When You're Figuring Someone Out?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Chuckcem on Monday, March 27, 2017 and has 92 replies.
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How do you act when you're figuring out a potential love interest?
Let's say you like someone, or even let's say someone likes you, do you keep them at arms length? Do you automatically friend zone them (or yourself)? How long do you wait to determine your feelings, or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.
I ask because I notice none of my Virgo friends have entered a relationship in a....simple way. There always seems to be drama. The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs. I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones. I'm not sure what that's about. I also noticed that the beginning of Virgo relationships can be very dramatic.
So what has your experience been as you started dating or entering a relationship with someone?
Let's say you like someone, or even let's say someone likes you, do you keep them at arms length? Do you automatically friend zone them (or yourself)? How long do you wait to determine your feelings, or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.
I ask because I notice none of my Virgo friends have entered a relationship in a....simple way. There always seems to be drama. The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs. I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones. I'm not sure what that's about. I also noticed that the beginning of Virgo relationships can be very dramatic.
So what has your experience been as you started dating or entering a relationship with someone?
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs? Mine have always been drama-free and effortless.
Initially, I can be pretty oblivious to someone who is interested unless I’m outright told or I begin to take notice. Once I confirm I will friend you, become pleasant, get to know you, observe you. I’ll know right away if I like you or not. If I’m interested I will jump right into the dating phase. I’m not a casual dater and I’ve never found online dating appealing so chances are if you’ve reached this far then entering into a relationship is highly likely. However, I will start to pull back a bit to reassess my feelings if how I truly feel is merely puppy love or if I can determine potential long term. We have to be riding the same wavelength for it to progress.
Finding it tough to leave broken people has been true for my case. I apply it to family members as well. Any long term relationship is a commitment and I’m determined to make it work. If the relationship doesn’t work then I feel like I’ve failed him/her and myself. Virgos have a tough time acknowledging failure so we justify we need to fix X, Y, and Z and then we can return to our perfect bubble. When realistically, the person and the relationship was toxic.
Initially, I can be pretty oblivious to someone who is interested unless I’m outright told or I begin to take notice. Once I confirm I will friend you, become pleasant, get to know you, observe you. I’ll know right away if I like you or not. If I’m interested I will jump right into the dating phase. I’m not a casual dater and I’ve never found online dating appealing so chances are if you’ve reached this far then entering into a relationship is highly likely. However, I will start to pull back a bit to reassess my feelings if how I truly feel is merely puppy love or if I can determine potential long term. We have to be riding the same wavelength for it to progress.
Finding it tough to leave broken people has been true for my case. I apply it to family members as well. Any long term relationship is a commitment and I’m determined to make it work. If the relationship doesn’t work then I feel like I’ve failed him/her and myself. Virgos have a tough time acknowledging failure so we justify we need to fix X, Y, and Z and then we can return to our perfect bubble. When realistically, the person and the relationship was toxic.
Posted by VirgoreanGood question, I'm not sure what their charts are even though I've known them for a decade or close to it.
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs? Mine have always been drama-free and effortless.
Initially, I can be pretty oblivious to someone who is interested unless I’m outright told or I begin to take notice. Once I confirm I will friend you, become pleasant, get to know you, observe you. I’ll know right away if I like you or not. If I’m interested I will jump right into the dating phase. I’m not a casual dater and I’ve never found online dating appealing so chances are if you’ve reached this far then entering into a relationship is highly likely. However, I will start to pull back a bit to reassess my feelings if how I truly feel is merely puppy love or if I can determine potential long term. We have to be riding the same wavelength for it to progress.
Finding it tough to leave broken people has been true for my case. I apply it to family members as well. Any long term relationship is a commitment and I’m determined to make it work. If the relationship doesn’t work then I feel like I’ve failed him/her and myself. Virgos have a tough time acknowledging failure so we justify we need to fix X, Y, and Z and then we can return to our perfect bubble. When realistically, the person and the relationship was toxic.
I feel like there's a lot of technicalities in my answer to these questions.
So, if I think I like someone and I don't think it has potential? Then I back away and put my feelings to the side, so I guess I friendzone myself. If It may have potential, I'll still fall back. Because I need to think things through.
The reason being that this may seem very harsh is i have always fallen for my best guy friends. If you and I can act like best friends, but for some reason there's a spark? You have me hooked.
So when I start to pull back, it usually starts to affect the friendship. But I NEED that space.
There's no set time. My Leo ex was quite aggressive in the beginning, and I couldn't help but fall for it. Over time I noticed that once i opened up and showed him all the love i have for him, he actually never pulled away. He loved it. He DID pull away though after we had this really large fight... and that's when I felt I had to fight for his love and attention. Or maybe that I was just more of the aggressive one then. Idk.. it was a 75/25 at first then a 50/50 then a 25/75 relationship.
I've never really dated anyone that's been a fixer upper. I need a strong partner. BUT I have known guys who are fixer uppers that like me. And because I love to help, they noticed that about me and tried to act helpless and use that as an advantage over me in hopes that I'd fall for them. But jokes on them because there were no feelings involved on my part ??♀️
I wouldn't say I brush away the stable ones. But I think people who seem a little too put together scare me. Maybe intimidate me. I'm always trying to perfect myself and when I notice someone who's a little too unreal, it makes me go into overdrive in trying to be on the same level as them. I need someone real, and sometimes real is not always stable.
I'm usually shy when it comes to someone I like. Sooo they usually have to pursue me. But it's not like I won't give them a sign to continue. So in a way we're both involved in having a relationship.
So, if I think I like someone and I don't think it has potential? Then I back away and put my feelings to the side, so I guess I friendzone myself. If It may have potential, I'll still fall back. Because I need to think things through.
The reason being that this may seem very harsh is i have always fallen for my best guy friends. If you and I can act like best friends, but for some reason there's a spark? You have me hooked.
So when I start to pull back, it usually starts to affect the friendship. But I NEED that space.
There's no set time. My Leo ex was quite aggressive in the beginning, and I couldn't help but fall for it. Over time I noticed that once i opened up and showed him all the love i have for him, he actually never pulled away. He loved it. He DID pull away though after we had this really large fight... and that's when I felt I had to fight for his love and attention. Or maybe that I was just more of the aggressive one then. Idk.. it was a 75/25 at first then a 50/50 then a 25/75 relationship.
I've never really dated anyone that's been a fixer upper. I need a strong partner. BUT I have known guys who are fixer uppers that like me. And because I love to help, they noticed that about me and tried to act helpless and use that as an advantage over me in hopes that I'd fall for them. But jokes on them because there were no feelings involved on my part ??♀️
I wouldn't say I brush away the stable ones. But I think people who seem a little too put together scare me. Maybe intimidate me. I'm always trying to perfect myself and when I notice someone who's a little too unreal, it makes me go into overdrive in trying to be on the same level as them. I need someone real, and sometimes real is not always stable.
I'm usually shy when it comes to someone I like. Sooo they usually have to pursue me. But it's not like I won't give them a sign to continue. So in a way we're both involved in having a relationship.
Posted by SunsetvirgoThanks for sharing! You detail is very much appreciated.
I feel like there's a lot of technicalities in my answer to these questions.
So, if I think I like someone and I don't think it has potential? Then I back away and put my feelings to the side, so I guess I friendzone myself. If It may have potential, I'll still fall back. Because I need to think things through.
The reason being that this may seem very harsh is i have always fallen for my best guy friends. If you and I can act like best friends, but for some reason there's a spark? You have me hooked.
So when I start to pull back, it usually starts to affect the friendship. But I NEED that space.
There's no set time. My Leo ex was quite aggressive in the beginning, and I couldn't help but fall for it. Over time I noticed that once i opened up and showed him all the love i have for him, he actually never pulled away. He loved it. He DID pull away though after we had this really large fight... and that's when I felt I had to fight for his love and attention. Or maybe that I was just more of the aggressive one then. Idk.. it was a 75/25 at first then a 50/50 then a 25/75 relationship.
