Virgos & avoidance?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Help66 on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 and has 16 replies.
Most of my posts go unanswered, but I thought I'd try again.
My Virgo male is moving 1 1/2 hrs away from me & I was helping him pack his house on Sat. & while we were talking, I asked "how will this affect us seeing each other?" He just sort of ignored me so I dropped it.
At dinner it again came up & I asked the same thing. He refused to answer me.
My question is do you think he was trying to tell me us seeing each other is going to change, or not change?
He's funny about emotions so I can't see him saying anything 1 way or another. It would't be like him to say "well, I'll still see you as much" or "well, you know I'll be farther away, so no we won't see each other as much".
I won't ask him again but I'm left wondering, like I normally am where he is concerned.
Help 66
My Virgo male is moving 1 1/2 hrs away from me & I was helping him pack his house on Sat. & while we were talking, I asked "how will this affect us seeing each other?" He just sort of ignored me so I dropped it.
At dinner it again came up & I asked the same thing. He refused to answer me.
My question is do you think he was trying to tell me us seeing each other is going to change, or not change?
He's funny about emotions so I can't see him saying anything 1 way or another. It would't be like him to say "well, I'll still see you as much" or "well, you know I'll be farther away, so no we won't see each other as much".
I won't ask him again but I'm left wondering, like I normally am where he is concerned.
Help 66
Hi Help66,
Sorry your posts usually go unswered. Most people are pretty fickly in here and only talk to the people they want. There are cliques, and if you're not aligned with a group, you may be ignored. That's unfortunate.
Virgo's are very difficult to understand, as you are experiencing. Like you said, they don't express how they feel, most of the time. They are men of action. I don't want to hurt your feelings because I don't know you or your man. But, knowing Virgo's, I would suspect that by him moving away, that is the writing on the wall - that is, unless it's for his job. If he has to move, then I wouldn't read too much into it. But, if he's moving by choice, then I would worry about your relationship with him.
I've no clue about your relationship with him, or about you - but, you did say that you mentioned this twice to him. Virgo's don't do overly emotional people, nor do they like people prying into their feelings. It's just the way their made. Perhaps if you just acted indifferent, he would then be able to get past his defense mechanism of guarding his feelings (which they do all the time), and take a look at the value of his relationship with you. Virgo's tend to look at everything from a logical point of view. Too much sentiment will cause them to construct a wall between you. Being bombarded with emotions prevents them from clearing their minds so they can reason things out. Maybe just a little time apart will help tremendously. In fact, maybe this is the very reason for his move. Virgo's need space to sort things out.
I wouldn't look too much into it, for the moment. The time, lots and lots of time and space.
Hope that helps !!!!
Sorry your posts usually go unswered. Most people are pretty fickly in here and only talk to the people they want. There are cliques, and if you're not aligned with a group, you may be ignored. That's unfortunate.
Virgo's are very difficult to understand, as you are experiencing. Like you said, they don't express how they feel, most of the time. They are men of action. I don't want to hurt your feelings because I don't know you or your man. But, knowing Virgo's, I would suspect that by him moving away, that is the writing on the wall - that is, unless it's for his job. If he has to move, then I wouldn't read too much into it. But, if he's moving by choice, then I would worry about your relationship with him.
I've no clue about your relationship with him, or about you - but, you did say that you mentioned this twice to him. Virgo's don't do overly emotional people, nor do they like people prying into their feelings. It's just the way their made. Perhaps if you just acted indifferent, he would then be able to get past his defense mechanism of guarding his feelings (which they do all the time), and take a look at the value of his relationship with you. Virgo's tend to look at everything from a logical point of view. Too much sentiment will cause them to construct a wall between you. Being bombarded with emotions prevents them from clearing their minds so they can reason things out. Maybe just a little time apart will help tremendously. In fact, maybe this is the very reason for his move. Virgo's need space to sort things out.
I wouldn't look too much into it, for the moment. The time, lots and lots of time and space.
