Virgo Trying hard to come back!!!

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by caprigirlwithvirgo on Friday, July 7, 2006 and has 34 replies.
I agree with sb whole heartedly. We all make mistakes (including yourself missy, you are a cappy after all Winking) and he's no exception. Most virgo (especially the men think things through way to much so they have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills. As a result, they make many stupid mistakes in their love lives because they are afraid of surrendering to their feelings and taking risks.
They prefer to stay with what's easy and familiar to them ... in which can be one of their biggest faults. Plus, most our so insecure that if they want to pursue a serious relationship with a woman they connect with, they'll either do something or say something really critical to put an end to it all
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Haha, yes as a cappy woman I find the act of destroying a potential good relationship incredibly stupid but most virgo men do this so they don't want to deal with raging emotions at that time ... too many emotions scare them to death -- especially when they feel you are not ready for what they will bring to your lives.
LOL, it's funny how you say that as friends he is able to see the real you. That's probably why he is trying to comeback into your life ... he can see that you are indeed the reall deal.
Some cappy women have a tendency to put one a fascade in certain areas of their personality when relating to someone they are interested in. He probably wanted to get to know you for who you are and then determine whether or not he wanted to be with you.
Yes, virgo men are wonderful guys BUT there approach to love can be just as bad as a cancer man's approach .... the differences are they the virgo men are not as flaky, they are way more content with they're emotions (even if they don't know it), and they are indeed subtle.
All they need to do is to stop thinking about bull-shit and start getting real with their emotions ... embracing them would make virgo men much happier ... and they will have more successful relationships because they wouldn't have just settled for what "familiar" LOL!!!! they kill me with that stuff smile
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Caps and Virgos are supposed to be intune. He'll come around Winking
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LOL @ DY
Well, I do have scorpio in my chart Winking LOL!!! That funny, I am a cappy plus I have scorpio and taurus in my chart! Although they are in small doses, it makes me an instant virgo magnet!
Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
HEY! J/K Winking
But what I posted was my own truth ... virgo men need to serious stop worrying over trifles and start embracing their emotions. However, the best thing about virgo guys (well ... mature ones anyway) is that they are least likely to be stupid for a woman Winking
It gets on my nerves when a man loves a woman with all his heart while she is treating him like garbage .......
Enjoy yourself at church DY smile
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Do what you want to do - you know you want to!!
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I haven't yet responded to him. Has been 4 days by now.
Gotta tell you though- it feels GOOD to shut down like he did to me. I hope he learns his lesson about what happens when we not respond to some one's e-mail etc.

