Why cant a Virgo just say sorry?
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by scoripoblood93 on Wednesday, October 1, 2014 and has 35 replies.
So my bf was having a stressful day yesterday. All day had been one thing after another. I understand his frustration. The thing that hurt is that instead of taking his temper out on the people who's P'ed him off, he stressed out at me. Literally yelling down the phone at me ((out of character for him but he'd had enough of being messed around at work and with his family)) Today I told him that he'd upset me by taking it out on me and well....all he said was "aww babe. But that's why I love you." I have been trying all day to get him to say sorry. Its stupid I know and I know its over a silly thing but still.
So my bf was having a stressful day yesterday. All day had been one thing after another. I understand his frustration. The thing that hurt is that instead of taking his temper out on the people who's P'ed him off, he stressed out at me. Literally yelling down the phone at me ((out of character for him but he'd had enough of being messed around at work and with his family)) Today I told him that he'd upset me by taking it out on me and well....all he said was "aww babe. But that's why I love you." I have been trying all day to get him to say sorry. Its stupid I know and I know its over a silly thing but still.
Hey there!
I dated a Virgo for 2.5 years and it only led to heartbreak. He used to do that to me all of the time. He would take out his work stress on me, until it even escalated to him throwing plates at me. Yep. And he never apologized for what I classify as abuse. he would rationalize it away because all in all, the only one virgo ever seems to love is themselves. he treated me like a play thing. Something that was in his control.
Ultimately I played the 'try to make him apologize game' and he never did. So I left his ass when the time was right and never looked back. He still tries to get back with me, but he's never apologized for his absolutely unacceptable behaviour. And I will never let him back into my life.
I personally don't think they are worth the trouble.
It comes down to how you want to be treated. If he doesn't respect you and treat you nicely, then you have your answer. Moving on is hard, but it's better than being someone??s emotional punching bag.
so, to answer your question. There is no way to make him apologize, and I doubt he would... unless he thinks it would get him some nooky... then he'll take it back once he's satisfied.
why don't they apologize? ego ego ego. Virgo is NEVER wrong, says them.
I dated a Virgo for 2.5 years and it only led to heartbreak. He used to do that to me all of the time. He would take out his work stress on me, until it even escalated to him throwing plates at me. Yep. And he never apologized for what I classify as abuse. he would rationalize it away because all in all, the only one virgo ever seems to love is themselves. he treated me like a play thing. Something that was in his control.
Ultimately I played the 'try to make him apologize game' and he never did. So I left his ass when the time was right and never looked back. He still tries to get back with me, but he's never apologized for his absolutely unacceptable behaviour. And I will never let him back into my life.
I personally don't think they are worth the trouble.
It comes down to how you want to be treated. If he doesn't respect you and treat you nicely, then you have your answer. Moving on is hard, but it's better than being someone??s emotional punching bag.
so, to answer your question. There is no way to make him apologize, and I doubt he would... unless he thinks it would get him some nooky... then he'll take it back once he's satisfied.
why don't they apologize? ego ego ego. Virgo is NEVER wrong, says them.
He loves that you can serve as a whipping boy?
I'd be upset too... he have a Sag moon?
I'd be upset too... he have a Sag moon?
Hes not abusive or a control freak. He has a heart of gold. Just wish he wasn't stubborn and just say sorry lol. IM really sensitive the majority of the time. (Scorpio))
Hes starting to feel bad now i can tell he just said "I love you baby I hate it when your down like this" BUT HE STILL NOT SAYING SORRY!! Eck 
Posted by scoripoblood93
Hes starting to feel bad now i can tell he just said "I love you baby I hate it when your down like this" BUT HE STILL NOT SAYING SORRY!! Eck
Virgo apology: Wow... sorry you got so upset about that.
Anyway
Tell him-- he can't hear your inner dialogue.
i rarely say sorry either. but i will if i screw things up DRASTICALLY.
It's not the need for perfection..we completely go ballistic when we're pissed off and then we step back and are shocked at how we behaved..sorry seems too little a word. If we could just erase it and then not mention it again..we would do that.