Hope that helps !!!!
I've also noticed the cliques on here & it's Ok. If no one wants to respond I can handle it LOL after all I do have a Virgo in my life.
My Virgo male is moving away due to work all right. He was unemployed for 7 months & was in such distress over this. Talk about his pride being hurt. Sometimes he'd open up about it, sometimes not but I know it killed him being a man with no job. He finally found a good paying job in another state & had no choice but to take it. He doesn't really like it & has admitted he doesn't know where he wants to live, so it would be here or there.
Thanks for replying I do appreciate it & for the time being I've let my questions of him rest. I figure if he wants to tell me something, he will
Thanks again!
My Virgo male is moving away due to work all right. He was unemployed for 7 months & was in such distress over this. Talk about his pride being hurt. Sometimes he'd open up about it, sometimes not but I know it killed him being a man with no job. He finally found a good paying job in another state & had no choice but to take it. He doesn't really like it & has admitted he doesn't know where he wants to live, so it would be here or there.
Thanks for replying I do appreciate it & for the time being I've let my questions of him rest. I figure if he wants to tell me something, he will
Thanks again!
Hi Help66 - P-Angel has alot of wise insights esp. as she's married to her virgo guy and madly in love:-)
About the "clique" thing here and alignment with certain people, I wouldn't necessarily agree with that altogether...yes, some people here seem to think the same and get on like dynamite...others not so but I don't think anyone intentionally ignores anyone......if someone is new, it just takes a while to "sell" yourself:-) - get yourself a file:-)!!! so I say welcome to you.
So twice virgo man ignored your question and twice you let this go.
That to me really isn't accpetable behaviour on his part or yours.
If I was in your position, I would simply have repeated and repeated (parrot-wise!) if necessary your question....."I'm asking you a question (say his name!) and I expect an answer from you, however difficult it may be to find the words".
Why should you be left in the land of "limbo" because he hasn't got the courage to talk this through......we can't be emotional cowards/chickens all our lives...there's a time to talk and I think your question was most important and pertinent and deserved a genuine answer.....if it wasn't coming, you shouldn't have let it go......till you were satisfied........I know it's easy for me to say all this and with hindsight esp. and I don't mean to be harsh on you..........I think you are aquarius....we aquarians always get what we want....so next time, make sure you get an answer!!!
Take care and welcome 66!!
Alana x
About the "clique" thing here and alignment with certain people, I wouldn't necessarily agree with that altogether...yes, some people here seem to think the same and get on like dynamite...others not so but I don't think anyone intentionally ignores anyone......if someone is new, it just takes a while to "sell" yourself:-) - get yourself a file:-)!!! so I say welcome to you.
So twice virgo man ignored your question and twice you let this go.
That to me really isn't accpetable behaviour on his part or yours.
If I was in your position, I would simply have repeated and repeated (parrot-wise!) if necessary your question....."I'm asking you a question (say his name!) and I expect an answer from you, however difficult it may be to find the words".
Why should you be left in the land of "limbo" because he hasn't got the courage to talk this through......we can't be emotional cowards/chickens all our lives...there's a time to talk and I think your question was most important and pertinent and deserved a genuine answer.....if it wasn't coming, you shouldn't have let it go......till you were satisfied........I know it's easy for me to say all this and with hindsight esp. and I don't mean to be harsh on you..........I think you are aquarius....we aquarians always get what we want....so next time, make sure you get an answer!!!
Take care and welcome 66!!
Alana x
Hey, Bran the man, how you doin'?:-)
A x
A x
Im too woozy to really read it right now so thats the reason im not responding.Also you tend to have to be with or be a virgo to have your response looked at at all with some of these people on these boards,all of them too not just this one-people taking astrology too serious when the "problem" is something that has little to do with that.They pick em and the rest are just following it.Anyways its possible hes uncertain about how you view it if it is work related,just go with the flow for a bit to find out for sure.Sometimes people jump to conclusions before knowing for sure and mess thier relationships up so he could be weary you might do that if he does want to be with you.
