Perspective from Taurean man - Walk away?

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by Taureancosmic on Sunday, August 8, 2021 and has 62 replies.
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Advice needed, please no nasty comments as I am fragile!!

Together 16 months, ups and downs as partner has Aspergers (only knew half way through when I found out his son had it)... made a lot of sense as we argued A LOT!

I saw why, and it explained a lot of behaviours. He has always been protective of ex, which I accepted and saw as integrity.

I read up on Aspergers, it helped, but due to his inexperience with relationships (married for decades, separated, still in marital home living separately) we still locked horns, some of it being the fact we are both Taureans maybe?? Some due to Aspergers. Some due to his unfairness in always putting his ex first ( they are definitely NOT together), he is not intentionally hurtful to me, but nonetheless, sometimes I find it hurtful.

I love this man. Heart body and soul. We have a very deep connection, I know this. Just had a wonderful 10 day holiday, he met my best friends, it was amazing... couple of tiny arguments... one big one. We made up after (i thought?), he had to go back home, I stayed on holiday for another week.

I took him to airport, waited, we kissed, said our lovely goodbyes. He got back, was quiet over text. Thought he was tired and maybe overwhelmed with his new experiences, so left him alone. Next day I left him be all day. Evening came, I texted, asked if he was calling that night ( we have spoken every day since the beginning).

He said no, he wanted no contact for the remainder of my holiday! Out of nowhere! Knowing that I was alone in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. I got angry, spewed some stuff back (which I regret), he said 'leave me alone' and then blocked me.

Havent heard since, 1 week.

To say I am devastated is an understatement. He was calling me his wife on holiday? Literally my hero on holiday, it was beautiful. He said he wanted to be a dad to my son?

To then not give a **** about me, block me???

Unfortunately I reacted and send a message via another platform, I wasn't horrible, I said I couldn't understand, that his behaviour wasn't acceptable, but I also told him to go back to his previous family. Said his actions indicated he wanted me to walk away, and that I wouldn't bother him ever again. I WISH I hadn't been so reactive Sad

Here I am, holiday ruined, heartbroken, 4 days left. Can't shake it off.

He butt dialled me last night, 2.30am, on his way home from a bar, I could hear him talking to friends, laughing, having a good time.

Honestly, does any one have any advice? Taurus woman, taurus man? Taurus man on spectrum? Anything?

I think I will never hear from him again? He's blanked me before over message (not reading or responding to messages for a day or two) but NEVER this. Never so cold hearted.

Is this doomed? How do I let go of someone I thought to be the love of my life?
Have you researched aspberger and partnership. It unbending, my way or the highlight , very difficult so much people are misdiagnoses with narcissism. Lack of empathy. I’m sorry your hurting it might be a blessing in disguise in the long run. I suggest you research on partnering with asperbeger.
How does he put his ex first?
Posted by CookieMonster123

What you said to him exactly?

What is your sign btw?

I read she’s a Taurus too
A LOT of arguing in such a short time...

Still married and living with his wife and son.....obsessed with his wife, separated or not....

Aspergers, which in itself makes intimate relationships difficult....

Nah





Posted by CookieMonster123

What you said to him exactly?
He messaged the first night, not much but ok. I thought he was tired but left him alone.

Next day nothing. I texted 'are you calling tonight', as we talk everyday.

He said no, the dog has sprained leg, not walking her (we chat as he walks dog)... he said ' anyway, need this time time out'

I said....' to clarify, you don't to talk to me AT ALL for the next 10 days??'

He said ' yes, correct'.

There was no affection, no discussion. Just over text, after sleeping together so many times the day before! I'm a bull, he really upset me, given I was in an old farmhouse on my own with my son, middle of nowhere.

He would never tell his estranged wife not to contact him.

We had argued 4 days before, big one. Looking through pics, he saw one of ex and started saying how bad his teeth and nose were. I said nothing much, half agreed. 2 hours later, looking at pictures of his ex (20 years older), I said ' Jeez, wow...'... before I could say anymore, he pulled phone away, and said 'no, no, don't do that'... protecting her.

I showed him that he did it to my ex, and he kicked off saying that I should rip his wife apart then if I liked... He struggles a lot, I know 65% is aspergers, but its HARD.

He tried to 'dump me' that night, but took words back quickly, very quickly. We made up, rest of holiday was great.

There was a lot of love.

Then bam! Don't want to talk to you.

I reacted, said some bad things Sad 'call yourself' my friend', what kind of a man leaves his partner with no contact, you've heart broken me, why would you text me and say this, no discussion, ... etc etc....

Then he blocked me. Obviously because of my 'outburst'.

Posted by Truemara

Have you researched aspberger and partnership. It unbending, my way or the highlight , very difficult so much people are misdiagnoses with narcissism. Lack of empathy. I’m sorry your hurting it might be a blessing in disguise in the long run. I suggest you research on partnering with asperbeger.
Its been hard Sad I love him.... always will. I think he is my true love. But I feel what you are saying about it being a blessing maybe. I have read a lot on asperger, it resonates SO much... but day to day is very very difficult
Posted by Truemara

How does he put his ex first?
Small things, always there for her... takes her to hospital appointments... takes big offence if anything negative said about her... didn't come to see me over lockdown (he could have locked down with me)... said he didn't want to put her at risk. But never thought the same for me! when he came to see me!! She's older, so thought he was just being respectful.

