He’s keeping at arms length so I asked directly....

Posted by jeane

the question isn't how do you deal with it. the question is if it makes you feel like crap, why do you deal with it?

Posted by jeane

the question isn't how do you deal with it. the question is if it makes you feel like crap, why do you deal with it?

Posted by AgentP911

Pros and cons list. One side will be rather full. The other side rather empty.

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

the question isn't how do you deal with it. the question is if it makes you feel like crap, why do you deal with it?

Ill be honest, I do really love him and even though we both moved on we never really left each other or he never left me. Let me quickly explain, he would behave this way but then do something random like he drove 5 hours to see me work for 3mins because he missed most of it because of a meeting that ran over, things that are basically the 2 extremes almost to redeem himself all the time! It confuses me too. Most ppl act one way or another. He hasn’t always behaved like this let me just say that. He used to always be calling, msging asking if I’m ignoring him if I don’t reply etc.

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

the question isn't how do you deal with it. the question is if it makes you feel like crap, why do you deal with it?

Ill be honest, I do really love him and even though we both moved on we never really left each other or he never left me. Let me quickly explain, he would behave this way but then do something random like he drove 5 hours to see me work for 3mins because he missed most of it because of a meeting that ran over, things that are basically the 2 extremes almost to redeem himself all the time! It confuses me too. Most ppl act one way or another. He hasn’t always behaved like this let me just say that. He used to always be calling, msging asking if I’m ignoring him if I don’t reply etc.

and now? he avoids seeing you, you hate how you argue and bicker, you feel inadequate, you feel like you are putting all the effort in, he suggests that he isn't interested in sex, you feel like crap and you live long distance.


love is great but it's not always enough if it makes you unhappy for the majority of the time.

click to expand

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

the question isn't how do you deal with it. the question is if it makes you feel like crap, why do you deal with it?

Ill be honest, I do really love him and even though we both moved on we never really left each other or he never left me. Let me quickly explain, he would behave this way but then do something random like he drove 5 hours to see me work for 3mins because he missed most of it because of a meeting that ran over, things that are basically the 2 extremes almost to redeem himself all the time! It confuses me too. Most ppl act one way or another. He hasn’t always behaved like this let me just say that. He used to always be calling, msging asking if I’m ignoring him if I don’t reply etc.

and now? he avoids seeing you, you hate how you argue and bicker, you feel inadequate, you feel like you are putting all the effort in, he suggests that he isn't interested in sex, you feel like crap and you live long distance.


love is great but it's not always enough if it makes you unhappy for the majority of the time.

I understand what you are saying and ps I always like your input!

This is how it gets a bit complicated, so the last conversation we had a week ago I brought all of that up he replies ‘sorry I haven’t asked you how you are but you should know that I’m not being an a-hole about it and it must be something else. I don’t remember saying I didn’t want sex 🙄. I’m just trying to sort myself out’

Me: ok then I will give you all the time and space you need

Him: ok I’ll speak to you in the next couple days

Me: huh??


That’s why I get confused

click to expand

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

You're just attached and not wanting to deal with the pain of detachment. You're going to have to because there is no substance to hold onto.

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Everything on there makes perfect sense!


You know my story.....


I recognise some habbits and I am learning. 1 thing I've learned, when feeling overly emotional, talk to a friend instead of laying it all on your partner. Cause often, they cant process it. When venting to a friend, relieves pressure and enables yourself to either have a short, gentle talk with partner or leave it as is (when its actually minor enough that it really didnt need a blow up).


I for one go into panic mode when I sense change. I know I shouldnt but I still do. I think this is also part why the bull ran off. Now that I'm playing it cool, giving him space and time, send an occassional text asking how he is doing in a friendly matter, he's responsive. Even was concerned about something that happened to me. Whether or not if he does come back when he is ready, is for later time. I'm doing me and carrying on with life. And when I feel emotions, I talk to my friend about it and I write down my thoughts to clear my mind. This is now going on for a week and it feels a lot better.