Thank you Brahn for making my day. I truly needed a laugh!!
I went back & looked & noticed I have posted EXACTLY 4 times since December 2005, not 12 times you stated I have. Sorry but I fail to see where asking 4 different questions is asking the same question over & over?
I did however notice your repeated posts that seem to take on the same tone & subject, yet you jump up & criticize me for asking questions? Get a life.
OH & just the other day I did respond to someone's post about Virgo's & aquas being compatible. So I DO respond to others & quite frequently read the boards.
Gee, and people wonder why new people stay quiet?
Prime example what with the way Brahn babbles on & on!!
Have a nice day everyone
I went back & looked & noticed I have posted EXACTLY 4 times since December 2005, not 12 times you stated I have. Sorry but I fail to see where asking 4 different questions is asking the same question over & over?
I did however notice your repeated posts that seem to take on the same tone & subject, yet you jump up & criticize me for asking questions? Get a life.
OH & just the other day I did respond to someone's post about Virgo's & aquas being compatible. So I DO respond to others & quite frequently read the boards.
Gee, and people wonder why new people stay quiet?
Prime example what with the way Brahn babbles on & on!!
Have a nice day everyone
Oh & Brahn, if my relationship doesn't interest you why do you read my posts?
Could it be that you're so very insecure you have nothing else to do?
At least I have a relationship - what do you have?
Silly man
Could it be that you're so very insecure you have nothing else to do?
At least I have a relationship - what do you have?
Silly man
Help66, Branh is a very thought provoking person, most of the time, and can rub the wrong way, sometimes - as we all can do that. But, instead of defending yourself, take a look at the tone. That is a Virgo - through and through. That is what I meant. Not meaning to offend you Branh. You know I love you. I'm simply meaning that they process feelings differently than a lot of people.
You, like myself, need other's input - we need the counsel of other people to help us get through something we can't necessarily see for ourselves. Virgo's hold their own counsel and use their own logic and reasoning to get on. There's nothing wrong with asking questions, even if they are self-serving, for most questions that people ask of other people are for the purpose of helping theirselves with something.
Time & patience. Though I agree with Alana in many things she said, mainly, the part about you should have the right to know how he feels (paraphrazing). In most other people, being persistant would be beneficial - but, it's not about courage. Virgo's have tons of courage, more than their share. We all have to hide somewhere, all of us. Me, I'm Pisces, so I hide in my fantasies. Virgo's hide behind their feelings. It's not that he doesn't feel, he does, deeply most likely. It's just that because they fear this, they have to make absolutely sure that you are trustworthy enough for him to let go and open up. I don't mean trustworthy of everything, I mean of his feelings. They worry, my God, they worry and fret - about everything frigging thing. And he will worry about whether you will throw his feelings back in his face. You won't, most of us won't, because we care about our people. But, he'll worry never-the-less about it and that is the likely reason he won't open up.
Instead of asking him how he feels, try telling him that you will always be there for him, no matter what. And, when something comes up and he needs a shoulder to lean on, stand by his side and show him that he can trust you with his feelings, that you won't forsake his endearment. Then, suddenly, you will have the most loyal companion you could ever imagine because when a Virgo loves, it's completely, all the way to your very soul.
You, like myself, need other's input - we need the counsel of other people to help us get through something we can't necessarily see for ourselves. Virgo's hold their own counsel and use their own logic and reasoning to get on. There's nothing wrong with asking questions, even if they are self-serving, for most questions that people ask of other people are for the purpose of helping theirselves with something.
Time & patience. Though I agree with Alana in many things she said, mainly, the part about you should have the right to know how he feels (paraphrazing). In most other people, being persistant would be beneficial - but, it's not about courage. Virgo's have tons of courage, more than their share. We all have to hide somewhere, all of us. Me, I'm Pisces, so I hide in my fantasies. Virgo's hide behind their feelings. It's not that he doesn't feel, he does, deeply most likely. It's just that because they fear this, they have to make absolutely sure that you are trustworthy enough for him to let go and open up. I don't mean trustworthy of everything, I mean of his feelings. They worry, my God, they worry and fret - about everything frigging thing. And he will worry about whether you will throw his feelings back in his face. You won't, most of us won't, because we care about our people. But, he'll worry never-the-less about it and that is the likely reason he won't open up.
