Virgos & Relationships

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by ABee on Saturday, July 4, 2009 and has 27 replies.
Hi Virgo friends, Im new here and wanted to post a quick question, please elaborate as you wish.
I've been told to be very good at knowing all sort of subjects and my friends say I seem to have answers for almost everything ha....I just enjoy grasping truth about different things and be introduced to new ideas, thoughts, and knowledge...challenged mentally constantly...I know some of you might understand.
Anyway, for some reason, I haven't been able to always analyze and respond to love relationships perfecty...I know I am a human being, full of things that need work, but I just don't understand how come I have missed the mark in cases in which I really thought I had made a great pick...makes sense?
I am so picky, so I choose the closest person to my parameter and ideals....in all areas....and yet it seems as if I miss always something.. My friends say I am blinded by love and that is the one area in my life in which I seem to be a bit more human and clueless...That always leaves me thinking...and so I re-model my prototype again...and things fall eventually after a while too....
I know there are some Virgos who have successfully learned to understand their inner feelings or imperfections in love and relationships...to the point to at least feel completely in love and loved...so secure. So any tips, advices, thoughts for self-reflection?
Thanks in advance and Happy Independence Day!
ABee
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Abee
You sound like a younger version of me (long forgotten). Don??t worry about this love and relationship stuff, you??ll learn to master the curves in time since there are no quick answer to this.
Generally love and relationship are there for those who like to suffer. How about true friendship?
Love and relationship is not about ???friendship?? nowadays, it??s more like ???ownership??.
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Hey man, that's just how it is being a Virgo.
Qbone's got it there.
Finding the ideal woman is nigh impossible. There will always be issues.
The question is, what issues are you willing to accept and who are you willing to love.
Find a Cancer woman and chase her down.
Or a Scorpio if you want some challenge.
Aries is probably the safest bet though.
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"...That always leaves me thinking...and so I re-model my prototype again..."

What does that mean ..... what does re-model your prototype mean?
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QBone,
Thank you, you give me hope. I guess Ill be patient and trust that 'in time' I will learn the lessons I still have to learn in this area of my life...
You brought up the words 'true friendship'...and mentioned relationships and love as stages someone could choose to go through even though suffering might await. So are you suggesting I should rather focus on deeping my friendships with people I like? I am open to any thoughts, especially for someone who has had more experience.
Do you think we focus too much of the qualities instead of the friendship part of these relationships sometimes? Could we do both...even if hardship comes because the goods and happy times will outweight anything bad? Basically, do you still at this point believe in the possibility that we virgos have to be completely in love and feel completely love...if we choose to be in a good relationship with someone good for us one day?
CajunSpirit,
Thanks for your input friend. I dated 3 cancers this far...my most recent ex was one of them. Very sweet people. Defenitely relationship material, but their emotions make them be so unpredicatble...and maybe the ones I met were a bit too shy and kinda moody or too much into drinking and not interested in deep conversations...they didn't seem to enjoy the normail things I do...but they defenitely had so many other good qualities, such as loyalty. Maybe I just haven't met the right cancer, who knows.
Aries, I've been there as well, not so much in a relationship, but short-term situations...who could have lasted longer, but then again the drinking and the partying ended up being too much to take things seriously with them. I couldn't match that life style ...but they were all athletes and in college...so maybe I didn't meet the mature type of aries..who knows smile ha.
Scorpios...they are always after me...for whatever reason, but they move so soon it scares me and actually makes me run. So I haven't ever felt those feelings back towards them...I know they are good people, I just haven't felt that way towards any scorpio I met yet..hmm.
I hear you about your frustration though. I just know there must be things in me I need to be more aware of, so Im trying to figure out. I read somewhere that Virgos and Aquas are the known bachelorettes and bachellors ...because of Virgo's pickiness and Aquarius aloofness...and I want to make sure I don't become that way...because I want to eventually experience love in its fullness for a lo
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CajunSpirit,
Im glad to hear that you understand.
Well, I actually dated 3 cancers...sweet people and with lots of long terms relationship potential. But the ones I dated were either very shy and did not enjoy anything fun I did or enjoyed only if they drank...and none of them enjoyed interesting or deep conversations, which is so important for me..very warm and very loyal...I had them and kept them with me...maybe I didn't meet the right Cancer?
Aries, haha, they are so fun, sadly it never lasted for longer than few months with them. Their impulsive and crazy ways...and drinking...made me unsure about my need for trust and security, but they were all atheletes and in college. Maybe a mature Aries would be different? I defenitely do feel drawn towards them and other air signs...if I could mix an aries fun with the relationship qualities of a cancer and the interest in conversations of a virgo or gemini! HA!
Scorpios...I always have at least one scorpio trying to date me smile but the ones that do seem so fast and intense. I get scared and retrieve quickly. Unfortunately I haven't reciprocated an scorpio yet.
What have been your dating experiences with each one of them? Have you ever dated a Capricorn?
ABee
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QBone and Cajunspirit,
Sorry for the repetitive messages above, something is wrong with my computer, take what you may and ignore its redundant please.
P-Angel,
What I was referring to is the process in which I create the closest model of an ideal person Id like to date and share my thoughts and inner self with. Someone I could learn to love...
I have this mental list of things I value and things I wouldn't compromise...when all that list comes together then I arrange it in way that will allow me to know right away if someone who is interested in me or I find attractive should be someone I should consider and then put in the friendship only category vs. someone who could have the potential to be something else...
When things don't work based on that selection and model then I re-evaluate to see what I could have forgotten, taken for granted, or not considered...and I try again. Makes sense?
ABee
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Wow, you actually nabbed 3 cancers? :O
Dunno how you did it buddy but sounds to me like you are WAY better off than I am.
I'm dating a Sag, she is inconsistant, wild, loves things I hate [tattoos, piercings, big crowds] and often time very childish.
If you could have the patience to pursue and deal with so many Cancers, a Scorpio is the cure...
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ABee
I have categorised Virgos in five different frames.
1= detail oriented.
2= quality oriented.
3= don??t know, don??t care oriented.
4= spiritually oriented.
And the fifth is my type that I don??t like to talk about it.
You were talking about the qualities. What you see is not what you get ???most of the time?? and what you think is right is only a one way process and perspective, so.. My question is; qualities by whom standards? Two Virgos at same age and culture could look at single subject but come out with a totally different opinion about it. So please don??t focus on being Virgo so much since what you read/hear is totally nonsense (% 95) of it anyway.