I have the opposite problem..I say sorry too much. Strong guilt complex.
Words are cheap, I'd rather let my actions address the issue if I was in the wrong. But if I'm not in the wrong, I will stick to my guns.
I have the opposite problem..I say sorry too much. Strong guilt complex.
Words are cheap, I'd rather let my actions address the issue if I was in the wrong. But if I'm not in the wrong, I will stick to my guns.
My words before he kicked off? "your too nice and i hate that people can take you for granted. You have to learn to say no to people"
I'm Sorry
Posted by Damnata
It's not the need for perfection... we completely go ballistic when we're pissed off and then we step back and are shocked at how we behaved...If we could just erase it and then not mention it again..we would do that.
So (general) you feel guilt or remorse, but can't express it verbally? Why is that?
Idk. I think it's okay if you lose your sh*t sometimes Virgo. Scream, yell, bawl your eyes out, have a bit of a meltdown...just as long as a person isn't getting violent or overly abusive then words are only that. Your meltdown or going ballistic is temporary. I may just have more tolerance for people losing their sh*t around me and move on once they calm down. I would say my limit is when I'm already having a bad day.
Personally I would prefer the person just stop doing something them tell me sorry all the time. I also see the value in hearing I'm sorry.
Posted by Damnata
I have the opposite problem..I say sorry too much.
Words are cheap, I'd rather let my actions address the issue if I was in the wrong.click to expand
Btw, I'm confused by this^^^. If you recognize words are cheap, what are you really saying about what you put out there if you say sorry too much? Do you feel guilty, apologize too much and don't really mean it (because word are cheap), or do you recognize the value in the words "I'm sorry"?
The system is soooo slow. Geeze.
^^^btw, that apology thing hasn't been a serious issue for me with the Virgos I know. Disagreements happen, mistakes are made, but it doesn't happen often enough that I notice it all that much. I think it may be because I don't expect an apology for the things that have happened and sometimes the "sorry" is implied through subtle changes in their behaviour and that's enough for me.
My sister f*cks up all the time, but they are f*ck ups that I don't care about or I've come to expect from her at this point. Ive learned to pick my battles.
My ex, he lost his sh*t a few times. He would call me when he's was ready, often before the night was over. The tone of his voice is calmer, gentle, a bit hesitant and we discuss the issue. That's enough for me because I just know.
My sister f*cks up all the time, but they are f*ck ups that I don't care about or I've come to expect from her at this point. Ive learned to pick my battles.
My ex, he lost his sh*t a few times. He would call me when he's was ready, often before the night was over. The tone of his voice is calmer, gentle, a bit hesitant and we discuss the issue. That's enough for me because I just know.
Posted by PhoenixRising
^^^btw, that apology thing hasn't been a serious issue for me with the Virgos I know. Disagreements happen, mistakes are made, but it doesn't happen often enough that I notice it all that much. I think it may be because I don't expect an apology for the things that have happened and sometimes the "sorry" is implied through subtle changes in their behaviour and that's enough for me.
My sister f*cks up all the time, but they are f*ck ups that I don't care about or I've come to expect from her at this point. Ive learned to pick my battles.
My ex, he lost his sh*t a few times. He would call me when he's was ready, often before the night was over. The tone of his voice is calmer, gentle, a bit hesitant and we discuss the issue. That's enough for me because I just know.
I like this...
Phoenix, I'm a verbal creature, way too much fire in my chart. But Virgos in general..we like life to be calm and polite and people getting along so when an outburst happens, it's like the order in the universe has been destroyed. A disruption of getting along. You know how when you're in a church or a holy place, depending on the faith but even if you don't believe, you keep your voice low..same as in the library? It's the environment. The whole world is seen like that for us..depending on one's system as all Virgos have a way to make sense of the world. It's why public displays of drama horrify us..as if we're disrupting the lives of the people around us who stare at watch the spectacle..like we break their focus in a way. Not sure if I'm doing a good job of explaining it.
