When Virgo's fall hard

I am clutching at straws now, Virgo guy is driving me crazy. Was wondering if his strange behaviour of seeming to avoid me and then turning up again is an indication of deep feelings that are confusing him. Seems to be that could be the case going by the boards, but my question is, is a Virgo guy more likely to enter into a relationship quicker if he isn't feeling all stirred up emotionally? I mean, if he feels in control and likes you but his feelings don't go much deeper. I have a theory that if he really likes you a lot he feels vulnerable and comes to the conclusion that he doesn't wanna go there at all as it is roo risky, but occasionally gets tempted and resists and gets scared off again.

I am considering telling him how I feel today. I am scared of being rejected, but i need to know if he feels ANYTHING! When we are together he is very attentive and notices little things like the different lengths of my nails and is very affectionate and relaxed and yes he stares and smiles a lot. I can feel so much positive energy and love, but he doesn't call or text or respond to my messages. when we are apart I feel like an aquaintance, not even a friend. it's like we have to start again every time we see each other.

So you can see why I am scared to tell him how I feel. Part of me thinks that he will open up once I speak my mind, and the other part thinks he just sees me as an occassional shag. I think he is so gorgeous I assume he has loads of ladies after him. but he must know I like him and to ignore my messages... surely you don't do that if you like someone? It's just rude. He's 32 btw. but quite immature I guess.

Just tell him how you feel, whats the worst that can happen!..

I know... at least I won't be stuck in limbo anymore. I'm just scared. Every time we are apart and I feel like I am going crazy, i promise myself that the next time I see him I will say something. then, when I'm with him I feel transformed and am loving his company and the last thing I want to do is talk serious. It's like he has cast a spell on me. Like I am paralysed to say the words. I think I could only do it in a letter or email, but i want to do it face to face. I've never known such fear when it came to telling someone how I feel. In the past I've just blurted it out, but i was young and naive. And i have never felt so much love for another before. I had a dream about him last night. It was so vivid and I woke up knowing I had to speak to him today.

And have you?

So you guys have known each other for 9 months as friends? or friends with "benfits"..Well if thats how he makes you feel, seriously just tell him..he's probably too scared to tell you how he feels anyway with fear of rejection..I think you've give it enough time to realise your feelings..At least you will know where you stand and either become exclusive or move on...

I was thinking about mine and a text message arrives from him. We were meant to meet this week but doesn't look likely as he's away all week on meetings. He has a project to complete before he goes abroad for a month..And I am going spain next weekend..Its amazing isn't it..two people, live in the same town but can't get together..

not yet, he's sposed to call me back about some other issue.
friends with benefits i guess. but not even friends - lovers? but when we got together it was very intense, soulmate recogniton time. freaked me out so much i felt physically sick for the next week that i was apart from him.

Hmmm..ok..See I don't do friends with benefits..Or understand people who do..but i guess each to their own..Its either exclusive or not..you don't get anything physical unless we are exclusive..

I see that as "why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" kind of scenario..

I guess I would be confused too if I were you..but ask him and see what he says..its the not knowing which is killing you I guess.

he's on his way now. I am shitting it. how do I compose myself? a stiff drink. He'll probably need to rush off somewhere...

i know I messed up by sleeping with him at the beginning, but I have a tendency to go with the flow of the moment then realise what a mistake I've made. he's not getting any more sex from now on though!

I agree missmorals...

I guess your kinda paying with your confusion now, because you should've knew what you wanted in the begining (the relationship)...and if you knew you wanted then, you should've got what you wanted in the begining, instead of just sex...then hoping the rest would follow so quickly/easily.

I just think it was done a little backwards, but to each his own.
This "friends with benefits ("not even friends-lovers?"), now I want a relationship", irks me evrerytime.

Sorry, just ranting...now you know what you want so go for it.

I guess i am paying for it, but the way we got together wasn't conventional and once I'd done the dirty I thought it was too late to set things back to how it should be. but I have learnt a very hard lesson. Never again will I jump in the sack with someone so soon. NEVER.

Lol @ PiscesDreamer..JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!..seriously everyones different..I just can't understand it or do it..

Your only nervous because your scared the answer might be no, or that he's comfortable with the way things are...I mean lets face it, what man wouldn't.
I guess its your call to lay down a few ground rules..Either exclusivity with platonic friendship although even the latter is difficult to maintain when one party has "more than friends" feelings..