You should learn that it is not good to compare yourself with the others and vice a versa and if you open your heart and mind you??ll see that there are many people around you that deeply loving you they just don??t know how to express it or how to show it, like I said in time you??ll learn all of this, you should also learn that the fulfilments comes not from the relationships/friendship/loveship with the others if you feel empty, it is within yourself just seek it.
May the destiny be kind with you young Virgo.
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CajunSpirit,
You are dating a sagi? Ha, the way you described her sounds just like the sagis I know...they are always open to tatoos and dress always a bit different, but they are very carirng about good causes and usually love to travel and are always open to listen to all sorts of ideas and people..I personally like those last qualities, that's why I get along so well with sagis. So yours sound fun! The inconsistency part must be a bit hard no? I think with sagis you need to give them the freedom to do their thing...but since I never dated one I just can speak of my friendship experiences ya know? All I can tell you is that they are very innovative and loyal friends...and always interested/open to helping good causes and finding new spiritual understanding...perhaps that last part could be something that helps them settle down a bit...
As far as the 3 cancers I dated haha...they each lasted years. Cancers are so sweet and all of them (guys and girls) so potentially domesticated whereas they like to admitted or not Winking they love cooking and food and family...so they really win you over little things they do for you, however as you know...they can be an emotional rollarcoaster and be sometimes a bit to guided by emotions...throwing logic on the side completely at times...thanks goodness they have a conservative streak to keep them on the ground otherwise if they could be wild forever and dependent on their emotions...phew!
Cajunspirit, cancers make you wait, yes, but if they like you they keep the communication consistent..unlike other signs, which is nice because it brings a sense of security you know? I know with friends they can be random, but with people they like or want to love they really do a good job to get there with you...all you have to do is be consistent in your communication with them, be nice and charming, and wait..and once they see how much we do have in common as far as what we look for in relationships and how we enjoy life...its nice smile
The only problems I've had with mine had to do with their lack of interested for longer, good conversations....and their complication over simple fun things such as dancing or going out to fun new places. Their home-buddy ways are so cute, but I also like to live life outside of a house ya know? If you get married and have kids and don't mind having to supress some interesting ideas you might want to share with your significatn other....all my cancers would have been perfect for it...but if
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QBone,
I will take your words into consideration for sure, thank you friend.
I am learning to be more satisfied with who I am and with my relationship with my Creator over time...for the longest time I thought I could even be single forever, but I found out I might have been created to have relationship with others too...whereas that is friendship or dating or getting married one day, I don't know...but I am willing to learn about what that look like for me long-term just as I am willing to learn about who I am and was created to be.
I feel very blessed to have been able to experience loving relationships...and I could keep on having more, but I don't want to keep on doing it forever you know? One day I want to have something and someone who will remain constant in my life, if its meant for me to have that type of love, so I am searching to understand a bit more of that....kind of love in this stage in my life, in preparation for the future...just in case it does come smile and just to avoid hurting others in the process...to not make mistakes that could be prevented. I guess that's why I am here...to understand people, myself, and relationships better. I have my real world where there is plenty of opportunity to do so, but writing allows me to open up more.
Thanks for your good wishes and insights!
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You had said ..... "so I re-model my prototype again...and things fall eventually after a while too...."

