brilliantgem joined November 26, 2010
44 years old female from NYC
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I agree with CocoKat and Este8. Also, let him prove himself... if he doesn't, that's your final answer. He's probably unsure of what he wants, but wants your affection and comfort anyway, without having to put in too much more effort or be too serious about anything right now... and his uncertainty, wishy washy behavior is the reason for the mixed messages.
He made the decision to break up. He doesn't think you're good together. So what changed? Unless he's trying to turn your relationship into FWB. Or, if he steps up to the plate to be mature and clear and takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration, instead of trying to incite jealousy or invoke some sort of reaction from you with these ambiguous games. Also, shouldn't allow him to meet your mom unless he earns that right to.
He made the decision to break up. He doesn't think you're good together. So what changed? Unless he's trying to turn your relationship into FWB. Or, if he steps up to the plate to be mature and clear and takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration, instead of trying to incite jealousy or invoke some sort of reaction from you with these ambiguous games. Also, shouldn't allow him to meet your mom unless he earns that right to.
So... he messaged that he's still sick and may need to postpone. ... ... ......
Okay. He began a new job last week while sick, and still not feeling well... I can understand. Not sure if I should read anything more into it... but it's hard not to feel a bit disappointed and rejected. I simply replied 'Okay. Hope you get well soon.'
Oh well. Thanks for all the comments everyone... it helps remind me that, even though I got tripped up in projections/infatuation and may be a bit clueless in dating... I'm actually a strong, confident woman... and still a free agent. I won't be initiating any sort of contact with him at this point, b/c truth is, I still don't know his level of interest / intention. Right or wrong, I still feel that I need him to prove himself somehow first, that it would not only be about booty.
Time to listen to TC now. I'm going to run like the wind! He will need to run and catch me if he wants me. I'm going to adopt more of JC's philosophy now too... a real man will make time, take care of, and serve the woman!! So glad to hear at least one man say that... gives me hope there's still plenty of good, real men left!!
And even though it's Xmas season... the heck with the "it's better to give than receive" notion. No more of that for me, at least in the romance department!!!
Okay. He began a new job last week while sick, and still not feeling well... I can understand. Not sure if I should read anything more into it... but it's hard not to feel a bit disappointed and rejected. I simply replied 'Okay. Hope you get well soon.'
Oh well. Thanks for all the comments everyone... it helps remind me that, even though I got tripped up in projections/infatuation and may be a bit clueless in dating... I'm actually a strong, confident woman... and still a free agent. I won't be initiating any sort of contact with him at this point, b/c truth is, I still don't know his level of interest / intention. Right or wrong, I still feel that I need him to prove himself somehow first, that it would not only be about booty.
Time to listen to TC now. I'm going to run like the wind! He will need to run and catch me if he wants me. I'm going to adopt more of JC's philosophy now too... a real man will make time, take care of, and serve the woman!! So glad to hear at least one man say that... gives me hope there's still plenty of good, real men left!!
And even though it's Xmas season... the heck with the "it's better to give than receive" notion. No more of that for me, at least in the romance department!!!
JC -- You Rock! Thank you for the solid advice! We had more than just dinner on some of those dates ;p.. I'll follow these guidelines and report back on how it went hehe 
And Yes! A Real man takes care of his woman!
I am really starting to appreciate Cap energies a lot these days. You guys are so cool, calm, collected, on point... I'm beginning to really like Saturn's influences. What's fascinating also is how these predictions seem so spot on too!: http://m.tarot.com/horoscopes/december-2014/gemini-love
Oohh I hope he can become my very own rock to lean on, who I can take care of back... Bc a real woman takes care of her man too!!
And Yes! A Real man takes care of his woman!
I am really starting to appreciate Cap energies a lot these days. You guys are so cool, calm, collected, on point... I'm beginning to really like Saturn's influences. What's fascinating also is how these predictions seem so spot on too!: http://m.tarot.com/horoscopes/december-2014/gemini-love
Oohh I hope he can become my very own rock to lean on, who I can take care of back... Bc a real woman takes care of her man too!!
for long term prospects, instead of just for my body? Jeez... I have a masters from an Ivy League but I'm still an idiot when it comes to relating with men. We're meeting for dinner on Tuesday 
.
Any thoughts or comments, dear dxpers from all over the place?
. Any thoughts or comments, dear dxpers from all over the place?
So I didn't resist.. and texted him a simple "hello" before. He called me immediately. We spoke for an hour. I wanted to express to him that I hope I didn't scare him off with my emotionally intensity... He kept saying that it's okay, I warned him before, just be myself, be honest, he likes it, and if I'm feeling intense to just express it, share it with him. He also told me that he's sharing things with me that he'd never tell anyone else. And that he's not sure what or why, but I opened something up in him. ...then, the latter part of the convo turned sexual.