On saying "Sorry" a lot. From my point of view the only thing that matters in the resolution is addressing the real issue and taking steps to correct it. It's obvious when I know I am in the wrong by my actions. But sometimes things get heated and before I address the issue the other party feels bad and needs a verbal confirmation of me being wrong..which is where the "Sorry" comes in and I supply it if it smoothes things over. I don't do fighting. In the moment I say I am "Sorry" I mean it and the verbal part only appeases the conflict in that moment..my focus is on the long term. But for me to get to that long term where I take actions to remedy the situation if I am in the wrong..I have to first admit I am wrong.
Why I said I use "Sorry" a lot. When growing up my parents would get into fights and put walls against each other. So I'd go between them to mediate and whenever one of them walked through the door angry/upset, my first course of thought was always "Maybe I did something wrong". So I'd say sorry in an instant and actually believed I fucked up in some way for my mom or dad to come home upset. Even with friends, even though I know rationally people have bad days or other things that bother them, if I'm in their presence and I feel them upset, I always wonder if I overlooked something and they're upset at me. I got better at this though but still..it lingers in there somewhere that there's something I can do to make everyone around me happy and maybe I am not doing it right.
On saying "Sorry" a lot. From my point of view the only thing that matters in the resolution is addressing the real issue and taking steps to correct it. It's obvious when I know I am in the wrong by my actions. But sometimes things get heated and before I address the issue the other party feels bad and needs a verbal confirmation of me being wrong..which is where the "Sorry" comes in and I supply it if it smoothes things over. I don't do fighting. In the moment I say I am "Sorry" I mean it and the verbal part only appeases the conflict in that moment..my focus is on the long term. But for me to get to that long term where I take actions to remedy the situation if I am in the wrong..I have to first admit I am wrong.
Why I said I use "Sorry" a lot. When growing up my parents would get into fights and put walls against each other. So I'd go between them to mediate and whenever one of them walked through the door angry/upset, my first course of thought was always "Maybe I did something wrong". So I'd say sorry in an instant and actually believed I fucked up in some way for my mom or dad to come home upset. Even with friends, even though I know rationally people have bad days or other things that bother them, if I'm in their presence and I feel them upset, I always wonder if I overlooked something and they're upset at me. I got better at this though but still..it lingers in there somewhere that there's something I can do to make everyone around me happy and maybe I am not doing it right.
Posted by PhoenixRising
and sometimes the "sorry" is implied through subtle changes in their behaviour and that's enough for me.
That's the way I go about it
Posted by PhoenixRising
My sister f*cks up all the time, but they are f*ck ups that I don't care about or I've come to expect from her at this point. Ive learned to pick my battles.
My ex, he lost his sh*t a few times. He would call me when he's was ready, often before the night was over. The tone of his voice is calmer, gentle, a bit hesitant and we discuss the issue. That's enough for me because I just know.click to expand
I have all the patience in the world and understand things happen in the moment..don't take it to heart when it comes from others. But with me, there's a nagging voice that tells me I should've known better and behaved differently. I feel humbled by people who see someone at their worst and just stay there relaxed, rooted in positivity and just smile and go "It's okay you know. We all go through phases". I feel a lot of gratitude for people who don't take my moods the wrong way or don't take it personal. When it's personal, I address it very matter of factly and get a convo going..when I lose it, it's just frustration built on my end for different things going on in my life..doesn't have anything to do with the person and I try to make a point out of that so they don't feel slighted. Accomodating.
@OP, that sucks but yeah I guess it is Virgo being a very bad Virgo. If him saying sorry is important to you, I'm sure he will learn to say it next time.
I was shocked when hubby said I never said sorry to him. I said oh I thought you understand that I AM sorry. He said no you have to say it, otherwise it doesn't count. Hence, I learnt to say it from that moment forward. I also learn that hug is important even when it doesn't make sense.
@Damnata, good for your to always said sorry. Must be that Aries moon. My Aries Dad does that all the time even when its not his fault. But watch out when he found out it isn't his fault after all.