Good luck..

with = or

well, he came round, but brought a friend! couldn't believe it. It's as if he knew I was gonna say something. so I'll have to leave it until I don't know when.

nice to see him though. 🙂

well, he came round, but brought a friend! It's as if he knew I was gonna say something! what's all that about? this guy is so weird. so I'll have to wait until god knows when to talk to him.
I wonder if he's scared of me sometimes.

hmm, didn't think the first message posted...soz

I don't think so, I knew his friend already. Maybe i'm reading too much into it and they were already hanging out together so he tagged along. maybe he was scared I was gonna have a go at him for ignoring my texts, maybe he wanted to show his friend the view... it's all if's and maybe's.
It feels like fate is transpiring against me to ever find out how this guy feels. The one day I am determined to ask the question this happens.

Pisces seems like you're going thru the rollercoaster as many of us have, dealing with Virgos. I have posted several messages on other boards, about how hot and cold my Virgo guy is, even went as far as ignoring some of my texts and phone calls. But now... I've seem him 3 times this week. Last night he called after going out to celebrate his friends birthday and asked if he could come over, I said sure, he said this is not a booty call I just want to come and hold you and be held. Funny for a man, he talks a lot about holding, not so much about sex but just being close and talking... So he came over held me and we went to sleep. Today we watched movies and he held me some more. As Dyrst8 mentioned I think once they start to feel secure they do tend to touch and caress in an almost unconscious way, while watching the movie he kept rubbing my arm as I lay my head in his lap. We just talked and laughed, nothing sexual at all but just a connection. Now Virgo men, can you help me make sure I'm reading this correctly. I'm thinking he's starting to realize that I'm sincere and slowly starting to feel comfortable with his emotions/feelings and thats why I've been seeing him more— Now granted this week he could go back to the hot and cold, which I hope is not that case, but he said something that struck me as odd, he sent a text saying that I'm a wonderful woman and he truely appreciated me, and for me to please promise to always be his friend and he will always be mine forever.. I was kind of upset thinking FRIENDS whats this all about. But I've talked to a few male friends that are not Virgos and that are more settled and mature, they all stressed when they are looking for something real they serious to all the women they meet, being friends first, and if it blossoms into a serious relationship the odds are it will last.. HELP......

I thought about that. Coz I find it so hard to bring it up when we are together coz we are always joking around in a matey, jovial way, that's just the way we are together, so to go from that to "I really like you a lot and was wondering how you felt." Just makes me cringe. But then I would like to do it face to face so I can see his reaction. I know I wouldn't be able to say everything I want to in front of him though, I'd just get embarrassed.

Trouble with a love letter is it makes it seem like such a big thing. Maybe just the concept of a love letter would freak him out. argh. I guess you never know what the right thing to do is until you've done it and it's too late.
if I received an unwanted love letter I would at least be touched and would respect the person for being brave enough to write it. I just have a horrible feeling he'd ignore it. He ignored an email I sent a while ago asking if he didn't want to see me as we had been (occassional sex) and if he wanted to just be friends. Nothing. he's just rude and a coward.

Thanks Dyr, I was kind of hurt and taken back by him stressing friends, but then a few hours later he asked to come over, soon as he got in the door he was hugging and kissing me.. Weird..I guess Day by Day is all I can do..

yeah he got it, he fudged around it and never gave me an answer and i was too embarrassed to push for one. yeah, there is to be no more sex from now on that's for sure. I tell ya though, the last time we were together was amazing, not the sex, just the togetherness. felt so right and relaxed. that's why i am so confused. it's not a passionate relationship, i would understand it being for sex only if it was. it's a very understated thing we have going on, more of a companionship.

Ok Dyr, tell me this.. We were intimate early on, he kept telling me how great it was. Now it's like he could care less about it, all he talks about is talking and holding and being held.. Not sure if thats a positive, early on he told me we weren't ready to be intimate and he wanted it to mean something and be special, I thought he was just using reverse pyschology, but now it seems he's on a deeper level, like he could very well be as sensitive as I've read male Virgos can be. Dont take this the wrong way but it seems as though he's as senistive as a woman would be, when it comes to emotions and feelings....

okay thanks, will try. I probably won't see him for another month though!

aw, warms the cockles of my heart that!

eh? chickenles? this thing! i meant c@ckles. not rude!