I MAY respond by this weekend, you see now I need my "space" to decide what I want to do. He is INSECURE. In his questions to me via e-mail he seems to be trying to find out, if I am seeing some one else etc..
It's hard for me though, to ignore some one.
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I hope he learns his lesson about what happens when we not respond to some one's e-mail etc.
Caprigirl - the Virguy I know doesn't work that way... I'm sure by now that he never understands the relationship between what I do and the way he is! I tend to respond to people in the same way that they treat me. It's not really about revenge or anything, I just react that way. I'm kind of a mirror - treat me in a certain way - you get a certain reaction. I think it's to make up for my lousy direct communication skills - it's easier to do that than come right out and tell someone their behavior bothers me. Let me tell you though - it doesn't work!!! He probably wont 'get it' at all... He may just think that you are not longer interested and stop contacting you altogether. It sounds like he is waiting for you to tell him what YOU want.
Scorpgal
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capw/virgo,
I have the same thing going on with a Virgo that I feel is trying to come back. He doesn't seem to be trying very hard though which really bothers me and makes me doubt my own intuition about what he is up to. I just don't understand why, if he does want back in my life, why he doesn't just ask me out again. I was dating him for 3 months. I made him feel stuff that he definitely didn't want to feel. Like Dy said they absolutely hate emotions and boy did I make him feel them. He ran away all the way to another state and I didn't hear from him for 5 months. All of a sudden out of the blue like no time has passed he sends me an e-mail to tell me he was moving back. Every Thursday morning since he came back 4 weeks ago, he has been coming to the coffee shop that we used to meet at every Thursday morning where he used to meet me when we were dating to ask me out for Saturday night. This time around however he does not ask me out. He just sits and has coffee with me until I tell him I have to go to work. Last week I was out of town and I purposely didn't tell him so that he would show up and wonder where I am and maybe actually be forced to give me a call or something. Of course he hasn't.
I wish I could just get him out of my head and move on, but I can't stop thinking about him. I'm going on with my life and dating other men, but I can't forget him. I feel like I'm starting to play a game with him which I don't really want to do, but I feel like if I make it easy for him and ask him out that it will scare him away again, but if I play a game and play a little hard to get that he will never get up enough nerve to ask me out. I feel like he is processing and planning everything and that I just need to be patient and hope that he ends up asking me out again some day. I feel like he really needs to lead this or I will never feel secure with him. Does ANYBODY have any advice on how to handle this guy? Dy, Help!!! What can I do to get him to ask me out again? Is he even worth the trouble or should I just move on? I was really in love with him, but when he moved away he really hurt me. He doesn't even know that he hurt me, and I don't know if is playing a game with me now or what. All I know is that I don't want to get hurt again.
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What the hell are you talking about Branh?? He doesn't have to beg. Did my post make it sound like I wanted him to beg? All he has to do is open his freakin mouth one time and ask me out. That's all it would take. I have been more than open and receptive to him asking me out again. I have in no way given him the idea that I would say no to him. I just haven't been the one to ask HIM out, because he is the one who rejected me the first time. Not the other way around. Don't you think that he should be the one to do the asking if he wants to go out? If I had been the one to reject. I would have been the one to ask him out.
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All he has to do is open his freakin mouth one time and ask me out.
gslove - From experience that may just fall under the begging category LOL!
A Virgo is a realist, and sometimes they are so realistic that they just move on, even if they want what they kept in the past.
Ladies, I think there is truth to what Branh is saying. I think sometimes Virguys think of situations in isolation of the affect that they can have on them. They see you act one way and they think - oh, that is now you are/it is - and react to that (maybe by walking (running) away Winking). The rest of us look at a situation and say - how can we affect this situation so the outcome is what we want?
Dy wrote a post about this a while back - I forget what it was titled - about how he 'goes with the flow' and doesn't try to affect the outcome of situations as much as his Scorpgal does.
Scorpgal
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A Virgo may very well know what you are implying (Virgos are a very perceptive sign), but he'll just ignore you or play dumb until you spill the beans. If you aren't going to be as direct as possible, then don't expect any real actions coming from his end.
Why is that Branh?? You have just stated that we are probably doing that to avoid rejection/hurt - especially when it has already happened in this relationship before... So what's the point??
Scorpgal
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Scorpgal5,
Ya- may be you are right that he will never understand that I am trying to teach him a lesson by ignoring him..
He is nice and caring and intelligent BUT I don't like these head games, I have to "think" hard before doing or saying any thing instead of being spontaneous in these things..
I need to think if I want that headache again in my life or tell him I don't want to be "friends" any more..
Thanks!
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I know scorpgal, I think he thinks that by sending an e-mail and showing up at the coffee shop that he has made sooooo much effort and that the ball is now in my court. All of my friends tell me I would be making a mistake to make any efforts with him again, but I do think that he will give up and not make the effort if I don't do something.
Yes, Branh, you are right. I am afraid of being rejected. I tried that direct approach with him before and got shot down the first time around. Let me ask you this Branh. Do you think there is a chance that he is not interested in me at all except to just be friends? Could I just be making up a story in my head that he is purposely trying to run into me again? Wouldn't he just try to avoid me if he wasn't interested or sit with someone else or by himself at the coffee shop? I'm just surprised that if he makes that effort to show up why he doesn't make the effort to ask me out if that is what his intention is. Maybe I'm just deluding myself that he still has feelings. I know, I know, the only way to find out is to confront the situation and risk the rejection :-)
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A Virgo is just that, a mirror. A Virgo will certainly not be direct in communication if you are not that way with him.
I agree and of course understand as I am like that also. But I am seeing a pattern here. It's the 'what came first, the chicken or the egg' syndrome. These ladies (myself included) got involved with Virguys. The Virguys get nervous and flee. But they didn't really want that. Now here we are! We don't beg either, neither are we sure we want to get back in a situation that may just go the same way again. We want some assurance first that you wont do that again because damn it - rejection hurts! But when you are dealing with a guy that you think may just run away again if you even mention the word 'date', you sure aren't going to ask!
I personally think if this lead to both parties being open, then it is a win/win situation
I couldn't agree more. But somebody's gotta start... And then if the other person is still interested, they have to make sure they respond in a somewhat reassuring way to keep the communication going!
Scorpgal
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"Should I give him a second chance or let him come closer and then dump him? Like he did to me.? "