Then protective over any comments, it creates bad feelings and arguments between us, us he doesn't seem to understand that you can't have it one way. I am reactionary unfortunately, he needs very calm discussion. I do try, but he so unfair sometimes.
Ultimately it doesn't matter if he is estranged from the wife or not. She is still higher up on his priorities then you, his gf.

Fucking you is the only place where you win out over her (allegedly). But overall the scales swing in her favor.

Thing is if you accept him back you accept him as he is. And you accept that he will continue to put his ex wife higher then you unfair as that is.
He quarantined which his older ex!!!

Maybe he’s not over her why he got mad and almost broke up with you cuz u started to criticize her.
Posted by LadyNeptune

Ultimately it doesn't matter if he is estranged from the wife or not. She is still higher up on his priorities then you, his gf.

Fucking you is the only place where you win out over her (allegedly). But overall the scales swing in her favor.

Thing is if you accept him back you accept him as he is. And you accept that he will continue to put his ex wife higher then you unfair as that is.
Yeah, thats why I haven't contacted him since he unblocked me. I think he also worries because of her age! But you are right, 100% Sad
Posted by Truemara

He quarantined which his older ex!!!

Maybe he’s not over her why he got mad and almost broke up with you cuz u started to criticize her.
Yeah I think its complicated, she is 20 years older! His kids also live there, so I guess, and do understand he felt he wanted to be there. If it was in isolation, I could handle it, but there are so many small instances... he's admitted that he's very sentimental. He's not a bad man, he's a good man... but very complicated .

Ugh!

He unblocked me 2-3 days ago... he hasn't contacted, I haven't contacted.
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by LadyNeptune

Ultimately it doesn't matter if he is estranged from the wife or not. She is still higher up on his priorities then you, his gf.

Fucking you is the only place where you win out over her (allegedly). But overall the scales swing in her favor.

Thing is if you accept him back you accept him as he is. And you accept that he will continue to put his ex wife higher then you unfair as that is.


Yeah, thats why I haven't contacted him since he unblocked me. I think he also worries because of her age! But you are right, 100% Sad
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Probably for the best. Maybe your absence will cause him to realize he misses you. You never know what you have until its gone... or however that saying goes. If he reaches out apologetic and what not you have your chance to set new boundaries, air your grievances, and make it known you won't stick around and be second place to his estranged wife.

And if he doesn't reach out you know he really didn't value the relationship as much as you did. You can begin to heal and close this chapter and free up your heart for someone ready to match the investment you have to offer.
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by LadyNeptune

Ultimately it doesn't matter if he is estranged from the wife or not. She is still higher up on his priorities then you, his gf.

Fucking you is the only place where you win out over her (allegedly). But overall the scales swing in her favor.

Thing is if you accept him back you accept him as he is. And you accept that he will continue to put his ex wife higher then you unfair as that is.


Yeah, thats why I haven't contacted him since he unblocked me. I think he also worries because of her age! But you are right, 100% Sad
click to expand

How old is she? And what’s her sign ?

I mean if she mid 40 s to 50 I got to crack up’ she’s not an invalid. Age to worry is 70-80s lol

Did she dump him?
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by LadyNeptune

Ultimately it doesn't matter if he is estranged from the wife or not. She is still higher up on his priorities then you, his gf.

Fucking you is the only place where you win out over her (allegedly). But overall the scales swing in her favor.

Thing is if you accept him back you accept him as he is. And you accept that he will continue to put his ex wife higher then you unfair as that is.


Yeah, thats why I haven't contacted him since he unblocked me. I think he also worries because of her age! But you are right, 100% Sad


Probably for the best. Maybe your absence will cause him to realize he misses you. You never know what you have until its gone... or however that saying goes. If he reaches out apologetic and what not you have your chance to set new boundaries, air your grievances, and make it known you won't stick around and be second place to his estranged wife.

And if he doesn't reach out you know he really didn't value the relationship as much as you did. You can begin to heal and close this chapter and free up your heart for someone ready to match the investment you have to offer.
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Thank you, yes, I think you may be right. My heart is hurting so bad; but I have to be strong... I don't know how accurate Youtube tarot readings are, but they are all saying the same thing almost... that he will contact. I can only concentrate on myself for now, and leave it to the universe I guess. I feel like I can feel him, but it could be my stupid imagination! Thanks again
Posted by Truemara
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by LadyNeptune

Ultimately it doesn't matter if he is estranged from the wife or not. She is still higher up on his priorities then you, his gf.

Fucking you is the only place where you win out over her (allegedly). But overall the scales swing in her favor.

Thing is if you accept him back you accept him as he is. And you accept that he will continue to put his ex wife higher then you unfair as that is.


Yeah, thats why I haven't contacted him since he unblocked me. I think he also worries because of her age! But you are right, 100% Sad

How old is she? And what’s her sign ?

I mean if she mid 40 s to 50 I got to crack up’ she’s not an invalid. Age to worry is 70-80s lol

Did she dump him?
click to expand
She's a cancer, she's 69
You’ll be walking on eggshells
Posted by The_Spirit_of_Alex_Trebek

If he's on the spectrum of autism its going to be a challenge. You don't need to be reading into astrology, you need to be really reading into Aspergers. Most of what your big concerns are are typical for people with Aspegers. Even him preferring relationships with older women is typical for men with aspergers. PLEASE READ UP.
Thanks yes, I have been reading . I am struggling to see where the Aspergers ends, and the Taurean man starts! I never heard Aspergers men preferring older women, thats new to me. I know there is trouble with sensory overload which is why I always give him time, try not to hassle. Also, every thing I have read states that no 2 cases of autism are the same, so then it becomes a minefield..

