Virgos and being hung up on past relationships????

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by TheLioness79 on Monday, April 8, 2013 and has 4 replies.
The stars aligned this weekend and I got to see my Virgo friend this weekend. We live a few hours apart from each other. It was great! I always feel so relaxed around him and he keeps a smile on my face. My one thing that bothers me is him always talking about his ex-wife. I don't mind talking to him about her and the things she does even currently. I can't figure out if he is hung up on her still or just talking about the crap she put him and the kids through. He says he is not effected by her anymore especially after what she does to the kids. WHAT ABOUT WHAT SHE DID TO YOU? Yes she is one of those, she may have a womb, but to pussy to be a mother and thinks about her own needs and wants. It makes me mad, as a mother, my children are my life and come above anything. But she has also done him SO wrong. Left him twice in their over a decade for other men (which is unfathomable as mother to me). She would always yearn for the attention of other men in their relationship. Which I still can't get, maybe that is the loyalness in me. When I am with him, my phone doesn't matter unless it is my children. My attention is all on him. She NEVER appreciated what he has done for her. In their marriage and beyond. She has no social skills and he could never have a social gathering without her being a nasty "B". I don't get it. Is he still evaluating himself 2 years later or is he hung up on her still? I let him talk and I listen and I respond with my thoughts.
But I want to scream and tell him to forgot about her. She is an uncaring, selfish, self-centered , conniving, and a big user who is incapable of truly loving someone and he is amazing and deserves to be treated with the tender love and care he gives out. If it is not me, fine, but someone else and he needs to let the past go and move on because he deserve so much. What is this? Is he still evaluating his past or hung up on her? I just want to help him move on with his life and know not all women are like this poor excuse to the species and he deserves so much. I don't know if he is doing his Virgo thing and self evaluating and wondering what he could have done different or if it something else. I don't know how to guide him with this. I have tried.
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Well, I am screwed. Might as well throw in the towel a keep it friend zoned. Winking
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We Virgos can obsess quite a bit over relationships. Especially if we just completely do not understand what happened. But even if we get closure some of us aren't satisfied so we bitch. If you want him to shut up about it you're going to have to be upfront or else he'll keep complaining because you let him. Sometimes we just need to be told to stop. Be honest with him, and even if he gets angry at you at least he'll have something ELSE on his mind for once. Don't bitch him out, but tell him what you've told all of us here. She was a bad wife and rude and he deserves better, and he'll never be able to move on if all he does is bitch about her.
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Thanks Virggy! Part of me thinks he has some closure and then another part, he hasn't after 2 years. He has admitted, he has had thoughts of going back then he see the things she does to the kids. I am like WHAT ABOUT YOU TOO!! Another part, he is still trying to figure her out and why she is the way she is. I do that, then I make decision and dismiss them and cut them or give my self more (in relationship of all kinds). I do tell him all the things about her not being a mother, woman (or shame to the woman species), and just a plain selfish person.
I want to tread carefully with it. He still deals with her, she is the mother of his children he has full custody of. And she is still doing her antics. I don't bitch, not the bitchy type, I tell things straight forward. And he does to much for her and I tell him that because she doesn't appreciate anything he does and he needs to stop. But she is still trying him and being with him. Just last week he did something for her and she tells him if it doesn't work out with X then we need try again. He told me, I am not going to be someone's second. I told no. You were always her second, he was her fall back on choice because she knew you would always be there. You were never her first in her life in your relationship and marriage. And if there is any chance of a realtionship with us, I want to tread carefully because she will be part of his life at least until the kids are 18 and so I want him to feel comfortable with coming for me with things that may happen.
I did get really upfront with him on one ascpect with her after the last time we got to see each other. I told him I never wanted to hear again about what she had said about him in that aspect and she was a little girl who did not know what a real man is and what a real man does to a woman and is unable to appreciate it and didn't know what the hell she was talking about. She was a liar and didn't know shit. Yeah, that put a stop to that.
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