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Thank you all for your comments, the situation I am in has become so unbelievably complicated, when I was still stuck in denial about the fact the scorpio might not come back and actually went out with a few people, I only really met two that I liked - loved in a way, but not in a way that I thought was fair to string them along. One had been a friend where there was attraction, but I knew she wanted something more from me than I could offer her, so I ended up introducing her to a friend of a friend, who I didn't have a great bond with, but I thought they might get on...I 'swam' out of her life and they ended up getting married and have a baby now, so I hear. Obviously, I knew I was saying goodbye to her forever. I liked being in her company, but I knew we weren't ever meant to be together, so am at ease with it. Though I am sad that I sacrificed the friendship, I know I did the right thing. She has a kid, and she has a man that was lonely before, and I know he will be devoted to her.
The other was a woman who I just ended up in a relationship of convenience, I guess - just someone II felt comfortable enough with to be intimate with, after never having lived with another person after the scorpio. She ended up liking me perhaps more than I realised, the sex was great, and so she was in my life for a while. I perhaps should have known better, because when I decided I had to end it, she found it incredibly painful.
I tried to do it right, but she took it very badly - she had secretly accessed my email, and ended up contacting the virgo that had been my friend for maybe 6 years before we eventually married, and told her that I would never be right for her, and effectively tried to poison the relationship before me and the virgo had even got married. I guess in some ways she succeeded. After the marriage broke down, I was forced to return to where I grew up, having moved away to be with the virgo. I discovered that the woman that had accessed my email was dying of cancer, and had reached out to my family. I can't be angry at her for what she did, although maybe I should be. I sit with her once or twice a week, and I try not to talk about the misery that my wife had put me through, because I know in a way she was exactly how I am/have been about the scorpio - she just didn't ever want to let me go, and acted in fear of never being with me again.
I guess this is why I'm struggling right now. Everytime I try and love, I try to do the right thing, but I don't want anyone to love me in a way, because I don't want to hurt anyone. The flipside of that is that I also crave love because its so long since Ive been in something that makes me happy. I guess that's why I always end up going round in circles and back to the scorpio. I also assume that's why Pisces always gets accused of being easy. I feel like I almost need to be with someone because I have needs, but then swim away before I have to deal with stuff like this again.
The other was a woman who I just ended up in a relationship of convenience, I guess - just someone II felt comfortable enough with to be intimate with, after never having lived with another person after the scorpio. She ended up liking me perhaps more than I realised, the sex was great, and so she was in my life for a while. I perhaps should have known better, because when I decided I had to end it, she found it incredibly painful.
I tried to do it right, but she took it very badly - she had secretly accessed my email, and ended up contacting the virgo that had been my friend for maybe 6 years before we eventually married, and told her that I would never be right for her, and effectively tried to poison the relationship before me and the virgo had even got married. I guess in some ways she succeeded. After the marriage broke down, I was forced to return to where I grew up, having moved away to be with the virgo. I discovered that the woman that had accessed my email was dying of cancer, and had reached out to my family. I can't be angry at her for what she did, although maybe I should be. I sit with her once or twice a week, and I try not to talk about the misery that my wife had put me through, because I know in a way she was exactly how I am/have been about the scorpio - she just didn't ever want to let me go, and acted in fear of never being with me again.
I guess this is why I'm struggling right now. Everytime I try and love, I try to do the right thing, but I don't want anyone to love me in a way, because I don't want to hurt anyone. The flipside of that is that I also crave love because its so long since Ive been in something that makes me happy. I guess that's why I always end up going round in circles and back to the scorpio. I also assume that's why Pisces always gets accused of being easy. I feel like I almost need to be with someone because I have needs, but then swim away before I have to deal with stuff like this again.
Taureye and Impulsv - thank you for your kindness, the virgo (marriage) broke down recently for the final time, after years of screaming, shouting, breaking things, cops turning up - even though I was the one shaking because of the abuse. I never raised a hand to her, I would try and get out of the apartment so she could calm down. I ended up scared of what she might do moment to moment. The thing is, she had been a great friend, kind and supportive, and so I married her, but she ended up becoming the most abusive partner I have ever had. I kept trying to make her happy, but basically became her parent, her brother, her counsillor and her carer....sex only happened once every couple months for a number of years...and on her terms. A complete contrast to the relationship I had once known with the scorpio...always laughing, never fighting, always at ease with each other, making love every day.
