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aj123 joined February 19, 2014
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Weird think is he had cooled down in his affections and then randomly decided to add me on facebook and yet is still in the cold phase... surely if you're starting to lose interest, you wouldn't bother to take the additional step of adding that person on social media?
So I met this early-30s man (Virgo sun, Capricorn rising, Gemini Moon, Virgo Venus, Virgo Mars ). I am female, mid-20s, (Taurus Sun, Virgo rising, Aquarius Moon, Aries Venus, Leo Mars) online. We seem to have a lot of banter and the conversation flowed pretty well. We added each other on whatsapp and continued chatting on there and he was fairly full-on, complimenting me loads over the top etc. (I know, not a good sign)

He works as a builder so is fairly tired and sleeps a lot it seems. Anyway, he seemed pretty keen to meet up the day after, yet didn't confirm on the day at around the time we're supposed to be meeting (he lives 45 mins drive away) and so I thought he was messing me about and blocked him.

He contacted me via text (as I blocked him on whastapp only) and apologized and said he'd make it up to me and he'd been so tired that he didn't get up.. bit of a rubbish excuse but as I liked him, we agreed to reschedule. and on the new date, he finished work crazy late (7.30pm), he drove back 105 miles to get home (so was 9.30pm), got ready quickly, ran to the train and got here by 11pm..! Last train back was 12.15 so we only had an hour together and it was thundery rainstorms that day but he said it was definitely worth it and so we went to a bar, where he bought us both a drink, spoke for the hour and rushed back for the train. He kissed me on the cheek and insisted I take £20 for a taxi back home from the station (it was only a 10 min walk away) but was nice of him.

He texted continously up until 3am, phoned me at 2am, saying how much of an amazing time he had with me (he seemed a bit nervous on our date) and said I was incredibly beautiful in real life, etc. and said we could meet up for lunch the next day (I had to decline as I was busy).

He continued this hot stage for several days and then I went abroad on holiday.. he still contacted me but a bit less as he said he didn't want to bother me on holiday. On the last 3 days of my holiday, he didn't say a word.. so I felt ignored, yet the day after I got back, he friend requested to add me on facebook and messaged me asking how my holiday was? and phoned me for a quick chat the day after. So then, it made sense that he didn't contact me those last 3 days on holiday as he seemed to have wanted me to enjoy my holiday without distractions, esp as he contacted me the day after I got back (I remember him asking when I'd get back).

Generally his life is in a bit of a mess like he's had a falling out with his parents a couple of years ago (he says his dad was.. playing away and he confronted him about it which led to his parents and siblings cutting contact with him as they all took his dad's side), he confessed to having a daughter only when I saw a pic of her and asked who she was (this was on day 3 of us speaking) and he said he was worried that I'd not wanna be with him if I knew he had kid. I asked him when he split up with the mother of his child (he said roughly 6 months ago) but now looking at social media, it's obviously at most a month or 1.5 months ago. Also the pic he had up of him on his dating profile - I asked him when he took that pic and he said last year.. yet I find out it's actually from 7 years ago (he's put on a lot of weight etc. in the last few years)... so two rather big lies he's told me.

Also, when I was on holiday, he said he'd got fired from his new job (and that he was worried about telling me as he thought I might see him as a failure - I assured him I didn't)... so since then, he's been working as a contractor on random jobs meaning both day shifts and night shifts apparently.

Last weekend, he said he was working a night shift till 2am on saturday morning (he texted me telling me he'd just got in at 2.30am from work( so was planning to sleep in all saturday (and he'd contact me if he woke up to meet up) and on sunday, he's going to a match. Now, it's been a week since and he's not contacted me at all so very hot and cold as when I was on holiday, he'd be obsessively texting me all evening telling me how much he can't wait to see me again, etc.