Dyr, I'm grinning from ear to ear.. What's funny is when I did our virgo/cancer compatibility some sites said we'd start off rocky but once we're on one accord, people will be jealous of what we have.. But honestly when we're together I sense he's into me even when he's not looking or talking to me, just something that I feel in my spirit, if that makes sense. Granted he still gives me the critical side, like telling me when I made his eggs, I'm gonna teach you how to make eggs. I'm thinking how rude.. After I got my cancer feelings in check we were back to normal..So because he's not eager to have sex, means he likes me a lot?? I thought to myself, no sex, oh no this is definitely not gonna work.. Shows where my mind is.... But now it's weird last night and all day today when we were together I didnt even think about any thigh slapping...LOL just enjoying being held and laughing.. Wow what is happening to me—?

DYR,

CONGRATS AND WELL WISHES ON YOUR MARRIAGE!!!

Dyr you have me over here all teary eyed and emotional. LOL... Thanks for making my day! I will still take it day by day and try not to get anxiety if he does the hot and cold thing. As long as I know he's into me and theres no other woman I can handle the flip flop for awhile, though I hope I wont have to.

I never even know a site like DXP existed, until I got the blunt comments of a male Virgo, I started out reading compatibility then just sites on Virgos. Some how I ended up here and was calmed to read it wasnt just me going thru the flip flop, though it didnt make it much easier especially when you really like someone..Thanks so much..

"The course of true love never runs smooth"
And don't we know it. There had better be a nice reward for all the flippin' flip floppin' suffering!

Yeah, PD dont give up hope. From my short experience, you have to sit back and let him come to you.

Well if I was him I would be stunned that someone like me has put up with this for so long without demanding answers. He must think i'm a right mug, or maybe he thinks I'm not that interested BECAUSE i have displayed so much patience. I don't think many other women could put up with this. Without DXP I wouldn't know the secret. 😉

Ok Dyrstr8z, I think you were right on point when you said, "Now he's got to see if you'd be a great life partner." I got curious today after our back and forth discussions about my Mr. Virgo and sent him a text asking him if he was afraid to get into a relatioship. He's response was very similar to what you said. He simply told me he's got to make sure she's the 1 and that he's ready before he gets into a relationship... I responded by saying you seem to take relationships very seriously as though you cant walk away if it doesnt work or do you see anyone you date at this point as possible marriage material?? His reply was simply, "lets just say I'm very cautious"..... Now Dyr, can you help? Is he thinking I could posssibly be the one to move to the next level with but he's slowly checking out all aspects of us? I know you said he's got it bad and when we're together I feel this but when we're apart another side takes over and I start to get insecure and wonder.. HELP.......

Dyr, you're the best!! One question I do have is how will I know if we go to the next level? Do Virgo men ask? Or is it something thats assumed??

Strings, seems they're so complexed, the flip flop, the uncertainity.. It's enough to make you go mad, then of course they'll say they want you..LOL

PD,
I wondered if you ever got to tell your guy how you feel——? I am assuming not yet—

Dy,
"Until you see evidence to the contrary, I'd take him at his word(s) - and deeds... I don't think you have to be insecure - cautious, yes, but not insecure..."
Can you define this 'evidence?' pleeeeease?

Sorry, piscesdreamer, I read page 2 of the thread and read what happened. I'm sorry.

Well, I asked you, because I'm about to write a synopsis of our 10 yr relationship/friendship in a letter to my Virgo and was searching around for already posted help/encouragement. I'm writing it and plan to hand deliver it somehow tomorrow. I'm going to try and ease the tension, and I haven't written him a letter since the Dear John ages ago. I don't know where it will lead, but I hope, I dream, I love...

PD - It must have been difficult for you. Have you had the talk with him? I think it is a good idea for him to know where you want the relationship to go.

Especially because how things started, he may be insecure as well about your intentions and may not want to be the first to reveal how he feels

Based on what you have shared with us, your man is definitely interested in you. The back and forth is indicative of his uncertainty however.

To answer your question - how we take it to the next level? Those of us who are comfortable around women will either ask or tell you where we are. I am usually quite clear so that there is no confusion.

Most of my buds are that way when they want the relationship to move to that next level.

I also think it is good that you have stopped the physical relationship. It will help your guy re-evalutate how he feels about you. Have the conversation with him soon - take the initiative and invite him out for a walk or some activity where it's just for the two of you.

