Indigo1974 joined August 30, 2021
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Posted by alexscariesBecause I’m afraid of getting rejected again, and I don’t want things to be weird if he doesn’t feel the same way.
Why not ask him?
Posted by LostthoughtsHere at home, we only live about a 20 minute drive apart. His hug last night was a little tighter than usual, but I could’ve just been looking too much into it.
How far away do you normally live?
Btw, A peck kiss on the last night would have made him revaluate his feelings without having to say anything. Most cancers I know have a weakness for subtle actions🙂
Posted by TimoneI love being his friend, but I think I might eventually want more. I’m too scared to flirt with him. The last time I did this seven years ago, he paid no attention to it, and I just don’t want to get rejected and make things weird.
Are you happy to be just his friend? Otherwise try to flirt a bit and see how he reacts.
I [48F] met the Cancer man in question [47M] about seven years ago, and I was romantically interested in him at the time. We hung out one-on-one as friends a few times and it was awesome, but he very clearly friend-zoned me by not really responding when I flirted with him. Over the past several years, we’ve run into each other several times, and he’s always been super friendly. He had a long-term relationship in there, but they broke up about two years ago. He hasn’t dated anybody ever since and he says that he’s happy with where he’s at in life and with being single.
A few weeks ago we ran into each other again and talked for several hours, but again, it was just friendly. Then last week we realized we were going to be working in the same city this past week on the same days, staying in hotels three blocks apart, on the same flights to and from. Totally crazy. I invited him to a baseball game and he accepted enthusiastically, but I thought that was the only time we would get together during the trip. We ended up hanging out for several hours all four nights that we were there, through his initiative (dinner and drinks, walking half an hour to and from my hotel, the game, etc.). It was amazing! We just talked and talked, laughed, really bonded, got along so incredibly well, discovered we had so many things in common, similar values. We basically spent all our free time together. He always insisted on walking me to my hotel entrance, or making sure we got dropped off at my hotel first. Always a gentleman, being protective when crossing the street, stuff like that. He always asked me a lot of questions, wanted to know everything about me. He always gave me a great hug at the end of the night, but no real flirting or anything romantic.
After we got home, I wondered (sadly) if it would just go back to not really communicating much and just running into each other whenever. Plus, I thought he would be sick of me that point since we had hung out together for five days in a row (again, all his initiative, and he even wanted to try to sit next to me on the plane). He asked me at our home airport while waiting for my suitcase (he stayed with me until I got into my taxi) what I was doing over the weekend, I told him what I was doing that night – going to see a band we both like – and he said he would swing by to check it out. To be clear, I didn’t invite him, he just volunteered this. And just like he said he would, he showed up last night despite being exhausted and we hung out for another few hours. Again, he walked me to my car and just a really nice hug goodbye.
I am thoroughly enjoying this deepening of our friendship, and I have so much fun spending time with him. I have no interest in pushing his boundaries, and if he wants to stay in the friend zone with me, I still consider that a great thing (he’s gotten to know me better in the last five days than the last guy I dated over a year and a half). But I still have a crush on him and I would love for this to turn into something romantic at some point. Does this sound like he’s just being a gentleman and being friendly? Or maybe that he likes me and could possibly be romantically interested? I’m happy to let this play out and just really enjoy the friendship, but I’m trying to figure out my approach.
A few weeks ago we ran into each other again and talked for several hours, but again, it was just friendly. Then last week we realized we were going to be working in the same city this past week on the same days, staying in hotels three blocks apart, on the same flights to and from. Totally crazy. I invited him to a baseball game and he accepted enthusiastically, but I thought that was the only time we would get together during the trip. We ended up hanging out for several hours all four nights that we were there, through his initiative (dinner and drinks, walking half an hour to and from my hotel, the game, etc.). It was amazing! We just talked and talked, laughed, really bonded, got along so incredibly well, discovered we had so many things in common, similar values. We basically spent all our free time together. He always insisted on walking me to my hotel entrance, or making sure we got dropped off at my hotel first. Always a gentleman, being protective when crossing the street, stuff like that. He always asked me a lot of questions, wanted to know everything about me. He always gave me a great hug at the end of the night, but no real flirting or anything romantic.
