Gemsandsugar joined September 18, 2012
female
Gemini Sun / Cap Moon
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I wish astrology played a bigger part in our personalities so that I could see if an Aquarius man actually had the ability to change or not. It's a coin toss...
You ladies are both right. Thank you for "listening" and giving me honest advice. We will always ask peoples for peoples opinions and end up doing what we wanted from the start..I don't know why we do that. I just haven't reached the point of decision yet.
I know as a Gemini or maybe my Cap moon influence also, I can be very analytical at times and very calculation and try to solve relationship problems with logic and not emotions but I thought Air sings are almost all the same and he would understand me. But he is weaker than I am emotionally and mentally, I can see that now. Just the same as he can be persuaded to do smth positive he can also be influenced easily in a negative way. Sigh
I'm just very confused right now but I'm trying my best to use both what the mind knows and what the heart feels to get through this. When I think about the cheating itself I'm devastated and don't think I can get passed it. The cheating and lying about it make him a monster in my eyes. But when I hear him crying on the phone telling me he has lost the love of his life and he deserves whats coming to him and he wishes he never hurt me and he doesnt know what to do to help me heal ... he seems more human to me. It is a roller coaster.
I know as a Gemini or maybe my Cap moon influence also, I can be very analytical at times and very calculation and try to solve relationship problems with logic and not emotions but I thought Air sings are almost all the same and he would understand me. But he is weaker than I am emotionally and mentally, I can see that now. Just the same as he can be persuaded to do smth positive he can also be influenced easily in a negative way. Sigh
I'm just very confused right now but I'm trying my best to use both what the mind knows and what the heart feels to get through this. When I think about the cheating itself I'm devastated and don't think I can get passed it. The cheating and lying about it make him a monster in my eyes. But when I hear him crying on the phone telling me he has lost the love of his life and he deserves whats coming to him and he wishes he never hurt me and he doesnt know what to do to help me heal ... he seems more human to me. It is a roller coaster.
Well tonight he calls me again using a family members phone because I also shattered his phone the night i threw his car keys on the roof.. He keeps asking if I would just keep him around and not change my number. He said he wants to send me a pic of the signed divorce papers as soon as he gets them and then I can decide if I want to really leave him or not. I told him that he just doesnt want to be alone and I won't be there to support him this time, but inside I was dying, wanting to still have him in my life. I haven't told him how I feel because I don't want him to have hope. He said he will let me do anything even if I would keep him as a friend, like we could have the same cell phone plan so I could check his call/text records whenever I want, and he could buy the tracker app on his phone so i can track him, and he would give me access to all his personal finances and things. ALso I could go with him to his counseling sessions. All of this just to earn my turst again even just as a friend? I think it's so bizarre , I've never been in a situation like this. The uncertainty is killing me.
I never sat down with his parents because I was not ready to meet his family. I explained earlier that they are of a different culture than I and they are very judgmental and against him being with someone outside the culture. I am of European descent and he is mixed Asian/Hawaiian. The woman he is separated from is Latina and he has told me they gave her a hard time for years also. They only sort of accepted her after she gave them a grandchild. I didn't really want to deal with them until I had to.
Yes, of course I have asked him directly about his relationship history. He told me he had a girlfriend briefly in highschool then when he met the wife he was with her for four years before he married her. Then he claims she changed and she was not the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and she knew it but her religious beliefs didn't allow divorce (Jehova's witness) He told me he then moved out of her house and was alone for two years. Then he was in a off and on relationship with a woman who cheated on HIM and he dumped her then decided to forgive her but the second time around wasnt the same anymore so he dumped her and dated casually for a while. Then he met me and supposedly fell in love with me from the day he saw me. It was all honeymoon phase until 5 months after we had our first argument and it was awful. I am very opinionated so I know it shocked him how strict I was with certain things and thats when he first thought I would leave him and he cheated on me for the first time.. However I didnt know he cheated so I told him let's work it out and we did and everything was wonderful again, until the next time. I would always avoid him for two- (three max) days and I guess that's all it took for him to go and "be of service" to the "ex/ wife" i dont even know what to call her anymore..
Anyway , what he didn't mention to me until yesterday that this isn't the first time he's cheated. He had a short fling with his high school girlfriend when he was about to separate with his wife. So yes, I asked and I told my story too but he wasn't honest with me and there was no way I could know that until the truth came out the way it did. Also, he told me he divorced her shortly after being separated but I dont know why I never asked when exactly or if I could see proof. I had never dated a divorced man before...