I've never really dated anyone that's been a fixer upper. I need a strong partner. BUT I have known guys who are fixer uppers that like me. And because I love to help, they noticed that about me and tried to act helpless and use that as an advantage over me in hopes that I'd fall for them. But jokes on them because there were no feelings involved on my part ??♀️
I wouldn't say I brush away the stable ones. But I think people who seem a little too put together scare me. Maybe intimidate me. I'm always trying to perfect myself and when I notice someone who's a little too unreal, it makes me go into overdrive in trying to be on the same level as them. I need someone real, and sometimes real is not always stable.
I'm usually shy when it comes to someone I like. Sooo they usually have to pursue me. But it's not like I won't give them a sign to continue. So in a way we're both involved in having a relationship.
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?click to expand
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXHm interesting, how does someone (who may or may not know you're interested in them) hold your attention? Do you find their consistency more attractive? Or do you find yourself drawn to a particular mystique? Is it easier for you to observe when they have NO clue you're interested?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.click to expand
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXOh totally, I get that logic. My only question then is, what about the guys who are completely worthwhile and aren't breakable, the ones who don't fit that mold?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXHm interesting, how does someone (who may or may not know you're interested in them) hold your attention? Do you find their consistency more attractive? Or do you find yourself drawn to a particular mystique? Is it easier for you to observe when they have NO clue you're interested?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.
What I've noticed about guys, is that guys, are a lot like wild horses. You have to break them in sometimes.
My "process" of breaking a guy down (who I see potential in) is by being friendly, yet disconnected. Which isn't hard for me because I already am kind of disconnected.
Anyway, this "disconnect" makes guys let their guard down. How? Because they stop doing the things that they normally would in order to impress a female they believe they have a chance with.
When guys realize they don't have a chance with you, that is when they let their true selves show because they're no long putting on that act of trying to impress you in order to date you or get into your pants. Does that make sense?
So yes, it's easier for me to observe when I'm keeping them at a distance.click to expand
So let's say 95% of guys are breakable (or inconsistent) wild horses. They're just putting on a nice face to get closer to you. What about the other 5% of guys who are totally secure in themselves and have no masks? Meaning when you back away, they're still the same solid person. That type of guy generally has options so friendzoning him before he even knows your intentions is almost like shooting yourself in the foot, no?
What happens if you realize the guy is 100% , but now he's friendzoned you and is focused on women he considered to be "more direct"?
Posted by ChuckcemYep!
How do you act when you're figuring out a potential love interest?
Let's say you like someone, or even let's say someone likes you, do you keep them at arms length? Do you automatically friend zone them (or yourself)? How long do you wait to determine your feelings, or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.
I ask because I notice none of my Virgo friends have entered a relationship in a....simple way. There always seems to be drama. The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs. I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones. I'm not sure what that's about. I also noticed that the beginning of Virgo relationships can be very dramatic.
So what has your experience been as you started dating or entering a relationship with someone?
You like someone.
You friend zone them.
You come to dxpnet to ask why do they feel like you friend zone them and they are not responding to sexual advances?
Do they feel like I friend zone them?
And cry and cry and cry...
I friendzone myself and someone when I'm interested.
The reason being is that I believe you can't have something solid long term without being good friends first. So, I'll be patient and put any romance on hold in the hopes that it builds in that direction. But my long term aim is ALWAYS commitment. I observe and relax and try to put the pieces in place by showing loyalty, honesty, trust, communication, etc. Sadly, my problem is that it seems the world operates in complete opposition lol.
The reason being is that I believe you can't have something solid long term without being good friends first. So, I'll be patient and put any romance on hold in the hopes that it builds in that direction. But my long term aim is ALWAYS commitment. I observe and relax and try to put the pieces in place by showing loyalty, honesty, trust, communication, etc. Sadly, my problem is that it seems the world operates in complete opposition lol.
Posted by GemitatiI've found this strategy to be both interesting and baffling. Me personally, as soon as I hear "Frien-" or "Budd-" or "Hom-" I'm already halfway out of the door. I've definitely "friendzoned" women, but never with the intention of getting to know them better. It's always "Meh, I'm not attracted, but you're cool" OR "Well THIS isn't going anywhere, but you're cool, so whatever." Otherwise I just make friendships that have zero romantic undertones.Posted by ChuckcemYep!
How do you act when you're figuring out a potential love interest?
Let's say you like someone, or even let's say someone likes you, do you keep them at arms length? Do you automatically friend zone them (or yourself)? How long do you wait to determine your feelings, or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.
I ask because I notice none of my Virgo friends have entered a relationship in a....simple way. There always seems to be drama. The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs. I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones. I'm not sure what that's about. I also noticed that the beginning of Virgo relationships can be very dramatic.
So what has your experience been as you started dating or entering a relationship with someone?
You like someone.
You friend zone them.
You come to dxpnet to ask why do they feel like you friend zone them and they are not responding to sexual advances?
Do they feel like I friend zone them?
And cry and cry and cry...click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemAnd having this info...where do I go with it?Posted by GemitatiI've found this strategy to be both interesting and baffling. Me personally, as soon as I hear "Frien-" or "Budd-" or "Hom-" I'm already halfway out of the door. I've definitely "friendzoned" women, but never with the intention of getting to know them better. It's always "Meh, I'm not attracted, but you're cool" OR "Well THIS isn't going anywhere, but you're cool, so whatever." Otherwise I just make friendships that have zero romantic undertones.Posted by ChuckcemYep!
How do you act when you're figuring out a potential love interest?
Let's say you like someone, or even let's say someone likes you, do you keep them at arms length? Do you automatically friend zone them (or yourself)? How long do you wait to determine your feelings, or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.
I ask because I notice none of my Virgo friends have entered a relationship in a....simple way. There always seems to be drama. The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs. I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones. I'm not sure what that's about. I also noticed that the beginning of Virgo relationships can be very dramatic.
So what has your experience been as you started dating or entering a relationship with someone?
You like someone.
You friend zone them.
You come to dxpnet to ask why do they feel like you friend zone them and they are not responding to sexual advances?
Do they feel like I friend zone them?
And cry and cry and cry...click to expand
Seriously?
Probably depends on the Virgo.
The good Virgo was fond of saying
Sweetie, I left a millionaire for you!
It was all very dramatic (LEO moon).
The good Virgo was fond of saying
Sweetie, I left a millionaire for you!
It was all very dramatic (LEO moon).
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXRight and that makes sense. The only question is, what if the guy having known you only as a friend, can't get his mind to shift you out of that category? Sounds like from you last response, nothing would happen in that case and you'd keep the friendship.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXOh totally, I get that logic. My only question then is, what about the guys who are completely worthwhile and aren't breakable, the ones who don't fit that mold?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXHm interesting, how does someone (who may or may not know you're interested in them) hold your attention? Do you find their consistency more attractive? Or do you find yourself drawn to a particular mystique? Is it easier for you to observe when they have NO clue you're interested?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.
What I've noticed about guys, is that guys, are a lot like wild horses. You have to break them in sometimes.
My "process" of breaking a guy down (who I see potential in) is by being friendly, yet disconnected. Which isn't hard for me because I already am kind of disconnected.
Anyway, this "disconnect" makes guys let their guard down. How? Because they stop doing the things that they normally would in order to impress a female they believe they have a chance with.
When guys realize they don't have a chance with you, that is when they let their true selves show because they're no long putting on that act of trying to impress you in order to date you or get into your pants. Does that make sense?
So yes, it's easier for me to observe when I'm keeping them at a distance.
So let's say 95% of guys are breakable (or inconsistent) wild horses. They're just putting on a nice face to get closer to you. What about the other 5% of guys who are totally secure in themselves and have no masks? Meaning when you back away their real guy is still the same person. That type of guy generally has options so friendzoning thim before he even know your intentions is almost like shooting yourself in the foot, no?
What happens if you realize the guy is 100% , but now he's friendzoned you and is focused on women he considered to be "more direct"?
If that's who he is then the consistency in his personality will show, whether I keep him at a distance or not. I pick up on that sort of thing also. I understand not all guys are putting on a show, but many are in today's society. So as a woman who actually takes relationships (both romantic and platonic) seriously, you have to make sure you play your cards right when it comes to who you allow in your circle.
