Virgos and S/O's past

So Virgos... This is going to sound dumb because well #1 I should be able to get past this and #2 it's in the past but...

My 34 year old Cap told me he once dated a (currently) 22 year old back in 2008 meaning she was 16 then while he was 27.

Its bugging me so much. I know you cant help who you love but I need both sides perspectives. Do you think that is wrong/right and Why!?

- Confused and conflicted!

They dated a few years and he said "they never did anything".... Idk how to feel about this blahhh

Youre right Layna. Hes a perfect gentlemen... I jsut dont understand why he would go for someone so young.... It is really ...... Alot to think about. Ugh

Thats why it grosses me out, because an older man will know how to manipulate a younger woman, a freakin teenager at that!!! He completely respected her (he came from a religious background and is a stand up guy) but UUUUGH I cant get past not only the age gap but her being a freakin MINOR when he was almost THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is not the only cap who does this. My bro at 35 yo dated a 20 yo.

If the sex was consensual, I see no problem with it.

The dynamic between the 2 wouldn't concern me.

Youre right... All I can think is that hes a perv though X___x. I remember I dated a 23 year old when I was 16 and that was freaking gross. Like I couldnt imagine myself hitting on a 15 year old boy at my age LOL

I would draw the line at 21... maybe 19 if he knew what he was doing hahaha

Have not met her.

And LOR, I dont mean to judge but uh... 15/16 year olds are quite impressionable.. Its kind of a red flag for a man who is almost 30 to date a teenager despite how mature or not she was.

Yes, he could have lied and said nothing happened because I was shocked but I couldnt help my reaction

@peanutbutter:
It's all in the past unless you think he will have the tendency to repeat it again. Is this your concern?

I would be bothered by it....and there for would not cont. dating him. To me there is something wrong with someone who cant date around their own age and 16 is way to young...I dont care if she thinks she is/was mature...shes not...shes was a child and a grown man should not attempt to be with a child. This of course is just my opinion...

Posted by legionair
I was 23 and was messing around with a 19 year old for a month then she turned 20. At first I honestly felt uneasy but she kept coming forward so I eventually said fuck it.

She was legal and close to your age at the time...nothing wrong with that in my eyes

Posted by legionair

Posted by LostinmyMind11

Posted by legionair
I was 23 and was messing around with a 19 year old for a month then she turned 20. At first I honestly felt uneasy but she kept coming forward so I eventually said fuck it.

She was legal and close to your age at the time...nothing wrong with that in my eyes

True but I guess I felt better when that 19 turned into a 20 lol

click to expand

I can see that lol

Welcome back BTW 🙂

Peanutbutter, the man he was at 27 years old, was most certainly not the man you fell in love with at 34 years old.

We can easily drown in the past, but that is a choice, not a given. Instead of focusing on what he did, it is already a bygone part of him. As individuals we all go through metamorphosis, and growth, changes in character. In amongst that journey, we may even make mistakes or look back and wonder why we did the things we did, perhaps even regrets but will we penalise a person for traveling the roller-coaster ride that is life.

Remember as much as you may judge him on that relationship, that experience, shaped him into the lover he is today, the one that is able to love you the way you enjoy so much so. You can keep re-hashing the past chapter but I can guarantee you it would bring you no fulfilment but only added anxiety and stress, unnecessarily so because it is not a factor you can change, it was done, completed. You either accept him, as he is, past bundle packaged and all, or you do not. The more you spend time dwelling and investing into such thoughts, it only takes you away from developing what is in front of you right now and creating a healthy/beautiful future with him.

Posted by LostinmyMind11
I would be bothered by it....and there for would not cont. dating him. To me there is something wrong with someone who cant date around their own age and 16 is way to young...I dont care if she thinks she is/was mature...shes not...shes was a child and a grown man should not attempt to be with a child. This of course is just my opinion...

You feel me!!! Ugh... Do you think I should ask more about this whole thing? Like I need to know more but at the same time Idk if that would help or deter me further

TLS you are also right.. But this part of his past is not something I would boaste about to my friends and family in fact I would keep it hidden, buried where no one could find it.

It makes me realize something though.. He was the perfect partner but even thise you think are perf have flaws!!

My concern is not jealousy, nor thinking he will return to her. My concern is more wth was he thinking to justify wanting a child(15 is still a developing child in my eyes) sexually/romanyically? Its disturbing. Another concern stemming from that, Peter Pan syndrome? Does he not wanna grow up n dates chicks around his mental age range?

Posted by Peanutbutter
TLS you are also right.. But this part of his past is not something I would boaste about to my friends and family in fact I would keep it hidden, buried where no one could find it.

It makes me realize something though.. He was the perfect partner but even thise you think are perf have flaws!!