I've read your past posts in Taurus forum about how you sometimes didnt hear from yours for a month at a time. It triggers my panic but.... it makes total sense aswell that you do it that way. I know each situation is different and dont know if mine will change for the better but at least it gives me some peace. And I learned something from it. We didnt have words, arguments, fights what so ever. Did not cheat either.... I recognise my part and his part in all this. I have expressed my part to him and sincerely apologized for it. Whether it was needed or not, I did so anyways. He apologized for his part in the best way he knows how to.


This article has some good, valid points so thank you for sharing it.

click to expand

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Wow! What perfect timing!! This is sounds spot on!!

Now I think about it he is sometimes scared how I’ll react. He preempts my response which is often wrong tying in with number 5. I’ve had to tell him I’m not his ex so don’t assume I think that way! Also he brings up why I broke it off at times what if I’m not good enough this time etc

Plus on my side 1,2,3,4,6,7 and 8 are accurate. I never check his intentions. Always assume he’s trying to hurt me.

Arguing and bickering from number 8 he feels attacked especially if he misunderstands so he attacks back. He usually claims he didn’t say or do things towards the end of conversation in the height of our arguing!


Thanks so much!! You are the best!! Always point me in the right direction 😊😊

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Everything on there makes perfect sense!


You know my story.....


I recognise some habbits and I am learning. 1 thing I've learned, when feeling overly emotional, talk to a friend instead of laying it all on your partner. Cause often, they cant process it. When venting to a friend, relieves pressure and enables yourself to either have a short, gentle talk with partner or leave it as is (when its actually minor enough that it really didnt need a blow up).


I for one go into panic mode when I sense change. I know I shouldnt but I still do. I think this is also part why the bull ran off. Now that I'm playing it cool, giving him space and time, send an occassional text asking how he is doing in a friendly matter, he's responsive. Even was concerned about something that happened to me. Whether or not if he does come back when he is ready, is for later time. I'm doing me and carrying on with life. And when I feel emotions, I talk to my friend about it and I write down my thoughts to clear my mind. This is now going on for a week and it feels a lot better.


I've read your past posts in Taurus forum about how you sometimes didnt hear from yours for a month at a time. It triggers my panic but.... it makes total sense aswell that you do it that way. I know each situation is different and dont know if mine will change for the better but at least it gives me some peace. And I learned something from it. We didnt have words, arguments, fights what so ever. Did not cheat either.... I recognise my part and his part in all this. I have expressed my part to him and sincerely apologized for it. Whether it was needed or not, I did so anyways. He apologized for his part in the best way he knows how to.


This article has some good, valid points so thank you for sharing it.

glad it helped. i always figure even if only 1% resonates with me then it's something i've learnt and could try to apply.


i nearly always heard from mine.


i think before we started up things got silent for a month but he was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time so needed the space to work out where he was going in life. then other times, again before we got together and were just friends, i would hear from him initially maybe once a fortnight?


after we got together i got radio silence for 3 days once and that freaked me out.


when we used to argue i would distance myself for a week or two but other than that we were always in contact.


he did say to me once that he wanted to put us "on pause" where i dutifully lost my shit. when we finally agree to pause that lasted about 12 hours.


now i will hear from him pretty much everyday. on the rare occasion when he is busy with work we won't speak for a day but that's as long as it gets.


i think you are doing all you can. it seems like you find yourself in a frustrating situation but it does take two people to make it work and while you're the only person who is available (emotionally or otherwise) there is not much you can do.

click to expand

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Everything on there makes perfect sense!


You know my story.....


I recognise some habbits and I am learning. 1 thing I've learned, when feeling overly emotional, talk to a friend instead of laying it all on your partner. Cause often, they cant process it. When venting to a friend, relieves pressure and enables yourself to either have a short, gentle talk with partner or leave it as is (when its actually minor enough that it really didnt need a blow up).


I for one go into panic mode when I sense change. I know I shouldnt but I still do. I think this is also part why the bull ran off. Now that I'm playing it cool, giving him space and time, send an occassional text asking how he is doing in a friendly matter, he's responsive. Even was concerned about something that happened to me. Whether or not if he does come back when he is ready, is for later time. I'm doing me and carrying on with life. And when I feel emotions, I talk to my friend about it and I write down my thoughts to clear my mind. This is now going on for a week and it feels a lot better.