Instead of asking him how he feels, try telling him that you will always be there for him, no matter what. And, when something comes up and he needs a shoulder to lean on, stand by his side and show him that he can trust you with his feelings, that you won't forsake his endearment. Then, suddenly, you will have the most loyal companion you could ever imagine because when a Virgo loves, it's completely, all the way to your very soul.
You're so correct P Angel, Brahn does remind me of a true Virgo.
My Virgo male frets about everything from why he is so tired all the time to what he should wear every day to his new job for 2 weeks lol - he cracks me up.
I think I've proven myself over & over to my Virgo. When he has troubles or is upset about something he does not hesitate to call me or ask me to go out so we can talk. He has a rigorous work schedule now so I know our time together will be cut back & I'm Ok with it. When he was having money troubles & family troubles, etc. I'd tell him to take it 1 day at a time, take a deep breath & so on. Sometimes though he seems so very insecure & I always tell him I have more confidence in him than he does at times.
Help
My Virgo male frets about everything from why he is so tired all the time to what he should wear every day to his new job for 2 weeks lol - he cracks me up.
I think I've proven myself over & over to my Virgo. When he has troubles or is upset about something he does not hesitate to call me or ask me to go out so we can talk. He has a rigorous work schedule now so I know our time together will be cut back & I'm Ok with it. When he was having money troubles & family troubles, etc. I'd tell him to take it 1 day at a time, take a deep breath & so on. Sometimes though he seems so very insecure & I always tell him I have more confidence in him than he does at times.
Help
Judging from your last post, you don't have anything to worry about. Leave that up to him, for he worries enough for the both of you. If he is depending on you to help him and talk to him, then you don't have an issue. That in itself speaks louder than any sentiment he could say to you, for a Virgo does not ordinarily ask for anyones assistance. They are self-contained, normally. Only when they trust you, do they ask for help to sort out thoughts.
Your relationship is fine. Give him time and space.
Your relationship is fine. Give him time and space.
Hey Alana!
How nice having you back as the numero Uno on How to....with a virgo man!!!! You were so much missed!!!!
xxxxx
How nice having you back as the numero Uno on How to....with a virgo man!!!! You were so much missed!!!!
xxxxx
Hi help66,
I think your Virgo didn't answer your question because he doesn't know the answer and if you push him to answer that question at this point you may force him into an answer that you are not ready to hear. I would just wait and see how he is once he moves. Give him a month to get settled and then if he is not giving you what you need then you need to force the issue.
I think your Virgo didn't answer your question because he doesn't know the answer and if you push him to answer that question at this point you may force him into an answer that you are not ready to hear. I would just wait and see how he is once he moves. Give him a month to get settled and then if he is not giving you what you need then you need to force the issue.
That's unfortunate that you've had such a bad experience, Canerbuddy. But, not everyone is the same. Perhaps, the one you were with that made you feel this way wasn't a good person. I don't know, but what I said about my V-man is the absolute truth. He is everything I have said he is, at least, he is to me. Perhaps, he would treat you differently than he does me.
He's the most loyal and dedicated person I've ever met and loves me down to mine and his very soul. It's just possible that maybe some people deserved to get lied to or cheated on, because they didn't have faith. Especially, if you're actually a Cancer. If so, your by nature, suspicious and assuming. A Virgo can't be treated that way and if you do, you will get dumped on because in their eyes, trust is more important than anything else.