I have no idea whether to contact him now or not. Its 2 weeks... Does he want to hear from me?
UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Can you please post your chart and his chart?

If you do not have them, can you please post your dob and his dob?
click to expand
Me: 25th April 1973

Him: 24th April 1972

It hurts so bad
Posted by CookieMonster123
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Can you please post your chart and his chart?

If you do not have them, can you please post your dob and his dob?


Me: 25th April 1973

Him: 24th April 1972

It hurts so bad


Venus in taurus with venus in gemini

Run
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I don't understand? Sorry, I'm a bit new to all of it.. things were so amazing most of the time, there was so much love. At least I thought so,
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Just back off entirely from him. Wish him well and say nothing more.
click to expand
He heard how shocked I was. I asked him if we'd meant anything to him etc, I did show my love AGAIN, even in the presence of his anger and even when he said he didn't love me. I'm SO pathetic. I wished him well at the end, said I hoped his life would be happy, that he would find the right love for him.

I will back off entirely. He's broken my heart into pieces. I guess I asked for it. I'm 48, divorced, had a few long termers.... thought he was my true love. How stupid can I get??

You are right... say nothing more.
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Just back off entirely from him. Wish him well and say nothing more.


He heard how shocked I was. I asked him if we'd meant anything to him etc, I did show my love AGAIN, even in the presence of his anger and even when he said he didn't love me. I'm SO pathetic. I wished him well at the end, said I hoped his life would be happy, that he would find the right love for him.

I will back off entirely. He's broken my heart into pieces. I guess I asked for it. I'm 48, divorced, had a few long termers.... thought he was my true love. How stupid can I get??

You are right... say nothing more.


Yes, keep your self dignity and self respect intact and walk away from him. The chart Synastry looks real good… a lot of compatibility although you had these 2 challenges in the charts.


Looking back, do you see these 2 challenges rearing their head in your relationship?

-49 Opposition Mercury - Uranus

Challenging aspect: They frequently are impatient with each other. If they live together, there may be frequent disputes and tension. They should make an effort not to continually challenge one another's ideas or opinions.

-48 Opposition Saturn - Neptune

Challenging aspect: While the Saturn person can help organize or direct the Neptune person, there may be some resentment.
click to expand


Yes, compatible in SO many ways. He has been in a marriage for 25 years, and his example of a good relationship is not a good one... He is really REALLY difficult to navigate sometimes (Aspergers), but I love him the same, and would have walked through fire for him. So compatible its heart breaking. He doesn't realise it as his experience is SO limited.

The challenging aspect of being impatient with each other is definitely true. Happened all the time, him being impatient with me mostly. He would go from placid and calm to full on anger. He would often wait to get angry (we'd have an argument at weekend while he was with me, seemingly get over it, then 3 days later kick off saying that I'd been abusive or behaved disgustingly). Most of the time he was kind and gentle.
Posted by PlowSeason

Jeez that was harsh of him. Definitely best to back off. Taurus can't handle being rushed or backed into a corner. They also get really mad and hold grudges for a long time. Something else could be going on. Give it time. The aspergers probably doesn't help. I see you're a Taurus too. Try not to take it too hard. Its not your fault that he has aspergers and cant handle normal relationship arguments. Everybody fights... On your own, you guys are pretty dumb. I mean you can be really smart and have some really good ideas. You could make a lot of money off Taurus ideas, but tauruses are also incredibly dumb. Like one time I checked a taurus' browser history and in it was "pudding 24/7 near me". Then I closed it and never checked his browser history again. But it really opened my eyes to the difference between our EQs. But yeah, you'll just have to let him go. Revisit in a year if he doesn't come back in a week or two. When Tauruses are that mean, they usually feel bad about it, but idk this one sounds like he might not be all there.
Thanks for the response, honestly means a lot, I'm feeling so shitty. I'm crumbling wreck, I have never been so sad about a lost love, ever. I thought this one was forever.

He could be immensely harsh; so much so it would take my breath away. He would go from calm and placid to immense anger in half a second. The Aspergers was very difficult to navigate, and he would never see anything as his fault. Though he would show he was sorry later. I could see his struggles, but he could never see my efforts. He definitely couldn't handle normal relationship arguments, and I wonder if he even realises how lucky and forgiving I am, how hard I tried. He will have a hard time with any neurotypical, this much I know. I feel sad for him, thats how much I love him. He is super intelligent, as in, gifted intelligence, academically. Just not emotionally.

You made me laugh saying I am dumb. I feel pretty dumb right now. After he said he didn't love me, I told him I was shocked and still loved him and wanted to make it work. He said he didn't feel the same way, that he would NEVER let anyone treat him the way I treated him.

I don't even think he feels like he was mean. I am the bad party, for having emotions. He said I flew into a rage and kicked off aggressively. I truly didn't. I was heated and indignant as he'd been unfair, but even by most standards I was no more than heavily argumentative (he obviously has never seen a taurean woman kick off)...I asked if he loved me, he said not 'that' way anymore. I said I'd missed him. He said he'd been healing.