It's obvious he has a lot going on in his life negatively and that I'm quite obviously a rebound and that he seems very insecure around me as he thinks of me as somehow rather "posh" in comparison to him (as I have two university degrees, have a highly educated job, conventionally "pretty/cute".. I guess?!, younger than him by about 5 years which is not a lot to me but I know he's insecure about it, and before our date, he'd ask what dress code I expected, he said he was worried about using a swear friend in front of me, that I'm above his level etc.. which I don't think at all but he seems to.

He said he split with the mother of his child because she apparently was cheating on him with one of his best mates and how furious he was. He said he was with her 5 years (but didn't mention that he got engaged to her a few months before the break-up....) and that he hates her (not a good sign I know) and she's making it difficult for him to see his daughter)

So it's a mixture of me being a rebound to him, him lying (about his pics, how long he'd been single for, etc. which all seems rooted in his insecurity that I'm somehow too good etc. or maybe because Virgos are generally fairly insecure anyway..?)

He's very charming and good with words via text (probably due to his gemini moon) but I think astrologically, we're reasonably well matched (both have earth sun and air moons, and I have virgo rising) but it does sound like he's messing me about, right??

Posted by Ravishing
I'm a Gemini Sun/Sag Moon as well.

I say try to get over him and move on. You're the back-up plan. If things don't work out for him to move to Ireland, he'll stay with you. That's not good enough in my eyes.
Yeah that's what annoys me... that I'm probably the back up yet he's overly possessive and always trying to keep me on a short leash, constantly worrying I'm seeing another guy etc. as if I'm his first choice (!)
Posted by bmoon8
If he's a Gemini sun, he can't have a Venus in Sag. Our Venus signs can only be 2 signs away from our sun signs... so his Venus sign can be Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, or Leo.
Yes, sorry I meant he has a Venus in Gemini - wrote it all from memory so had a mix-up with that one.
Posted by bkbella86
Why are you dating down and expecting spectacular results?

You sound like a catch and he doesn’t.
Thanks for your post - yeah I know but you can't help who you want.. I've known guys who were "better on paper" but instinctually not what I desired romantically.
Posted by Arielle83
Sounds like he clings to you cuz you make him happy in London, but he really wants to be in Ireland. So you're a crutch for him in order to distract himself in London.

You also think you're too good for him.

So why does it matter what he does?

If you're too good for him, why seek validation?

Is this an ego thing for you?
I definitely do not think I'm "too good" for him at all.. that comparison at the end of my post regarding his age, career,etc. was only a justification to myself to make the situation more bearable for him like a "it's his loss" but I know for sure, I wouldn't have written up this whole post if I really thought that!

Not an ego thing at all, lots of guys have shown interest in me both before and during the time I was with him and I never wanted any of them.

Posted by nightowl
Sounds like something a sag would do. had similar experience and dude was overdoing it..pushing on moving here and saying that he wants to get married.

Then next minute we was saying that to other girls.

dont invest emotions or time into a guy like this
Thanks for the post - it just doesn't make sense.. IF I was wanting marriage, babies, etc. I could say he was saying all those things of wanting a baby etc. to make me like him so I'd sleep with him etc. BUT he has always known I am not interested in babies, marriage etc. and he was very much the same so there's nothing for him to be gained by hinting at wanting all that with me... unless he just wants the power of knowing I'd commit to him etc. if he ever needed to...
Posted by LadyNeptune
I don't see you as a backup. I see him being homesick and trying to get back there.

Would you move to Ireland to be with him?
Thank you for your reassuring reply. Just annoys me that he made the option to move to the UK for a job and had been here a year before we even met and at the time, he had no huge desire to go back (he speaks to his parents etc. only once every few weeks) and he has lots of friends both over there and here.