I have a good friend of mine, love her to death, but, she experienced the same as you with her V-man. She searched his pockets and wallet every night when he went to sleep, looking for something to accuse him of. She checked his cell phone reguarly, for same purpose, poked around through his mail. And all because she was insecure, for she didn't believe in her qualities as being capable of keeping her man. In her eyes, she automatically assumed that because she is so distrusting, that he must be too. She was wrong, as she found out. She was left hanging with a broken heart and she deserved it for not having faith in him.
I fear nothing in my relationship, have no jealousies with him in any way whatsoever. I don't envade upon his privacy and treat him with respect - and get the same back. Just as one would in any mature relationship. If you have difficulties finding these qualities in a partner, then perhaps, the problem is yours and not his.
He's the most loyal and dedicated person I've ever met and loves me down to mine and his very soul. It's just possible that maybe some people deserved to get lied to or cheated on, because they didn't have faith. Especially, if you're actually a Cancer. If so, your by nature, suspicious and assuming. A Virgo can't be treated that way and if you do, you will get dumped on because in their eyes, trust is more important than anything else.
I have a good friend of mine, love her to death, but, she experienced the same as you with her V-man. She searched his pockets and wallet every night when he went to sleep, looking for something to accuse him of. She checked his cell phone reguarly, for same purpose, poked around through his mail. And all because she was insecure, for she didn't believe in her qualities as being capable of keeping her man. In her eyes, she automatically assumed that because she is so distrusting, that he must be too. She was wrong, as she found out. She was left hanging with a broken heart and she deserved it for not having faith in him.
I fear nothing in my relationship, have no jealousies with him in any way whatsoever. I don't envade upon his privacy and treat him with respect - and get the same back. Just as one would in any mature relationship. If you have difficulties finding these qualities in a partner, then perhaps, the problem is yours and not his.
I don't see much to assume by it,even when you would like to stay with someone,moving makes alot of things uncertain to both people.It doesn't mean silence about it means something else more negative and alot of the time just confusion and uncertainy can cause it.Put yourself in his situation to look at it,those reactions aren't that messed up or anything even when the person is very much wanting the relationship to work and no,"i'd choose not to go" isn't an option.
Help66..
I read some of your other postings (and responded to them).. and I got the impression that you guys were just friends. I thought you hadn't made the lover's plunge yet. So asking leading questions when you're just buddies could be a deterant, especially since an 1.5 hrs is not enough to kill a really close frienship.
I think you need to go one direction or the other.. either step back, be totally aloof to the situation, and relax by just being his friend- or become more aggressive about discussing his feelings for you.
IMHO, option #1 is best, if you're willing sit in limbo-- sometime patience yeilds great rewards when dealing with a virgo. Then again, I've been in "love limbo" with virgos in the past, and the "love" never lifted off... and sometimes being "pushy" is a catalyst to ending any kind of romance--- fast. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be?
I also think that when it comes to "helping" others with their snafus, sometimes, you gotta just let people resolve their own issues. Often I tell a person what I think- and they find even better solutions on their own.
Help66, I think you are the best one to work out this issue. I think you have in your mind and heart what you would like to do.... now it's just a matter of execution.
I read some of your other postings (and responded to them).. and I got the impression that you guys were just friends. I thought you hadn't made the lover's plunge yet. So asking leading questions when you're just buddies could be a deterant, especially since an 1.5 hrs is not enough to kill a really close frienship.
I think you need to go one direction or the other.. either step back, be totally aloof to the situation, and relax by just being his friend- or become more aggressive about discussing his feelings for you.
IMHO, option #1 is best, if you're willing sit in limbo-- sometime patience yeilds great rewards when dealing with a virgo. Then again, I've been in "love limbo" with virgos in the past, and the "love" never lifted off... and sometimes being "pushy" is a catalyst to ending any kind of romance--- fast. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be?
I also think that when it comes to "helping" others with their snafus, sometimes, you gotta just let people resolve their own issues. Often I tell a person what I think- and they find even better solutions on their own.
Help66, I think you are the best one to work out this issue. I think you have in your mind and heart what you would like to do.... now it's just a matter of execution.
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