We talked about being friends. I thought that meant keeping some flow going with contact; then he said he meant once per month, or every couple of months. I said, that wasn't friendly to me. He said, 'well, we need that time to move on from each other, get over each other' He was very hard.

Idk, I guess he has special traits, I was growing to get used to them, to try and navigate them, as my love for him is so deep. The most loving man I have ever known, the best cuddles I have ever received.

I feel broken. What now? There is such a void in my life, we spoke every day for 2 years. I am crying in disbelief.
Posted by PlowSeason

Thats if you want him to come back. Me personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who seriously accused you of being abusive. People like that will bring a whole mess of problems into your life.
Yes, its shocking isn't it. He's gotten under my skin... i feel like he's my twin flame. I feel like he's in me.

Or maybe he's a karmic? I'm reading up on this stuff as I'm new to it all.
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by PlowSeason

Thats if you want him to come back. Me personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who seriously accused you of being abusive. People like that will bring a whole mess of problems into your life.


Yes, its shocking isn't it. He's gotten under my skin... i feel like he's my twin flame. I feel like he's in me.

Or maybe he's a karmic? I'm reading up on this stuff as I'm new to it all.
click to expand

This is asperger it will never get better. You will never be allowed to express yourself. You’ll be walking on eggshells better he did this now than in years ahead. Aspires have no empathy no convincing otherwise. He says it’s over. It is over.
Posted by Truemara
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by PlowSeason

Thats if you want him to come back. Me personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who seriously accused you of being abusive. People like that will bring a whole mess of problems into your life.


Yes, its shocking isn't it. He's gotten under my skin... i feel like he's my twin flame. I feel like he's in me.

Or maybe he's a karmic? I'm reading up on this stuff as I'm new to it all.

This is asperger it will never get better. You will never be allowed to express yourself. You’ll be walking on eggshells better he did this now than in years ahead. Aspires have no empathy no convincing otherwise. He says it’s over. It is over.
click to expand
You are right. I was never allowed to express my self. If i did, and it was anything above a calm monotone voice, I was accused of flying into a rage, or being dramatic or hysterical. My friends all know me to be patient and calm 99% of the time. Yes, I raised my voice, became passionate. Do Aspies have no empathy? He often felt sorry for people, or animals. Even his ex, he could still empathise sometimes. He told me at the end, he'd never let anyone abuse him like I did, that he did not feel safe. This crushed me. He said he would NOT take any of the blame for any of it.

I literally laid myself bare to him, gave him my heart, we wrote to each other for 10 months before meeting ever day, then speaking every day. Its such a tragic love story I almost can't believe it.
Posted by PlowSeason
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by Truemara
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by PlowSeason

Thats if you want him to come back. Me personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who seriously accused you of being abusive. People like that will bring a whole mess of problems into your life.


Yes, its shocking isn't it. He's gotten under my skin... i feel like he's my twin flame. I feel like he's in me.

Or maybe he's a karmic? I'm reading up on this stuff as I'm new to it all.

This is asperger it will never get better. You will never be allowed to express yourself. You’ll be walking on eggshells better he did this now than in years ahead. Aspires have no empathy no convincing otherwise. He says it’s over. It is over.


You are right. I was never allowed to express my self. If i did, and it was anything above a calm monotone voice, I was accused of flying into a rage, or being dramatic or hysterical. My friends all know me to be patient and calm 99% of the time. Yes, I raised my voice, became passionate. Do Aspies have no empathy? He often felt sorry for people, or animals. Even his ex, he could still empathise sometimes. He told me at the end, he'd never let anyone abuse him like I did, that he did not feel safe. This crushed me. He said he would NOT take any of the blame for any of it.

I literally laid myself bare to him, gave him my heart, we wrote to each other for 10 months before meeting ever day, then speaking every day. Its such a tragic love story I almost can't believe it.


Everything you're saying is all classic signs of a sociopath. The good you saw was probably not real.
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The good she saw was a reflection of her
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by Truemara
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by PlowSeason

Thats if you want him to come back. Me personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who seriously accused you of being abusive. People like that will bring a whole mess of problems into your life.


Yes, its shocking isn't it. He's gotten under my skin... i feel like he's my twin flame. I feel like he's in me.

Or maybe he's a karmic? I'm reading up on this stuff as I'm new to it all.

This is asperger it will never get better. You will never be allowed to express yourself. You’ll be walking on eggshells better he did this now than in years ahead. Aspires have no empathy no convincing otherwise. He says it’s over. It is over.


You are right. I was never allowed to express my self. If i did, and it was anything above a calm monotone voice, I was accused of flying into a rage, or being dramatic or hysterical. My friends all know me to be patient and calm 99% of the time. Yes, I raised my voice, became passionate. Do Aspies have no empathy? He often felt sorry for people, or animals. Even his ex, he could still empathise sometimes. He told me at the end, he'd never let anyone abuse him like I did, that he did not feel safe. This crushed me. He said he would NOT take any of the blame for any of it.

I literally laid myself bare to him, gave him my heart, we wrote to each other for 10 months before meeting ever day, then speaking every day. Its such a tragic love story I almost can't believe it.
click to expand

Empathy is ability to put themselves in another’s shoes. He can’t n did not with you

Caring for another is not empathy
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Just back off entirely from him. Wish him well and say nothing more.