Okay. So now I'm really happy that we're in contact again, and to hear him tell me those things. But then I feel like a retard for over analyzing and misconstruing what appeared to be some space and distance -- disconnect -- between us. I was getting worried that he may have gotten turned off by my emotional neediness, or had other intentions (sex only, without love, without future intent), and was pulling away, to be a nice guy, to prevent me from falling for him. We didn't see each other for 3 weeks, and it was almost a week since our last contact, so thinking something fell off. Holy crap. I may be over analyzing things. Guys don't think like this right?? Truth be told I do not know how to date. It's been just exclusive relationships one after another since my teens, that never needed any sort of "what are we/where are we going" type of talk. We just "were" an item (and while all of them ended, I always approached it as if they wouldn't). But as I'm getting older, and esp the nightmare with my last r'ship (he got "forced" to accept an arranged marriage by his mother dying from liver cancer...)... I'm getting trigger shy, and wanting to get clearer to defining boundaries/expectations/intentions so as to not waste my time, to prevent heartbreak. (That nightmare killed me... I didn't start dating until just recently, after 2 years after ending that mess.)
So that brings me to where I am now (as probably most/many females are) concerned of becoming only a booty call, and wanting something of substance, that's enduring. I want physical intimacy as much as any regular woman in her thirties (I feel like a teenage boy with raging hormones! What people say about the dirty thirties is true!!!). But I only want it within a safe ie exclusive love relationship that has potential for life partnership/marriage/kids etc. How would I be able to tell if a man (esp Capricorn) wants me for me as a person, and
Okay. So now I'm really happy that we're in contact again, and to hear him tell me those things. But then I feel like a retard for over analyzing and misconstruing what appeared to be some space and distance -- disconnect -- between us. I was getting worried that he may have gotten turned off by my emotional neediness, or had other intentions (sex only, without love, without future intent), and was pulling away, to be a nice guy, to prevent me from falling for him. We didn't see each other for 3 weeks, and it was almost a week since our last contact, so thinking something fell off. Holy crap. I may be over analyzing things. Guys don't think like this right?? Truth be told I do not know how to date. It's been just exclusive relationships one after another since my teens, that never needed any sort of "what are we/where are we going" type of talk. We just "were" an item (and while all of them ended, I always approached it as if they wouldn't). But as I'm getting older, and esp the nightmare with my last r'ship (he got "forced" to accept an arranged marriage by his mother dying from liver cancer...)... I'm getting trigger shy, and wanting to get clearer to defining boundaries/expectations/intentions so as to not waste my time, to prevent heartbreak. (That nightmare killed me... I didn't start dating until just recently, after 2 years after ending that mess.)
So that brings me to where I am now (as probably most/many females are) concerned of becoming only a booty call, and wanting something of substance, that's enduring. I want physical intimacy as much as any regular woman in her thirties (I feel like a teenage boy with raging hormones! What people say about the dirty thirties is true!!!). But I only want it within a safe ie exclusive love relationship that has potential for life partnership/marriage/kids etc. How would I be able to tell if a man (esp Capricorn) wants me for me as a person, and
TC, there must have been a lot that actually did work well, in order for you and ex to stay together for that long, no? Maybe he cheered you up, got you to talk out problems, lighten up, have a little bit more fun and joy in life? But maybe not enough security/stability he was able to give? Communication problems?
I did date a gem guy before... Too inconsistent and a bit superficial for my taste. My cancer moon's been seeking expression, and wants emotional depth and connection. Maybe I get too intense, scaring them off. My last r'ship ended 2 yrs ago, w/a scorp. A complete nightmare horrible disaster.
What's drawing me to cap is he exudes this quiet strength, stable ness.. Strong and silent, I like that, and responsible, disciplined, purposeful. It feels so safe, like a rock I can maybe rest on here and there. Siiigh I'm a good woman. Maybe my cancer moon wants to nurture and give too much that it backfires. I need to practice reserving my "let me take care of you" tendencies, lol.. I am coming to the realization that what works for business (i provide above and beyond customer service to all my clients) does not necessarily work in romance. My actions feel cheapened here and ineffective (criticized as desperate, needy, clingy, when mainly it's out of kindness, generosity, love.). I want to give love too, so what's a girl supposed to do. I guess be a little more reserved with my attention, affection and emotions towards romantic interests.
If I don't hear from him this wkend, I'll know what's up... is nothing
((
I did date a gem guy before... Too inconsistent and a bit superficial for my taste. My cancer moon's been seeking expression, and wants emotional depth and connection. Maybe I get too intense, scaring them off. My last r'ship ended 2 yrs ago, w/a scorp. A complete nightmare horrible disaster.
