Virgo's criticism

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Virgospirit
@Virgospirit
13 Years

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He is starting to gain deeper feelings for you. His true nature is coming out because he feels more comfortable with you and is showing you more and more of his natural self. All Virgos should try to curb this tendency and myself included. But unfortunately, it is hard to change this inborn aspect of ourselves. He is saying it like a joke to buffer it a bit so it isn't as hurtful.

Absolutely do not allow him to get away with it because the more you do, the worse he might get and take it for granted that you are ok in putting up with it. If you have a strong sense of self-esteem, you can handle it much more at ease than if you didn't. So if you have insecurities, it is best to work on those because his critical nature will spot them and he may target them...not now, but down the road. So always be working on yourself in the meantime.

If I were a target of such things, I would sit him down and say gently and sweetly, "I know you want me to be the best I can be, but I am sensitive to criticisms even if they are said in a light, joking way. If something I do bothers you, let us just talk about it in a way where I can handle it better. What do you think?" if he does it again, sit him down again. Keep doing it till he gets it.

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Virgospirit
@Virgospirit
13 Years

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It's not that he is testing you, more that he is comfortable enough with you where he now feels he can be himself, which for a typical Virgo is to become critical. I don't think it is fair he criticized you for your weight if you were the way you at now when he first got together its you, don't you think?

He isn't criticizing you because he loves you, that is a misunderstanding a lot of people have with virgos. He is simply being who he is. If he started out like this he wouldn't get anywhere with you, right? I would talk to him about this. He can stop if he truly cares about your feelings. He doesn't do it to everyone, so obviously he can control himself. I once hung out with a guy who was really fun and generous but he would start getting moody whenever he called and was rude and not nice. To me, that was a sign he took me for granted. Guys who don't know how to be nice as we get close to them need us to speak up. I didn't then, as I didn't know how. Now I would say something instead of ignoring him or before dumping him for good. Who knows, maybe he isn't aware he is doing it. Let him know, and see what he does. If he continues then he is cruel and cruel people aren't loving.

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P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by P-Angel
Your Virgo debute in early Apri 2012, where you tell us that he's a cheater, and you allude to the fact that he's still married while you are seeing him since, you say, "Now he considers himself single". A person who is single doesn't have to consider themselves in being. You were questioned by several people on the Virgo forum and you sidestepped answering by saying things like .... everybody cheats and/or he's not in love with his wife.

Posted by pr_princess


He says he's never been in love. Well, I'm not angel but let's just say he's been married before and has cheated on his wife. Now he considers himself single. We are in a weird relationship. We are together, he knows I have feelings for him although I never said, I know he has feelings for me and he cares - he's never said but I see it in his actions.






late April 2012

Posted by pr_princess
He is married but separated with no intention to be back with the other half. Due to culture, he will never divorce ....







May 2012 ... this is a snippet from a thread you started which in the title you said that you were rejected by him. You go on to say that you convey your feelings to him and he isn't responsive, nor does he reciprocate.

He's married ... what part of that don't you get?

Posted by pr_princess

How do you Virgo react to emotions? What turns you off? When you show someone you care about them and say "you just want to be friends". I don't get it. I thought Virgos show their care but don't speak it. I noticed he cares. I noticed his possessiveness. Why when told or questioned, they suddenly get all bothered?






Now .....

Posted by pr_princess

.... the more he criticizes the more he likes or has deeper feelings toward me?

Why would he do that if he has those feelings?



click to expand


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pr_princess
@pr_princess
17 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 223 · Topics: 16
All too familiar. I could add more. Seems they are all the same. I read somewhere that Virgo guys are very nice, caring in the beginning but once they have you hooked they treat you however they want because they feel they already have you. Very controlling, can't ask or say anything because he can do whatever and I can't. He'll ask 20 questions about some guy friend texting or msg'ing me and I can't ask about some girl msg'ing. He's very nice to my friends but I'm just a sideline so I'm starting to notice - like I don't even exists.
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caligula
@caligula
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 4994 · Topics: 99
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by P-Angel
Your Virgo debute in early Apri 2012, where you tell us that he's a cheater, and you allude to the fact that he's still married while you are seeing him since, you say, "Now he considers himself single". A person who is single doesn't have to consider themselves in being. You were questioned by several people on the Virgo forum and you sidestepped answering by saying things like .... everybody cheats and/or he's not in love with his wife.