Yes, of course I have asked him directly about his relationship history. He told me he had a girlfriend briefly in highschool then when he met the wife he was with her for four years before he married her. Then he claims she changed and she was not the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and she knew it but her religious beliefs didn't allow divorce (Jehova's witness) He told me he then moved out of her house and was alone for two years. Then he was in a off and on relationship with a woman who cheated on HIM and he dumped her then decided to forgive her but the second time around wasnt the same anymore so he dumped her and dated casually for a while. Then he met me and supposedly fell in love with me from the day he saw me. It was all honeymoon phase until 5 months after we had our first argument and it was awful. I am very opinionated so I know it shocked him how strict I was with certain things and thats when he first thought I would leave him and he cheated on me for the first time.. However I didnt know he cheated so I told him let's work it out and we did and everything was wonderful again, until the next time. I would always avoid him for two- (three max) days and I guess that's all it took for him to go and "be of service" to the "ex/ wife" i dont even know what to call her anymore..
Anyway , what he didn't mention to me until yesterday that this isn't the first time he's cheated. He had a short fling with his high school girlfriend when he was about to separate with his wife. So yes, I asked and I told my story too but he wasn't honest with me and there was no way I could know that until the truth came out the way it did. Also, he told me he divorced her shortly after being separated but I dont know why I never asked when exactly or if I could see proof. I had never dated a divorced man before...
I don't know what I want from this. The worst part is not knowing which way to go. I don't want to resent him forever because it will ruin me emotionally. But forgiving and forgetting right now doesn't feel like an option either. Leaving him could set me free in time but it could also solve nothing and make me drag the pain elsewhere. I don't want to be a bitter person or become jaded. And honestly i dont know what kind of lesson I would have learned from this. To never trust a man again? He is the best boyfriend I ever had. Which is why it hurts so much. How can someone so nurturing be so...cruel and deceptive? he is so loving to my niece and nephew, so wonderful to my friends, so respectful to others, You'd never think he would be capable of such a thing. Sometimes i can be cold and hard on him when we argue but I always thought he could take it because he is a grown man and I also thought because he is an Aqua that he woudnt mind a few days apart so I would ignore him for a couple of days but I never thought he would use this time to go to the person he's still legally married to but supposedly hates.
I guess besides wanting to vent somewhere, I posted here in hopes of someone reading this and knowing what Im going through and telling me if there's hope or not. I am not religious and I don't have a belief system or a support system that could help me through this. I'm afraid to tell my friends because just like I used to be, they are all "once a cheater always a cheater, kick him to the curb" mentality. But you never know what it is like to deal with something until it happens to you!
I guess besides wanting to vent somewhere, I posted here in hopes of someone reading this and knowing what Im going through and telling me if there's hope or not. I am not religious and I don't have a belief system or a support system that could help me through this. I'm afraid to tell my friends because just like I used to be, they are all "once a cheater always a cheater, kick him to the curb" mentality. But you never know what it is like to deal with something until it happens to you!
Also, he does buy me presents and pays for things here and there and he can be extremely thoughtful but I never asked him to or made him. He doesnt pay any of my bills or anything, he just takes care of me in little ways becuase we've been together almost two years!!
Aquadeer, he is not in the service. And they were separated after one year of marriage. That was 6 years ago. but he stopped officially paying child support three years ago. He told me and she confirmed by saying " i havent seen a penny from him in three years, is that how long youve been with him??" but i had nothing to do with him stopping child support!
Aquadeer, he is not in the service. And they were separated after one year of marriage. That was 6 years ago. but he stopped officially paying child support three years ago. He told me and she confirmed by saying " i havent seen a penny from him in three years, is that how long youve been with him??" but i had nothing to do with him stopping child support!
Aquavita, unfortunately I think you are right which is why i said all aquas must be the liars of the zodiac. I see it in my own father. Hes not a cheater but he will lie for stupid little things or make things up and change stories to make them sound more interesting. My virgo mother hates it and always complains about it. Idk if i can live my whole life with a man who just NEEDs to lie so often
However, on your other point about both ladies being in it for the money i will disagree with you 100% because I dont benefit from his money in any way. We do normal things that couples do and he pays for them because he is the man. He doesnt shower me with anything extravagant if thats what youre thinking. This isnt a sugar daddy type relationship. Sometimes our dates include just going to the park to talk watch the water and bring a snack from home...