I would still be friends with the guy who didn't waiver his personality based on relationship status even if he chose to move on. Friend zoning isn't just for weeding out guys who may have ill intentions, it also gives you the opportunity to see if that chemistry truly is there. I personally believe that the greatest love is one that is based off of friendship first and foremost. Either way, establishing the friendship first is very important to me.
If he sees being my friend as me "not being direct" or playing games, then I would feel no loss if he chose to move on. We could still remain friends without hard feelings. I don't believe in the "friend zone". Either you're my friend or you aren't and vice versa. I'd hope he finds himself a woman that's more his speed.click to expand
Sorry for the 50 questions, I ask this from personal experience. I actually have had to "friendzone" more women than I'd like because of work, life, etc, though there's usually a reason. Over time I get to know them better of course, but once I set that block in my brain it can be hard to remove. I start to realize there are other factors at risk by pursuing someone romantically who is already in my group of friends.
Also whenever a woman has said, "let's be just friends" only to change the script later, I can't help but think that she has NO idea what she wants. As a result she then comes off as inconsistent (or wishy-washy) to me.
I also know that guys will agree to being "just friends" with the hope of getting somewhere further down the line with a woman. In my mind it's not a real friendship, the expectation are simply delayed. This means that the mask never full drops. It can be a simple ploy to create a false sense of security in the woman. Of course this "trick" usually backfires since for a lot of women "just friends" means there's no chance of further advancement past something platonic.
Posted by beautifulsoul74And that's the thing. The world typically doesn't reward those who wish to slow play their romantic hands. I am the first to admit that I take a more methodical approach when I'm interested in someone. I too like to take my time, but I avoid using the term "friend" if I'm romantically interested. I generally try to get time alone with the other person (getting their number, creating a rapport, even hanging out with them one-on-one before asking for an official date). I find that constantly hanging out as just friends can get confusing.
I friendzone myself and someone when I'm interested.
The reason being is that I believe you can't have something solid long term without being good friends first. So, I'll be patient and put any romance on hold in the hopes that it builds in that direction. But my long term aim is ALWAYS commitment. I observe and relax and try to put the pieces in place by showing loyalty, honesty, trust, communication, etc. Sadly, my problem is that it seems the world operates in complete opposition lol.
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2017
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
Don't know if you want a response from a Virgo with her own problems , one you just answered question to lol .
But if I think back to my decent relationships.
When I was truly single and made the effort to date .The one I really wanted, I went straight in . This is rare .
Ex: a handsome guy at a restaurant eating dinner by himself and no ring on his finger. Id walk up and give him my number on a piece of paper and never said anything else. They always contact . I only had the gut to do this with strangers though. I get the confidence to pull it off by pretending I'm in a scene in a movie.
When they do contact I go into analysis mode. This is when the guy get somewhat confuse . They thought my interest was strong from the way I got them to call me but now that they are actually talking to me they are unsure and realize they now have to win me over if there's more than just initial attraction. Since these are strangers we go on a date . If the vibe is off and doesn't change by the end of the date, they'll never hear from me again. If they do contact me ,they'd find out I'm not interested and move on.
Now the other way around with people I meet by chance. Ex: a guy asking for my number and pursuing me.
I give them more chances. Given that the vibe clicks ,1st Chance is for them to tell me about themselves. 2nd chance for them to find out if they like me . 3rd chance is for me to see if they seem like the guy they say they are. 4th chance is to wait and see how they feel . 5th chance is for me to see how I feel .
Notice how my feeling doesn't really involve until way later . That's probably why it's hard to guess what really goes on with a Virgo when they start talking to someone . Once we get our feeling involve then we'll start behaving like typical girls Would getting to know a guy.
Then there's the rare occasion where we feel things from the beginning . When this happen we run on high risk mode. Didn't have proper time to assess because feeling takes over. Then we go on high alert and protection mode kick in putting wall up despite liking them . As a result , we again don't behave like other people in when they start dating . This secnario is usually one we get stuck in . I would also assume depending on the guy this lead to those "not so normal" relationship Virgo get in to that you are experiencing. You like them , they have problems , you deny you like them because you still need to assess. During the process of assessing we start falling for them because, well....the feeling that we denied was already there and it got stronger the more you get to know about them ( good or bad )
None of my my relationship, good or bad have ever started normal . They're all quite hectic. I hated them. I thought they were annoying , etc and then it turned into something more . What I'm saying is , Virgo like to get to know people, The good and the bad . Somehow it will then turn into feelings . Feeling such as liking them or not liking them.
But if I think back to my decent relationships.
When I was truly single and made the effort to date .The one I really wanted, I went straight in . This is rare .
Ex: a handsome guy at a restaurant eating dinner by himself and no ring on his finger. Id walk up and give him my number on a piece of paper and never said anything else. They always contact . I only had the gut to do this with strangers though. I get the confidence to pull it off by pretending I'm in a scene in a movie.
When they do contact I go into analysis mode. This is when the guy get somewhat confuse . They thought my interest was strong from the way I got them to call me but now that they are actually talking to me they are unsure and realize they now have to win me over if there's more than just initial attraction. Since these are strangers we go on a date . If the vibe is off and doesn't change by the end of the date, they'll never hear from me again. If they do contact me ,they'd find out I'm not interested and move on.
Now the other way around with people I meet by chance. Ex: a guy asking for my number and pursuing me.
I give them more chances. Given that the vibe clicks ,1st Chance is for them to tell me about themselves. 2nd chance for them to find out if they like me . 3rd chance is for me to see if they seem like the guy they say they are. 4th chance is to wait and see how they feel . 5th chance is for me to see how I feel .
Notice how my feeling doesn't really involve until way later . That's probably why it's hard to guess what really goes on with a Virgo when they start talking to someone . Once we get our feeling involve then we'll start behaving like typical girls Would getting to know a guy.
Then there's the rare occasion where we feel things from the beginning . When this happen we run on high risk mode. Didn't have proper time to assess because feeling takes over. Then we go on high alert and protection mode kick in putting wall up despite liking them . As a result , we again don't behave like other people in when they start dating . This secnario is usually one we get stuck in . I would also assume depending on the guy this lead to those "not so normal" relationship Virgo get in to that you are experiencing. You like them , they have problems , you deny you like them because you still need to assess. During the process of assessing we start falling for them because, well....the feeling that we denied was already there and it got stronger the more you get to know about them ( good or bad )
None of my my relationship, good or bad have ever started normal . They're all quite hectic. I hated them. I thought they were annoying , etc and then it turned into something more . What I'm saying is , Virgo like to get to know people, The good and the bad . Somehow it will then turn into feelings . Feeling such as liking them or not liking them.
Posted by ChuckcemTrue, but all of my relationships have always started as friends first. I've called them friends and they've done the same.Posted by beautifulsoul74And that's the thing. The world typically doesn't reward those who wish to slow play their romantic hands. I am the first to admit that I take a more methodical approach when I'm interested in someone. I too like to take my time, but I avoid using the term "friend" if I'm romantically interested. I generally try to get time alone with the other person (getting their number, creating a rapport, even hanging out with them one-on-one before asking for an official date). I find that constantly hanging out as just friends can get confusing.
I friendzone myself and someone when I'm interested.
The reason being is that I believe you can't have something solid long term without being good friends first. So, I'll be patient and put any romance on hold in the hopes that it builds in that direction. But my long term aim is ALWAYS commitment. I observe and relax and try to put the pieces in place by showing loyalty, honesty, trust, communication, etc. Sadly, my problem is that it seems the world operates in complete opposition lol.click to expand
The truth is, in the end it's not going to make a difference whether you call someone a friend or not. If it's meant to be, the universe will bring about the necessary events to cause that to happen. I've seen this with all the long term couples I know. It's like they were friends(romantic feelings known or not) for this in determinant period of time and then boom...it just happened.