Posted by pr_princess


He says he's never been in love. Well, I'm not angel but let's just say he's been married before and has cheated on his wife. Now he considers himself single. We are in a weird relationship. We are together, he knows I have feelings for him although I never said, I know he has feelings for me and he cares - he's never said but I see it in his actions.






late April 2012

Posted by pr_princess
He is married but separated with no intention to be back with the other half. Due to culture, he will never divorce ....







May 2012 ... this is a snippet from a thread you started which in the title you said that you were rejected by him. You go on to say that you convey your feelings to him and he isn't responsive, nor does he reciprocate.

He's married ... what part of that don't you get?

Posted by pr_princess

How do you Virgo react to emotions? What turns you off? When you show someone you care about them and say "you just want to be friends". I don't get it. I thought Virgos show their care but don't speak it. I noticed he cares. I noticed his possessiveness. Why when told or questioned, they suddenly get all bothered?






Now .....

Posted by pr_princess

.... the more he criticizes the more he likes or has deeper feelings toward me?

Why would he do that if he has those feelings?



click to expand





HA! 🙂
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pr_princess
@pr_princess
17 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 223 · Topics: 16
Posted by P-Angel
You're chasing a married man.


Every bit of whining you do about your feelings is nothing more than blah blah blah blah



Seriously .... it's because of people like you, why other think Pisces are deluded





WOW stalk much? You must be a pieces. He's legally separated. 🙂 I've met his children. Being married on paper doesn't count for much than ink on paper.
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pr_princess
@pr_princess
17 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 223 · Topics: 16
By the way.. time flies and things changed since April. You clearly have all the time on your hands.
You know someone is spending too much time on here or not paying enough time to your other half is when you have the time to search other others posts. I don't care I find it hilarious. lol

Flattering almost. I just don't understand why you would think I would care that you reposted it. What point are you trying to prove? It was April, it's September and I'm still with him - what does that tell you? Every relationship has issues. Good or bad. However if a person is narrow minded and biased like yourself then I guess I get it.
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pr_princess
@pr_princess
17 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 223 · Topics: 16
Posted by P-Angel
You're an Aries .... now the picture becomes clearer .. you are going to chase whatever it is you want, regardless of consequences, regardless of your integrity ...




Do you personally know me to question my integrity? I did absolutely nothing wrong. He's married on paper he was already living on his own when we started dating - what's your point? You think separated ppl don't date? LOL Are you living under a ROCK? There is a website created just for married people to have a affairs with other married people.

This isn't cheating, this isn't breaking up anyone, this isn't anything you little mind has come to believe.

People come here for advice not for people like you to judge them. Are you so perfect that no one has judged you? Or have you been cheated on before that you are so angry? Get over your anger and you WILL be a HAPPIER person. 🙂
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Nebulous_Cloud9
@Nebulous_Cloud9
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 311 · Topics: 11
Posted by R24
I decided to go on some more... just a little
I have a brother that is also a virgo, and from what my sister-in-law says, I suspect they have similar problems. Now my brother does not treat everyone else like he does his wife... he is warm, affectionate, generous. etc, to everyone but her. He is the best brother in the world. Same as my ex-virgo. He was a good brother, son, etc...

They love appearances and being seen by others as great guys. And in many ways they are. But the point is that appearances are VERY important, moreso than reality. They like to believe in that self image they project so much, that when they do something cruel and mean, they cannot remember doing it. I thought my virgo was just denying wrong doing when it happened, but I came to believe that he really can't recall it. His psyche just wont register a memory where he is being mean and cruel. It is not logical to them to behave this way when they are great guys, thus the cognitive disassociation. You will live with a revisionist history with these type of men because their highly selective memories filter out any incidences of wrong doing. I call it @sshole amnesia. If they are being an A-number one, they will not recall it, even if occurred a nanosecond ago. I mean this literally. You will have to be under continual audio/video monitoring or live with a stenographer to do reality checks, otherwise you'll feel like maybe youre the one who's lost it.