I take this to mean that eventually, your re-formatting of expectancies leaves the other ready to throw up.

In your position, I would take the spreadsheet with me, (the one of your hits and misses with how you think you are suppose to feel), on dates, so the potentials will know in advance that you are looking for a settlement of compromises .... this way, it's highly probable that the other won't run away once the awareness becomes present that you're an emotional robot, because s/he will know this during the relationship interview.
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Learus,
Thank you for your thoughts and for your encouragement. Yes I defenitely might need someone who is willing to walk step by step with me...so far the Cancers I've met in the past have been great but the emotional part was hard for me to understand..and then aries and aquarius were so fun but a bit too wild for me perhaps is a matter of where someone is in life too ya know? Maybe all signs can show better or worst qualities according to their level of maturity, including me of course.. What sign are you by the way? Just curious smile
P-angel,
Im hoping you are being sarcastic about the spreadsheet idea, otherwise I could take it seriously and make it become popular and widely used! smile
My re-modeling does not affect the person I date the way you might think because I stay consistent throughout the relationship as far as my expectations and order of such things. It is only once a relationships doesn't work that I look back in retrospect and think about what I might have learned and therefore highlight things I might not have known about myself or others before...and it defenitely does not change by my emotions or dates of the month ha...otherwise I would mark holidays and do it everytime something goes wrong...oh I can only imaging how many relationships I would have had by now if that was the case..haha.
Maybe the evaluation I do in my relationships isn't something everyone does, but I am just being honest here, I just always strive to make things better the next time...to save me and others sometime. So if that makes me look a bit calculated, well, it has protected me from lots of unnecessary drama this far and yet I have been surprisingly open to situations that changed everything I planned around but well worth it...in those cases I think trust in that person plays a huge role.
What do you do when a relationship doesn't seem to be working or its over? Do you ever evaluate that or do you rather just move through your instincts?
ABee
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as quick as a person falls IN love, they can fall OUT of love just the same.

it is not true for me. When I fall in love I don't stop loving. ever. I fell in love with my Scorp in the first week and I still love him. since 2000. Recently I read on DXP that his Eros conjuncting my Psyche (in Sag) is the root for our "immortal love". We have both Venus in Sag which means distance does not kill our feelings for each other.
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"What do you do when a relationship doesn't seem to be working or its over? Do you ever evaluate that or do you rather just move through your instincts?"

They all work, even when they are over ... what I do is cheerish what was, and then look forward.

Never evaluate that in the aspect of how you mean it .. since to you, past relationships were a toss. Always cheerish what was, wouldn't call it evaluation, though.

YOu put too much effort into forcing what is suppose to just be .. that is what you are missing, and have become the typical Virgo emotional robot who views love like it's a job interview .... skills listed out, criteria noted, i's dotted, t's crossed.