I've read your past posts in Taurus forum about how you sometimes didnt hear from yours for a month at a time. It triggers my panic but.... it makes total sense aswell that you do it that way. I know each situation is different and dont know if mine will change for the better but at least it gives me some peace. And I learned something from it. We didnt have words, arguments, fights what so ever. Did not cheat either.... I recognise my part and his part in all this. I have expressed my part to him and sincerely apologized for it. Whether it was needed or not, I did so anyways. He apologized for his part in the best way he knows how to.


This article has some good, valid points so thank you for sharing it.

glad it helped. i always figure even if only 1% resonates with me then it's something i've learnt and could try to apply.


i nearly always heard from mine.


i think before we started up things got silent for a month but he was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time so needed the space to work out where he was going in life. then other times, again before we got together and were just friends, i would hear from him initially maybe once a fortnight?


after we got together i got radio silence for 3 days once and that freaked me out.


when we used to argue i would distance myself for a week or two but other than that we were always in contact.


he did say to me once that he wanted to put us "on pause" where i dutifully lost my shit. when we finally agree to pause that lasted about 12 hours.


now i will hear from him pretty much everyday. on the rare occasion when he is busy with work we won't speak for a day but that's as long as it gets.


i think you are doing all you can. it seems like you find yourself in a frustrating situation but it does take two people to make it work and while you're the only person who is available (emotionally or otherwise) there is not much you can do.

Same for this bull, he's dealing with a lot at home and emotionally. So in a sense I fully understand his choice. I could tell it was difficult for him to do so.


All I can do is carry on..... and hope for the best....


I think its very good how you go about it and it helps others here too.

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Everything on there makes perfect sense!


You know my story.....


I recognise some habbits and I am learning. 1 thing I've learned, when feeling overly emotional, talk to a friend instead of laying it all on your partner. Cause often, they cant process it. When venting to a friend, relieves pressure and enables yourself to either have a short, gentle talk with partner or leave it as is (when its actually minor enough that it really didnt need a blow up).


I for one go into panic mode when I sense change. I know I shouldnt but I still do. I think this is also part why the bull ran off. Now that I'm playing it cool, giving him space and time, send an occassional text asking how he is doing in a friendly matter, he's responsive. Even was concerned about something that happened to me. Whether or not if he does come back when he is ready, is for later time. I'm doing me and carrying on with life. And when I feel emotions, I talk to my friend about it and I write down my thoughts to clear my mind. This is now going on for a week and it feels a lot better.


I've read your past posts in Taurus forum about how you sometimes didnt hear from yours for a month at a time. It triggers my panic but.... it makes total sense aswell that you do it that way. I know each situation is different and dont know if mine will change for the better but at least it gives me some peace. And I learned something from it. We didnt have words, arguments, fights what so ever. Did not cheat either.... I recognise my part and his part in all this. I have expressed my part to him and sincerely apologized for it. Whether it was needed or not, I did so anyways. He apologized for his part in the best way he knows how to.


This article has some good, valid points so thank you for sharing it.

glad it helped. i always figure even if only 1% resonates with me then it's something i've learnt and could try to apply.


i nearly always heard from mine.


i think before we started up things got silent for a month but he was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time so needed the space to work out where he was going in life. then other times, again before we got together and were just friends, i would hear from him initially maybe once a fortnight?


after we got together i got radio silence for 3 days once and that freaked me out.


when we used to argue i would distance myself for a week or two but other than that we were always in contact.


he did say to me once that he wanted to put us "on pause" where i dutifully lost my shit. when we finally agree to pause that lasted about 12 hours.


now i will hear from him pretty much everyday. on the rare occasion when he is busy with work we won't speak for a day but that's as long as it gets.


i think you are doing all you can. it seems like you find yourself in a frustrating situation but it does take two people to make it work and while you're the only person who is available (emotionally or otherwise) there is not much you can do.

Same for this bull, he's dealing with a lot at home and emotionally. So in a sense I fully understand his choice. I could tell it was difficult for him to do so.


