blushingpisces joined June 23, 2011
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Loulore,
I'm sorry you can relate to me this way! Insecurity is a HORRIBLE feeling. But, it was really cute how you described how slowly things move with you and your Scorp! I definitely agree with you on the slower, the better. I just have no patience! But I've never slept with someone too soon and for me, that has worked with relationships.
Thank you for input!
I'm sorry you can relate to me this way! Insecurity is a HORRIBLE feeling. But, it was really cute how you described how slowly things move with you and your Scorp! I definitely agree with you on the slower, the better. I just have no patience! But I've never slept with someone too soon and for me, that has worked with relationships.
Thank you for input!
Tiki,
Wow. You're good! You are right. I never realized the negative thinking is a defense mechanism.
The strange thing with me is I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable to someone, especially when I feel like they have revealed something about themselves that may in turn make themself feel vulnerable. Once I see they may be nervous, I will usually reveal something about myself to put them at ease. But, after doing that, if it seems like their guard is up pretty strong, then that is when I panic. I want them to know that they can make themself vulnerable to me and I won't use it to my advantage or play around with it - that they can trust me. If it feels like my effort failed to make them feel that way, that is when I panic, and start feeling majorly insecure. And I think that is what happened with Cancer.
After I went through my separation with my ex-husband, I did do ALOT of soul searching. Instead of just blaming him for what took place and being bitter, I looked within myself to see where I also may have contributed to his betrayal. Trust me, I'm not excusing my ex for cheating! But I felt that it was important for me, in order to heal, to see how I may have contibuted to him wanting to go outside of the marriage. It was a VERY healing thing for me to do. After that, I took time for just myself, didn't date for about a year and a half, and when I was ready, I was genuinely so full of confidence and really appreciated myself - I really learned to love myself and saw myself as a kick ass kind of girl! When I began dating, it was so FUN! I wasn't this insecure girl I am right now. I need to find a way to get back to that state of mind again. Talking to you ALL is definitely an awesome first step. Thank you!
Wow. You're good! You are right. I never realized the negative thinking is a defense mechanism.
The strange thing with me is I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable to someone, especially when I feel like they have revealed something about themselves that may in turn make themself feel vulnerable. Once I see they may be nervous, I will usually reveal something about myself to put them at ease. But, after doing that, if it seems like their guard is up pretty strong, then that is when I panic. I want them to know that they can make themself vulnerable to me and I won't use it to my advantage or play around with it - that they can trust me. If it feels like my effort failed to make them feel that way, that is when I panic, and start feeling majorly insecure. And I think that is what happened with Cancer.
After I went through my separation with my ex-husband, I did do ALOT of soul searching. Instead of just blaming him for what took place and being bitter, I looked within myself to see where I also may have contributed to his betrayal. Trust me, I'm not excusing my ex for cheating! But I felt that it was important for me, in order to heal, to see how I may have contibuted to him wanting to go outside of the marriage. It was a VERY healing thing for me to do. After that, I took time for just myself, didn't date for about a year and a half, and when I was ready, I was genuinely so full of confidence and really appreciated myself - I really learned to love myself and saw myself as a kick ass kind of girl! When I began dating, it was so FUN! I wasn't this insecure girl I am right now. I need to find a way to get back to that state of mind again. Talking to you ALL is definitely an awesome first step. Thank you!
Loulore,
I'm glad you also learned something from this thread! I agree with you about what Tiki said about men pulling back. If I feel like he is doing it again, I will try my best to just stay calm and unaffected. I will most definitely still be available for him to feel comfortable to keep coming to me to interact. Even when we are in same room (huge room) but doing separate things, if we aren't talking, we still will look at each other, smile, and make playful faces to each other. Hopefully he is trying to get more comfortable with me again to go out again!
I'm glad you also learned something from this thread! I agree with you about what Tiki said about men pulling back. If I feel like he is doing it again, I will try my best to just stay calm and unaffected. I will most definitely still be available for him to feel comfortable to keep coming to me to interact. Even when we are in same room (huge room) but doing separate things, if we aren't talking, we still will look at each other, smile, and make playful faces to each other. Hopefully he is trying to get more comfortable with me again to go out again!
Tiki,
You are right, I was becoming attached and started to definitely feel insecure. It is so weird to realize that I am still insecure with myself. I thought I was done with that crap! I am definitely MUCH more comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 years ago. I am around men ALL the time. I work in a predominantly male environment, get hit on several times on a daily basis (not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to explain things to see if anyone can understand why I'm having these issues!), and am very comfortable hanging out with men (I'm not a woman hater - love my girls too!)But when it comes down to it, no matter how much guys may hit on me, compliment me, etc, I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me. I don't knoiw why I feel this way. I am very personable and have a fantastic sense of humor. So why would I feel this way? I feel like when I am shiny and new to a guy, he's interested. But then I talk myself out of it. I don't get it.