The games people play...................
Put your cards on the table and just ask him - what is the WORST that can happen? your pride will be hurt maybe but at least you know where you stand. What's the BEST that can happen - he could ask you back out (although it beats me why anyone would waste their precious time on this earth trying to go back out with people just so they can dump them).
Time to move on and make some decisions me thinks
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why did he break up with you in the first place?
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aozora, Who are you asking?
caprigirlwithvirgo,
You sound really bitter. I don't think doing the same thing back to him that he did to you will work with a Virgo. I think this will backfire on you. You should just move on.
Scorpgal,
You hit it right on the nose. That is exactly how I feel about the whole thing.
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You can't play it safe with a Virgo, at all. He is only going to respond when you give him something concrete to respond to.
THIS IS SO TRUE!!!
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"Should I give him a second chance or let him come closer and then dump him? Like he did to me.? "
Remember that female "KRAMA" ,krama is a b!@# $ % , don't put your hand in that pot to served.
No, either you put yourself out there and handle it or have some class about it and walk away. Either way he will remember and respect you for it.
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So DY,
If you can't play it safe with a virgo man ... then what on earth can you do. What if he isn't being honest with you?
As a capricorn, I'm not good at provoking ... yeah, I can anger someone to the "point of no return" but that's it. I'm a very direct woman but I'm not the aggressor at all. However, if I have something on my mind ... I'll let him know.
No, I wouldn't want to be chased (heavens no) but I don't want to be ignored either.
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Oh, Lord! He's a self-contained individual; and, it's likely, so are you. I've never been involved with a Cap woman, but the ones I know are, well, "intimidating" to a gentle (and, genteel) VirGuy, who may be "emotionally" immature...
LOL!!! DY, I like you man Winking
Anyway, capricorn women and taurus are not too different. Our approach to life is opposite but we have the same sensibilities. I can't stand mind games so I guess I'll be direct forever then I suppose. Maybe my attitude will benefit me someday ... Big Grin
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My love, a cap woman, was with a virgo before me, and for her was her soulmate and still is, but he got away for no reason, not explaining why the break up. She was composing a song for him, she doesnt play piano anymore Sad Im trying to make her come back tough.
And he cames one day and says: "I married"
Now and then, asks about her life, marks encounters, but runs away because my love wants to clear things up and he probably afraid of it all as been said here already.
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My own ScorpGal "provoked" me - and that was what it took to get my a $ $ in gear!
What do you mean by this Dy? How did she provoke you? What did she do? What did she have to do so that you knew that you had the "green light"?
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Ok-so i have just replied to his mail. Basically answered his tricky questions by tricky answers.
But I think, I would like to keep the option open with him.
Thanks

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Doesn't that take you back to where you were when you started this thread??
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.....now that's a happy ending.............
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dyrstr8z: But day after day, week after week, went by without my making a move beyond simple common courtesy
I feel like that is what my virgo is doing to me. He just keeps showing up every thursday to have coffee with me but he won't flirt and he won't ask me out. I was out of town for the last 10 days and he didn't know it and I was afraid that he had shown up looking for me last Thursday and when I wasn't there that he would get very discouraged so I took somebody's advice on here and I sent him an e-mail this morning with some stupid excuse that I forgot the name of a blues club that he took me to once and that I had a friend that had relatives coming in from out of town that wanted to go listen to some good blues. I was hoping it would open up a conversation. He wrote me back with a quick answer of the name of the place, how to get there and a "Have a good time". So I wrote him back again and said I noticed that he was writing me from his Blackberry and asked him if he was on a business trip again. This time he wrote back with a more lengthy e-mail telling me about where all he was going to be traveling in the next week and telling me his decorating horror stories with his new home. He didn't ask ME any questions at all! He didn't even ask where I was last Thursday or anything, but I know he was there. How long did you make your scorp girl suffer? Maybe I should start a rumor that my Virgo is Gay and see if that works. Just kidding!! I think it's interesting that your scorpio girl knew you were interested. We have really good instincts. I also just know that my guy is interested and I can almost feel him agonizing over his feelings and I feel like he is almost paralyzed with fear. I think my friends think I'm nuts and that he is not intersted at all and that he is just playing with me.
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stop responding all the way. he'll get the message and brood awhile. But he will be back in the saddle soon enough.
Virgos do not usually beg to come back. better make sure he did not lie about his birthday.
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Virguy62,
I'm curious about something you wrote and if you could go a little deeper.
"stop responding all the way. he'll get the message and brood awhile. But he will be back in the saddle soon enough."
Why does it take to stop responding for a Virgo to come back? Why do they come back again? What's up with that?

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I meant that if you stop responding, he would get the message that you do not want the games or indecision. Cut to the chase and put out the old cr#p or get off the pot adage to him.
On the flip side, Virgos like a challenge, they do not care for the easy mark, and usually disdain that. They like to work a little for their reward...lol!
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Virguy62,
Thanks for replying to my questions. I understand much better now. I realize again what I did wrong regarding the Virgo in my case. What a lesson to learn the hard way.
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Sorry you had to learn that way Sweetie. But once you crack the shell on this guy, he will not be holding back his admiration or devotion to you. In fact, it may be so intense it will flip your lid. I tend to get so deep inside a woman that I become entwined with her own thoughts and feelings, to the point that words seldom need saying.
But it's that beginning....I know. It's awkward. But keep it up, a Virgo likes the chase in the hunt almost better than the trophy....to a point. Once in awhile, let him catch you!
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He is waiting for YOU to breech the subject. Virgos dislike the possibility of being more involved with someone than the other is with them.
They tend to be shy when waiting to see if the other person is into them. If he is coming around, I would make bets that he wants to hear it from you.
If you are waiting on him, he will eventually think you don't want him and head off in another direction.
But break that barrier, and you will hear his heart soon enough.
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He is waiting for YOU to breech the subject. Virgos dislike the possibility of being more involved with someone than the other is with them.
They tend to be shy when waiting to see if the other person is into them. If he is coming around, I would make bets that he wants to hear it from you.
If you are waiting on him, he will eventually think you don't want him and head off in another direction.
But break that barrier, and you will hear his heart soon enough. Trust me, I am going through a similar situation with a Sag woman currently. Not easy on us Virgos,mespecially with a flirty sign like Sags. Way to hard to determine their intentions from our point of view. And it tees me off that I will HAVE to be the one to ask.
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