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2017
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
A simple summary is we take too long to get to know someone . And the fixer upper thing is usually from taking too long to get to know someone , finding out their issues, good and bad we all have them . As a Virgo we want to dig into other people life ...when we find someone we're interested in, what's a better way than the beginning phase of dating process to break someone down to their bare soul . That's a long process, getting to know someone . By the time we come to find out they are broken or not interested in a relationship, we find ourself already attached and emotionally invested in their dreams, hope , flaws . etc. the other person also find themself attached and emotionally invested because they shared too much with us .
Then 2 people who wouldn't have liked each other now form a connection and try to make a relationship work . Some does , some don't
Then 2 people who wouldn't have liked each other now form a connection and try to make a relationship work . Some does , some don't
Posted by coldwateryvirgoThank you for your post. I feel that everyone has something to contribute. All people have their own wisdom to share and knowledge gaps to fill. I'm sure there's plenty I could learn from you that I don't know myself.
Don't know if you want a response from a Virgo with her own problems , one you just answered question to lol .
But if I think back to my decent relationships.
When I was truly single and made the effort to date .The one I really wanted, I went straight in . This is rare .
Ex: a handsome guy at a restaurant eating dinner by himself and no ring on his finger. Id walk up and give him my number on a piece of paper and never said anything else. They always contact . I only had the gut to do this with strangers though. I get the confidence to pull it off by pretending I'm in a scene in a movie.
When they do contact I go into analysis mode. This is when the guy get somewhat confuse . They thought my interest was strong from the way I got them to call me but now that they are actually talking to me they are unsure and realize they now have to win me over if there's more than just initial attraction. Since these are strangers we go on a date . If the vibe is off and doesn't change by the end of the date, they'll never hear from me again. If they do contact me ,they'd find out I'm not interested and move on.
Now the other way around with people I meet by chance. Ex: a guy asking for my number and pursuing me.
I give them more chances. Given that the vibe clicks ,1st Chance is for them to tell me about themselves. 2nd chance for them to find out if they like me . 3rd chance is for me to see if they seem like the guy they say they are. 4th chance is to wait and see how they feel . 5th chance is for me to see how I feel .
Notice how my feeling doesn't really involve until way later . That's probably why it's hard to guess what really goes on with a Virgo when they start talking to someone . Once we get our feeling involve then we'll start behaving like typical girls Would getting to know a guy.
Then there's the rare occasion where we feel things from the beginning . When this happen we run on high risk mode. Didn't have proper time to assess because feeling takes over. Then we go on high alert and protection mode kick in putting wall up despite liking them . As a result , we again don't behave like other people in when they start dating . This secnario is usually one we get stuck in . I would also assume depending on the guy this lead to those "not so normal" relationship Virgo get in to that you are experiencing. You like them , they have problems , you deny you like them because you still need to assess. During the process of assessing we start falling for them because, well....the feeling that we denied was already there and it got stronger the more you get to know about them ( good or bad )
None of my my relationship, good or bad have ever started normal . They're all quite hectic. I hated them. I thought they were annoying , etc and then it turned into something more . What I'm saying is , Virgo like to get to know people, The good and the bad . Somehow it will then turn into feelings . Feeling such as liking them or not liking them.
For me the workings of a Virgo is fascinating, partly because of my friends and partly because I have a Virgo Moon. I'll admit though that even with my Virgo energy, I'm very much a Leo. So I find the Virgo approach very confusing. The Leo in me thinks, "If I want it I should go get it!" while the Virgo thinks, "But let me wait and see, I'm not completely sure yet." Usually the Leo side wins, but it's still tempered by the Virgo side.
I've also been interested in Virgos in the past and was COMPLETELY unaware of how to approach them. Even recently I wasn't sure what signals I was getting from a Virgo woman, so I just....stopped and figured that giving her space may be the best solution. She would say "friends" so I'd back off. Then she's text me in the middle of the night or the next day thanking me for a good time....and I'd just stare at my phone confused. Anyhoo, thanks for the input.
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2017
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
Comments: 132 · Posts: 837 · Topics: 85
virgo usually go from friend --> relationship
I still wouldn't read between the line though. If she say friends and said thank you, assume she was thanking you as a friend. There really is no solid answer but if you want to stay on the same plane as her and not get hurt , trust her words when she tells you what she feels. Virgo are usually straight forward communicator .
if she said friend but she obviously stay flirting then I would go with her action. If you feel she's unsure make her sure about you. Talk to her but go with her flow, give back what she gives you. When someone tell me they like me , it makes me happy to know how they feel in advance. If you only reciprocate her pace and she realize she wants more she'll start giving you more attention in hope that you'll reciprocate that too. We're pretty routine and stick to patterns.
I still wouldn't read between the line though. If she say friends and said thank you, assume she was thanking you as a friend. There really is no solid answer but if you want to stay on the same plane as her and not get hurt , trust her words when she tells you what she feels. Virgo are usually straight forward communicator .
if she said friend but she obviously stay flirting then I would go with her action. If you feel she's unsure make her sure about you. Talk to her but go with her flow, give back what she gives you. When someone tell me they like me , it makes me happy to know how they feel in advance. If you only reciprocate her pace and she realize she wants more she'll start giving you more attention in hope that you'll reciprocate that too. We're pretty routine and stick to patterns.
Virgos have that save-a-hoe complex.
Ask them everything about themselves in a subtle way. Ask the same questions different ways, at different times to see if everything adds up. Lots of mental tests.
Posted by magmaInteresting...maybe I'll ask her to hang out again. She seems completely fine hanging with me one on one.
Chuckcem:
"For me the workings of a Virgo is fascinating, partly because of my friends and partly because I have a Virgo Moon. I'll admit though that even with my Virgo energy, I'm very much a Leo. So I find the Virgo approach very confusing. The Leo in me thinks, "If I want it I should go get it!" while the Virgo thinks, "But let me wait and see, I'm not completely sure yet." Usually the Leo side wins, but it's still tempered by the Virgo side.
I've also been interested in Virgos in the past and was COMPLETELY unaware of how to approach them. Even recently I wasn't sure what signals I was getting from a Virgo woman, so I just....stopped and figured that giving her space may be the best solution. She would say "friends" so I'd back off. Then she's text me in the middle of the night or the next day thanking me for a good time....and I'd just stare at my phone confused."
I think the best indicator of interest in any relationship, with Virgo especially, comes down to the level of response, and especially reciprocation, that you're getting. Kind of a no brainer really, but it doesn't seem to solve the problems that people have with them.
Glen Campbell did a song "Gentle On My Mind" in the 60's. It's a bit corny by today's standards, and although good, the lyrics aren't incredibly textbook, but the title is. When I read about Virgo issues, that title often comes to mind. It's the missing link. This is what my wife has always been, for lack of better words, gentle on my mind.
If a Virgo is good with the speed and direction of the relationship, they will almost certainly, at the very least, be responsive. Once trust starts to develop, so does their reciprocation. With fire moon and rising, I can understand that the only time some air signs are only going 80 mph is when they're pulling into their driveways. But when some Virgos see that, their first thought will probably be, "Mental note to self: never ever ride with that toilet head." (Although once they're really into you, they probably will and laugh about it.) Over stimulation in the early days doesn't work so well.
So if it's not progressing in the early days, I'd recommend that one throttle back to gentle on their minds speed.
In your case, you may well be doing better than you think.
Posted by LadyNeptuneOddly enough I may have been that hoe....not really, but she did "save" me when she didn't need to get involved. As a Leo, that type of bravery/loyalty is hard for me not to notice. Not going to lie, it turned me on too. I'm usually the one pulling people out of fires, it very rarely happens to me though....and that was a big fire.
Virgos have that save-a-hoe complex.
Posted by heliumfiascoI noticed that...This particular Virgo asked me similar questions in a few different ways. Luckily I'm a consistent person so I just answered the questions flat out and thought it was odd I had to repeat myself. I didn't really think about it much though.
Ask them everything about themselves in a subtle way. Ask the same questions different ways, at different times to see if everything adds up. Lots of mental tests.
