Why would a Virgo man compliment you

in correspondence or in person when it's just the two of you, but in front of your peers (women), he becomes more critical of you, often in a subtle and somewhat condescending manner?

I don't get it. We've known each other for years. We've never had a relationship, other than being good friends. However, I always thought that friendship was based on trust and respect.

I know some people think men and women can't be good friends. I disagree. Most of my better friends in HS were guys. Never had any desire to date anyone of them. And I hated the drama crap most girls in HS lived for.

Virgo's get a bad rap for being critical because they are perfectionists etc. I've read if he criticizes you, he just wants to make you better.
From my perspective, nothing he is doing is making me better. If anything, he's making me question his motives and our friendship.

Advice or thoughts?

What are his criticisms

criticizing some of your judgements/personal experiences related to your opinions........basically making it feel as if he's going after your character, confidence and self worth. Which makes zero sense to me.

Posted by Ixion120
well what is he criticizing and why?

Why?

that's my question Ixion120. 😉

im going to take a stab in the dark. is he implying youre a slut? and youre sensitive to that?

either way those sound like improvement tips to me

Posted by HungVirgo
im going to take a stab in the dark. is he implying youre a slut? and youre sensitive to that?

LMAO....you're right. that was a stab in the dark. first off, i'm not a slut nor have ever been one, thank you very much. i'm in a very stable relationship.
again, this was in front of my peers (women friends etc.). there was no reason for him to say and act the manner he did.

Posted by gemini64

Posted by HungVirgo
im going to take a stab in the dark. is he implying youre a slut? and youre sensitive to that?

LMAO....you're right. that was a stab in the dark. first off, i'm not a slut nor have ever been one, thank you very much. i'm in a very stable relationship.
again, this was in front of my peers (women friends etc.). there was no reason for him to say and act the manner he did.

click to expand

so was he calling you one or not. if so hes probably butthurt and wanted you to himself..our you really are more 'free' than he'd like

Posted by Ixion120
hm sounds troubling, can you give an example Gem—

he has a habit of making gushing remarks about one of my peers (who was not in the area at the time)...how nice she is blah, blah, blah. this wouldn't be so nauseating if he really knew how she acted outside of his presence. And no, he is not interested in her romantically nor will he ever be. It's just grinding to hear him talk this way.

he's asked for my opinion on something, then when i give it, he criticizes it from top to bottom and acts as if only his opinions are valid.

when giving me advice, whether i've solicited it or not, he gets snarky (if that's a word) if i don't see everything his way and chose to make up my own mind.

makes subtle remarks that reference things only i can interpret. you know the kind of things that irritate you but others wouldn't even notice.

contrast this to comments in emails or in person to me alone that are complimentary of me overall. You know, how good you look, how you carry yourself and can have an intellectual conversation, and pointing out your sense of humor....those type of things. Qualities most people would find endearing.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by gemini64

Posted by HungVirgo
im going to take a stab in the dark. is he implying youre a slut? and youre sensitive to that?

LMAO....you're right. that was a stab in the dark. first off, i'm not a slut nor have ever been one, thank you very much. i'm in a very stable relationship.
again, this was in front of my peers (women friends etc.). there was no reason for him to say and act the manner he did.

TEll his bitch ass to stfu and keep it moving, why make a thread about it.

click to expand

Because:

#1, this is a forum which provides an opportunity to ask questions.

#2, this individual has been a life long friend, and I'd like to get some clarity on his actions.

#3, unlike you, I don't address friends or anyone in the manner you suggested.

but hey, thanks for your input anyway.

Posted by gemini64

Posted by Ixion120
hm sounds troubling, can you give an example Gem—

he has a habit of making gushing remarks about one of my peers (who was not in the area at the time)...how nice she is blah, blah, blah. this wouldn't be so nauseating if he really knew how she acted outside of his presence. And no, he is not interested in her romantically nor will he ever be. It's just grinding to hear him talk this way.

he's asked for my opinion on something, then when i give it, he criticizes it from top to bottom and acts as if only his opinions are valid.

when giving me advice, whether i've solicited it or not, he gets snarky (if that's a word) if i don't see everything his way and chose to make up my own mind.

makes subtle remarks that reference things only i can interpret. you know the kind of things that irritate you but others wouldn't even notice.

contrast this to comments in emails or in person to me alone that are complimentary of me overall. You know, how good you look, how you carry yourself and can have an intellectual conversation, and pointing out your sense of humor....those type of things. Qualities most people would find endearing.

click to expand

Maybe when you're out and about you're attracting attention, and he's jealous. If you're attracting guys (even subtle glances from across the room), maybe he's interested in you. If you're just attracting all your girlfriends, maybe he wishes he could get along so swimmingly with his own guy friends. Sometimes people take out insecurities on the people they feel caused them rather than analyzing the real problem and solving that.

Think of grade school kids. Unfortunate comparison, though we can always revert if not paying attention. When the grade school boy all of a sudden starts liking the grade school girl, what's he do? Since he's nervous and all, and her being herself is making him nervous, and that gets him mad?

When you're alone together he could be more comfortable and controlled.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by Ixion120

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by gemini64

Posted by HungVirgo
im going to take a stab in the dark. is he implying youre a slut? and youre sensitive to that?

LMAO....you're right. that was a stab in the dark. first off, i'm not a slut nor have ever been one, thank you very much. i'm in a very stable relationship.
again, this was in front of my peers (women friends etc.). there was no reason for him to say and act the manner he did.