It's not a business deal .. it's a feeling ... if you have to think it, then you've already lost.
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Oh, and I was serious about the spreadsheet ... I know you have one, even if you haven't entered it yet ... a potential needs to know right from jump that passion is lacking.
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Learus,
I completely understand what you mean. I think we view relationships in similar ways, inspite of having different signs. I am willing to wait for someone if I have to and if its worth it...and you understand what I mean by evaluation...yes, I don't like repeating the same mistakes or others mistake...sometimes you can learn form watching others too as you might know..so it saves time and drama for sure.
I will cherish my need to feel protected as you adviced...since it seems some people would actually not mind walking with me through it smile that's nice. I have been very blessed with the people I've met, inspite of things not always working for us, I learned many things...and I know love was present, now is just a matter of one day perhaps living something that will last for a long...long time ya know? Im not looking, but I am not close to the idea at all smile please keep me posted with how things go with your current relationship, I wish you the very best!
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Dwelingonmove,
How good to know how in love you are inspite of all this time! So good! I defenitely think is possible.
I think Learus was referring to other people who tend to fall in love more so with the feeling rather that the person you know? Also other people who rush into the feeling because of the idea/illusion to then wake up to a reality they missed and therefore fall out just as quickly. I don't think she was referring to some sign in specific but rather people in general who do that sometimes.
I think its awesome you found someone who can care for so deeply and feel loved for this long smile
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P-angel,
Hmm I understand your analysis about virgos...I know we tend to be rather analytical, but I actually believe many of us are truly passionate. At least I know I am, but for me true passion comes over time and a sense of security...and I can't achieve that randomly, I could defenitely experience a sense of happiness...but it wouldn't be lasting. True passion for me is something that isn't a passing thing but rather lasting....fullfilling, so I persue that above just casual actions.
Also, I do cherish relationships, I never think of them as a toss or a waste, not at all, I know in each one of them I learned something new about me, the world around me, and people...but that is what I call 'evaluation' is the understanding of all those things put in a balanced perspective. Its not like I bash and think all of the bad of it, no, but for such understanding I need to consider everything...what was good and what wasn't, otherwise, at least for me, I would feel like I never learned anything...so I need that time and like Learus said it is best when things are over, when you are alone and distant from that person because then emotions aren't as confusing....that's why once things are over with someone I need some time and space before rushing into anything again.
I think the spreadsheet and interview has been helpful this far, but sometimes it is okay to let it go...I just think we all approach to love differently and we all guard our hearts in all sort of ways. Some use emotional distance, some use physical distance, I use a careful evaluation and understanding...but once I know more, once I feel safe, I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work.
I appreciate your questions and comments. We can always agree to disagree and agree to agree sometimes smile
ABee
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I think Learus was referring to other people who tend to fall in love more so with the feeling rather that the person you know? Also other people who rush into the feeling because of the idea/illusion to then wake up to a reality they missed and therefore fall out just as quickly.

I know what you say. Three years ago I was working for a company when I had to drive to another city to work. And one weekend I found out I was thinkg about a good looking man. And I had very little conversation with him. A ridiculous fact. It made me laugh. Of course I tried to get rid of those feelings. Besides he had a girl firend.
Also other people who rush into the feeling because of the idea/illusion to then wake up to a reality they missed and therefore fall out just as quickly.

Also often people cannot negotiate well enough. They break up although they are still in love. when you listen to them, their rationalisations, you think they are not in love any more. wrong. love is there but fear and anger are bigger.
YOu put too much effort into forcing what is suppose to just be ..
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correct. Often we leave someone whom we love just things did not work the way we wanted to have them. 100 years ago we kept living with the same person despite all problems.
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Try a leo smile If the Leo doesn't let criticism drive them nuts, and Virgo doesn't get annoyed by their ego they get along wonderfully. They get along well because Leo offers both security and freedom. They also offer understanding because they tend to be very caring. Virgos don't mind being in the background molding the Leo into what they feel is their highest potential. The virgos care for the tweeks as if their partner is their personal new and exciting project. In addition the Virgo (both male and female) are very affectionate and chivalrous. Showering the Leo with attention and making them shine with happiness. *by the way those who read earlier posts in another thread thanks for advice, we're now officially together Winking *
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Posted by ABee
CajunSpirit,
You are dating a sagi? Ha, the way you described her sounds just like the sagis I know...they are always open to tatoos and dress always a bit different, but they are very carirng about good causes and usually love to travel and are always open to listen to all sorts of ideas and people..I personally like those last qualities


I love them too, it's just difficult for me to love her at times.

Cajunspirit, cancers make you wait, yes, but if they like you they keep the communication consistent..unlike other signs, which is nice because it brings a sense of security you know? I know with friends they can be random, but with people they like or want to love they really do a good job to get there with you...all you have to do is be consistent in your communication with them, be nice and charming, and wait..and once they see how much we do have in common as far as what we look for in relationships and how we enjoy life...its nice smile


I really don't have the patience and they confuse the hell out of me.

The only problems I've had with mine had to do with their lack of interested for longer, good conversations....