Posted by SomeSortOfMermaidPosted by VirgoreanFeels the sting lol
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs? Mine have always been drama-free and effortless.
I don't think it's always necessarily just the water sign's fault though lol (although we can defo play our part).
Me being an aries moon/mercury/venus, the first time I saw my fiance I knew he was the one. I'm very decisive in that sense and don't mess about.
Although he says the same, he did do the push pull thing in the beginning. Because Libra Venus and indecisiveness. It didn't deter me though.click to expand
I guess there was some unintentional shade haha. I just associate water with emotions lol. But yes, I don't blame it solely on water signs which is why I asked if OP's Virgos have water in their charts.
And I actually like water signs because when I want to be heard they are the ones who tend to listen and empathize. A few of my closest friends are Pisces
Posted by ChuckcemYou're not alone. I don't know half of mine. Interestingly enough, I low key pried that info. from my Cap friend since we were talking about cities so why not use that as a perfect time to extract info.?Posted by VirgoreanGood question, I'm not sure what their charts are even though I've known them for a decade or close to it.
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs? Mine have always been drama-free and effortless.
Initially, I can be pretty oblivious to someone who is interested unless I’m outright told or I begin to take notice. Once I confirm I will friend you, become pleasant, get to know you, observe you. I’ll know right away if I like you or not. If I’m interested I will jump right into the dating phase. I’m not a casual dater and I’ve never found online dating appealing so chances are if you’ve reached this far then entering into a relationship is highly likely. However, I will start to pull back a bit to reassess my feelings if how I truly feel is merely puppy love or if I can determine potential long term. We have to be riding the same wavelength for it to progress.
Finding it tough to leave broken people has been true for my case. I apply it to family members as well. Any long term relationship is a commitment and I’m determined to make it work. If the relationship doesn’t work then I feel like I’ve failed him/her and myself. Virgos have a tough time acknowledging failure so we justify we need to fix X, Y, and Z and then we can return to our perfect bubble. When realistically, the person and the relationship was toxic.click to expand
. I only know as far as the country they are born, I didn't think the city mattered haha.
Posted by magmaNah, I think you are twice my age and I can't relate either.
I wouldn't have guessed "that the beginning of Virgo relationships can be very dramatic", or that "the Virgo finally succumbs" would be the new norm. But the way things are now, as evidenced in DXP postings, nothing surprises me.
Posted by ChuckcemFirst off, I should say I figure out a potential love interest the way I figure out everyone. When I meet someone, the same criteria applies. I don’t think in terms of friendship or love or acquaintanceship. Leaving aside spark and desire, my mental process follows the same direction. I let people unfold as they are, I’m not big on questioning as I am on seeing if we can share stories. What I want to see is openness to..not even me, more so to humanity. Someone with an approach on life where they have the same eagerness I have in engaging in this life. I can’t do blasé or bitter or jaded at all. Back when I was in high school and we’d do mountain trips, there was a saying “No one is a stranger on the mountain”. You’d come across groups of people and even if we were going opposite directions we’d stop for a chat or to camp. In terms of what I’m gauging, character is big. People will put their best foot forward and I just want to see the other foot too. That means I am looking at how they treat and have treated others. There’s always another foot and for me to gauge a person in their entirety, it’s important I see it. It makes you real and authentic to me. My assessment usually comes down to a mental picture of what this person’s landscape (life) is like. What inhabits it, what are their dreams, what are zones of comfort, what are fears. To proceed I have to have that spark and that mental image congruent to my own reality. The latter is tricky because, same as kaleidoscopes where the image changes on the smallest movement, so does that landscape. I feel myself drawn or I don’t.
How do you act when you're figuring out a potential love interest?
Posted by ChuckcemIf by “at arms length” you mean cautious, then no. I am not cautious at all nor do I take some hot and cold approach. If I like you, you will see it in how much time I am spending with you. Time is the one commodity we are not getting back and it puzzles me how people come on these boards saying a Virgo just happens to be around them all the time and always up for conversation and they just don’t get it. Do you have any idea how many other things we’d rather be doing as mutables? How easy we get distracted? If we focus on you…idk man, writing on the wall and all that.
Let's say you like someone, or even let's say someone likes you, do you keep them at arms length?
The only time I keep someone at arms length is when they like me and I don’t OR I have not yet determined I like them in that way yet. It’s like I’m here having a casual walk with someone when they start sprinting. It’s a change of pace and I have to think and feel my way through it. In that case, things get toned down but I don’t vanish. However if at any point you come across entitled or you throw a temper tantrum at how out interaction goes or you become volatile, then the whole idea of “What dreams might be” gets discarded and the most I can offer you is friendship. It’s not the pushiness that turns me off, it’s pretty much letting me know that our interaction doesn’t mean much to you in the way it flows and you just have to have your way now. It’s not thoughtful and that’s a quality I look for.
Posted by ChuckcemI don’t believe in friend zones. It could be argued that I friend zone myself though because my attitude IS friendly and when I am trying to get to know you, I bank on comfort and understanding as opposed to that tension that makes relationships take off instantly. That makes me confusing I guess because I feel like a friend, can’t blame people for seeing it like that.
Do you automatically friend zone them (or yourself)?
Posted by ChuckcemThe moment I feel it, you will know. Might even catch it before I say it since I have next to zero poker face. But I will state it. If I’m at that point, nothing on my end holds me back. However if me declaring those feelings would somehow interfere with your life at that point, I won’t say it. It’s about what’s going on with the other person.
How long do you wait to determine your feelingsclick to expand
There is a bold quality to Virgo love when you are really IT for us, Linda Goodman had it right for men and women in this sign:
http://www.cyberspacei.com/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/virgo.htm
Men:
“The one quality of fairy tale romance about Virgo is that, if he's genuinely in love, he will wait for years to claim his true mate, or travel over a thousand mountains to bring her home to his hearth. He's capable of enormous sacrifice in the pursuit of that one dainty foot he's discovered will fit the glass slipper. There's no denying that the flame is strong, once it's been kindled. It's almost impossible to extinguish it. You'll be as eternally adored as Cinderella herself. The trick, I suppose, is in the •original kindling. It's a rare foot that fits his glass slipper. Virgo is enormously particular.”
Women:
"A Virgo woman can leave her husband for a man she met beside some faraway ocean, bear her lover's child before the benefit of marriage, and face a hostile world with her head held high. That's not very maidenly or virginal. There's a lot to leam about this tender, fragile little symbol of spotless womanhood. For one thing, her spine is made of stainless steel.She has all the necessary wiles and weapons, including a determination to pursue happiness wherever the path happens to lead her. A few prickly thorns along the way won't cause her either to faint or cry weakly for help.When you hear of a Virgo woman who has outraged the laws of society, be sure you read between the lines. She is basically pure-minded-true. But so is love. Real love. And Virgo is not interested in any other kind. She'll climb the tallest mountains and storm the raging seas in galoshes and a pea jacket, once the spirit of Mercury has been exalted, which can considerably dim that wispy, chiffon image. Remember, too, that Virgo's true ruler, the distant Vulcan, is the god of thunder. A Virgo woman who recog¬nizes her marriage as imperfect and finds a-love without a flaw (or thinks she has, which is the same thing), won't hesitate to cut former ties. When she uses the knife, she'll be as cool and precise as a surgeon. Much as she hates to break the family circle, the Virgo hates hypocrisy more."
Posted by ChuckcemNo, that doesn’t fuel the spark at all. It actually diminishes it because I see it either as “Well their interest waned, it’s within their right” in which case my attitude is “Good riddance” or “This is a play for attention” in which case I just won’t entertain it.
or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.
Posted by ChuckcemNot in any relationship I had, upon entering or exiting. What happened in between was…I mean not even fights got out of hand in that break-up make-up kind of way or scenes.
There always seems to be drama.