I know I have to work on my insecurities, I'm just not sure how. I don't normally wig out over a guy the way I have with this one. Yesterday he told me how pretty I was and that my child is very lucky to have such a fun mother. He would then flirt more and even brought up a couple of incidents that took place when we went out on our dates. And I still walk away saying to myself "Is he interested? Is this what a shy guy does?" I am not going to swim away so quickly. I really am trying to talk myself out of panicking if he isn't flirting heavily one day as he does on others.
I am RIDICULOUS!!
You are right, I was becoming attached and started to definitely feel insecure. It is so weird to realize that I am still insecure with myself. I thought I was done with that crap! I am definitely MUCH more comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 years ago. I am around men ALL the time. I work in a predominantly male environment, get hit on several times on a daily basis (not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to explain things to see if anyone can understand why I'm having these issues!), and am very comfortable hanging out with men (I'm not a woman hater - love my girls too!)But when it comes down to it, no matter how much guys may hit on me, compliment me, etc, I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me. I don't knoiw why I feel this way. I am very personable and have a fantastic sense of humor. So why would I feel this way? I feel like when I am shiny and new to a guy, he's interested. But then I talk myself out of it. I don't get it.
I know I have to work on my insecurities, I'm just not sure how. I don't normally wig out over a guy the way I have with this one. Yesterday he told me how pretty I was and that my child is very lucky to have such a fun mother. He would then flirt more and even brought up a couple of incidents that took place when we went out on our dates. And I still walk away saying to myself "Is he interested? Is this what a shy guy does?" I am not going to swim away so quickly. I really am trying to talk myself out of panicking if he isn't flirting heavily one day as he does on others.
I am RIDICULOUS!!
Good one Pandemonium! Once my replies showed up on the Board, I was laughing so hard because it looks crazy!
SORRY ABOUT THE REPEATED MESSAGES! MY COMPUTER IS ACTING HORRIBLY!!
Shellshocker,
I LOVED your being blunt. As far as needing alot of reassurance and attention - GUILTY!!! I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. But I never had to ask for it from my relationships - I was very fortunate like that. They showered me with attention and love.
You are absolutely right on so many things - I don't want him to do something he obviously didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with. You made me see the "game" I was playing by pointing it out so clearly that I didn't even realize I was playing a game (about illiciting responses from him and cutting down most verbal contact). I never even looked at it that way. I WAS playing a game without even realizing it. I will say that there are two reasons why I cut down on the contact. The first is that I wanted to see if he missed our interactions and if he would come to me. The second is that if he wasn't interested in me romantically still, I would not have been able to do the whole "friend" thing because I was still so attracted to him and the chemistry just won't die out. It would have been impossible for me to interact with him and not want it to go further. And you made me realize another thing - yes, I am controlling! I can't believe how much you guys have opened my eyes the last week. Controlling is not fun because the minute it doesn't go the way you want, it sucks! And to answer your question, yes, I want to be the woman in a relationship. ABSOLUTELY!!I did ask him before what his deal is with the not calling and he said that "I use to call the girl, but you know how guys are about calling! I'm not the best phone person!" The couple of times we spoke on phone, it was for 1 - 1 1/2 hours. I would try to let him go (he would call me from work and I would feel bad about keeping him on phone), but he would keep on talking about a not a whole lot. Today he was talking about how stubborn he can be. He said "If you (not me, anyone in general)try to make me do something , I won't do it just out of spite because I don't like to be told what to do. Then I think, ok, I didn't give in. But then, when i realize i screwed something up just because I wanted to be stubborn, I'm like f@?k!"
If our interactions keep going the way they have this week (he seems to be amping up his efforts in talking with me and hanging out), then I can hang in there longer to see what happens.
Thanks Shellshock!!
I LOVED your being blunt. As far as needing alot of reassurance and attention - GUILTY!!! I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. But I never had to ask for it from my relationships - I was very fortunate like that. They showered me with attention and love.