I don't know what the hell to do with myself now, Im 40 - part of me wants to get severely drunk, part of me thinks - f~ck it, I should go out and try and get someone even if its just for the night, or to feel attractive again - the virgo wouldn't even kiss me, it was always a peck on the cheek and nothing more. I know I could probably whore around - but part of me just wants to pull the covers over my head and give up on finding someone to love. Its hard because Ive shared a bed with someone for 10 years that I'd be scared to brush against, in case she woke up and the fighting started. I guess I'm pretty traumatised right now
I don't know what the hell to do with myself now, Im 40 - part of me wants to get severely drunk, part of me thinks - f~ck it, I should go out and try and get someone even if its just for the night, or to feel attractive again - the virgo wouldn't even kiss me, it was always a peck on the cheek and nothing more. I know I could probably whore around - but part of me just wants to pull the covers over my head and give up on finding someone to love. Its hard because Ive shared a bed with someone for 10 years that I'd be scared to brush against, in case she woke up and the fighting started. I guess I'm pretty traumatised right now
Thank you for your thoughts, I know at some point it must have been real for both of us, otherwise it wouldn't have affected me the way that it has, I think she didn't want to let go, because she couldn't bear the thought of not having me in her life, until her new relationship had developed to the point she felt secure and didn't need me anymore. I guess I put myself in an impossible situation, I think when he was just the guy showing interest, she had to come clean, but when I was the one on 'standby' - the safety net for the future, I was the one that seemed needy and hard work - although I was doing by my best not to accuse, to blame, telling myself that circumstances weren't right and she was inexperienced and young and we would be in a better place in the future. The truth is, I did go out with other people, a few years later, but like Impulsv I had to let them go, because I didn't think it was fair to let someone get too attached to me, knowing that I wasn't in the right place.
I loved the virgo woman I was with, but she was very controlling, aggressive, and damaged by previous abusive relationships and I ended up being the 'villian' for her to take her anger out on. It left me very depressed, because I had basically 'looked' after her for years, even though the relationship was lacking affection and intimacy.
What upsets me is I didn't ever get closure with the scorpio, I guess when she tentatively told me she had kissed the guy, I should have said to her its him or me, rather than opened the door to her thinking she would always have me at her convenience and the excitement of a new lover as well. The thing is, I can pretty much forgive anything up to a point, I never shut the door on people, and if there was a spark there - I would want to see her again, or think I had said everything I could and tried......it's madness I know, its almost like bereavement.
I loved the virgo woman I was with, but she was very controlling, aggressive, and damaged by previous abusive relationships and I ended up being the 'villian' for her to take her anger out on. It left me very depressed, because I had basically 'looked' after her for years, even though the relationship was lacking affection and intimacy.
What upsets me is I didn't ever get closure with the scorpio, I guess when she tentatively told me she had kissed the guy, I should have said to her its him or me, rather than opened the door to her thinking she would always have me at her convenience and the excitement of a new lover as well. The thing is, I can pretty much forgive anything up to a point, I never shut the door on people, and if there was a spark there - I would want to see her again, or think I had said everything I could and tried......it's madness I know, its almost like bereavement.
I am a pisces male, got together with a scorpio woman when I was quite young, only had two year and a half long relationships before meeting this scorpio. She became my world, I was her first partner, and it was the most intense relationship I ever had in my life. Unfortunately outside circumstances forced us to have a long distance relationship after about 2 years, by which time I had already asked her to marry me, she said yes immediately, and I stupidly thought we had all the time in the world. We (I) travelled to be with her every weekend for nine months, and although it was tough we made it work, and I never felt as though we were at risk of splitting up. She moved back to the town where she grew up and started a job where a colleague started trying it on with her, which wasn't something I was aware of. She told me one day when I went to visit her, and that 'he' had kissed her. She was very upset about it, I tried not to lose my cool, although it was breaking me up inside. I didn't know what to do - I was meant to go back and finish my last year in school, and thought I would always regret it if I didn't complete it. With my head in pieces and knowing that we were soulmates in the depths of my soul, I said finally that I would go back to school, and knowing that she wouldn't continue to live with a long distance situation for another nine months, I let her go, with her saying all the time that she loved me, that we were soulmates, that we would be together again in the future. I figured impossible situation, if you love someone let them go, if they come back they love you...if not they never did. It broke me, but we stayed in contact. She got together with the guy immediately, kept saying she loved me, I turned into a nervous wreck, and met her just once a few months later. She said we would be together again, and the last thing I saw was her on a train, when she said 'I love you' through the glass with tears in her eyes. Soon after, (I guess she couldn't take it anymore) she finished with me over the phone. I felt like my world had ended, and fell apart. I managed to get through school, and tried to contact her again, but she was cold and unrelenting, and froze me out. She married the guy 3 years later. Only having had two lovers - him and me. I couldn't commit to anyone for about 6 years, finally got together with a virgo woman for 10 years, but she was never right for me and have thought about the scorpio everyday for 15 years. She isn't on FB, don't even know if she is still married - but I can find out her address on internet (bit creepy I know) but want to write and tell her I never stopped loving her if there is the slightest chance it would make her come back 'one day'. I feel like a fool sometimes, but I know she probably never forgot me, even if it was so painful she couldn't bear to go on. Would she end up thinking I'm a stalker if I write, or is it still possible 1 day she will miss me and come back?
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