All I can do is carry on..... and hope for the best....


I think its very good how you go about it and it helps others here too.

yeah, that's all any of us can do.


thanks. all i can give is my experience. what has worked, what hasn't. others also contribute interesting perspectives too when dealing with bulls. agentp911 always has an interesting take as a scorp with a bull and boots1313 has the benefit of being a bull while also being with a bull.


ultimately you just gotta go with what your judgement leads you to do.

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Wow! What perfect timing!! This is sounds spot on!!

Now I think about it he is sometimes scared how I’ll react. He preempts my response which is often wrong tying in with number 5. I’ve had to tell him I’m not his ex so don’t assume I think that way! Also he brings up why I broke it off at times what if I’m not good enough this time etc

Plus on my side 1,2,3,4,6,7 and 8 are accurate. I never check his intentions. Always assume he’s trying to hurt me.

Arguing and bickering from number 8 he feels attacked especially if he misunderstands so he attacks back. He usually claims he didn’t say or do things towards the end of conversation in the height of our arguing!


Thanks so much!! You are the best!! Always point me in the right direction 😊😊

if you always assume he is trying to hurt you, then what you are silently saying is "i believe you are an arsehole". you must believe the best in the other person. if you can't and you don't then why in the world do you want to be with someone you think deep down is a bastard?

click to expand

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Wow! What perfect timing!! This is sounds spot on!!

Now I think about it he is sometimes scared how I’ll react. He preempts my response which is often wrong tying in with number 5. I’ve had to tell him I’m not his ex so don’t assume I think that way! Also he brings up why I broke it off at times what if I’m not good enough this time etc

Plus on my side 1,2,3,4,6,7 and 8 are accurate. I never check his intentions. Always assume he’s trying to hurt me.

Arguing and bickering from number 8 he feels attacked especially if he misunderstands so he attacks back. He usually claims he didn’t say or do things towards the end of conversation in the height of our arguing!


Thanks so much!! You are the best!! Always point me in the right direction 😊😊

if you always assume he is trying to hurt you, then what you are silently saying is "i believe you are an arsehole". you must believe the best in the other person. if you can't and you don't then why in the world do you want to be with someone you think deep down is a bastard?

As I wrote the msg I started thinking about why my default was to think he will hurt me. He has not done anything like that before so I think it’s something I need to really work on! Figure out where it comes from.

Reading your experiences has really helped me understand his absences sometimes. Ie dealing with his ex who he says he argues with almost daily abt their son still and a new job he just got which means a lot more travel etc

I think I’m taking it personally when it is not the case at all!

I arrived in Canada last Tuesday and called him as he had asked we spoke briefly and 2 days later he forgot that he spoke to me, forgot he said he would call back to check on me. I panic when I should do what @piscesgal76 said, write it down instead!

click to expand

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Wow! What perfect timing!! This is sounds spot on!!

Now I think about it he is sometimes scared how I’ll react. He preempts my response which is often wrong tying in with number 5. I’ve had to tell him I’m not his ex so don’t assume I think that way! Also he brings up why I broke it off at times what if I’m not good enough this time etc

Plus on my side 1,2,3,4,6,7 and 8 are accurate. I never check his intentions. Always assume he’s trying to hurt me.

Arguing and bickering from number 8 he feels attacked especially if he misunderstands so he attacks back. He usually claims he didn’t say or do things towards the end of conversation in the height of our arguing!


Thanks so much!! You are the best!! Always point me in the right direction 😊😊

if you always assume he is trying to hurt you, then what you are silently saying is "i believe you are an arsehole". you must believe the best in the other person. if you can't and you don't then why in the world do you want to be with someone you think deep down is a bastard?

As I wrote the msg I started thinking about why my default was to think he will hurt me. He has not done anything like that before so I think it’s something I need to really work on! Figure out where it comes from.

Reading your experiences has really helped me understand his absences sometimes. Ie dealing with his ex who he says he argues with almost daily abt their son still and a new job he just got which means a lot more travel etc

I think I’m taking it personally when it is not the case at all!