After we got home, I wondered (sadly) if it would just go back to not really communicating much and just running into each other whenever. Plus, I thought he would be sick of me that point since we had hung out together for five days in a row (again, all his initiative, and he even wanted to try to sit next to me on the plane). He asked me at our home airport while waiting for my suitcase (he stayed with me until I got into my taxi) what I was doing over the weekend, I told him what I was doing that night – going to see a band we both like – and he said he would swing by to check it out. To be clear, I didn’t invite him, he just volunteered this. And just like he said he would, he showed up last night despite being exhausted and we hung out for another few hours. Again, he walked me to my car and just a really nice hug goodbye.
I am thoroughly enjoying this deepening of our friendship, and I have so much fun spending time with him. I have no interest in pushing his boundaries, and if he wants to stay in the friend zone with me, I still consider that a great thing (he’s gotten to know me better in the last five days than the last guy I dated over a year and a half). But I still have a crush on him and I would love for this to turn into something romantic at some point. Does this sound like he’s just being a gentleman and being friendly? Or maybe that he likes me and could possibly be romantically interested? I’m happy to let this play out and just really enjoy the friendship, but I’m trying to figure out my approach.
Posted by LadyNeptuneAgain, I don’t think I’m being clear. I’m not looking for an outcome. I don’t want to get back together with him. He is emotionally unavailable and can’t meet probably 90% of my relationship needs. Our life style s are not compatible. He’s the one who said he only wanted friendship, but he’s not acting anything like a platonic friend by being clingy AF. That’s what I’m trying to get at. I’ve already started going out on dates with other people, and yes, it is totally on me to put the brakes on this clingy behavior and remind him that he needs to act like a platonic friend since that’s what he wants. He’s pretty textbook cancer about almost everything, so I’m just trying to figure out if this post semi romantic messy situationship ending whatever, since you say it’s not a breakup, it’s typical for cancer men. He could just as well have started ignoring me or just saying hi and going about his business whenever we run into each other.Posted by Indigo1974Posted by LadyNeptune
But... a breakup didn't happen. So that's why he is acting like it didn't... because it didn't.
You have to be in a relationship in order to breakup.
Idk that I'd call him being his normal self around you as 'hanging on for dear life' type of behavior. Do you expect him to be an ass?
Seeking out second hand information from mutual friends, counting his likes on other peoples sm, you sure your not the one hanging on here?
Stick to your boundaries. He can't give you what you want. If that changes he can come to you directly and let it be known. Don't look for signs in his interactions with others.
I probably wasn’t clear. We were seeing each other at least once or twice a week, usually in group settings. We were regularly physically intimate with limits (all his). We texted regularly. Basically, we were a couple without the label. Everybody knew that we were “together.” All of that stopped and when I told him the situation was becoming too painful for me, and I went no contact. Maybe you don’t want to call it a technical break up, but a situationship can be ended by either party. We were definitely not acting like platonic friends. And as for him asking after me and talking about me and liking my stuff on other peoples posts, this is not information I have sought out. My friends have volunteered this information without me asking. I have worked so hard to physically avoid him, and it’s really difficult because we’re in the same circle of friends. Never once have I initiated contact with him in the last three months.
You may have been fucking, hanging out, affectionate, etc etc. But the facts are, he made it very clear that he did not want a romantic relationship.
I understand it wasn't platonic. That still doesn't make you distancing yourself from him a breakup.
Whether you sought out the info or not you seem to be reading into it, hoping for the outcome you desire. Again, if he has changed his mind he can be direct with you and let it be known. For your own peace of mind let this go completely. You can't control his actions and intentions, you can only control yours. Putting energy into interpreting him as 'hanging on' is not gonna help you let go.
