There are a good deal of hard truths here.
Reading your other responses I see the common theme of you judging her for not being 'christian' enough. But its a little hypocritical of you, don't you think?
After all your actions aren't christian either. Where in your bible does it say its cool to divorce and then move in with a woman and 'live in sin'. These are your actions and yet you are being judgy that she likes to drink wine and socialize.
Your falling into the typical Virgo 'fixer' stereotype. Having your partner want to change you is very controlling behavior that would make someone feel trapped. She had shared with you that in the past when she felt trapped in her relationships was when she cheated. In this case, she broke up with you.
Looks like she is evolving and growing, learning from her mistakes.
Like I said before, my take on this is that you are both fundamentally incompatible. But you should use this experience to examine why you are so judgmental of anything outside of your image of 'good christian girl' and examine whether your actions match the image of a 'good christian boy'.
I completely agree.
A relationship without trust is not a good relationship. If you can't trust her, best to just call it for what it is and find someone who you can trust.
There really is so much good....She is an amazing woman. Smart, intellectual, beautiful and very loving. In many ways as her and I have talked she is much like my mom, and I am much like her father. We share our faith and there isn't anything we can not talk about, we are extremely social and active and we both included each other in all areas of our lives, work, family, friends and we just fit each other so well in those areas. My family loved her and her family all loved me. She has the biggest helping heart and is really deep down a great person who genuinely cares.
From the beginning of this thread I've wondered what good you see in this. You've mentioned several cons but I haven't seen the pros verbalised.
I think you are spot on here. For a good amount of time I was not bothered by the ex talk tbh. Was only when she would repeat the same stories with different groups of friends that I would kind of mentally check out. I never caused a scene but did voice I would not look forward to the conversation inevitably going there. I really think she is still a mess over her Ex-Husband whom she served in a last ditch effort to wake him up and he walked and re-married very quickly.
By purge, you mean she talked to you about her exes? That is a common Gemini trait, I've found. It serves several purposes, including letting you know what worked and didn't work for us in the past and how we understand our role in what happened. How the other person reacts gives us insight into them, even though that probably wasn't the reason we brought it up. I wasn't there, so I can't give my opinion on whether she went overboard. I'd imagine that is a compatibility issue.
It sounds like she only stayed out late and got drunk once. Were there other times? Why would one night of drunken dumbassery make you so upset? Is it a pattern?
Overall, you don't seem respectful of her. You think there is something wrong with her that you need to fix. Maybe her friends and sister helped her see that.
Posted by LadyNeptuneShe is an absolute free spirit, I am not so sure I am doing risk assesment but I do get where you are coming from. We discussed her strenghts and mine compliment each other ... she is a wreck with money and getting things done around the house and I openly enjoyed the fact we would be off on a trip on a whim and enjoy some new things all while going to church trying to blend our family. I honestly think she wanted that life but is internally torn, scared to make another relationship mistake and for me I was concerned about her lifestlye leading to her cheating.
Your 48 and unmarried (or divorced). Using ‘you’ logic she should assume this is a red flag and not want to pursue a serious relationship/marriage with you.
Your just not compatible. She’s a free spirit living each day with no regrets. Your in the corner with a calculator doing risk assessment. Opposite may attract but they don’t last.
Posted by LadyNeptuneThis I could not agree with more. Full disclosure I was married for 18 years and my Ex-Wife had an affair, it was a rough time. I took a good deal of time to heal and work through several of my issues after I finally was able to stop pointing the finger at her and blaming her for everything that went wrong. I owned my part and began a long 7 year process of healing.
You see her sharing her past with you as she is going to repeat those mistakes.
She sees it as being open and honest, transparent with her faults to the man she loves.
You should work on your trust issues. Just cause she enjoys drinking wine and staying out late DOES NOT mean she is untrustworthy.
One doesn’t need to go out late to find someone to cheat with. Temptation is everywhere at all hours of the day.
that is very dangerous and sad because you are there loving her and trying to ground her... who knows if she will have a chance with someone as patient as you are. I'm trying to change my ways personally at 21 because im terrified of becoming someone like her...Well, when you find yourself single in your 40’s you learn some good things... and some bad. People are broken and I think she is trying to come to grips with 2 worlds pulling at her, I admittedly went through a similar struggle 7 years ago and know I can’t save her I just hope she figures it out and she finds peace regardless of where her and I end up.
Posted by ideatit
I unfortunately can relate to this gemini all too well... I wonder which sign can handle us in our entirety. another gemini?? or are we forever alone until we learn to mature 🙃
That’s the thing, never tried to box her and I know above all this girl is born to converse and connect to anyone and everyone. I placed no expectations but fell for her and what she wanted at the time which was that postcard family, her duality caught me off guard so I’m trying to navigate that and let her know I accept both sides at the same time trying to see what that truly looks like
So why you are wrong
-Gemini isn’t into boxes. They are into the experience and energy of a connection. Even if you are perfect on paper if there is no mental connection it’s dead and they will flirt and have fun but you aren’t entering their mind. Gemini needs to be at the point where you are something they chose themselves and at a point where they are a bit obsessed mentally not emotionally. You have to plant the idea of the relationship and have that grow in their mind. Asking out, begging, pursuing, courtship, etc. Not our language. Eventually even though it’s amusing for a while there won’t be anything telling her it’s real.
The real point is that placing any sort of expectation on a mutable for that matter is going to feel like a trap to them and they may choose to walk into that trap but they also will eventually slip it.
Started falling apart a couple months ago. She would continuously seem to purge memories of her 3 main ex relationships, one of which was very hard for her. I was patient for a long time but asked her to refrain as I felt like it was disrespectful to me and to us especially when it was around the smaller group of friends whom even shared it seemed inappropriate. I honesty felt she should be in therapy but her mother and that word would set her off so I felt maybe she just needed to work through. ( I could have handled this better I know)
I didn't understand that you had already broken up, and she initiated it. What was the series of events? You told her you didn't like some things she was doing, then she came home from a road trip and broke up, and now you're moving out? Is that correct?
Thats the concern.
I'd probably worry too if the reason she cheated was the relationship got boring and/or difficult. That will always happen in every relationship from time to time.
If you're attempting to show her the error of her ways by moving out, that's a dead end. Move out if you want to. You can't out-ghost a Gemini.
Posted by LittleStarNot sure if that was the case .... she was looking for several qualities and I checked off alot of those boxes. We were actually engaged, I have been infatuated before and I assure you this is not that. My mother is a Gemini and alot of those traits I know I gravitated to, the ones that have some people shaking their head on. It was not for a bit I realized same zodiac and started trying to apply some valuable knowledge from there.
She was never interested. She was having a good time. You were something to occupy time.
Move on because this is not what you want and don’t try to talk yourself into it just because you are infatuated.