I was shocked when hubby said I never said sorry to him. I said oh I thought you understand that I AM sorry. He said no you have to say it, otherwise it doesn't count. Hence, I learnt to say it from that moment forward. I also learn that hug is important even when it doesn't make sense.
@Damnata, good for your to always said sorry. Must be that Aries moon. My Aries Dad does that all the time even when its not his fault. But watch out when he found out it isn't his fault after all.
Why can't Virgo just say sorry? Because we feel we're so perfect in every respect. Till we get ourselves tangle into a relationship that put us in our rightful position. Human.
HE SAID SORRY!!!! He said he has never had anyone he can be honest with and open up to before. He said he took it out on me without realizing how it effected me.
Posted by Damnata
Not sure if I'm doing a good job of explaining it.
You explained it fine D. I don't know why it bothers me so much tbh. My older brother is a virgo and hes done some bad shit in his life and I've never heard him say sorry. But it felt more personal with my bf.
but me and the bf had our first argument tonight and after he called crying down the phone and basically said he was sorry and he felt like shit for stressing out at me. He said he is too used to not having anyone he can share his emotions and feelings with and he feels safe enough with me to do that (( my heart melted at that part ((scorpio!!)) )) he said he wont do it again because its not worth hurting me that much over.
but me and the bf had our first argument tonight and after he called crying down the phone and basically said he was sorry and he felt like shit for stressing out at me. He said he is too used to not having anyone he can share his emotions and feelings with and he feels safe enough with me to do that (( my heart melted at that part ((scorpio!!)) )) he said he wont do it again because its not worth hurting me that much over.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Damnata
Not sure if I'm doing a good job of explaining it.
click to expand
In real life I use a lot of hand gestures..it's a spectacle. I think it drives my point better than words
Oh so tempting but hes two towns over from me at the moment
Posted by Ixion120
Welcome back!!
People apologize differently
I personally don't want anyone apologizing for reacting the best way they knew how at that moment.
Talking about the heart of the matter is far more important than 1 million sorry's concerning the same thing. ( my experience with someone)
I also have learned to respect those who aren't interested in talking about the heart of what's really going on so if sorry is all they have then so be it.when they can and are ready to go beyond being sorry then I'd be there.
I don't yell nor fuss anymore .
I personally don't want anyone apologizing for reacting the best way they knew how at that moment.
Talking about the heart of the matter is far more important than 1 million sorry's concerning the same thing. ( my experience with someone)
I also have learned to respect those who aren't interested in talking about the heart of what's really going on so if sorry is all they have then so be it.when they can and are ready to go beyond being sorry then I'd be there.
I don't yell nor fuss anymore .
Maybe this will help
I heart Happy Ending!!!! Congrats OP!!!!
This sounds like he has some growing up to do. My current relationship and my last one were both virgos and they would both apologize when they were wrong and would admit their wrongs.
I just read that he apologized. Happy ending
You sound very superficial in that you just want to hear the words spoken. You're probably one of those shallow people who want to hear the words, "I love you" ... as if words spoken are bank.
You must be easily manipulated, considering this guy doesn't have to actually feel sorry for what he might have done ... he only has to (say) he is.
Scorpio much?
Signed Up: Mar 31, 2017
Comments: 2564 · Posts: 6343 · Topics: 139
Comments: 2564 · Posts: 6343 · Topics: 139
@ my dad
no 'sorry' in the House of Virgo
"mistakes were made"
is what we say here
"mistakes were made"
is what we say here
Uh oh there you go girl lol
Virgos don't say sorry, they are never wrong according to them. The ones I knew were like that, mostly with fire moons. They have very unhealthy pride, borderline narcissistic. Entitled a holes. I wouldn't deal with that I don't know about you
Virgos don't say sorry, they are never wrong according to them. The ones I knew were like that, mostly with fire moons. They have very unhealthy pride, borderline narcissistic. Entitled a holes. I wouldn't deal with that I don't know about you
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