I guess the lesson to learn here is to believe and accept people for where they are at, don't try to change someone. It'll just end in disappointment. Also maybe don't dip into the friend pool next time, awkward af when it implodes. Or if you do go there, take things slow very veeeery slow.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneI probably wasn’t clear. We were seeing each other at least once or twice a week, usually in group settings. We were regularly physically intimate with limits (all his). We texted regularly. Basically, we were a couple without the label. Everybody knew that we were “together.” All of that stopped and when I told him the situation was becoming too painful for me, and I went no contact. Maybe you don’t want to call it a technical break up, but a situationship can be ended by either party. We were definitely not acting like platonic friends. And as for him asking after me and talking about me and liking my stuff on other peoples posts, this is not information I have sought out. My friends have volunteered this information without me asking. I have worked so hard to physically avoid him, and it’s really difficult because we’re in the same circle of friends. Never once have I initiated contact with him in the last three months.
But... a breakup didn't happen. So that's why he is acting like it didn't... because it didn't.
You have to be in a relationship in order to breakup.
Idk that I'd call him being his normal self around you as 'hanging on for dear life' type of behavior. Do you expect him to be an ass?
Seeking out second hand information from mutual friends, counting his likes on other peoples sm, you sure your not the one hanging on here?
Stick to your boundaries. He can't give you what you want. If that changes he can come to you directly and let it be known. Don't look for signs in his interactions with others.
I know Cancer men tend to have a hard time letting people go, but this is just bizarre. I broke things off with him three months ago after a messy 7-month situationship. He didn’t want a relationship, I stayed in it longer than I should have, got fed up with the hot/cold behavior and feeling controlled. I broke it off (it felt kind of mutual), immediately went no contact and blocked him on all social media so I could heal.
I’ve run into him a few times since the breakup and he’s always extra, attentive, affectionate, clingy. Essentially behaving like we never split. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t magically want to commit after three months apart (and me being a ghost to him), and I have a feeling that if I reciprocated that energy and hinted at getting back together, he’d either reject me or we’d end up back in the same place.
Anyway, is this hanging on for dear life behavior after a breakup typical for Cancer men even if they don’t want a relationship with you? I love his company SO much and enjoy the attention, and I don’t want to hurt him by pushing back on our interactions. But I know I need stronger boundaries. I still have him blocked on all social media; he’s been asking mutual friends about me, bragging about me to friends, and liking photos/videos of me that other people post since he can’t see my stuff.
I’ve run into him a few times since the breakup and he’s always extra, attentive, affectionate, clingy. Essentially behaving like we never split. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t magically want to commit after three months apart (and me being a ghost to him), and I have a feeling that if I reciprocated that energy and hinted at getting back together, he’d either reject me or we’d end up back in the same place.
Anyway, is this hanging on for dear life behavior after a breakup typical for Cancer men even if they don’t want a relationship with you? I love his company SO much and enjoy the attention, and I don’t want to hurt him by pushing back on our interactions. But I know I need stronger boundaries. I still have him blocked on all social media; he’s been asking mutual friends about me, bragging about me to friends, and liking photos/videos of me that other people post since he can’t see my stuff.
Posted by Mission2VenusAre you being serious right now?Posted by Indigo1974Why do you think it’s so hard for me to walk away?
Aren’t you in a wheel chair?click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Mars in SagPosted by Indigo1974Posted by aquarius09
This Cancer dude’s Venus is Virgo? Mars in Cap by any chance?
Moon in Virgo, Venus in Gemini
Not shocked at Venus in Gem. Where is the mars?click to expand
Posted by borednbeautifulMars in SagPosted by aquarius09
This Cancer dude’s Venus is Virgo? Mars in Cap by any chance?
What about Mars in Cap? My ex Leo had that placement.click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Moon in Virgo, Venus in Gemini
This Cancer dude’s Venus is Virgo? Mars in Cap by any chance?
Posted by MyStarsShineLibra sun, Aqua moon 😊
Ask to tie him up and see what he says 😂
What sign are you op?
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