He heard how shocked I was. I asked him if we'd meant anything to him etc, I did show my love AGAIN, even in the presence of his anger and even when he said he didn't love me. I'm SO pathetic. I wished him well at the end, said I hoped his life would be happy, that he would find the right love for him.

I will back off entirely. He's broken my heart into pieces. I guess I asked for it. I'm 48, divorced, had a few long termers.... thought he was my true love. How stupid can I get??

You are right... say nothing more.


Yes, keep your self dignity and self respect intact and walk away from him. The chart Synastry looks real good… a lot of compatibility although you had these 2 challenges in the charts.


Looking back, do you see these 2 challenges rearing their head in your relationship?

-49 Opposition Mercury - Uranus

Challenging aspect: They frequently are impatient with each other. If they live together, there may be frequent disputes and tension. They should make an effort not to continually challenge one another's ideas or opinions.

-48 Opposition Saturn - Neptune

Challenging aspect: While the Saturn person can help organize or direct the Neptune person, there may be some resentment.


Yes, compatible in SO many ways. He has been in a marriage for 25 years, and his example of a good relationship is not a good one... He is really REALLY difficult to navigate sometimes (Aspergers), but I love him the same, and would have walked through fire for him. So compatible its heart breaking. He doesn't realise it as his experience is SO limited.

The challenging aspect of being impatient with each other is definitely true. Happened all the time, him being impatient with me mostly. He would go from placid and calm to full on anger. He would often wait to get angry (we'd have an argument at weekend while he was with me, seemingly get over it, then 3 days later kick off saying that I'd been abusive or behaved disgustingly). Most of the time he was kind and gentle.


What was the reason his marriage ended?

Sounds like he was the abusive one and he put that on you. He then broke up with you because maybe he felt you would break up with him. I find that with some men… they will say that you are or not being some way that they are guilty of feeling.

You sound like a catch for the right person.
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You just made me cry. I feel so ugly and unwanted right now. I gave him the best of my everything, the best of my love, I worshipped him, cooked when tired, listened to his weird infatuations of his PC and car, I loved his quirky habits that others said were weird. If it wasn't good enough for him, how could I be good enough for anyone else?

I know I sound depressive, I guess I am. It only just happened an hour or two ago. I'm blessed that you guys have been so kind to me. Thank you.

He was never abusive, just unfair, inexperienced in relationships (we had lots of arguments over silly things that I slowly came to realise was Aspergers. I only found out it was Aspergers 10 months ago, and have been trying to navigate and change myself to fit and adapt to him).

His marriage... he married at 26, she was 46. He was painfully shy and inexperienced (and now I realise had Aspergers). They married, had twins. 10 years later, she retired. He said thats when it started going wrong. They separated for 1 year (9 years ago). Then got together again, made a go of it. She finished it 3 years ago. They have been living in same house. He didn't want to leave until kids at university. I understood all this. She is a cancer ian, aged 69 now. Probably like a mother figure? He said he wasnt sure why it ended, they never communicated, he said she didn't speak much.

We wrote for 3-4 times a day for 10 months, then in a solid relationship (saw him every weekend, spoke everyday) for last 14 months. I integrated him into my home, with my son, my family, and recently on our first 10 day holiday with my friends abroad. I obviously did not get integrated into his life. But I was ok. I'm so shocked at his brutality of cutting me off the way his has, and saying that he would never get treated like that again. He's said things like that to me before, but we always worked it out. He said its like being married to someone and 360 days of the year, things are great. But 5 days a year they beat you up. That was his comparison.

He definitely tried to blame me for stuff, and say I was being abusive, when he'd done something wrong. I could take this, as we worked through.

I guess not this time. He literally kicked me into the gutter, like I was nothing to him. He said I had once been everything to him.
Posted by PlowSeason
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by Truemara
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by PlowSeason

Thats if you want him to come back. Me personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who seriously accused you of being abusive. People like that will bring a whole mess of problems into your life.


Yes, its shocking isn't it. He's gotten under my skin... i feel like he's my twin flame. I feel like he's in me.

Or maybe he's a karmic? I'm reading up on this stuff as I'm new to it all.

This is asperger it will never get better. You will never be allowed to express yourself. You’ll be walking on eggshells better he did this now than in years ahead. Aspires have no empathy no convincing otherwise. He says it’s over. It is over.


You are right. I was never allowed to express my self. If i did, and it was anything above a calm monotone voice, I was accused of flying into a rage, or being dramatic or hysterical. My friends all know me to be patient and calm 99% of the time. Yes, I raised my voice, became passionate. Do Aspies have no empathy? He often felt sorry for people, or animals. Even his ex, he could still empathise sometimes. He told me at the end, he'd never let anyone abuse him like I did, that he did not feel safe. This crushed me. He said he would NOT take any of the blame for any of it.

I literally laid myself bare to him, gave him my heart, we wrote to each other for 10 months before meeting ever day, then speaking every day. Its such a tragic love story I almost can't believe it.


Everything you're saying is all classic signs of a sociopath. The good you saw was probably not real.
click to expand


I know nothing about sociopath. I will look it up. I'm generally good at sniffing out a bullshitter... I think he did lie a little but not very well. Do you think sociopath more than asperger?
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Just back off entirely from him. Wish him well and say nothing more.


He heard how shocked I was. I asked him if we'd meant anything to him etc, I did show my love AGAIN, even in the presence of his anger and even when he said he didn't love me. I'm SO pathetic. I wished him well at the end, said I hoped his life would be happy, that he would find the right love for him.