No, I wouldn't move as for him, he knows people here and there yet I don't know anyone over there except him.
Posted by Harukka

Is he a gemini or sag?
In my opinion, both lol since he has gemini sun but a sagittarius moon. I know people use the person's sun sign as their "label" but he has traits of both his sun and moon sign and more of a sagittarius I'd say.
Posted by Moonbutter
Gemini likes more then just a pretty face... do you provide lots of mental stimulation for him? What are your placements?
Thank you for replying moon butter. He has actually used the phrase that I'm "not just a pretty face" several times during our conversations (I know maybe he was just saying it to be nice) but we always have lots of banter, innuendos, flirty puns, etc. which he's commented has always kept him entertained.
Hi all,

I'm 25 female (taurus sun, aquarius moon, aries venus, leo mars), he is 33 male (gemini sun, sagittarius moon, venus sag and mars scorpio), we met online and he pursued me very over the top since the start and he's about 2 hrs drive away so it was always long distance from the start.. waited 4 months to get "intimate" he was my first ever and he knows it... I could sense he was a massive commitment phobe in that he had moved around a lot from place to place, job to job (staying in each job 1-2 yrs at most usually) and girlfriend to girlfriend, doesn't own any house/flat and doesn't even own a car (uses his work company car) and he has gemini sun and sag moon - both very flighty and not settling down signs typically!

Anyway, as I am a bit a commitment phobe too (not to his extent but I don't have the desire to get married or babies, etc. or even to move in together) as I like my space a lot and like to be away from the person enough that I actually miss them (not be with them 24/7) but I do value stable long term relationships and not a fan of dating multiple people at a time or cheating... so his commitment phobia wasn't off-putting to me as he certainly pursued me hugely and gave me more than enough attention and took great effort to come and visit me, buy me treats, phone me, initiates text convos etc...

After about 6 months, we had a bit of an issue which led to us breaking up for 4 days before he came back initiating conversation again and basically wanting me back.. thing is he works crazy hours (sometimes 16+ hours per day, 6 days a week!) so this affects his mood negatively and when we meet up for a date etc. he'll often pick me up after being at work for 8 hours so is a bit grumpy and once he had a fever and it was the hottest day of the year which all compounded into extra stress for him... which is fine but issue is sometimes in the moment, he somehow thinks it's me upsetting him but after a few days, he realises it was just work stress/him being ill (it's like going to a nice restaurant with a stomach bug, no matter how good the food is, you won't appreciate it if you're sick!)

At first he was full-on talking about marriage, babies, etc. without me prompting these things as he's very charming, flirty (I know, typical player traits) but I didn't take it seriously as it's all just talk isn't it.. after 6 months, this suddenly stopped and he wouldn't initiate contact etc. and that was when the week long break up occurred.. then, when we got back together, he kept begging to see me and eventually weeks later, we did meet up, had a great few hours together, got intimate and he was very pleased and said he'd def find a time soon to spend proper time with me.. and even last week, he'd phone me and ask why I hadn't texted him all day etc. because weirdly he's very very possessive and constantly afraid that someone will come along and take me from him (he gets annoyed/upset if I don't pick up the phone when he rings, or reply to texts quickly enough - event though he's sent me more than 11,000 texts so far and I've replied to them all so far and now, he full on hints about having babies etc.

Now, he's from Ireland and I know he only moved to London for a job a year before he met me but the job makes him miserable and he hasn't got any family here in London but says I always make him happy and I'm the only bearable thing in this whole country..

A month ago, he did mention, during the time when he stopped inititiating 6 months ago, he did interview for a job in ireland and didn't get it and everything happens for a reason so it's fine (which explains why he wasn't attentive to me at the time).. I felt awkward about the fact he hid this from me (he told me at the time he was going to ireland to visit a mate.. which is also true he says)... he could tell I was a bit upset and this was when he was dropping me off and I started to say, I've got to be getting home etc. and he tried to comfort me and said no no, I'm happy how things have turned out, I'll see ya soon etc.

I felt upset but also glad he didn't get that job so at least that issue is done with..