I arrived in Canada last Tuesday and called him as he had asked we spoke briefly and 2 days later he forgot that he spoke to me, forgot he said he would call back to check on me. I panic when I should do what @piscesgal76 said, write it down instead!

Thats the general thing with men aswell, they can get caught up with stuff, that they simply forget other stuff what we find important. When that happens, we women tend to freak out and get upset and hurt. While its actually harmless and unintentional by the man. Thats something I learned from previous relationship.


Just write it down, most mobile phones have a notes option. Its easy to type in there. Thats where I write stuff down. Hopefully it will help you aswell. I've accepted that mine most likely wont come back at all.....

click to expand

Posted by 2LoV3

@jeane I wanted to ask you if you have experienced anything like this with your bull or something similar. As I mentioned, my bull said he was trying to sort himself out. But I find he tends to be very careful with his words and in everything he said he didn’t directly ask for space or time he just said he was trying to sort himself out and he might not be able to respond as quickly but personally with my bull, I feel like he actually needs time to himself to figure out how he’s going to deal with his ex contacting him and arguing daily and work et cetera.

He can be very good at saying “well I didn’t tell you not to call, I didn’t tell you not to ...etc”


Do you find your bull to always be very careful with his words?

And mean what he says?

Also you mentioned that usually if you potentially had an argument you would hang back for a week or two, did you find that giving him that bit of space put things back to neutral so to speak?

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Wow! What perfect timing!! This is sounds spot on!!

Now I think about it he is sometimes scared how I’ll react. He preempts my response which is often wrong tying in with number 5. I’ve had to tell him I’m not his ex so don’t assume I think that way! Also he brings up why I broke it off at times what if I’m not good enough this time etc

Plus on my side 1,2,3,4,6,7 and 8 are accurate. I never check his intentions. Always assume he’s trying to hurt me.

Arguing and bickering from number 8 he feels attacked especially if he misunderstands so he attacks back. He usually claims he didn’t say or do things towards the end of conversation in the height of our arguing!


Thanks so much!! You are the best!! Always point me in the right direction 😊😊

if you always assume he is trying to hurt you, then what you are silently saying is "i believe you are an arsehole". you must believe the best in the other person. if you can't and you don't then why in the world do you want to be with someone you think deep down is a bastard?

As I wrote the msg I started thinking about why my default was to think he will hurt me. He has not done anything like that before so I think it’s something I need to really work on! Figure out where it comes from.

Reading your experiences has really helped me understand his absences sometimes. Ie dealing with his ex who he says he argues with almost daily abt their son still and a new job he just got which means a lot more travel etc

I think I’m taking it personally when it is not the case at all!

I arrived in Canada last Tuesday and called him as he had asked we spoke briefly and 2 days later he forgot that he spoke to me, forgot he said he would call back to check on me. I panic when I should do what @piscesgal76 said, write it down instead!

Thats the general thing with men aswell, they can get caught up with stuff, that they simply forget other stuff what we find important. When that happens, we women tend to freak out and get upset and hurt. While its actually harmless and unintentional by the man. Thats something I learned from previous relationship.


Just write it down, most mobile phones have a notes option. Its easy to type in there. Thats where I write stuff down. Hopefully it will help you aswell. I've accepted that mine most likely wont come back at all.....

I totally understand what you are saying! I remember that there was actually a time where it never crossed my mind if he didn’t ask how I was doing so therefore I was not placing any importance on it and it didn’t matter. But somewhere along the lines I started placing importance on it and it became an issue but really it was just my issue.

I’m going to go back and read your story she is so I can see how you got to the point you are at. I have already started writing things down and using voice memo if I am in transit and I find it is such a great help to just get it out and not bombard him with idle thoughts some of which are clearly irrational!

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

@jeane I wanted to ask you if you have experienced anything like this with your bull or something similar. As I mentioned, my bull said he was trying to sort himself out. But I find he tends to be very careful with his words and in everything he said he didn’t directly ask for space or time he just said he was trying to sort himself out and he might not be able to respond as quickly but personally with my bull, I feel like he actually needs time to himself to figure out how he’s going to deal with his ex contacting him and arguing daily and work et cetera.