What is the big thing about having to create such a serious relationship in such a short time anyway?

If this is a lifelong committment, wouldn't you want to know that your man has put enough thought into things that he will be like a rock to you over the years?

Or would you prefer a guy who got all mushy and excietd, and split 3 years later with no notice?

Take it easy, take your time. Never push a V Guy, it will just take that much more time for him to figure it out.

Strings - yep, I am a Virgo.

a lot of signs tell me he is into me, avoiding eye contact even. That's the sort of behaviour I display if i really like someone. It's amazing that you can be intimate with someone and then feel like it never happened when you see them again.
It's just the ignoring my messages I don't understand. Surely if he liked me he would at least reply to a text asking him on a date after a night of intimacy? Or is it too much of a mind fck to do even that?

I appreciate the slowness of it all, I agree that it builds a strong foundation, if I knew that that's what he's doing I would wait years for him. i am that serious about him, but what if he's just playing me? I can't figure it out.

Virguy62 wrote: What is the big thing about having to create such a serious relationship in such a short time anyway?

Spoken like a true Virguy, Virguy62.

Okay, okay...we'll wait for you.........but hurry up, ok?!
🙂

piscesdreamer:

"Surely if he liked me he would at least reply to a text asking him on a date after a night of intimacy?"

Wait 4 days or so before asking for that date after spending time together. He needs that time for all of the many thought processes that follow your previous date, esp. if it was an intimate one.

My Virguy NEVER calls me. Of course he works 16+ hours a day, too. And he is very conscientious (perfectionist) on the job, dealing with the public all day and evening, and much more.

Why not call him...it's been awhile, hasn't it? Don't plan on spoiling him too much...he doesn't want you to. Just be yourself. He wants to spoil YOU, when the time is right. Go ahead...you know you want to.

Don't mention the thing about him not calling or returning your messages, etc. and forget his shortcomings...he has. LOL Just call like nothing bothers you about it.

A Virguy posted on this thread that he believed yours is truly interested in you from all you have said about him.

So what are you waiting for————
🙂

Question for you Virgo men..When you guys give us women the hot/cold, the push/pull and the overall disappearing acts. I've read and heard it's to analyze. But what are you really analyzing. Whether you like the female? Whether she likes you? Are you replaying the conversations you've had to try to sort it all out. What??

Whether you like the female? Whether she likes you? Are you replaying the conversations you've had to try to sort it all out. What??

That's most of it right there.

i did wait... i waited 5 days. nothing. then i sent hm a birthday message. nothing. then i saw him with his mate. nothing. but for some reason i still feel there is something there.

At this point I would say move on. It's pretty obvious here to me. Especially if he was with someone else.

the someone else was a guy, not a romantic interest - just to clear things up. I can't give up yet. I will speak to him before the month is up. before i go on holiday.

Dyr, I'm shocked out of all the people that come to you for advice you remember my situation you're amazing!! But I'm not sure what you mean about garbage in, garbage out. Since I've had a lot more idle time on my hands I've done a lot of thinking about me and my VirGuy. My biggest issue is how can someone seem soooo sincere when they're with you— Sometimes when I'm cooking I'll turn around and he's looking at me with a look like he's thinking something, not sure what, but it seems loving. The intensity of the affection when we're together overwhelms the over emotional Cancer, but to experience that and then hear nothing for 2-3 days makes me feel terrible like I've been fooled, swindle some how, but when I really think about it, he took nothing, no sex, nothing, so I get baffled because I'm thinking didnt he feel it too? If so how could he go 2-3 days with no contact. I know, I know, to analyze, but if we're like FIRE under ice as I've read on many sites, how could he stay gone...I experience men spending time and then becoming distant but the intensity was never there to this extreme.. Hard to explain I guess..

oh my god. 2-3 days— That is nothing. Try going 2-3 weeks after the same kind of intensity. At the very least! Sounds to me like you got a healthy relationship there. I would be happy with seeing my virguy once a week. quality not quantity innit?

Ahhhh Pisces, thanks. I guess I'm use to rushing in and then being hurt/upset when it doesnt work. So you go 2-3 weeks, not sure I could deal with that. Maybe thats normal Virgo behavior but that seems a bit much if you like someone..But I'm a Cancer so I'm kind of clingy by nature, and very emotional..So I guess I see relationships thru different eyes. I always ask my friends if once you're in a relationship is it normal to talk to your significant other every day??