You are absolutely right on so many things - I don't want him to do something he obviously didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with. You made me see the "game" I was playing by pointing it out so clearly that I didn't even realize I was playing a game (about illiciting responses from him and cutting down most verbal contact). I never even looked at it that way. I WAS playing a game without even realizing it. I will say that there are two reasons why I cut down on the contact. The first is that I wanted to see if he missed our interactions and if he would come to me. The second is that if he wasn't interested in me romantically still, I would not have been able to do the whole "friend" thing because I was still so attracted to him and the chemistry just won't die out. It would have been impossible for me to interact with him and not want it to go further. And you made me realize another thing - yes, I am controlling! I can't believe how much you guys have opened my eyes the last week. Controlling is not fun because the minute it doesn't go the way you want, it sucks! And to answer your question, yes, I want to be the woman in a relationship. ABSOLUTELY!!I did ask him before what his deal is with the not calling and he said that "I use to call the girl, but you know how guys are about calling! I'm not the best phone person!" The couple of times we spoke on phone, it was for 1 - 1 1/2 hours. I would try to let him go (he would call me from work and I would feel bad about keeping him on phone), but he would keep on talking about a not a whole lot. Today he was talking about how stubborn he can be. He said "If you (not me, anyone in general)try to make me do something , I won't do it just out of spite because I don't like to be told what to do. Then I think, ok, I didn't give in. But then, when i realize i screwed something up just because I wanted to be stubborn, I'm like f@?k!"
If our interactions keep going the way they have this week (he seems to be amping up his efforts in talking with me and hanging out), then I can hang in there longer to see what happens.
Thanks Shellshock!!
Tiki,
You are funny about gnawing off your leg before dating a cancer guy! I agree, he definitely does have his issues. I don't know how long I can hang around or what I will do, we will see. I did cut off the flirting for the first month I think, and kept any verbal contact to a bare minimum. I know I can't do this dance again for too long or else I will resent myself for it.
You're right, it is what it is!
You are funny about gnawing off your leg before dating a cancer guy! I agree, he definitely does have his issues. I don't know how long I can hang around or what I will do, we will see. I did cut off the flirting for the first month I think, and kept any verbal contact to a bare minimum. I know I can't do this dance again for too long or else I will resent myself for it.
You're right, it is what it is!
one! Strange thing has happened last few weeks. I have been hanging out with an old friend of mine and just learned that two of her friends have known him since they were kids. They said he is very, very sweet, good guy, and shy! They also said that his last girlfriend really broke his heart. I didn't ask what happened because I didn't think it was right of me to ask. They both said he is not the player type. He told me after last relationship, he did go crazy with girls, but that it was a defensive mechanism. He said it got old, and he then just shut down from everyone.
I love your support for me about his type being "loser, and lacks depth", but he really doesn't strike me as that. He is definitely a deep guy, because when we are having discussions about things and not just flirting, that is when I see how many layers he has and isn't just a meathead. One cute thing though, he made himself blush yesterday when he said a very innocent flirty thing to me. Very cute.
Yes Tiki, maybe my tactics are outdated, but the guys I have gone out with (aside from this one!) were pursuing me right after the first date, but it just wasn't there for me.
Thank you again for all of your insight!
I love your support for me about his type being "loser, and lacks depth", but he really doesn't strike me as that. He is definitely a deep guy, because when we are having discussions about things and not just flirting, that is when I see how many layers he has and isn't just a meathead. One cute thing though, he made himself blush yesterday when he said a very innocent flirty thing to me. Very cute.
Yes Tiki, maybe my tactics are outdated, but the guys I have gone out with (aside from this one!) were pursuing me right after the first date, but it just wasn't there for me.
Thank you again for all of your insight!
Hi Tiki,
Thanks for your input!! I understand when you mentioned about maybe my timing was off when I asked him out, that I didn't give him a long enough chance, and that maybe he wasn't that "into" me for him to ask me out. My last relationship, oddly enough, started out the SAME EXACT WAY!! Trust me, I don't seek out these guys, they come to me. My ex-boyfriend (we were in serious relationship, 2 1/2 years & totally committed from day one), behaved in the SAME EXACT MANNER! He began with flirting with me, I wasn't truly, truly interested in him at first (same thing with cancer guy). The flirting went on for MONTHS, but he never asked me out. Couldn't figure it out. I totally got the vibe from him that he wanted to ask me, but he was gun shy (same vibe from cancer). I finally asked him out, and everything unfolded from there. He also apologized for not being the one to ask me out, he hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. He said that he was nervous of asking me out because he was attracted to me going back a couple of years, but knew I was married back then. He said when he realized I was finally available, he was nervous to talk to me. The flirting stage with cancer man has gone on for about 6 months. I knew he took a special interest in me going back a couple of years though. We were strangers that happen to be at the same place several times a week. I would notice him looking at me, and he would make attempts to say things to me. He started asking questions that seemed not what I was use to in this environment. They were definitely "getting to know you" questions, but at the time, I just thought he was being nice. We learned that we knew a couple of the same people, and once I broke up with ex-boyfriend, he just really started letting me know he was making efforts in trying to know more about what kind of girl I am through friends.
