Why does a Virgo's desire to

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by OP3CRIMSIN on Saturday, October 30, 2010 and has 26 replies.
please and feel needed in this world also seem to come with the need to "check on" their approval rating? It comes so naturally to me to verbally dance around the many ways of asking, "So how am I doing?" Especially in new relationships. It invokes the assumption out of a partner that Virgo has a predispositioned to appear insecure, lacking confidence. All I want to do is please, whether it be a friend, a boss, my ladyfriend and sometimes just a random. I guess that has been "bleed-over" of our labeling/categorizing/everything-has-a-home tendencies and has applied to my life. Where is my nitch and my home. But why does it have to come with the need to know how I'm doing. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?
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IMO, it's all about being useful. Proof of my existence, I suppose, which is why I work so hard. You can throw every profanity or slur in the book my way and I wouldn't flinch. However, throw in the word "useless" and I'll go berserk.
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Very true, criticize a virgo's work, you devastate the foundation of us.
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Step one - Get over wanting to help others.
The more you care for your needs the less you\'ll make yourself a slave and insecure...
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Step two - perfection is an abstract.
The more you notice this, the less you will care to seek the impossible.
Step three - everything is whole
Compartmentalizing and judging people only distances yourself from a understanding others (if you care to break from the habit)
Step four - life is a joke
This may seem quite too much to say, but to a Virgo this is an epiphany that may come with age, but fast if willing.
The rest will only follow naturally.
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Step two - perfection is an abstract.
The more you notice this, the less you will care to seek the impossible.
Step three - everything is whole
Compartmentalizing and judging people only distances yourself from a understanding others (if you care to break from the habit)
Step four - life is a joke
This may seem quite too much to say, but to a Virgo this is an epiphany that may come with age, but fast if willing.
The rest will only follow naturally.
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Maybe the two go hand in hand...no? To please/feel needed & check the approval? If pleasing and feeling needed is something that you desire, then the feedback is an excellent tool to gauge how successful you are at pleasing and being needed?
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Posted by OP3CRIMSIN
It comes so naturally to me to verbally dance around the many ways of asking, "So how am I doing?" Especially in new relationships . . . Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?


LOL, OP3! We're plagued, I'll admit. Same here. I've always read that Virgos "need to be appreciated" and are always seeking one's approval. Malarky!, I says, 'cause I don't give a rat's backside what people think of me, for the most part, and I've never been one to sit around waiting for a pat on the back--or even feeling the need for one. I operate just as well without someone??s approval as I do with it. But! (And I cringe to say this: ) They're totally right. No pat on the back do we need, as in: "Fredricks, that was an awesome job you did on the account! You're the man of the hour! I wish I had 50 of you! Awesome! You're knockin' 'em out!" I'd feel like someone just poured a bucket of cheese all over me . . . and handed me a tinker toy. But if that same person said to me privately, "Hey, I wanna tell you I really appreciate all the extra time you spent to make that deal a success--that means a lot to me. Not just anyone would shoulder what you did. I'm glad to know I can count on you to pull through when things get tough around here," they may as well have paid me in gold bars.
It's called VALIDATION, and don't ask me why we need it, but if someone doesn't volunteer it, we do have the most subtle of ways to detect/extract from them where we stand with them, what they think of us, if they're pleased, if they're as loyal in their perspective of us behind our backs as they are to our face, etc. Bottom line: it's job/relationship security, which I think is founded upon our insane desire for perfection. We're driven by it. If someone's not happy, we're still short of perfection, and that just puts us on edge inside. Once it??s settled that they're happy, we resolve ourselves to the fact that the situation is as "perfect" as it needs to be. Then we can kick back and relax.
I think all this fluff 'n dander is just part and parcel of the Virgo make-up--much as I hate to admit it. We're driven to succeed and please. They do go hand in hand, and we have no idea of knowing where we rate on the "standard chart" if we don't get that feedback.
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AAHAHAH! I jsut added someone as a favorite, then went to check mine. This is what I got.
When other users add you to their favorites list, they will display on your admirers list.
No one likes you, yet Sad
F you dxpnet, don't you know us Virgo's are fragile! Handle with care punk!!!
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Stop crying. You're a new poster correct? You have to earn your admiration.
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Can't you read? I wasn't crying! I wrote AAHAHAHAHAHA as in laughter not AAAAAAAAAAAH. I joke alot so chill Winking
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!`&
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hehe, you can almost always add a smiley at the end of everything I say, just in case I forget it. I was more or less laughing at the fact that it actually said, "Nobody likes you!" I beg to differ! I will tell you my mom thinks I'm a good catch Winking
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LOL! All this whinin', so I go to OP3's profile to see if he's actually added anyone on his favorite's list himself, and
I'm rockin' the show!!Oh yeah! Oh yeah! It's ma birthday! It's ma birthday!
LOL. You're a doll, OP3. Big Grin
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Posted by OP3CRIMSIN
hehe, you can almost always add a smiley at the end of everything I say, just in case I forget it. I was more or less laughing at the fact that it actually said, "Nobody likes you!" I beg to differ! I will tell you my mom thinks I'm a good catch Winking


Well as long as 'mum' thinks you're a good catch, then that's all that matters. If SHE doesn't like you then...
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Well I think you added an excellent touch to the subject. In-depth, insightful, agreeable. I jived with all that you said and therefore respect your opinion higher than most so far. You are rocking the show. You may sing at our next gig lol!
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Posted by OP3CRIMSIN
Well I think you added an excellent touch to the subject. In-depth, insightful, agreeable. I jived with all that you said and therefore respect your opinion higher than most so far. You are rocking the show. You may sing at our next gig lol!