However, on your other point about both ladies being in it for the money i will disagree with you 100% because I dont benefit from his money in any way. We do normal things that couples do and he pays for them because he is the man. He doesnt shower me with anything extravagant if thats what youre thinking. This isnt a sugar daddy type relationship. Sometimes our dates include just going to the park to talk watch the water and bring a snack from home...
i have not met the rest of the family and part of it is my fault. Im not good with families especially those of different cultural backgrounds so every time he would invite me to parties and gathering i would ask him if we could wait.. that was my fault. but its also because i dont think i will like his family by what he tells me. theyre extremely judgmental and not accepting of people different then them.
I have however met the daughter and have picked her up from school with him and she has seen us kiss and call each other pet names.
I have however met the daughter and have picked her up from school with him and she has seen us kiss and call each other pet names.
Well I'd have to say that you're 100% right about evading responsibility, and the excuse was pathetic. Also, that's what hurts the most; He put his selfish needs before me when I have been 100% faithful to him and have been pretty much the only supporter he has. I did ask him about when he was going to put an end to this if i hadn't found out about it and he claims he already decided not to sleep with her since 5 months ago but he had still continued to do things around the house for her just to get him off her back about the money. he said when he kissed up to her she let him spend an extra day with his child sometimes and she would stop asking for more money for a while. Then she'd ask for money again threatening him she'd take him to court and he would ignore her UNTIL he and i argued and didnt talk for a couple of days, then he did would go back to doing favors and having sex with her and going back home that night and calling me and continuing to argue with me... what a nightmare He said he planned on signing the divorce papers in september (when he will start a second job) I know about the second job in september but i dont believe that he really planned on ending things completely with her then because i feel he proably thought he'd never get caught... im such a mess right now.
ALso, i threw his car keys on top of a church roof the night i spoke to his wife on the phone because i was so angry i wanted him to be stranded there and not follow me... it was late and he couldnt find the maintenance guy so he broke into the fenced yard, built some type of ramp and climbed up to retrieve the keys. Then he fell from the roof and tore his bicep and got scratched up pretty badly. Now his mother thinks im also abusive, besides being "the other woman" because he told her everything that happened and she thinks i hit him and that he's lying about falling from a rooftop...
ALso, i threw his car keys on top of a church roof the night i spoke to his wife on the phone because i was so angry i wanted him to be stranded there and not follow me... it was late and he couldnt find the maintenance guy so he broke into the fenced yard, built some type of ramp and climbed up to retrieve the keys. Then he fell from the roof and tore his bicep and got scratched up pretty badly. Now his mother thinks im also abusive, besides being "the other woman" because he told her everything that happened and she thinks i hit him and that he's lying about falling from a rooftop...
I've been with him for almost two years but have never met her. she lives two hours away
so doooont read ittttttt
Are there any psychologists in here? Is there hope for such a man? Ive heard people say its next to impossible to get past cheating in a relationship, and when it does happen the hard work you have to put into it is not for everyone. Besides that, is there such a thing as recovery for habitual liars, even with counseling?
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Aquarius
I bet you haven't heard a story like this one! People always tell me aren;t geminis the lying two faced ones? smh. I'm b
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Gemini
How do you know you are falling out of love? Is it frequent? What do you do to try to revive the fire that once was
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Aquarius
What the hell is up with you and celebrating birthdays? How hard is it to buy someone a card, write a thoughtful message
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Gemini
How do you deal with your male counterpart checking out other women in your presence?
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Gemini
So, yesterday was my little nephews birthday. The first person who sent me a text about him first thing in the morning
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Aquarius
(or any man for that matter) I need relationship advice here folks, not dating advice. I already have the man, for al
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Aquarius
Background: We met in November and we've only been on 3 dates but we are in contact constantly. He's 10 years older tha
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Cancer
Didn't want to have to do this, but I'd rather whine here than to him. lol Long story short, I met the crab online o
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138
Gemini
Hello all. Love this site and the great community of people! I'm new here and would love some insight. I'm trying to
@Gemsandsugar
Joined: Sep 18, 2012 · Topics: 9 · Posts: 138