But my virgo was a good provider, and pretty decent father. But their was NO PLEASING this man, no matter what I did or didn't do. I tried!!!

And no, I don't think all virgo men are like this but if you are seeing similar behavior, yours very well might be.



I had to laugh at this because it really is so true.
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sv
@sv
13 YearsVirgo

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After reading all of what R24 wrote, I feel like killing myself. Just kidding, I haven't made enough people miserable yet, it's too early.

The helping then whining about it issue is oh so familiar. The thing is, we cannot refuse to help someone who is close to us but doesn't mean we like it. What you left out is, some people know that we can't refuse and they abuse it. I didn't help my brother with his car weeks ago, the matter has been resolved long ago but I still keep thinking about that.

All signs have faults and virgos have plenty as well. We are more charismatic at first during the courtship period, that is true, it's the chase phase of the relationship, you can't really imagine that to keep going forever.
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Nebulous_Cloud9
@Nebulous_Cloud9
15 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 311 · Topics: 11
R24,

Hope you're prepared to hear this, I am still going through it -- for two years now. Yes, I am crazy.

I tell him about this terrible trait he has and let me tell you, he is absolutely oblivious and clueless every single time we get into an argument about it. All of his friends think I am just the luckiest girl alive... Little do they know, because he would never ever tell them, that he is an incredibly selfish lover and that is usually the root of our arguments. And even if he did, no one would believe it because he really is a truly amazing and generous friend. Isn't that just nuts?

I've only been able to hang on this long because there are other traits about him that I do adore and I know he does try. So I give him credit for that. It is not easy loving a Virgo.

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Nebulous_Cloud9
@Nebulous_Cloud9
15 Years

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R24,

We have no problems in the sheets. My problem with him is that he cannot sympathize with the way he makes me feel... His extremely rational nature prevents him from recognizing the faults in his actions or lack thereof because he often uses his logic to justify everything.

This is how he, and a lot of Virgos, tend to hurt their lovers; they think that they are doing the right thing because they always justify it with their reasoning, albeit neglecting the fact that their actions and behaviors affect their significant other in more ways than his way.

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Nebulous_Cloud9
@Nebulous_Cloud9
15 Years

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R24,

Your situation mirrors my experiences in the early stage of my relationship with Mr. Virgo.

You can explain your point of view with a Virgo, they're notorious for being great listeners but in the end, they will go with what they choose to feel or believe or do. You have to treat it like a game of chess. Show them what they risk losing if they make a wrong move. Because they are practical, they will do what's best for them; and if risk losing you will cost them a whole lot more, they will learn to be more careful. This is kind of what happened with my relationship during our fall out. I got so fed up with his selfishness I stopped caring. I stopped initiating and responding to texts and phone calls. I started prioritizing my time with what I wanted to do for myself and my friends, not including him into anything. Even when he started complaining about me being negligent and unthoughtful, I told him to live his life and I'll live mine because that's how he liked it. It didn't matter what happened with us at that point. One day he texted me, "We need to talk." I walked into his house and he just burst into tears and complained about what I was doing to him (the AUDACITY, right?), and I was just so... complacent. I stared blankly at him and I think that hurt him a lot because he could see how far he pushed me, to the point of emptiness. Long story short, things didn't get better right away. It took months to repair what he had done and to warm my heart again. Eventually, I forgave him because I could see the change. He doesn't do that as often or severely anymore and has really learned to be more compassionate and considerate; and I think most importantly, he learned to listen and understand instead of just reacting. It's near impossible to change a trait that is so innate so I don't expect him to be perfect, I'm just glad that he at least tries now; and I appreciate the conscious effort.

But like I said, it took almost losing me for him to get his act together.