He can be very good at saying “well I didn’t tell you not to call, I didn’t tell you not to ...etc”


Do you find your bull to always be very careful with his words?

And mean what he says?

Also you mentioned that usually if you potentially had an argument you would hang back for a week or two, did you find that giving him that bit of space put things back to neutral so to speak?

ugh, you're giving me flashbacks.


yes! at the start he was incredibly careful around me. it used to drive me nuts. i took it personally. i hated being kept in the dark and kept at arms length. it was like i never got a chance to see the soft underbelly. being a scorp venus, i absolutely raged against it. nearly all, actually, now i think about it, ALL of our fights for the first 6 months to a year had that at its core.


you know what though? he was dealing with a difficult ex and a very upsetting relationship. he was going through a lot. he was delicate, his heart had been blown up into a million little pieces and trying to navigate his way out. he didn't really trust me with his feelings and given his last experience of a relationship he was totally unsure on how to move forward with me. he cared for me but he didn't want to burden me with his problems. he also was behaving in a way that he was used to but he also wanted to make it work with me. i had to keep reminding him that i wasn't his ex. i wouldn't tolerate those old patterns.


all i can say is that it took time. it took arguments. it took upset. it took patience. it took understanding and kindness and selflessness and it took courage from both us to put hearts on the line when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but we are solid now because of all that we went through.


he always meant what he said. he never wanted to over promise. he feared letting me down and of not being able to come through for me. he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want me to be hurt by having to deal with his issues. he was strong and wanted to deal with it on his own.


me distancing myself after an argument? it never reset him. it reset me but he was in the exact same spot where i left him. bulls dont move. at least my one didnt. maybe he had reflected a bit but it was not neutral.

click to expand

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

@jeane I wanted to ask you if you have experienced anything like this with your bull or something similar. As I mentioned, my bull said he was trying to sort himself out. But I find he tends to be very careful with his words and in everything he said he didn’t directly ask for space or time he just said he was trying to sort himself out and he might not be able to respond as quickly but personally with my bull, I feel like he actually needs time to himself to figure out how he’s going to deal with his ex contacting him and arguing daily and work et cetera.

He can be very good at saying “well I didn’t tell you not to call, I didn’t tell you not to ...etc”


Do you find your bull to always be very careful with his words?

And mean what he says?

Also you mentioned that usually if you potentially had an argument you would hang back for a week or two, did you find that giving him that bit of space put things back to neutral so to speak?

ugh, you're giving me flashbacks.


yes! at the start he was incredibly careful around me. it used to drive me nuts. i took it personally. i hated being kept in the dark and kept at arms length. it was like i never got a chance to see the soft underbelly. being a scorp venus, i absolutely raged against it. nearly all, actually, now i think about it, ALL of our fights for the first 6 months to a year had that at its core.


you know what though? he was dealing with a difficult ex and a very upsetting relationship. he was going through a lot. he was delicate, his heart had been blown up into a million little pieces and trying to navigate his way out. he didn't really trust me with his feelings and given his last experience of a relationship he was totally unsure on how to move forward with me. he cared for me but he didn't want to burden me with his problems. he also was behaving in a way that he was used to but he also wanted to make it work with me. i had to keep reminding him that i wasn't his ex. i wouldn't tolerate those old patterns.


all i can say is that it took time. it took arguments. it took upset. it took patience. it took understanding and kindness and selflessness and it took courage from both us to put hearts on the line when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but we are solid now because of all that we went through.


he always meant what he said. he never wanted to over promise. he feared letting me down and of not being able to come through for me. he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want me to be hurt by having to deal with his issues. he was strong and wanted to deal with it on his own.


me distancing myself after an argument? it never reset him. it reset me but he was in the exact same spot where i left him. bulls dont move. at least my one didnt. maybe he had reflected a bit but it was not neutral.