I will back off entirely. He's broken my heart into pieces. I guess I asked for it. I'm 48, divorced, had a few long termers.... thought he was my true love. How stupid can I get??

You are right... say nothing more.


Yes, keep your self dignity and self respect intact and walk away from him. The chart Synastry looks real good… a lot of compatibility although you had these 2 challenges in the charts.


Looking back, do you see these 2 challenges rearing their head in your relationship?

-49 Opposition Mercury - Uranus

Challenging aspect: They frequently are impatient with each other. If they live together, there may be frequent disputes and tension. They should make an effort not to continually challenge one another's ideas or opinions.

-48 Opposition Saturn - Neptune

Challenging aspect: While the Saturn person can help organize or direct the Neptune person, there may be some resentment.


Yes, compatible in SO many ways. He has been in a marriage for 25 years, and his example of a good relationship is not a good one... He is really REALLY difficult to navigate sometimes (Aspergers), but I love him the same, and would have walked through fire for him. So compatible its heart breaking. He doesn't realise it as his experience is SO limited.

The challenging aspect of being impatient with each other is definitely true. Happened all the time, him being impatient with me mostly. He would go from placid and calm to full on anger. He would often wait to get angry (we'd have an argument at weekend while he was with me, seemingly get over it, then 3 days later kick off saying that I'd been abusive or behaved disgustingly). Most of the time he was kind and gentle.


What was the reason his marriage ended?

Sounds like he was the abusive one and he put that on you. He then broke up with you because maybe he felt you would break up with him. I find that with some men… they will say that you are or not being some way that they are guilty of feeling.

You sound like a catch for the right person.


You just made me cry. I feel so ugly and unwanted right now. I gave him the best of my everything, the best of my love, I worshipped him, cooked when tired, listened to his weird infatuations of his PC and car, I loved his quirky habits that others said were weird. If it wasn't good enough for him, how could I be good enough for anyone else?

I know I sound depressive, I guess I am. It only just happened an hour or two ago. I'm blessed that you guys have been so kind to me. Thank you.

He was never abusive, just unfair, inexperienced in relationships (we had lots of arguments over silly things that I slowly came to realise was Aspergers. I only found out it was Aspergers 10 months ago, and have been trying to navigate and change myself to fit and adapt to him).

His marriage... he married at 26, she was 46. He was painfully shy and inexperienced (and now I realise had Aspergers). They married, had twins. 10 years later, she retired. He said thats when it started going wrong. They separated for 1 year (9 years ago). Then got together again, made a go of it. She finished it 3 years ago. They have been living in same house. He didn't want to leave until kids at university. I understood all this. She is a cancer ian, aged 69 now. Probably like a mother figure? He said he wasnt sure why it ended, they never communicated, he said she didn't speak much.

We wrote for 3-4 times a day for 10 months, then in a solid relationship (saw him every weekend, spoke everyday) for last 14 months. I integrated him into my home, with my son, my family, and recently on our first 10 day holiday with my friends abroad. I obviously did not get integrated into his life. But I was ok. I'm so shocked at his brutality of cutting me off the way his has, and saying that he would never get treated like that again. He's said things like that to me before, but we always worked it out. He said its like being married to someone and 360 days of the year, things are great. But 5 days a year they beat you up. That was his comparison.

He definitely tried to blame me for stuff, and say I was being abusive, when he'd done something wrong. I could take this, as we worked through.

I guess not this time. He literally kicked me into the gutter, like I was nothing to him. He said I had once been everything to him.
click to expand

Ugly!??? He was with a 70 year old I suspect she has low self esteem and a doormat why she went for a man she had to take care of. Your only mistake was having self esteem and being normal. No you are not ugly

He’s looking for a doormat , robot who will never voice out any opinion cus that abusive to him.

Ha at he said she didn’t speak much. She couldn’t or else they be a fight n hed leave her
Aspire display a lot of narcissism behavior

a healthy relationship requires a lot of forgiveness. They can be unforgiving
Posted by The_Spirit_of_Alex_Trebek

Everything you've posted are symptoms of Aspergers. Its not your fault. It just is what it is.
Yes, thats what I think... think its the Aspergers.

The thing that upsets me, is that I said I was trying and he said he disagreed, that I had not tried at all. But he didn't give me the time to learn and adapt to him, to understand his ways and needs. I would have done it. It upsets me that he thought I wasn't worth the work, the working it out as we always did.
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by Taureancosmic

UPDATE:

None of it matters anymore. He called me to say it was over.

He said that I was abusive and treated him badly and that he wouldn't be treated like that again. I truly never was abusive by neurotypical standards (only heated, or argumentative if he was unfair), but he needed calm 100% of the time. He said he didn't love me anymore.

Utterly devastated.


Just back off entirely from him. Wish him well and say nothing more.


He heard how shocked I was. I asked him if we'd meant anything to him etc, I did show my love AGAIN, even in the presence of his anger and even when he said he didn't love me. I'm SO pathetic. I wished him well at the end, said I hoped his life would be happy, that he would find the right love for him.

I will back off entirely. He's broken my heart into pieces. I guess I asked for it. I'm 48, divorced, had a few long termers.... thought he was my true love. How stupid can I get??

You are right... say nothing more.


Yes, keep your self dignity and self respect intact and walk away from him. The chart Synastry looks real good… a lot of compatibility although you had these 2 challenges in the charts.