Now, the other day when we met up after he said he was soo keen to see me again, he tells me he's looking at buying a house over there (as it's cheaper than in london which is fine as he was going to rent it out to others anyway) and is speaking to a boss of a company over there regarding the possibility of a job over there....! That made my stomach lurch especially after how increasingly possessive he has been getting and constantly questioning me if I'm chatting to other guys and pursuing me hard in recent days..

Last time he was looking at jobs in Ireland 4 months ago secretly, he showed me less attention leading to us breaking up, which is why, this time I'm so confused as to why he's behaving the total opposite and making me feel like he wants me more, questioning me if I don't respond in time, phoning me after work, yet plodding on with secret plans.. Sad

He could tell I was shocked and upset and kept telling me that it's not like he has a job offer and reminded me that he didn't get the ireland job 4 months ago after the interview, so whose to say he'd get this one.. but that's him saying he def wants to leave but it's on the hands of the other side to whether it happens or not.. i.e. his intention is to go..

I said to him that it's his life and his choice to make and of course, no one should stay if they're unhappy in a pace and he thought I meant it rudely and tried to comfort me but I didn't (but I can't help be upset after speaking to someone for 10 months every day (by him intitiating) and him being the first person I've been intimate one..

I know you'll all say he's a life long traveller and won't want to settle down and I've over-invested my feelings towards someone who just doesn't care but he goes through mood swings where one minute, he says he won't drink ever again, wants a baby, to settle down and the next minute, he's ready to dump me and carry on travelling and he cycles through this over and over.


Our physical attraction and intimacy has been very strong right from day 1 until now but there's more to a relationship than that....

I feel if he's happy to throw away 10 months with a girl who's 8 years younger than him, a size 8, with double D chest, two degrees, a highly respected job and was a virgin, kind and faithful whereas he's quite a heavy drinker, hasn't got much stability and looks older than his age and has quite an average job, why shouldn't i be ok to move on as well? (of course, I'm just trying to justify this all to myself, not saying his job should indicate his worth or anything as I hugely care for him and wanted him)

Any insight? I just hate being someone's backup Sad I know things will end sooner rather than later but I'm dreading it.. Maybe one day I'll look back and be glad but no guarantees in life Sad what if I always regret what's happened...


Hi all,

I'm 25 female (taurus sun, aquarius moon, aries venus, leo mars), he is 33 male (gemini sun, sagittarius moon, venus sag and mars scorpio), we met online and he pursued me very over the top since the start and he's about 2 hrs drive away so it was always long distance from the start.. waited 4 months to get "intimate" he was my first ever and he knows it... I could sense he was a massive commitment phobe in that he had moved around a lot from place to place, job to job (staying in each job 1-2 yrs at most usually) and girlfriend to girlfriend, doesn't own any house/flat and doesn't even own a car (uses his work company car) and he has gemini sun and sag moon - both very flighty and not settling down signs typically!

Anyway, as I am a bit a commitment phobe too (not to his extent but I don't have the desire to get married or babies, etc. or even to move in together) as I like my space a lot and like to be away from the person enough that I actually miss them (not be with them 24/7) but I do value stable long term relationships and not a fan of dating multiple people at a time or cheating... so his commitment phobia wasn't off-putting to me as he certainly pursued me hugely and gave me more than enough attention and took great effort to come and visit me, buy me treats, phone me, initiates text convos etc...

After about 6 months, we had a bit of an issue which led to us breaking up for 4 days before he came back initiating conversation again and basically wanting me back.. thing is he works crazy hours (sometimes 16+ hours per day, 6 days a week!) so this affects his mood negatively and when we meet up for a date etc. he'll often pick me up after being at work for 8 hours so is a bit grumpy and once he had a fever and it was the hottest day of the year which all compounded into extra stress for him... which is fine but issue is sometimes in the moment, he somehow thinks it's me upsetting him but after a few days, he realises it was just work stress/him being ill (it's like going to a nice restaurant with a stomach bug, no matter how good the food is, you won't appreciate it if you're sick!)