When it comes to Virgos and how a friend perceives our relationships, I’ll have to point out that no matter how good a friend you are, you won’t comprehend the dynamics well past a certain point. That’s because Virgos operate in systems therefore there are things only partners will be privy to. Sure, all signs will reserve their core self for their significant other but what I am driving at is even if my friends know my core self, the dynamic falls in another system entirely. I don’t hold back or keep it hidden but the rhyme and reason to it will make sense to me alone. Also refer to what I quoted before about Virgo men and women...that might look like drama to an outsider or even be drama but in that case, lol @ anyone and whatever they think about it. 100% focus.
Posted by ChuckcemYes and no. Determination will seal the deal if you know what your goal is. You can win over a Virgo not by making the Virgo your goal, but selling them on a dream you want to make reality between the two of you. You don’t aim at getting the Virgo, you aim to sell them on how well your landscapes work together. However if along the way they don’t budge towards you not even one bit…then I’d warn you to stop that pursuit because at its best you will have someone who just goes along with the motions but are not really into it and at your worst, you can stumble upon cunning Virgos and it won’t go well for you in the balance of power. Look for reciprocation always.
The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs.
Posted by ChuckcemThat makes perfect sense. The approach is different depending on the person. It’s easy to do it with someone stable because they get it’s the end, not so easy with someone who is broken. With everyone in any kind of human interaction, I won’t leave them more broken than I found them. Because there was an “us” I have a responsibility towards “you”. It’s what the fox in the Little Prince described as “taming”. Not how we use the word in general, how it applies to that part of the book.
I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones.click to expand
http://www.wowzone.com/fox.htm
The exception here is when I can tell it's a ploy because Virgos get easily guilt-tripped. The moment I feel you are faking it out of self-absorbed interest, I cut you off. That's not only an insult on my intelligence but on life itself to me. You don't "play" at struggling in life to get the upperhand.
I hope I helped with some clarity here. If not, feel free to ask more
Posted by Virgorean
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs?
I kid.
It's weekly.
Posted by magmaLMAO, we realy are the same Sun/Moon combo. I referenced that song so many times in my life...
Glen Campbell did a song "Gentle On My Mind" in the 60's.
"It's knowin' that your door is always open
And your path is free to walk..."
Yes!
Posted by ChuckcemI do not refer to a man as a ‘friend’ if I have an interest in him. If I use that term in anyway then he is indeed a friend and sometimes I will have to reiterate it because it has been misunderstood a couple of times. Now I may go out with him, call him, flirt with him, text him, but I do not automatically assume we are dating and I do assume he is seeing other people. I prefer the direct approach when it comes to dating and based on how reserved I act I understand a man’s mentality thinking it may be too forward. However, I don’t like the guesswork, it’s a turn off. Rather I ask ‘what are your intentions on getting to know me?’ At this point, the man needs to be honest. If he tells me he doesn’t know then that is my queue it will be a time waster. If he tells me that he doesn’t jump into relationships right away and likes to form a friendship then I am more likely to follow him down this path. At some point I will decide if I want to continue or move elsewhere. Regardless of my choice, I bear the responsibility of its outcome.Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXRight and that makes sense. The only question is, what if the guy having known you only as a friend, can't get his mind to shift you out of that category? Sounds like from you last response, nothing would happen in that case and you'd keep the friendship.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXOh totally, I get that logic. My only question then is, what about the guys who are completely worthwhile and aren't breakable, the ones who don't fit that mold?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXHm interesting, how does someone (who may or may not know you're interested in them) hold your attention? Do you find their consistency more attractive? Or do you find yourself drawn to a particular mystique? Is it easier for you to observe when they have NO clue you're interested?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.
What I've noticed about guys, is that guys, are a lot like wild horses. You have to break them in sometimes.
My "process" of breaking a guy down (who I see potential in) is by being friendly, yet disconnected. Which isn't hard for me because I already am kind of disconnected.
Anyway, this "disconnect" makes guys let their guard down. How? Because they stop doing the things that they normally would in order to impress a female they believe they have a chance with.
When guys realize they don't have a chance with you, that is when they let their true selves show because they're no long putting on that act of trying to impress you in order to date you or get into your pants. Does that make sense?
So yes, it's easier for me to observe when I'm keeping them at a distance.
So let's say 95% of guys are breakable (or inconsistent) wild horses. They're just putting on a nice face to get closer to you. What about the other 5% of guys who are totally secure in themselves and have no masks? Meaning when you back away their real guy is still the same person. That type of guy generally has options so friendzoning thim before he even know your intentions is almost like shooting yourself in the foot, no?
What happens if you realize the guy is 100% , but now he's friendzoned you and is focused on women he considered to be "more direct"?
If that's who he is then the consistency in his personality will show, whether I keep him at a distance or not. I pick up on that sort of thing also. I understand not all guys are putting on a show, but many are in today's society. So as a woman who actually takes relationships (both romantic and platonic) seriously, you have to make sure you play your cards right when it comes to who you allow in your circle.
I would still be friends with the guy who didn't waiver his personality based on relationship status even if he chose to move on. Friend zoning isn't just for weeding out guys who may have ill intentions, it also gives you the opportunity to see if that chemistry truly is there. I personally believe that the greatest love is one that is based off of friendship first and foremost. Either way, establishing the friendship first is very important to me.
If he sees being my friend as me "not being direct" or playing games, then I would feel no loss if he chose to move on. We could still remain friends without hard feelings. I don't believe in the "friend zone". Either you're my friend or you aren't and vice versa. I'd hope he finds himself a woman that's more his speed.
Sorry for the 50 questions, I ask this from personal experience. I actually have had to "friendzone" more women than I'd like because of work, life, etc, though there's usually a reason. Over time I get to know them better of course, but once I set that block in my brain it can be hard to remove. I start to realize there are other factors at risk by pursuing someone romantically who is already in my group of friends.
Also whenever a woman has said, "let's be just friends" only to change the script later, I can't help but think that she has NO idea what she wants. As a result she then comes off as inconsistent (or wishy-washy) to me.
I also know that guys will agree to being "just friends" with the hope of getting somewhere further down the line with a woman. In my mind it's not a real friendship, the expectation are simply delayed. This means that the mask never full drops. It can be a simple ploy to create a false sense of security in the woman. Of course this "trick" usually backfires since for a lot of women "just friends" means there's no chance of further advancement past something platonic.
Posted by magma
Chuckcem:
I think the best indicator of interest in any relationship, with Virgo especially, comes down to the level of response, and especially reciprocation, that you're getting. Kind of a no brainer really, but it doesn't seem to solve the problems that people have with them.
If a Virgo is good with the speed and direction of the relationship, they will almost certainly, at the very least, be responsive. Once trust starts to develop, so does their reciprocation. With fire moon and rising, I can understand that the only time some (edit: fire) signs are only going 80 mph is when they're pulling into their driveways. But when some Virgos see that, their first thought will probably be, "Mental note to self: never ever ride with that toilet head." (Although once they're really into you, they probably will and laugh about it.) Over stimulation in the early days doesn't work so well.
So if it's not progressing in the early days, I'd recommend that one throttle back to gentle on their minds speed.
In your case, you may well be doing better than you think.
click to expand
+1. When consistency is present, that is your key to move in for the kill
. This is how confusion derives when people put too much thought into labels. Just let the relationship unfold.
Posted by magma*Gets complimented by a Virgo*Posted by DamnataI had to grin at this because I was beginning to think the generation gap made anything I could say irrelevant. I just read your stuff, you can speak for me about Virgo any time.Posted by magmaLMAO, we realy are the same Sun/Moon combo. I referenced that song so many times in my life...
Glen Campbell did a song "Gentle On My Mind" in the 60's.
"It's knowin' that your door is always open
And your path is free to walk..."