LOL! Much obliged, neighbor.
Keep your "gold-star chart" lookin' good and I'll return the favor. Winking
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I'm sorry but I could probably never agree that life is a meaningless joke. Better off dead, if that's the case.
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Posted by Kali
OP3, I don't see it as being insecure or lacking in confidence. I do agree with Strings, that there is an element of validation, but I see it as more than that. . . . I tend to see it as another way of self-improvement, striving toward perfection. If people don't give feed back as to how well you are doing something, you don't know whether you need to improve on what you are doing or not. . . . But in order to analyze, assess and make adjustments, he needs to know where it's working and where it isn't.


My point exactly. Winking However, I do take issue on one concept: "I don't see it as being insecure or lacking in confidence." We Virgs are the most paradoxical creatures going. While we innately possess confidence in our undertakings and are generally motivated from within rather than from without, we secretly house a deep, well-masked insecurity (that I would've never admitted to years ago) that compels us to check, re-check, check again, measure whatever we're checking up next to someone else's haystack, check ours again, tweak it, un-tweak it, tweak it to the left, no, maybe to the right, hmmmm . . . at all? Check theirs again, check ours again, tweak it a little at the top, stand back and compare the two side by side, and sit there for 15 minutes wondering if we should tweak it again, leave well enough alone, and what the * $ &% # half the neighborhood's gonna think about this by the time we're done! Perfection or not, that can only spell one thing: core insecurity, lol.
People are insecure about different things. Some about their looks, some their personalities, some finances, some their relationships, etc. Virgos are innately insecure about their PERFORMANCE and their RATING, as stacked up against the mainstream. (Which, we generally HATE the mainstream, btw! We'll fly our own kite, thank you.) So while we instinctively compare ourselves/our performance/our measuring-up with everything else on the planet that has protons and neutrons, we personally detest the very comparisons that we ourselves are making and the "labels" this process produces. And yet we could no more toss away the innate drive to compare our performance to the accepted standard (or worse yet, to an exalted standard that we ourselves have created) than we could to change our skin color on command.
(Continued)
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I decided I hate perfectionism and refuse to be imprisoned by its chains. Sure, attempting to undo myself of my inborn perfectionist nature is like having my right brain fight against my left 24/7, but fight I shall! to remind myself that living up to some self-carved image of "correctness" or perfection isn't going to bring me happiness or satisfaction. (It may, in fact, rob me of it!) Rather the contrary will: letting go and happily living with my imperfections. smile (And accepting those of others!!) This is something I learn on a daily basis with the advent of every new opportunity presented to me. And it??s one freakin?? tough lesson for a Virgo to learn! Big Grin
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http://freeproxyserver.net/index.php?q=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5keHBuZXQuY29tL29waW5pb24vbWVzc2FnZXMuYXNwP3A9MSZpZD0yMjUwOTc3IzIyNTEzOTA% 3D#essages.asp?p=1&id=2250977#2251390\">Posted by virg_goki

sorti: life is definitely a joke, life is meaningless.



This is a funny contradiction, but life is meaningless, yet we place meaning on the meaningless in life to mean something to us. Big Grin
Ah well...haha.
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Posted by virg_goki
my my, what a lil cocky bitch u r! Winking


Um, I'll thank you not to address me with profanity. I have fun with my inbred Virgoan arrogance since--as much as we'd like to chuck it in a garbage disposal and disclaim such an unsavory attribute--I'm limited to making humorous use of it, but no b.itch am I.
Ahem!! Abooouuuut FACE!
(Military command for get'cho a** in a 180, like yesterday, son!)
Manners, my boy, manners. Winking
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If she is after my "Cookie" then she can drive out to Kansas City and devour said cookie. And if goki is jealous then he can hold the camera, cuz I heard Virgo's like to watch, and sometimes fantasize about being someone else lol.
Actually I appreciate everyone's take here, whether or not I agree with it. But we've got the insightful out of Strings, the "in your face" from VV, all the way down to the "there is no spoon" approach from Sorti! I like this bunch. And watching goki and strings go at it sounds like if snobby royalty were to bash it out verbally. Kinda amusing.
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<"`.
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its easy to say the need to please is "wrong." i think a better way of dealing with this is to realize that you are a pleaser, as i am myself, to work WITH who you are and make sure that that part of you is focused in the right direction.
building upon a natural facet of my personality instead of trying jam my gears being something that im not (face it, youre inescapable)
rather, redirecting the areas it manifests itself in.
if im trying to please just any old person or someone who ive just met (which i find myself doing), i calm down and make sure this person is worthy of being pleased.. or let them earn it. we run the risk of being taken advantage of. the sure fire way to keep yourself strait is to realize that the #1 person deserving of being pleased by you is yourself.
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Ooh, good stuff lesmon!
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