AquaLady joined October 12, 2005
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Posted by SugarfootPosted by LivingOnPorpoise
Am I the only person who goes around once in a relationship the fear of getting closer/termination I rehearse breakup scenarios in my head. Lol I know you're thinking sick and cruel no I actually rehearse them doing something to end it, is it weird I also add in real emotions.. Scene 1, take 450 ..action!
Lol..my aqua friend does that. She'll discuss situations in which she and her husband might get divorced all the time. She already has a plan in place if she decides to leave. What apt she'll take, what she'll do with her half, etc. Meanwhile he's totally oblivious. I told her being in a relationship with her is like being a contestant on survivor. Outwit, outplay, outlast. Lolclick to expand
I think like this. It's life strategy, no? If I'm unhappy or can foresee a possibility of something going wrong I take precautions. As insensitive as taking out a life insurance policy on a spouse is, it's still done. I think she's smart and less likely to be angry at divorce. You just know that life goes on cut out the drama. I think it a tactic to desensitize oneself from hurt.
Yes, we're both commitment phobes. He has told me that I am the best candidate for his future. I'm pretty comfortable in our relationship and I know he's into me. Maybe I came across the wrong way but things are good in my book.
I was just wondering what others thought kept things at surface level...not necessarily for my aqua but for Aquarius in general. I have my own reasons but I like to gather opinions. What are Aquarius fears and what can someone do get them to a deeper level. If it takes a certain person, what kind of characteristics do they possess that help you.
I've tried to make him feel as secure as possible. I affirm him and his opinions and we stay away from arguments. He??s my greatest supporter and my best friend.
I was just wondering what others thought kept things at surface level...not necessarily for my aqua but for Aquarius in general. I have my own reasons but I like to gather opinions. What are Aquarius fears and what can someone do get them to a deeper level. If it takes a certain person, what kind of characteristics do they possess that help you.
I've tried to make him feel as secure as possible. I affirm him and his opinions and we stay away from arguments. He??s my greatest supporter and my best friend.
I've been seeing this aqua guy for a year and a half. He's been amazing!
Last week something he did annoyed me to no end so distanced myself to process my thoughts. He text once a day but I couldn't respond for the life of me. 5 days in I guess he panicked and called me at least 15 times (cell/work), emailed me, and text a bunch times. He is a typical Aquarius man, non committal and very protective of independence. However, knowing how emotional Aquarius can be inside,this wasn't surprising to me. I knew he had lost control...BUT I appreciated it!
Needless to say I finally responded and pretended like it never happened because I care about him and I know he was in a vulnerable place. But after I voiced my concerns, he went right back to normal. He asked a few surface questions but didn't discuss the issue any further.
I admit, it takes awhile for me to consider someone a candidate for partnership, trust them, and let them in. 2 years is reasonable. But It's been hard for me to understand what his intentions are...his long-term ideas for us. I have asked him but he completely shuts down...extreme commitment phobe.
What I don't understand is if you care about someone so much, get along fabulously...What keeps you at surface level forever? What is the fear that you would hide after becoming familiar with your mate? He'll open up if I behave extremely. Other than being distant here and there, extreme is out of my character. I'm making no progress. What does one do? Any insight is appreciated!
Last week something he did annoyed me to no end so distanced myself to process my thoughts. He text once a day but I couldn't respond for the life of me. 5 days in I guess he panicked and called me at least 15 times (cell/work), emailed me, and text a bunch times. He is a typical Aquarius man, non committal and very protective of independence. However, knowing how emotional Aquarius can be inside,this wasn't surprising to me. I knew he had lost control...BUT I appreciated it!
Needless to say I finally responded and pretended like it never happened because I care about him and I know he was in a vulnerable place. But after I voiced my concerns, he went right back to normal. He asked a few surface questions but didn't discuss the issue any further.
I admit, it takes awhile for me to consider someone a candidate for partnership, trust them, and let them in. 2 years is reasonable. But It's been hard for me to understand what his intentions are...his long-term ideas for us. I have asked him but he completely shuts down...extreme commitment phobe.
What I don't understand is if you care about someone so much, get along fabulously...What keeps you at surface level forever? What is the fear that you would hide after becoming familiar with your mate? He'll open up if I behave extremely. Other than being distant here and there, extreme is out of my character. I'm making no progress. What does one do? Any insight is appreciated!
Posted by firewaterearthpiscesvenus
Seriously, chill out on the Aqua man. Getting hobbies are important. Volunteer for a charity. Aqua men for me are actually really easy to deal with because they are a fixed sign. I always know what they are going to say next...I just managed to look surprised at their "random" outbursts.
I usually stay pretty busy. However, my insecurities were definitely getting the best of me...BUT he's back now. We linked up last night and ended up meeting with friends for a few beers and lively conversation. I guess I just have to get use to him because this was the first time he's distanced himself from me like this. Now that I've gotten a chance to experience it I know what to expect next time.
One thing I am curious about is how often they do this. It's taken 6 months for him to pull away but should I expect it more frequent since things are getting more serious?
Posted by Angeleyes17
AquaLady,
I agree it is difficult to give them that space.. I mean us women like our space too but for men it seems like they like days or even weeks of space to come to terms with what ever emotions they feel. Or do there own thing. From my experience and what i have been advised on here, is that keep yourself busy.. thinking too much into it is just going to put you down just thinking about it. He will come to you.. he likes you.. he??s interested in you. Aquas are all known to be independent and like space to do there own thing.
Have you spoken to him directly if everything is ok? Something bothering him?