Looking back, do you see these 2 challenges rearing their head in your relationship?

-49 Opposition Mercury - Uranus

Challenging aspect: They frequently are impatient with each other. If they live together, there may be frequent disputes and tension. They should make an effort not to continually challenge one another's ideas or opinions.

-48 Opposition Saturn - Neptune

Challenging aspect: While the Saturn person can help organize or direct the Neptune person, there may be some resentment.


Yes, compatible in SO many ways. He has been in a marriage for 25 years, and his example of a good relationship is not a good one... He is really REALLY difficult to navigate sometimes (Aspergers), but I love him the same, and would have walked through fire for him. So compatible its heart breaking. He doesn't realise it as his experience is SO limited.

The challenging aspect of being impatient with each other is definitely true. Happened all the time, him being impatient with me mostly. He would go from placid and calm to full on anger. He would often wait to get angry (we'd have an argument at weekend while he was with me, seemingly get over it, then 3 days later kick off saying that I'd been abusive or behaved disgustingly). Most of the time he was kind and gentle.


What was the reason his marriage ended?

Sounds like he was the abusive one and he put that on you. He then broke up with you because maybe he felt you would break up with him. I find that with some men… they will say that you are or not being some way that they are guilty of feeling.

You sound like a catch for the right person.


You just made me cry. I feel so ugly and unwanted right now. I gave him the best of my everything, the best of my love, I worshipped him, cooked when tired, listened to his weird infatuations of his PC and car, I loved his quirky habits that others said were weird. If it wasn't good enough for him, how could I be good enough for anyone else?

I know I sound depressive, I guess I am. It only just happened an hour or two ago. I'm blessed that you guys have been so kind to me. Thank you.

He was never abusive, just unfair, inexperienced in relationships (we had lots of arguments over silly things that I slowly came to realise was Aspergers. I only found out it was Aspergers 10 months ago, and have been trying to navigate and change myself to fit and adapt to him).

His marriage... he married at 26, she was 46. He was painfully shy and inexperienced (and now I realise had Aspergers). They married, had twins. 10 years later, she retired. He said thats when it started going wrong. They separated for 1 year (9 years ago). Then got together again, made a go of it. She finished it 3 years ago. They have been living in same house. He didn't want to leave until kids at university. I understood all this. She is a cancer ian, aged 69 now. Probably like a mother figure? He said he wasnt sure why it ended, they never communicated, he said she didn't speak much.

We wrote for 3-4 times a day for 10 months, then in a solid relationship (saw him every weekend, spoke everyday) for last 14 months. I integrated him into my home, with my son, my family, and recently on our first 10 day holiday with my friends abroad. I obviously did not get integrated into his life. But I was ok. I'm so shocked at his brutality of cutting me off the way his has, and saying that he would never get treated like that again. He's said things like that to me before, but we always worked it out. He said its like being married to someone and 360 days of the year, things are great. But 5 days a year they beat you up. That was his comparison.

He definitely tried to blame me for stuff, and say I was being abusive, when he'd done something wrong. I could take this, as we worked through.

I guess not this time. He literally kicked me into the gutter, like I was nothing to him. He said I had once been everything to him.


I did not mean to make you cry, but maybe a good cry will do you good. To put this in perspective, this is just one guy out of how many? You gave him your all and did he appreciate it? Look at his actions, not his words. People always say nice things and can tell you what you want to hear… it’s their actions that will tell you everything.
click to expand
I know, I have a bucket of tears waiting to flood my bedroom when my son goes to bed. I will cry a river tonight, and maybe drown. I know this is just one guy, I know you're right. I guess I gave him my heart, my soul. Honestly, his actions most of the time were full of integrity. He is a good man, with some difficulties, and heart goes out to him.

I'm trying to be as fair as I can to him, as he has a lot of good in him. He is a good man. He asked to maintain contact with my son, to be a good man to him. That he loved him.
Posted by Truemara

Aspire display a lot of narcissism behavior

a healthy relationship requires a lot of forgiveness. They can be unforgiving
Yes, I originally thought he was narcissistic and then the Aspie thing slowly came out. It came from him, but took a long time.

Yes, unforgiving. He even bought up stuff from 8 months ago (typical Taurean maybe, keeping stock of past hurts).

What upsets me too, is that he clearly has given his wife a million chances, but stayed for so long. I offer to work with him, tell him I love and adore him still, even after he dumps me, and he kicks me away. He was very vehement, and still angry with me.
Posted by The_Spirit_of_Alex_Trebek
Posted by Taureancosmic
Posted by The_Spirit_of_Alex_Trebek

Everything you've posted are symptoms of Aspergers. Its not your fault. It just is what it is.


Yes, thats what I think... think its the Aspergers.

The thing that upsets me, is that I said I was trying and he said he disagreed, that I had not tried at all. But he didn't give me the time to learn and adapt to him, to understand his ways and needs. I would have done it. It upsets me that he thought I wasn't worth the work, the working it out as we always did.


I understand it hurts now, but I think you're going to be alright. I think everything is going to work out just fine for you.


click to expand


Omg, this has me balling my eyes out. Thank you so much Love
I'm really sorry but this guy sounds like a complete cunt. His behaviour is appalling and resembles a narcissistic sociopath yet it is all conveniently being blamed on him having Aspergers. I'm not buying it.