Oh I’m so glad I’m not out on a ledge! phew! I do feel exactly how you used to! Like I’m not being told everything and yes at times I have taken it personally. Some I hear or find out randomly from his dad. Eg he wanted to take his son to Spain, she said “no, not without me and I have his passport you won’t get it!” He then tells her to stop threatening him and she is not going with them. That’s the part I get told...what really happened...she totally over ruled him and she ended up flying out and staying in a separate hotel(the bit I found out). He told me he “sorted” it but I knew what really happened!! Doesn’t make him look like he has a handle of things if he tells me that, which I appreciate but that little voice always makes you think it’s something worse and personal!

I never see his soft underbelly unless it’s a discussion about our status, he always softens as he doesn’t want me to go.

Sounds so similar to me!! Don’t think he trusts me with his feelings either a) because I broke up with him already and b) because his ex is always telling him how worthless he is!


Ah yes the over promising. I used to think he didn’t want to see me but a number of times she has blocked him by not telling him what time she’s dropping their son off so he waits in all day! He really needs to sort it out for himself and like you said I need to be patient. You just fall off the wagon at times right?

If you make it a black and white situation it’s easier, but the truth is, it’s not that simple!


And this...”he feared letting me down and of not being able to come through for me. ”

Always!! Always wants to appear in control and strong!!

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Posted by jeane

Posted by 2LoV3

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Wow! What perfect timing!! This is sounds spot on!!

Now I think about it he is sometimes scared how I’ll react. He preempts my response which is often wrong tying in with number 5. I’ve had to tell him I’m not his ex so don’t assume I think that way! Also he brings up why I broke it off at times what if I’m not good enough this time etc

Plus on my side 1,2,3,4,6,7 and 8 are accurate. I never check his intentions. Always assume he’s trying to hurt me.

Arguing and bickering from number 8 he feels attacked especially if he misunderstands so he attacks back. He usually claims he didn’t say or do things towards the end of conversation in the height of our arguing!


Thanks so much!! You are the best!! Always point me in the right direction 😊😊

if you always assume he is trying to hurt you, then what you are silently saying is "i believe you are an arsehole". you must believe the best in the other person. if you can't and you don't then why in the world do you want to be with someone you think deep down is a bastard?

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Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Everything on there makes perfect sense!


You know my story.....


I recognise some habbits and I am learning. 1 thing I've learned, when feeling overly emotional, talk to a friend instead of laying it all on your partner. Cause often, they cant process it. When venting to a friend, relieves pressure and enables yourself to either have a short, gentle talk with partner or leave it as is (when its actually minor enough that it really didnt need a blow up).


I for one go into panic mode when I sense change. I know I shouldnt but I still do. I think this is also part why the bull ran off. Now that I'm playing it cool, giving him space and time, send an occassional text asking how he is doing in a friendly matter, he's responsive. Even was concerned about something that happened to me. Whether or not if he does come back when he is ready, is for later time. I'm doing me and carrying on with life. And when I feel emotions, I talk to my friend about it and I write down my thoughts to clear my mind. This is now going on for a week and it feels a lot better.


I've read your past posts in Taurus forum about how you sometimes didnt hear from yours for a month at a time. It triggers my panic but.... it makes total sense aswell that you do it that way. I know each situation is different and dont know if mine will change for the better but at least it gives me some peace. And I learned something from it. We didnt have words, arguments, fights what so ever. Did not cheat either.... I recognise my part and his part in all this. I have expressed my part to him and sincerely apologized for it. Whether it was needed or not, I did so anyways. He apologized for his part in the best way he knows how to.


This article has some good, valid points so thank you for sharing it.

glad it helped. i always figure even if only 1% resonates with me then it's something i've learnt and could try to apply.


i nearly always heard from mine.


i think before we started up things got silent for a month but he was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time so needed the space to work out where he was going in life. then other times, again before we got together and were just friends, i would hear from him initially maybe once a fortnight?


after we got together i got radio silence for 3 days once and that freaked me out.


when we used to argue i would distance myself for a week or two but other than that we were always in contact.


he did say to me once that he wanted to put us "on pause" where i dutifully lost my shit. when we finally agree to pause that lasted about 12 hours.


now i will hear from him pretty much everyday. on the rare occasion when he is busy with work we won't speak for a day but that's as long as it gets.


i think you are doing all you can. it seems like you find yourself in a frustrating situation but it does take two people to make it work and while you're the only person who is available (emotionally or otherwise) there is not much you can do.