Thanks Angel! He says everything is ok but I know he's dealing with a few things at the moment. I just need to be that understanding partner that stays supportive/positive and doesn??t add extra strife when he's going through something. I stay pretty busy so I'll just add something to get me through the tough times??_specially since they??ll be occurring more frequently :-) Maybe I??ll start blogging.
Hey, just give him time and he will come around. I have a tendency to do that too...especially if I'm feeling drained or overwhelmed, but it's usually more than one thing that makes me withdraw like that. Is he stressed out recently? Are things going on in his life that could be bothering him?
The worst thing to do right now is to cling, or to make him feel like he is being clinged onto. Keep your distance but still make contact and be sure to ask him how he's doing. Also, be wary about bringing up anything "heavy" or your outburst until he brings it up, if he does.
He's actually has a lot going on in his life right now (finances & friends). He's also been sick. So, his behavior is definitely justifiable. It's just hard when you have everything you've ever wanted right in front of you...aqua men are amazing...the slightest movement in the wrong direction is disheartening.
The other day I told him I wasn??t contacting him anymore because he takes hours to respond now. He just ignored me and went right back to normal conversation...I think he's getting use to my outbursts but I need to get a grip!
Posted by truecap
I've been with an aqua for little over a year now and yes, it's hard to sit back and give that space. I let mine contact me first about 80% of the time. It feels much better to know he thinks about contacting you and does so because he wants to than to think he's responding because he has to out of politeness. Plus, when there is a delay in response (hours) it doesn't drive you crazy feeling ignored and wondering why they haven't responded yet.
I suggest waiting on him to contact you next. But after a week or so, I'd send a quick cute text like "Hey you! Just wondering how you are and how things are going in your world. So what's new? Aliens come get you yet? hahahaha!". Or something extremely silly that will make him laugh because then he'll remember how fun you are. (In case my text suggestion sounded stupid, just know I have a goofy sense of humor).
I've always heard if you can make an aqua laugh, you're more likely to be "in".
Stay strong!!!!
A WEEK! I would die! Funny thing is he contacted me about 10 minutes after I posted & sent me a picture he took of me about 4 months ago in the middle of the night.
I use to contact him only in response...that's always worked for us until he pulled away then I got scared.
I realize that I can get pretty mundane if I don??t catch myself...he's probably bored with my "How's your day". He always sends me his highlight of the day which is always entertaining. I stay busy but maybe I'll try being a little more interesting.
My Aquarius man has Venus in Aries so he came on very strong in the beginning...now after 6 months he has totally cooled off. I have found myself doing most of the contacting over the last week since I had a little emotional outburst on Wednsday(he came over for an hr and left), but he still responds and we have great conversation via text...it takes him a few hours to respond now though.
I've noticed that the course of events that have recently occured in my relationship are what usually happen when things are coming to an end. However, I've also noticed that other ladies dating this sign who back off and give him his space usually fair well...is it really that easy? Is that REALLY all aquarius men need is space. What else can I do?
Even with the distance he is still the kindest and most captivating man i've met in life. Its just so hard not to want to know why he's gone distant. I really would love some help...I'm slowly sinking.
I've noticed that the course of events that have recently occured in my relationship are what usually happen when things are coming to an end. However, I've also noticed that other ladies dating this sign who back off and give him his space usually fair well...is it really that easy? Is that REALLY all aquarius men need is space. What else can I do?
Even with the distance he is still the kindest and most captivating man i've met in life. Its just so hard not to want to know why he's gone distant. I really would love some help...I'm slowly sinking.
Posted by truecap
I agree, but it is frustrating and tough on their partners.
*smh*
Aww...Truecap don't be frustrated
It can be easy if you look at it like this... A person is mute. It isnt their choice that they were born a way in which they cannot communicate to average people. The frustration of others when interacting with this person is noticeable & very hurtful...to the point some will remove themselves from those situations(detach) to avoid causing so much hurt. However, most will eventually find ppl who understand their language (sign) and accept them for who they are.
Aquarius is mute when it comes to matters of the heart. Although we cannot say it, we definitely show it through signs. Since so many fail at it, if you can learn our language you are considered a treasure. That is why once we genuinely feel accepted & loved, we in turn love like you wouldn't believe.
Oh how I luv the Camaro!
Yes...a 7 maybe.
Posted by aquasnoz
^ not my thing either but I would ask the same question.
May I suggest perhaps he just doesn't want to say those words up front because he feels you don't feel the same way? You chose your words very carefully because intrigued doesn't suggest you do like him in that sense so to which I agree with Seraph.
I mean asking if this is a test and asking if these are 'traps' or 'tricks'? Does it matter if it is? Why don't you ask yourself what you want out of this arrangement you have with him. Yes I'm calling it that because it doesn't sound to me like you have any other feelings for him.
Why would you ask this question? Would you ask before telling your significant other you loved them first?
It really does matter bc I feel like it shows his motives. Guys don't typically ask these questions. They'll tell you "I want you to be my girl" or "I love you" but the way he asked seem like he was confused about things or possibly wanting me to solidify 'us' verbally.
Posted by aquasnoz
Also may I suggest this: (taking my perspective) He's asking as forms of validation:
1. If he does love you he's trying to find out if it's mutual. Simple as that and no tricks or traps.
2. He doesn't love you and wants to make sure you're on the same page otherwise he'll pull away and ask other people if he just trapped himself with you.click to expand
The cynical side of me says something similar to #2 could be possible...this is what I mean by test trick or trap. Although, I do believe he does love me. It's just my fear of things not being mututal that scares me. I could think things were perfect and in the end be totally mislead by my own imagination.
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