What drives a person to this?

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by P-Angel on Tuesday, July 11, 2006 and has 12 replies.
I was talking to some friends in another community, and one of them was talking about something that seems so unexplainable to me. Her friend was a 34 year old male, with an excellent job where he was excelling and moving up the corporate ladder quickly, had a wonderful wife and children that he adored and his life seemed to be beautiful. He wasn't depressed, nothing tragic happened to him, his family or friends - then, suddenly, he commits suicide.
If nothing is wrong and you're life is wonderul . . . then, why?
I was just thinking about it and wondering what other people's thoughts were.
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Like everything in this life you wanted to accomplish - has been, and there's nothing more to achieve. Or, maybe . . . he was ill (terminally) and just didn't tell his family and didn't want to be a burden on them. Either way, it's really sad.
I would think that everyone has, or will, entertain this thought at least once in their lifetime, but, to have the guts to actually do it is another thing all together.
The hardest part is on the family members left behind, wondering what they missed. Were there signs that were overlooked? What could they have done to fix this man they loved.
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Who knows?
Maybe under this "elite" demeanour was lieing big problems that he didn't show?
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"during a crisis it takes more guts to live than to give up and die"
Wow, that was really profound and probably one of the most enlightening statements I've heard in a long time. You're so right, it's really hard to keep going sometimes, isn't it?
Maybe you're right, Haffo. Perhaps, a lot of people wear a mask of confidence and determination to hide the real truth lying underneath, that is weak and dying.
I don't know, I just know that the friend of mine, who was really good friends with this man, is punishing herself for not seeing past his exterior so she could help him. He's gone and there's nothing left for her to do except mourn. I wish I could offer her words of encouragement, but, remain silent because I don't know what to say.
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I think about that too, Archer. Are there signs, even in their smallest measurement, that we overlook? We take it to be a number of things, like dissapointment, personality quirks, venting of an emotion - when really, it is a cry for help.
It really doesn't make anyone to think harder into the subject until someone you know ends their life, then, it's too late.
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I'm really struggling with this myself because she is a good friend and depends on me to be honest with her, no matter how ugly. And the fact of the matter is, I believe in Euthenasia, I think people should have the right to make their own decision whether their quality of life is worth continuing or not. But, I know she isn't wanting to hear this and is wanting me to tell her something to make her feel better.
Lord knows, I'm not the most diplomatic person in the world and I don't know what to say without sounding harsh.
Anyone have any ideas?
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Then I think that maybe that's why she's asking for my words. We've been on-line friends for a long time and she knows how my mind processes things, how I respond, how I feel about honesty, how I promote tough love, at times. And perhaps, that is what she is seeking. She could very easily ask another person, who would be more comforting and soothing, but, she's asking me to talk to her about it. So, I'm thinking maybe she needs to hear me tell her the truth from my perspective, she needs someone to be stern with her, so she won't carry guilt.
I don't know, I'm just trying to figure this out.
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Some people aren't honest to people. And aren't honest to themselves either. Those people usually commit suicide.
People who are honest both to people and themselves, usually cannot get material wellfare too.
This is what my uncle said to me. I don't know personally wether a honest person really can have both material and emotional contency with it's honesty. I personally disagree with that. However, I also see this as a fact. People who are honest, really cannot get material wellfare.
I don't know why, but I this is how it is. I think there is a way to be honest and wealthy but I have to experience it myself in the first place, otherwise I cannot explain it.
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It's never easy to understand one's reasoning for taking their own life; or why they would feel that that was the only solution to their problems. There was someone I went to High School with who excelled at most things; He was one of the best runners on our Cross Country Team, very smart, good looking, popular, etc. and then one day, after crashing his father's truck and breaking up with his girlfriend at the time (which he would have probably forgot about a year later), he went upstairs at his parent's house and shot himself. It was so sad; A short while before this happened, we had read this poem in our English/Poetry class.
Richard Cory - by Edwin Arlington Robinson
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich - yes, richer than a king -
And admirably schooled in every grace;
In fine we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
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1) Be impeccable with your word. if you want to. you don't have to.
Elaborate please. And please, use simple words. I have difficulity in understanding such sentenses.
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Archer,
I think you're right, she is asking for me to tell her the truth. I've nearly decided that I MUST do this for her. It's just that . . . I'm not the most tactful person alive and inevitably, I'll crush her feelings that are so tender right now.
Yet, she knows me . . . she knows exactly what kind of a person I am. So, I'm thinking that subconsciously, she's needing this so she won't carry any baggage that doesn't belong to her.
Thanks for your advise, I appreciate your directness with me.
Peace
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Greatbull, I dont' know this man. He's a good friend of a good friend. I have to take her word that he didn't - appear - depressed. But, some people are pros at covering their feelings, so this could be the case.
However, she has talked about him before and when she did, the impression I got was that he was a very proud and dignified person . . . so, I'm guessing that he must have had some terminal illness and didn't want to burden his family. Suicide would be the solution because nobody would ask for an autopsy . . . the cause of death is apparant, right?
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