Same for this bull, he's dealing with a lot at home and emotionally. So in a sense I fully understand his choice. I could tell it was difficult for him to do so.


All I can do is carry on..... and hope for the best....


I think its very good how you go about it and it helps others here too.

yeah, that's all any of us can do.


thanks. all i can give is my experience. what has worked, what hasn't. others also contribute interesting perspectives too when dealing with bulls. agentp911 always has an interesting take as a scorp with a bull and boots1313 has the benefit of being a bull while also being with a bull.


ultimately you just gotta go with what your judgement leads you to do.

Yes both of them have commented on my posts before. Agent I see quite often. Its not always pleasant to read but in essence, I know its beneficial.

click to expand

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by jeane

this literally just landed in my inbox


https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/why-men-pull-away-in-relationships-even-when-they-love-you


is it of any use? i don't know if what it says is valid but it might be helpful to you.

Everything on there makes perfect sense!


You know my story.....


I recognise some habbits and I am learning. 1 thing I've learned, when feeling overly emotional, talk to a friend instead of laying it all on your partner. Cause often, they cant process it. When venting to a friend, relieves pressure and enables yourself to either have a short, gentle talk with partner or leave it as is (when its actually minor enough that it really didnt need a blow up).


I for one go into panic mode when I sense change. I know I shouldnt but I still do. I think this is also part why the bull ran off. Now that I'm playing it cool, giving him space and time, send an occassional text asking how he is doing in a friendly matter, he's responsive. Even was concerned about something that happened to me. Whether or not if he does come back when he is ready, is for later time. I'm doing me and carrying on with life. And when I feel emotions, I talk to my friend about it and I write down my thoughts to clear my mind. This is now going on for a week and it feels a lot better.


I've read your past posts in Taurus forum about how you sometimes didnt hear from yours for a month at a time. It triggers my panic but.... it makes total sense aswell that you do it that way. I know each situation is different and dont know if mine will change for the better but at least it gives me some peace. And I learned something from it. We didnt have words, arguments, fights what so ever. Did not cheat either.... I recognise my part and his part in all this. I have expressed my part to him and sincerely apologized for it. Whether it was needed or not, I did so anyways. He apologized for his part in the best way he knows how to.


This article has some good, valid points so thank you for sharing it.

glad it helped. i always figure even if only 1% resonates with me then it's something i've learnt and could try to apply.


i nearly always heard from mine.


i think before we started up things got silent for a month but he was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time so needed the space to work out where he was going in life. then other times, again before we got together and were just friends, i would hear from him initially maybe once a fortnight?


after we got together i got radio silence for 3 days once and that freaked me out.


when we used to argue i would distance myself for a week or two but other than that we were always in contact.


he did say to me once that he wanted to put us "on pause" where i dutifully lost my shit. when we finally agree to pause that lasted about 12 hours.


now i will hear from him pretty much everyday. on the rare occasion when he is busy with work we won't speak for a day but that's as long as it gets.


i think you are doing all you can. it seems like you find yourself in a frustrating situation but it does take two people to make it work and while you're the only person who is available (emotionally or otherwise) there is not much you can do.

Same for this bull, he's dealing with a lot at home and emotionally. So in a sense I fully understand his choice. I could tell it was difficult for him to do so.


All I can do is carry on..... and hope for the best....


I think its very good how you go about it and it helps others here too.

yeah, that's all any of us can do.


thanks. all i can give is my experience. what has worked, what hasn't. others also contribute interesting perspectives too when dealing with bulls. agentp911 always has an interesting take as a scorp with a bull and boots1313 has the benefit of being a bull while also being with a bull.


ultimately you just gotta go with what your judgement leads you to do.

Yes both of them have commented on my posts before. Agent I see quite often. Its not always pleasant to read but in essence, I know its beneficial.

Yeah, sorry about that Pisces. I blame my Mercury in Sagittarius for the content and delivery style !

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