Hahahaha, BOY do I know about that! I swear, it's as though they have to be in a VERY specific mood to make good conversation. Otherwise there are lots of odd pauses and random moments of silence, where I have to wonder what to do.
Their home-buddy ways are so cute, but I also like to live life outside of a house ya know? If you get married and have kids and don't mind having to supress some interesting ideas you might want to share with your significatn other....all my cancers would have been perfect for it...but if
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That's sounds spectacular honestly, but I doubt I'll ever have one. I stick with my opinion though. A Scorpio will do you good!
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Posted by Learus



She's a Pisces...
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Good luck, then .. hopefully, you will put down your pen and come to the realization that there is no notes to make of understanding .. there are no adjustments to make.

To adjust yourself BEFORE you find a person, which this remodeling of the prototype (you) is based on ANOTHER person ... is being a robot.

It's impossible to adjust yourself for a person you haven't even met yet Confused
And that ^^^^^^^ is what you are proposing.

You have experiences, and then when it goes south, you adjust yourself according and then embark on anothe relationship .. which of course it goes south as well BECAUSE YOU BASED A RELATIONSHIP OFF OF ANOTHER PERSON.

And it is passion that is missing ... if it was present, then you wouldn't have to tweak yourself with your hit and misses to try and improve your man-keeping ability.


Out.
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Cajunspirit (Part 2),
I would think your sagi girl can take you to new places and new adventures though, that could be fun and new right?
All my sagi friends have been nice to talk to as well, they chance their opinions drastically sometimes (unlike us that take time to analyze things and make a clear decision about something) so that is different too, but they are some of the first ones I can call to when I need help in some awareness program or run...and I like the fact that unlike other signs they dont dissappear too much once they date or even fall in love, they stay consistent if you stay consistent as a friend...but if you fail them in some big event...yikes, you better give them time to heal before you can talk again. It is surprising how much they feel and care, they hide it pretty well like us sometimes...
As far as the scorpios...hasnt it happened to you that they almost come to soon for you? That has been one of the problems with the ones I met, they dont give me time to feel challenged or intrigued, but maybe if they would then I would find myself thinking about them...I just havent met one yet (of the many I met) who can slow down a bit and let me consider them...and once they like me they dont ever give up :o forever! Its like they like the challenge more than the person sometimes or something...also some of them have hitted on me while being in relationships whereas they were bad relationships or not or casual relationships...it didnt matter to me, they were still with someone when I would see them and still send me flowers or send their friends to say something...so that automatically made me not trust them you know? How in the world would I want to date someone who does that, what are the guarantees they wouldnt do the same to me if we date right? BUT if you have met awesome scorpios I believe you. I am sure there are some really good ones for relationships out there.
Hope your day is so fun friend!
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P-angel,
Well, without getting into specifics I believe there are different levels of needs we all have. So although we are all so different, we are also the same. When it comes to evaluating relationships, I dont mean I worry about simple things, but the deeper life-transforming things you learn through each relationship you go through such as trust, freedom, words of encouragement, quality-time, devotion, affection...things that "everyone" understands and values in one way or another. So in my mind there are certain common needs and values I have understood better and better as time goes by. Its is not like I have changed, it is more so like I have gotten more in-touch with my needs vs. my wants...I just wanted to clarify that so that it makes sense.
I defenitely do create spreadsheet for when I pay for things like houses, cars, trips, etc, but could never see myself doing that with people...it would seem to rehearsed and impersonal so anything I do mentally is just like a selective process that I believe most people do when they meet someone, conciously or unconsciously. And finally, if I ever had to let go of people I dated is not because I couldn't keep them, but because I wanted what was best for them and I wanted them to be happy...there are many factors that can have an effect on relationships other than how we process things...sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time you know? All I want for now is to keep on growing in clarity and understanding and I believe and hope things will unfold as they migth around me.
Have a good day!

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I felt like i was put under sooooo many "tests" with my virguy....it was almost insane but i think i figured out how he tested me.
He would talk about someone else (a friend, co-worker etc...) and say they were "arrogant" or "worries too much"...which of course was actually HIS traits...and then wait for my answer. I knew he was doing this because when he did say that "kelly" was "arrogant"...i responded with "i can't stand arrogant people"...and he was obviously offended and then quickly covered it up with coolness. He would also say that he was leaving his job...just to test my reaction.
I knew there was some mental list he was ticking off. I wonder how many of these tests i passed?....lol
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