When I asked him out, he jumped right on it and asked if I would be available two days later. I held off for a week to go out. I totally agree with you Tiki, don't sleep with men too soon - and I KNOW I can NEVER be accused of that - and that's by choice, not opportunity! He also knows I am definitley not that type too. I also agree about wearing your heart on your sleeve - yes, we do want to keep the man guessing. That definitely keeps you somewhat mysterious to them and interested. That is how I am when I have gone out with guys - even if I am attracted to them. I don't ever obsess about them like this
Thanks for your input!! I understand when you mentioned about maybe my timing was off when I asked him out, that I didn't give him a long enough chance, and that maybe he wasn't that "into" me for him to ask me out. My last relationship, oddly enough, started out the SAME EXACT WAY!! Trust me, I don't seek out these guys, they come to me. My ex-boyfriend (we were in serious relationship, 2 1/2 years & totally committed from day one), behaved in the SAME EXACT MANNER! He began with flirting with me, I wasn't truly, truly interested in him at first (same thing with cancer guy). The flirting went on for MONTHS, but he never asked me out. Couldn't figure it out. I totally got the vibe from him that he wanted to ask me, but he was gun shy (same vibe from cancer). I finally asked him out, and everything unfolded from there. He also apologized for not being the one to ask me out, he hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. He said that he was nervous of asking me out because he was attracted to me going back a couple of years, but knew I was married back then. He said when he realized I was finally available, he was nervous to talk to me. The flirting stage with cancer man has gone on for about 6 months. I knew he took a special interest in me going back a couple of years though. We were strangers that happen to be at the same place several times a week. I would notice him looking at me, and he would make attempts to say things to me. He started asking questions that seemed not what I was use to in this environment. They were definitely "getting to know you" questions, but at the time, I just thought he was being nice. We learned that we knew a couple of the same people, and once I broke up with ex-boyfriend, he just really started letting me know he was making efforts in trying to know more about what kind of girl I am through friends.
When I asked him out, he jumped right on it and asked if I would be available two days later. I held off for a week to go out. I totally agree with you Tiki, don't sleep with men too soon - and I KNOW I can NEVER be accused of that - and that's by choice, not opportunity! He also knows I am definitley not that type too. I also agree about wearing your heart on your sleeve - yes, we do want to keep the man guessing. That definitely keeps you somewhat mysterious to them and interested. That is how I am when I have gone out with guys - even if I am attracted to them. I don't ever obsess about them like this
Loulore,
I totally agree with you, I absolutely will take advice from either side, or that would make me an absolute fool! I just am all about DELIVERY when it comes to dealing with people. P-angel is just too bitter/coarse sounding for me. I welcome anyone's opinion to my situation and questions I have, just leave the bitterness at the door!
Cancer and I share a common, though misfortunate situation. Our mothers have had the same severe medical issue (his is passed on, mine is still with us, thank God). He asked about it the other day and how I was doing. He took me aside and just gave me full attention to what I told him, and had great, though blunt, advice for me on how to deal with it. He gave me all of his time and encouraged me to talk about it. I have noticed that he acts nervously around me (like he use to!), but we have been sharing alot of laughs again recently. He has complimented me greatly, and we just beam when we are around each other. I will see how patient I can be!
How is it going with your crustacean?I have no idea about my chart. Don't know how to do one, or read one!
I totally agree with you, I absolutely will take advice from either side, or that would make me an absolute fool! I just am all about DELIVERY when it comes to dealing with people. P-angel is just too bitter/coarse sounding for me. I welcome anyone's opinion to my situation and questions I have, just leave the bitterness at the door!
Cancer and I share a common, though misfortunate situation. Our mothers have had the same severe medical issue (his is passed on, mine is still with us, thank God). He asked about it the other day and how I was doing. He took me aside and just gave me full attention to what I told him, and had great, though blunt, advice for me on how to deal with it. He gave me all of his time and encouraged me to talk about it. I have noticed that he acts nervously around me (like he use to!), but we have been sharing alot of laughs again recently. He has complimented me greatly, and we just beam when we are around each other. I will see how patient I can be!
How is it going with your crustacean?I have no idea about my chart. Don't know how to do one, or read one!
The only 2 major relationships I've had were with a gemini (we were married for 9 years)and then a Libra. Both I got along with great and with both of them we jumped in head first from the get-go and never looked back. Never been involved with a Pisces guy though!
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Hi! I went on a couple of dates with a cancer man I have been casual acquaintances with for the last couple of years (I
@blushingpisces
Joined: Jun 23, 2011 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 32