Yes!click to expand
Posted by DamnataPosted by ChuckcemFirst off, I should say I figure out a potential love interest the way I figure out everyone. When I meet someone, the same criteria applies. I don’t think in terms of friendship or love or acquaintanceship. Leaving aside spark and desire, my mental process follows the same direction. I let people unfold as they are, I’m not big on questioning as I am on seeing if we can share stories. What I want to see is openness to..not even me, more so to humanity. Someone with an approach on life where they have the same eagerness I have in engaging in this life. I can’t do blasé or bitter or jaded at all. Back when I was in high school and we’d do mountain trips, there was a saying “No one is a stranger on the mountain”. You’d come across groups of people and even if we were going opposite directions we’d stop for a chat or to camp. In terms of what I’m gauging, character is big. People will put their best foot forward and I just want to see the other foot too. That means I am looking at how they treat and have treated others. There’s always another foot and for me to gauge a person in their entirety, it’s important I see it. It makes you real and authentic to me. My assessment usually comes down to a mental picture of what this person’s landscape (life) is like. What inhabits it, what are their dreams, what are zones of comfort, what are fears. To proceed I have to have that spark and that mental image congruent to my own reality. The latter is tricky because, same as kaleidoscopes where the image changes on the smallest movement, so does that landscape. I feel myself drawn or I don’t.
How do you act when you're figuring out a potential love interest?
I can literally hear my Cap speaking this word for word as I read this. Spoken like a true ENFPPosted by ChuckcemThe moment I feel it, you will know. Might even catch it before I say it since I have next to zero poker face. But I will state it. If I’m at that point, nothing on my end holds me back. However if me declaring those feelings would somehow interfere with your life at that point, I won’t say it. It’s about what’s going on with the other person.
How long do you wait to determine your feelings
I could argue it’s your aries moon, but I find it interesting how I am more introverted, and will also declare my interest. I don’t wait for the ‘he has to say it first’ nonsense. If I feel it, I will say it. Simple and to the point.click to expand
Posted by DamnataPosted by Virgorean
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs?
I kid.
It's weekly.click to expand
LOL
Posted by VirgoreanMan oh man you and magma are really putting a smile on my face. Had one of those days where I could feel inspired enough to not postpone lol.
Spoken like a true ENFP
Thank you!
Posted by magmaCuz Sag rising tried to but hit the floor instead.Posted by DamnataLol, um, that was the Aries moon. What the Virgo wants to know is with the bed only 3-4 feet away, why didn't you stumble over to it first?Posted by magma*Gets complimented by a Virgo*Posted by DamnataI had to grin at this because I was beginning to think the generation gap made anything I could say irrelevant. I just read your stuff, you can speak for me about Virgo any time.Posted by magmaLMAO, we realy are the same Sun/Moon combo. I referenced that song so many times in my life...
Glen Campbell did a song "Gentle On My Mind" in the 60's.
"It's knowin' that your door is always open
And your path is free to walk..."
Yes!click to expand
LMAO
*true story....
Posted by DamnataA happy Virgo makes a spotless household!Posted by VirgoreanMan oh man you and magma are really putting a smile on my face. Had one of those days where I could feel inspired enough to not postpone lol.
Spoken like a true ENFP
Thank you!click to expand
Posted by VirgoreanNo, Cap Moon. I see what you're trying to pull here.Posted by DamnataA happy Virgo makes a spotless household!Posted by VirgoreanMan oh man you and magma are really putting a smile on my face. Had one of those days where I could feel inspired enough to not postpone lol.
Spoken like a true ENFP
Thank you!click to expand
It was YOUR turn to do the dishes.
Seeing through my manipulation...need a better poker face.
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXCan you please elaborate more the part with: "It's better to just let things unfold naturally". I'm trying to understand this part better. Can you give examples?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.click to expand
I always had a problem with this concept of letting thing unfold naturally because hardly any thing is natural between two human beings at least as there it isn't some sort of willpower and action and input and decisions and intent most of all. And intent is not natural
Intent is a definite conscious action in trying to reach a certain ending goal of sorts. So in my mind it's planned course of action in a way... Can you please give us personal examples of things unfolding naturally? So I can understand what you're trying to say better?
Posted by VirgoreanYeah I'm pretty sure I could get that information pretty quick. I'm close to all of them.Posted by ChuckcemYou're not alone. I don't know half of mine. Interestingly enough, I low key pried that info. from my Cap friend since we were talking about cities so why not use that as a perfect time to extract info.?Posted by VirgoreanGood question, I'm not sure what their charts are even though I've known them for a decade or close to it.
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs? Mine have always been drama-free and effortless.
Initially, I can be pretty oblivious to someone who is interested unless I’m outright told or I begin to take notice. Once I confirm I will friend you, become pleasant, get to know you, observe you. I’ll know right away if I like you or not. If I’m interested I will jump right into the dating phase. I’m not a casual dater and I’ve never found online dating appealing so chances are if you’ve reached this far then entering into a relationship is highly likely. However, I will start to pull back a bit to reassess my feelings if how I truly feel is merely puppy love or if I can determine potential long term. We have to be riding the same wavelength for it to progress.
Finding it tough to leave broken people has been true for my case. I apply it to family members as well. Any long term relationship is a commitment and I’m determined to make it work. If the relationship doesn’t work then I feel like I’ve failed him/her and myself. Virgos have a tough time acknowledging failure so we justify we need to fix X, Y, and Z and then we can return to our perfect bubble. When realistically, the person and the relationship was toxic.click to expand
Posted by DamnataNice, thanks for the explanation! I appreciate the time you've spent on this.Posted by ChuckcemNo, that doesn’t fuel the spark at all. It actually diminishes it because I see it either as “Well their interest waned, it’s within their right” in which case my attitude is “Good riddance” or “This is a play for attention” in which case I just won’t entertain it.
or do you find that you feel a spark when the person (who's been giving you their attention) suddenly backs away.Posted by ChuckcemNot in any relationship I had, upon entering or exiting. What happened in between was…I mean not even fights got out of hand in that break-up make-up kind of way or scenes.
There always seems to be drama.
When it comes to Virgos and how a friend perceives our relationships, I’ll have to point out that no matter how good a friend you are, you won’t comprehend the dynamics well past a certain point. That’s because Virgos operate in systems therefore there are things only partners will be privy to. Sure, all signs will reserve their core self for their significant other but what I am driving at is even if my friends know my core self, the dynamic falls in another system entirely. I don’t hold back or keep it hidden but the rhyme and reason to it will make sense to me alone. Also refer to what I quoted before about Virgo men and women...that might look like drama to an outsider or even be drama but in that case, lol @ anyone and whatever they think about it. 100% focus.Posted by ChuckcemYes and no. Determination will seal the deal if you know what your goal is. You can win over a Virgo not by making the Virgo your goal, but selling them on a dream you want to make reality between the two of you. You don’t aim at getting the Virgo, you aim to sell them on how well your landscapes work together. However if along the way they don’t budge towards you not even one bit…then I’d warn you to stop that pursuit because at its best you will have someone who just goes along with the motions but are not really into it and at your worst, you can stumble upon cunning Virgos and it won’t go well for you in the balance of power. Look for reciprocation always.
The more determined person always pushes for the Virgo's attention until the Virgo finally succumbs.Posted by ChuckcemThat makes perfect sense. The approach is different depending on the person. It’s easy to do it with someone stable because they get it’s the end, not so easy with someone who is broken. With everyone in any kind of human interaction, I won’t leave them more broken than I found them. Because there was an “us” I have a responsibility towards “you”. It’s what the fox in the Little Prince described as “taming”. Not how we use the word in general, how it applies to that part of the book.
I also noticed that my Virgo friends have a hard time leaving broken people but have NO problem brushing aside the stable ones.
http://www.wowzone.com/fox.htm
The exception here is when I can tell it's a ploy because Virgos get easily guilt-tripped. The moment I feel you are faking it out of self-absorbed interest, I cut you off. That's not only an insult on my intelligence but on life itself to me. You don't "play" at struggling in life to get the upperhand.
