Welllll...I have to admit....you 3 guys who bothered to answer me (thank you) don't seem to be that into cheating...and very into the LTR thing. Interesting.

Oh, and you also seem to have no idea what it takes to keep you, which is a little disappointing. 😛

str8z, I had a few reasons for starting this post. 😉

Umm..that made no sense. I mean thread. lol

Hey Clyde,

My oh my, don't be so down on yourself! We all make mistakes in terms of relationships, so what you are feeling is normal because you been in terrible relationships in the past.

What I feel is that you are bringing the issues you had in the past with women into the present -- please don't do that, it's not healthy for you at all and definitely not healthy for any long term relationships 🙂

Like DY said, dating her for years isn't going to solve any thing nor will it make the bond any stronger ... sure, it may lead to being more familiar with each other but that's it -- you can be friends with someone for 5 years and still be clueless about who they really are

"Uh, not just me, but the vast majority of the Virgos I know..."

GRR I SAY!!!!! Not the majority I know

It shouldn't take years, if it does that's okay, but it really shouldn't take years to figure out whether or not you are really to commit to someone.

The only ones who take that long are the kind who don't really want to settle -- they want to play the field but keep someone more stable on the side -- they make empty promises in order to keep that person around.

I can speak very candidly about this type of behavior because I was done this way before (by two guys) and I couldn't stand it! ;-; Finally I woke up and realized that I am more then just some toy to be played with.

Anyway, if you want to date around, that's fine ... but if you doing it because the capirl won't give you sex right now, then it's all for the wrong reasons. The choice is yours .......... However, spend some time with the cap and see where her head it at. Don't just ditch her because you're feeling insecure. Most men like to do this to women and it doesn't make them feel too good.

Hehe cappysweetie I am glad that you can offer some advice because, after reading FC's post I really wanted to help, but gah, I just can't.

Plus you seem to be a very busy little person and you still try to help people. 😛 Ok, I think I'm done. haha

I'm terrible at the "dating game" as well. After doing it, I don't like it anymore. I prefer to be friends first and then see where things go. Also, I'm the type of person who needs to be in a long term relationship before I can have sex with some guy.

True, I have the same thing that any other woman has and I don't think I am special at all ... I am just very private with my body and I'm not into random guys exploring it just because I'm feeling horny or because I'm trying to get a guys attention -- some capgirls (well, women in general) use sex to get men's attention -- but it's obvious that your capgirl isn't that sleazy; and neither am I for that matter.

I sense that you really like this woman and you want her terribly ... in all honesty, that's music to a capgirl's ears because most women (even the gold-diggers and the whores of the bunch) desire to be wanted.

Just see what's going on with her before you get all upset 🙂

Hi Wheelhomies 😄

You seem real cool and easy going person 🙂 Thank you for the compliament 😄

I just joined dxp a month ago and I wasn't paying much attention to the Virgo board, and I did skim back through the topics a few pages to see if it had been covered, but I didn't really dig too deep into threads that didn't have promising titles. I was joking when I said that you don't seem to know what keeps you because no one answered the question and FC said it was frustrating to think about. Sorry, I didn't mean to be repetitive.

ON NO DY,

I'm was actaully agreeing with everything you were suggesting to clyde 🙂 And no, I feel that he doesn't want to toy with her. I was speaking of my experiences with two other men ... ahahaha, and they weren't virgos 🙂

cappysweetie, you deserved the compliment, no thanks necessary..hehehe

I have to warn you though, I'm not cool or easygoing...more like a crazy loser 😛 (kidding...mostly) lol

"You can be anything you want to here - it's an Open Forum. Plus, the more I yak about this stuff, the better I understand myself & others..."

I'll be sure to ask you that a few more times then...hehe...
Thanks for writing all those things. 'Preciate it.

Hahahahaha, no problem DY 😄

I get nutty when the moon is full too ... but only if I'm in one of my dark moods ...

On the cappy board, I actaully made a post about it ..... I was one sad female that night. I get that way sometimes, but I also know that virgos can get darn moody ... much like a cancer guy 😛

by the way, stop saying I'm lovely, you're making me blush.
Maybe if I'm lucky this Virgo will be like you...I mean...

Yeah wheel, I sure the virgo man will like you. Most virgos don't have too much trouble with leos and aries women at the first stages.

We earth and water women are alittle difficult at first but once we get comfortable ... oh yeah!!!! 😉

Plus Wheel,

You have a nice chest on ya girl 😉 Most virgo put that at the type of their list with women 😄 So if you have a wonderful personality you are in 😉

... I would have to stick with water signs like scorpios and pisces or fire signs because I don't have a big chest ... just a back side .... oh and my legs and thighs are plump too LOL

When y'all get "comfortable" do ya get easier to understand?

Actually, yes we do get easier to understand. However, some capgirls still have an evasiveness about them but that's only when they don't trust you -- unfortunately, jaded capgirls are just as bad as jaded cancer men. They are hard to love and get to know because they always have their guard up.

I almost became that way until I decided to explore my options more. I started to undertand that maybe it's the men that I choose to date and that I really need to evalute myself again because I don't like what I'm receiving.

Do you know what I mean DY?

HOLY!!!!! If I was blushing before, I must look like a lobster now.

Cappy - I'm not even sure if I do want him to like me. I've had some "issues" with them in the past 😛

"... uh, and just what Virgo would that be, young lady?"

I don't believe you know him! 😛

"You have an interesting mind. If an old VirGuy can see that across the Internet, a younger definitely will... up close, I mean!"

Me? An interesting mind? You really need to stop now. lol