What's drawing me to cap is he exudes this quiet strength, stable ness.. Strong and silent, I like that, and responsible, disciplined, purposeful. It feels so safe, like a rock I can maybe rest on here and there. Siiigh I'm a good woman. Maybe my cancer moon wants to nurture and give too much that it backfires. I need to practice reserving my "let me take care of you" tendencies, lol.. I am coming to the realization that what works for business (i provide above and beyond customer service to all my clients) does not necessarily work in romance. My actions feel cheapened here and ineffective (criticized as desperate, needy, clingy, when mainly it's out of kindness, generosity, love.). I want to give love too, so what's a girl supposed to do. I guess be a little more reserved with my attention, affection and emotions towards romantic interests.
If I don't hear from him this wkend, I'll know what's up... is nothing
((Gem sun, cancer moon
Yeah.. We've been chatting getting to know each another for a while.. Shared a lot of our fears hopes and dreams.. Our second date he did something really special- to celebrate one of my recent achievements. Still continually talking. 3rd date I was smitten. And might have pulled an Elmira ('I wanna love u and hug u and squeeze u forever' Hahahaha!). Maybe that scared him and part of the reason why he pulled back too lol
He hasn't been texting much lately.. But apologized that he's quiet, been very sick.. Last text was "can't get you out of my mind". Then began work at a new company this week. I want to 'be there' supportive for him.. have that mental / emotional connection going.. I called to ask about first day.. But he didn't pick up or reply since. Maybe he's stressed and it's distracting instead of helping? So I'm trying to respect his need for personal space.. and haven't reached out since.
I'm just gonna hang back and give him space. Let him come to me on his own time, if he misses me, if he's really interested. I miss him though. I appreciate the banter we were having :/ . I want a deeper connection with him if I can help it.
Thanks for helping me out with these reality checks folks! They're priceless!
Yeah.. We've been chatting getting to know each another for a while.. Shared a lot of our fears hopes and dreams.. Our second date he did something really special- to celebrate one of my recent achievements. Still continually talking. 3rd date I was smitten. And might have pulled an Elmira ('I wanna love u and hug u and squeeze u forever' Hahahaha!). Maybe that scared him and part of the reason why he pulled back too lol
He hasn't been texting much lately.. But apologized that he's quiet, been very sick.. Last text was "can't get you out of my mind". Then began work at a new company this week. I want to 'be there' supportive for him.. have that mental / emotional connection going.. I called to ask about first day.. But he didn't pick up or reply since. Maybe he's stressed and it's distracting instead of helping? So I'm trying to respect his need for personal space.. and haven't reached out since.
I'm just gonna hang back and give him space. Let him come to me on his own time, if he misses me, if he's really interested. I miss him though. I appreciate the banter we were having :/ . I want a deeper connection with him if I can help it.
Thanks for helping me out with these reality checks folks! They're priceless!
I appreciate all these different perspectives, thank you everyone!
JC-- you are correct that there's a case of 'hot-itis' going on right now lol... But I don't want to have sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship that's headed somewhere... Thus the request to take things slower, and take the time to get to really know each other. So I guess I'm waiting for him to contact me, so we can spend more time together, becoming closer/best friends before becoming lovers. If we get physically intimate, I'll be feeling even more attached... And I don't want to fall in love unless I'm confident first that he'll be there to catch me. That's the dilemma. I don't want to become just a booty call, and then feel all heartbroken about it.
I think I'm just going to take a giant chill pill and relax. Just sit back and observe... Think like a Capricorn... Only fools rush in, right?
JC-- you are correct that there's a case of 'hot-itis' going on right now lol... But I don't want to have sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship that's headed somewhere... Thus the request to take things slower, and take the time to get to really know each other. So I guess I'm waiting for him to contact me, so we can spend more time together, becoming closer/best friends before becoming lovers. If we get physically intimate, I'll be feeling even more attached... And I don't want to fall in love unless I'm confident first that he'll be there to catch me. That's the dilemma. I don't want to become just a booty call, and then feel all heartbroken about it.
I think I'm just going to take a giant chill pill and relax. Just sit back and observe... Think like a Capricorn... Only fools rush in, right?
Thanks for everyone's responses! I'll just lay low for the remainder of the year and keep busy doing my own thing.. as mentioned a few times... If he's interested, he'll be pursuing. It's the "I don't get it!?!?" factor that's making me feel crazy, bc it's like was my interpretation of events that far off!?!
SW, he's Capricorn sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces Venus, Virgo rising...
SW, he's Capricorn sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces Venus, Virgo rising...
Yeah thanks.. Just looking for ideas on how to deal, to stop the feeling like I'm going nuts
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