He may feel like your true love but from what I have read in your thread this is NOT true love. I don't think it is a good idea for him to remain in contact with your son.

Posted by AgentP911

I'm really sorry but this guy sounds like a complete cunt. His behaviour is appalling and resembles a narcissistic sociopath yet it is all conveniently being blamed on him having Aspergers. I'm not buying it.

He may feel like your true love but from what I have read in your thread this is NOT true love. I don't think it is a good idea for him to remain in contact with your son.
I know how it sounds, I guess I have written up all his bad points on here. He was amazing with my son. He helped him build a whole PC together, he spent time with him. Acted like his father (my son has no father, am a lone parent). My son loves him. Truly, its the Aspergers, he breaks my heart as I would've given him the world, and worked at the relationship.
Aspberger, sociopath narcissist the behavior is all the same n does the same harm. Years ago I join a group of women who dated aspies. You should the the damage these women n what they had to deal. Health deteriorated, came out with auto immune issues, cancer with zero support from aspies. Most recommended any new relationships to run.

Do your research of people who date aspies.
Posted by Truemara

Aspberger, sociopath narcissist the behavior is all the same n does the same harm. Years ago I join a group of women who dated aspies. You should the the damage these women n what they had to deal. Health deteriorated, came out with auto immune issues, cancer with zero support from aspies. Most recommended any new relationships to run.

Do your research of people who date aspies.
Wow, to be honest I did get on a forum. There was a mixed bunch of responses... some said the same as you. Others said they loved there Aspie husbands, that they were amazing. I guess there are varying degrees of Aspergers? I see what you mean about health, ''it doesn't matter how you got stabbed, the end result is the same; bleeding'... I already have health and autoimmune issues.

If the depth of love hadn't been so magical, I would've given up a long time ago. His innocence and naivety too.I could feel his distress. But he loves deep.

I am so sad for us. I am so sad for him.
How do I raise my vibration? I feel so stuck in my heart.

I asked him to delete intimate pictures of me last night, 'yes, absolutely, I will'...

Don't know what I was expecting! I feel so STUPID.

My friend forced me onto a dating site, to take my mind off... and all i could see was his beautiful face and smile. No one comes close.

there is something that Linda Goodman says about timing and compatibility, with two Taurus'.

Basically the pair can't ever sync up with stubbornness, and forgiveness, when one comes around the other is on the opposite side of that circle.

There was a time where I thought armed with this information, I could be smart enough manage it. But fuck piece of shit.
Thank you... yes, I guess this is right.

I'm still in pieces, its been 15 days since his fatal phonecall: 'i don't love you anymore, i don't feel safe with you'

He did say that out of respect for the time together, we could be friends, that he'd like to stay in touch with my son, that he loved my son.

But neither myself or son (14 years old) has heard anything. He's disappeared from our lives, completely. We spoke everyday for 2 years. This is so painful.

My heart is broken; I know Taurus men never come back.

I think I will walk the rest of my life alone, I'm 48. I would've walked through fire for him, even though navigating the Aspergers was so difficult, and sometimes painful. I can't get over the fact that I held so little value to him, that he couldn't see the good that was in front of him.

I am resolved to not contact him now, I have to heal, and fill the gaping hole in my heart. If love isn't enough, then love lie down.


Posted by Truemara

Aspberger, sociopath narcissist the behavior is all the same n does the same harm. Years ago I join a group of women who dated aspies. You should the the damage these women n what they had to deal. Health deteriorated, came out with auto immune issues, cancer with zero support from aspies. Most recommended any new relationships to run.

Do your research of people who date aspies.


Quite an ableist, aren't you?
What I've read here that it's incompatible regardless if he's autistic or not. Communicatiom between you 2 aren't a match it seems. Ofcourse asperger are difficult to handle, but does not mean they're sociopath look-a-like. Read it from the actual people who was aspergers. They handled it different. Males one are much more common and a bit more difficult to handle.

I don't know what happened the ups and downs within 16th month since you've always told about the recent happening and atleast he did contact you to break it up.
Not at all. I love him, would do anything for him. He is the one that ended it, called me in vicious anger and spoke nastily to me. He is the one that after 2 years has abandoned me, not contacted me for a month.

If someone says they don't want you, don't love you; you don't beg for them back. Aspergers or not.
Posted by alexscaries

I know someone who had an AS boyfriend he made a homeless. What did she do? The big crime of having male friends on Facebook.
That sounds like usual for those who arent aspie but insexure boys.
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by MrNobody
Posted by alexscaries

I know someone who had an AS boyfriend he made a homeless. What did she do? The big crime of having male friends on Facebook.


That sounds like usual for those who arent aspie but insexure boys.


I heard it from her. Insecure and he attended AS groups so I'm presuming not pretending.
click to expand
I mean regarless if it aspie or nt, been hearing it a lot of non asie guys.
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by MrNobody
Posted by alexscaries
Posted by MrNobody
Posted by alexscaries

I know someone who had an AS boyfriend he made a homeless. What did she do? The big crime of having male friends on Facebook.


That sounds like usual for those who arent aspie but insexure boys.


I heard it from her. Insecure and he attended AS groups so I'm presuming not pretending.


I mean regarless if it aspie or nt, been hearing it a lot of non asie guys.


Huge difference between making someone homeless and having a spat. The guy is a total arsehole regardless. Small dick energy all round in this case.
click to expand
That I agree
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