TEll his bitch ass to stfu and keep it moving, why make a thread about it.

But then again...it wouldn't be constructive if what he is criticizing has merit...now if it doesn't do let them curses fly.

lol seriously i don't care if we bff's since birth, if i feel affronted by your actions, i will address it, than if you don't respect me enough to correct it, peace byatch, 7 billion people in this world.

but after reading the OPs last post, im thinking she's the problem, and not him.

click to expand

Then CC, you'd be dead wrong. I'm not the problem. I'm not the one playing games.

I know you are obsessed with hanging out on the Virgo board and preaching your opinion.
I know you like drama. I'm not here to play childish games with you. I find people as you boring and
totally predictable because you constantly wear your emotions on your sleeve.

My post was put on this board because it's the Virgo board and thus, I wanted to get the perspective of a male Virgo.

If I wanted a perspective of a female Cancer, I would have posted on the Cancer board.

Posted by Draumstafir

Posted by gemini64

Posted by Ixion120
hm sounds troubling, can you give an example Gem—

he has a habit of making gushing remarks about one of my peers (who was not in the area at the time)...how nice she is blah, blah, blah. this wouldn't be so nauseating if he really knew how she acted outside of his presence. And no, he is not interested in her romantically nor will he ever be. It's just grinding to hear him talk this way.

he's asked for my opinion on something, then when i give it, he criticizes it from top to bottom and acts as if only his opinions are valid.

when giving me advice, whether i've solicited it or not, he gets snarky (if that's a word) if i don't see everything his way and chose to make up my own mind.

makes subtle remarks that reference things only i can interpret. you know the kind of things that irritate you but others wouldn't even notice.

contrast this to comments in emails or in person to me alone that are complimentary of me overall. You know, how good you look, how you carry yourself and can have an intellectual conversation, and pointing out your sense of humor....those type of things. Qualities most people would find endearing.

Maybe when you're out and about you're attracting attention, and he's jealous. If you're attracting guys (even subtle glances from across the room), maybe he's interested in you. If you're just attracting all your girlfriends, maybe he wishes he could get along so swimmingly with his own guy friends. Sometimes people take out insecurities on the people they feel caused them rather than analyzing the real problem and solving that.

Think of grade school kids. Unfortunate comparison, though we can always revert if not paying attention. When the grade school boy all of a sudden starts liking the grade school girl, what's he do? Since he's nervous and all, and her being herself is making him nervous, and that gets him mad?

When you're alone together he could be more comfortable and controlled.

click to expand

Thank you Draumstafir for your thoughtful and intuitive response. I appreciate it and will consider if this is the scenario taking place. I hadn't thought about it from this angle. When you're friends with someone so lon

While I appreciate your thorough response, I don't think you understand one of the facts of my friendship; we've been LIFE long friends. So trust me when I say I've had thick skin, we've gone through ups and downs, and we've done the give and take that friends of this time span have to ensure that enduring relationship.

I don't have this "princess syndrome" you refer to. The only scenario that could be an issue was IF we were dating. We are not, never have and never will.
We both have stable relationships. We are friends.....period. It's not just what he's saying, it's when he does it and in front of whom. This is a new thing for him. THAT is what i've tried to explain.

Yea, I know Virgos can be critical. I've had other Virgo friends. Being a Virgo shouldn't give you a free pass to freely criticize someone who has been a life long friend when you feel like it. I'm sure he doesn't like a few things about me. If you want to address those things, you speak to your friend in person without her peers being around. It's called maturity.

well then good because i really don't value your input.

If the cancer board is so lame because they got lives, what does that say about you?

good luck with that.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by gemini64
well then good because i really don't value your input.

If the cancer board is so lame because they got lives, what does that say about you?

good luck with that.

wow aren't you a tad bit negative, who are you again? Exactly. Ghost.

Ghost with Op status. [evil cackle insertion here]

Posted by gemini64

Posted by Draumstafir

Posted by gemini64

Posted by Ixion120
hm sounds troubling, can you give an example Gem—

Thank you Draumstafir for your thoughtful and intuitive response. I appreciate it and will consider if this is the scenario taking place. I hadn't thought about it from this angle. When you're friends with someone so lon

click to expand

My

@Gemini64---

I think you were being a tad bit sensitive to CC's comments. She provided a raw, direct unfiltered response to your dilemma. Criticism in the presence of other individuals represents emotional immaturity, insecurity, and a passive aggressive pattern of behavior. Telling him to f&ck off would be highly appropriate.

Would this be the ending of a friendship?

No.

But perhaps, a new beginning for a lot of unexplained questions. There seems to be some hidden tension (sexual,romantic, emotional) between you and this Virgo.

This could be on his part.

Maybe on yours...

Who knows....

But a polite f&ck you served with a middle finger...can open doors for a more interesting dialogue.

thanks TB1977.....I'll take your advice into consideration. Not sure I can tell him point blank, F*ck Off. That's not me. I could do that to someone who really pissed me off and I barely knew. That's not the case here. I try to resolve issues through words. However, if there is this tension you are referring to, and he's feeling it, that might explain his actions. It's just so out of character for him as we've known each other and been good friends for many years.

I've been burned by friends before when I've stood up for myself. So I tend to try to shy away from confrontation. I'll try to open that door of interesting dialogue you speak of.