My concern is not jealousy, nor thinking he will return to her. My concern is more wth was he thinking to justify wanting a child(15 is still a developing child in my eyes) sexually/romanyically? Its disturbing. Another concern stemming from that, Peter Pan syndrome? Does he not wanna grow up n dates chicks around his mental age range?

Acceptance = Acknowledgement of it being something that is done, that have already occurred and a life experience on his part.

It does not equate to you having to agree/understand/be proud of his past (you do not have to hide it, or bury it, just let it go and let it be).

If those are your worries, why not look at his present character and personality?
Is there any sign that provides evidence to your line of thinking?
Look at his behaviours and how he interacts with people today, his maturity level in regards to the emotional and the mental. Only and only if you notice distressing factors in the present, should you re-investigate into the past to substantiate your claim.

If there nothing that brings upon worry, or all your fretting stems solely from his past self, then you are doing the detective work in a very backwards manner. You might have been looking at the wrong symptoms in attempts to pinpoint the illness, and come down to an incorrect diagnosis.

Posted by Peanutbutter

Posted by LostinmyMind11
I would be bothered by it....and there for would not cont. dating him. To me there is something wrong with someone who cant date around their own age and 16 is way to young...I dont care if she thinks she is/was mature...shes not...shes was a child and a grown man should not attempt to be with a child. This of course is just my opinion...

You feel me!!! Ugh... Do you think I should ask more about this whole thing? Like I need to know more but at the same time Idk if that would help or deter me further

click to expand

That's a tough call...on one hand you'll know but on the other...you'll still KNOW lol
Even if you know...I think it already deterred you from him. It obviously bothers you (rightfully so) and probably always will...I know it would me.

Posted by LadyOfRebirth
It's simple if you cannot accept him for his past you two shouldn't be together. Tbh you might think it's wrong which is fine, but then why try to get over it?

The whole thing about being in a partnership is being able to accept someone completely for who they are. And for him to be wary to tell you his confirms you two are not on the same page.

If you ask me it really isn't up to you or any of us to judge. As long as it's legal he technically didn't do anything wrong.. Love is love. Just because you think it wrong doesn't mean it is wrong.

But its not legal and of course he's gonna say "nothing happened" im pretty sure he can still get in trouble for this...specially if her parents didnt know and found out...just sayin.

16 is a child ....point blank

Dont quote me on getting in trouble ...depends on the state etc but its still a good possibility

Le freakin sigh. He was perfect LIMM. Until THIS.
When a Virgo says perfect you know we mean it.

Damn it. damn it all to hell... I want to understand the WHY but I also dont care to. catch 22 for sure

Chances are because hes a horndog like any other man and she was a pretty and easy target!!

Posted by LadyOfRebirth

Posted by Peanutbutter
Chances are because hes a horndog like any other man and she was a pretty and easy target!!

You don't know that. You didn't know their dynamic so really and truly that's a very ignorant statement.

But I'll leave it at that since none of you even remotely try to think outside of the box.

It's sad that most Virgo women are so focused on seeking flaws in potential lovers rather than trying to understand where they are coming from.

Oh well it's not my loss really.

click to expand

+1

My bf(Cap man) was 22 when he got married with an almost 18 years old.They met when she was 16,and they waited for 2 years to be intimate.So,is not imposile,i think.
After a 10 years marriage ,she cheated on him with a older(30 years her senior)/richer man,who she is married now.She is also a Cap.
He did also date other Cap ,10 years younger,when he was divorced.
Cap men like someone younger or older than him(i think very close to him as age,doesnt appeal to much).
Difference between him and me is 5 years.

p.s.Some Cap men like innocent women,to convert them ,to see what is underneath that innocence.
If it was anything sexual with consent from both sides whats the problem?

p.s.s.My Cap told me ,a Virgo -he wants to say to me all his shortcomings from beggining ,so i know if i still want to be with him,after knowing those little secrets..

Posted by LadyOfRebirth

Posted by Peanutbutter
Chances are because hes a horndog like any other man and she was a pretty and easy target!!

You don't know that. You didn't know their dynamic so really and truly that's a very ignorant statement.

But I'll leave it at that since none of you even remotely try to think outside of the box.

It's sad that most Virgo women are so focused on seeking flaws in potential lovers rather than trying to understand where they are coming from.

Oh well it's not my loss really.

click to expand

No no, trust me I am taking everyone's advice to heart including yours. I actually posted this here to gain perspective because I am aware that my way of black and white thinking isnt always right.

To my gut, yes, it feels wrong because I dont understand it do asking a group of people their opinion helps even if I change my perspective kicking and screaming. In understanding this I am learning to understand myself.

So dont think you are posting in vain.

I dont purposely seek out flaws but our history is very telling in a sense. If you told me your lover's past didnt once make you feel slightly unsettled you'd be lying to yourself