At first he was full-on talking about marriage, babies, etc. without me prompting these things as he's very charming, flirty (I know, typical player traits) but I didn't take it seriously as it's all just talk isn't it.. after 6 months, this suddenly stopped and he wouldn't initiate contact etc. and that was when the week long break up occurred.. then, when we got back together, he kept begging to see me and eventually weeks later, we did meet up, had a great few hours together, got intimate and he was very pleased and said he'd def find a time soon to spend proper time with me.. and even last week, he'd phone me and ask why I hadn't texted him all day etc. because weirdly he's very very possessive and constantly afraid that someone will come along and take me from him (he gets annoyed/upset if I don't pick up the phone when he rings, or reply to texts quickly enough - event though he's sent me more than 11,000 texts so far and I've replied to them all so far and now, he full on hints about having babies etc.

Now, he's from Ireland and I know he only moved to London for a job a year before he met me but the job makes him miserable and he hasn't got any family here in London but says I always make him happy and I'm the only bearable thing in this whole country..

A month ago, he did mention, during the time when he stopped inititiating 6 months ago, he did interview for a job in ireland and didn't get it and everything happens for a reason so it's fine (which explains why he wasn't attentive to me at the time).. I felt awkward about the fact he hid this from me (he told me at the time he was going to ireland to visit a mate.. which is also true he says)... he could tell I was a bit upset and this was when he was dropping me off and I started to say, I've got to be getting home etc. and he tried to comfort me and said no no, I'm happy how things have turned out, I'll see ya soon etc.

I felt upset but also glad he didn't get that job so at least that issue is done with..

Now, the other day when we met up after he said he was soo keen to see me again, he tells me he's looking at buying a house over there (as it's cheaper than in london which is fine as he was going to rent it out to others anyway) and is speaking to a boss of a company over there regarding the possibility of a job over there....! That made my stomach lurch especially after how increasingly possessive he has been getting and constantly questioning me if I'm chatting to other guys and pursuing me hard in recent days..

Last time he was looking at jobs in Ireland 4 months ago secretly, he showed me less attention leading to us breaking up, which is why, this time I'm so confused as to why he's behaving the total opposite and making me feel like he wants me more, questioning me if I don't respond in time, phoning me after work, yet plodding on with secret plans.. Sad

He could tell I was shocked and upset and kept telling me that it's not like he has a job offer and reminded me that he didn't get the ireland job 4 months ago after the interview, so whose to say he'd get this one.. but that's him saying he def wants to leave but it's on the hands of the other side to whether it happens or not.. i.e. his intention is to go..

I said to him that it's his life and his choice to make and of course, no one should stay if they're unhappy in a pace and he thought I meant it rudely and tried to comfort me but I didn't (but I can't help be upset after speaking to someone for 10 months every day (by him intitiating) and him being the first person I've been intimate one..

I know you'll all say he's a life long traveller and won't want to settle down and I've over-invested my feelings towards someone who just doesn't care but he goes through mood swings where one minute, he says he won't drink ever again, wants a baby, to settle down and the next minute, he's ready to dump me and carry on travelling and he cycles through this over and over.

P.S I know he's technically a gemini but I posted it here as I feel people's moon sign's are more indicative of their personality.

Our physical attraction and intimacy has been very strong right from day 1 until now but there's more to a relationship than that....

I feel if he's happy to throw away 10 months with a girl who's 8 years younger than him, a size 8, with double D chest, two degrees, a highly respected job and was a virgin, kind and faithful whereas he's quite a heavy drinker, hasn't got much stability and looks older than his age and has quite an average job, why shouldn't i be ok to move on as well? (of course, I'm just trying to justify this all to myself, not saying his job should indicate his worth or anything as I hugely care for him and wanted him)

Any insight? I just hate being someone's backup Sad I know things will end sooner rather than later but I'm dreading it.. Maybe one day I'll look back and be glad but no guarantees in life Sad what if I always regret what's happened...



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