I hope I helped with some clarity here. If not, feel free to ask moreclick to expand
Posted by VirgoreanSo basically unless you have interest in the beginning, you tend to let things unfold over time. Yeah usually the word "friend" stops me in my tracks, so I'd be confused if someone started calling and flirting with me after saying that.Posted by ChuckcemI do not refer to a man as a ‘friend’ if I have an interest in him. If I use that term in anyway then he is indeed a friend and sometimes I will have to reiterate it because it has been misunderstood a couple of times. Now I may go out with him, call him, flirt with him, text him, but I do not automatically assume we are dating and I do assume he is seeing other people. I prefer the direct approach when it comes to dating and based on how reserved I act I understand a man’s mentality thinking it may be too forward. However, I don’t like the guesswork, it’s a turn off. Rather I ask ‘what are your intentions on getting to know me?’ At this point, the man needs to be honest. If he tells me he doesn’t know then that is my queue it will be a time waster. If he tells me that he doesn’t jump into relationships right away and likes to form a friendship then I am more likely to follow him down this path. At some point I will decide if I want to continue or move elsewhere. Regardless of my choice, I bear the responsibility of its outcome.Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXRight and that makes sense. The only question is, what if the guy having known you only as a friend, can't get his mind to shift you out of that category? Sounds like from you last response, nothing would happen in that case and you'd keep the friendship.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXOh totally, I get that logic. My only question then is, what about the guys who are completely worthwhile and aren't breakable, the ones who don't fit that mold?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXHm interesting, how does someone (who may or may not know you're interested in them) hold your attention? Do you find their consistency more attractive? Or do you find yourself drawn to a particular mystique? Is it easier for you to observe when they have NO clue you're interested?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.
What I've noticed about guys, is that guys, are a lot like wild horses. You have to break them in sometimes.
My "process" of breaking a guy down (who I see potential in) is by being friendly, yet disconnected. Which isn't hard for me because I already am kind of disconnected.
Anyway, this "disconnect" makes guys let their guard down. How? Because they stop doing the things that they normally would in order to impress a female they believe they have a chance with.
When guys realize they don't have a chance with you, that is when they let their true selves show because they're no long putting on that act of trying to impress you in order to date you or get into your pants. Does that make sense?
So yes, it's easier for me to observe when I'm keeping them at a distance.
So let's say 95% of guys are breakable (or inconsistent) wild horses. They're just putting on a nice face to get closer to you. What about the other 5% of guys who are totally secure in themselves and have no masks? Meaning when you back away their real guy is still the same person. That type of guy generally has options so friendzoning thim before he even know your intentions is almost like shooting yourself in the foot, no?
What happens if you realize the guy is 100% , but now he's friendzoned you and is focused on women he considered to be "more direct"?
If that's who he is then the consistency in his personality will show, whether I keep him at a distance or not. I pick up on that sort of thing also. I understand not all guys are putting on a show, but many are in today's society. So as a woman who actually takes relationships (both romantic and platonic) seriously, you have to make sure you play your cards right when it comes to who you allow in your circle.
I would still be friends with the guy who didn't waiver his personality based on relationship status even if he chose to move on. Friend zoning isn't just for weeding out guys who may have ill intentions, it also gives you the opportunity to see if that chemistry truly is there. I personally believe that the greatest love is one that is based off of friendship first and foremost. Either way, establishing the friendship first is very important to me.
If he sees being my friend as me "not being direct" or playing games, then I would feel no loss if he chose to move on. We could still remain friends without hard feelings. I don't believe in the "friend zone". Either you're my friend or you aren't and vice versa. I'd hope he finds himself a woman that's more his speed.
Sorry for the 50 questions, I ask this from personal experience. I actually have had to "friendzone" more women than I'd like because of work, life, etc, though there's usually a reason. Over time I get to know them better of course, but once I set that block in my brain it can be hard to remove. I start to realize there are other factors at risk by pursuing someone romantically who is already in my group of friends.
Also whenever a woman has said, "let's be just friends" only to change the script later, I can't help but think that she has NO idea what she wants. As a result she then comes off as inconsistent (or wishy-washy) to me.
I also know that guys will agree to being "just friends" with the hope of getting somewhere further down the line with a woman. In my mind it's not a real friendship, the expectation are simply delayed. This means that the mask never full drops. It can be a simple ploy to create a false sense of security in the woman. Of course this "trick" usually backfires since for a lot of women "just friends" means there's no chance of further advancement past something platonic.Posted by magma
Chuckcem:
I think the best indicator of interest in any relationship, with Virgo especially, comes down to the level of response, and especially reciprocation, that you're getting. Kind of a no brainer really, but it doesn't seem to solve the problems that people have with them.
If a Virgo is good with the speed and direction of the relationship, they will almost certainly, at the very least, be responsive. Once trust starts to develop, so does their reciprocation. With fire moon and rising, I can understand that the only time some (edit: fire) signs are only going 80 mph is when they're pulling into their driveways. But when some Virgos see that, their first thought will probably be, "Mental note to self: never ever ride with that toilet head." (Although once they're really into you, they probably will and laugh about it.) Over stimulation in the early days doesn't work so well.
So if it's not progressing in the early days, I'd recommend that one throttle back to gentle on their minds speed.
In your case, you may well be doing better than you think.
+1. When consistency is present, that is your key to move in for the kill
This is how confusion derives when people put too much thought into labels. Just let the relationship unfold.click to expand
I agree on the drama at first part. When i first started dating my virgo we hung out and talked everyday then things started to die down and he disappeared. He came back after a month and apologized and said he would never do that to me again and that hes ready to fully commit to me. But now how can i be ready for that when you disappeared for a whole month? its complicated but i never went anywhere and i am being super patient with him and he loves that. I live a very peaceful life so i dont want the drama in our relationships and he knows this. I know how chaotic virgos can be in relationships and i just hopeeee we have a healthy relationship...drama free...
Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxXWell I decided to ask the Virgo woman to come hang out with me and my friends this weekend. I figured I'll just treat her like a friend and not focus on anything else with her.Posted by Mered1thPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXCan you please elaborate more the part with: "It's better to just let things unfold naturally". I'm trying to understand this part better. Can you give examples?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXNo, that makes sense. Though if I heard, "Let's stay friends for now" I'd probably hear the same thing as "All I want is friendship." Interesting though. I'd assume though that if you did like someone you would just tell them outright, no?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by xXxQueenliciaXxXSee and I know some people who do this and it throws me for a loop. It always seems like a quick way to confuse the other person.
Automatic friend zone.
I want us to know each other and be friends first and foremost.
I mean, I'm pretty direct with my feelings.
If I say "I don't see you in that way" or "all I want is your friendship", then that is what I mean.
If I say "let's stay friends...for now" then that's my way of saying that I'm interested but would like to take things slow.
Do you find that confusing?
Nah, because it's not guaranteed that I'll stay interested. It takes a lot for a guy to get and keep my interest.
It's better to just let things unfold naturally and see where they go. At least that's how I prefer it to happen.
I always had a problem with this concept of letting thing unfold naturally because hardly any thing is natural between two human beings at least as there it isn't some sort of willpower and action and input and decisions and intent most of all. And intent is not natural
Can you please give us personal examples of things unfolding naturally? So I can understand what you're trying to say better?
Letting things unfold naturally = Not forcing anything. Going with the flow of things.
That's the best way I can describe it.click to expand
Posted by MoonshineLeoRight which according to @Damnata there may be a method to that madness that only the Virgo understands. How long have you been with your Virgo? Disappearing for a month is a long time (especially in a Leo's mind). Did he say what he was doing that whole time?
I agree on the drama at first part. When i first started dating my virgo we hung out and talked everyday then things started to die down and he disappeared. He came back after a month and apologized and said he would never do that to me again and that hes ready to fully commit to me. But now how can i be ready for that when you disappeared for a whole month? its complicated but i never went anywhere and i am being super patient with him and he loves that. I live a very peaceful life so i dont want the drama in our relationships and he knows this. I know how chaotic virgos can be in relationships and i just hopeeee we have a healthy relationship...drama free...
Posted by VirgoreanlolPosted by DamnataPosted by Virgorean
Do your Virgo friends have a lot of water in their charts or are into relationships with water signs?
I kid.
It's weekly.
LOLclick to expand
awww.
my virgo uncle is married happily to a pisces woman.
such a great marriage too.
sure ups and downs but they are thick and thin.
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would love you the most?
and you love them back the most?
if you're single, you can also put down what placements you think would love you back a lot.
put sun, moon, rising, mars & venus, houses if you want.
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