Message Posts by Indigo1974
Posted by alexscariesBecause I’m afraid of getting rejected again, and I don’t want things to be weird if he doesn’t feel the same way.
Why not ask him?
Posted by LostthoughtsHere at home, we only live about a 20 minute drive apart. His hug last night was a little tighter than usual, but I could’ve just been looking too much into it.
How far away do you normally live?
Btw, A peck kiss on the last night would have made him revaluate his feelings without having to say anything. Most cancers I know have a weakness for subtle actions🙂
Posted by TimoneI love being his friend, but I think I might eventually want more. I’m too scared to flirt with him. The last time I did this seven years ago, he paid no attention to it, and I just don’t want to get rejected and make things weird.
Are you happy to be just his friend? Otherwise try to flirt a bit and see how he reacts.
I [48F] met the Cancer man in question [47M] about seven years ago, and I was romantically interested in him at the time. We hung out one-on-one as friends a few times and it was awesome, but he very clearly friend-zoned me by not really responding when I flirted with him. Over the past several years, we’ve run into each other several times, and he’s always been super friendly. He had a long-term relationship in there, but they broke up about two years ago. He hasn’t dated anybody ever since and he says that he’s happy with where he’s at in life and with being single.
A few weeks ago we ran into each other again and talked for several hours, but again, it was just friendly. Then last week we realized we were going to be working in the same city this past week on the same days, staying in hotels three blocks apart, on the same flights to and from. Totally crazy. I invited him to a baseball game and he accepted enthusiastically, but I thought that was the only time we would get together during the trip. We ended up hanging out for several hours all four nights that we were there, through his initiative (dinner and drinks, walking half an hour to and from my hotel, the game, etc.). It was amazing! We just talked and talked, laughed, really bonded, got along so incredibly well, discovered we had so many things in common, similar values. We basically spent all our free time together. He always insisted on walking me to my hotel entrance, or making sure we got dropped off at my hotel first. Always a gentleman, being protective when crossing the street, stuff like that. He always asked me a lot of questions, wanted to know everything about me. He always gave me a great hug at the end of the night, but no real flirting or anything romantic.
After we got home, I wondered (sadly) if it would just go back to not really communicating much and just running into each other whenever. Plus, I thought he would be sick of me that point since we had hung out together for five days in a row (again, all his initiative, and he even wanted to try to sit next to me on the plane). He asked me at our home airport while waiting for my suitcase (he stayed with me until I got into my taxi) what I was doing over the weekend, I told him what I was doing that night – going to see a band we both like – and he said he would swing by to check it out. To be clear, I didn’t invite him, he just volunteered this. And just like he said he would, he showed up last night despite being exhausted and we hung out for another few hours. Again, he walked me to my car and just a really nice hug goodbye.
I am thoroughly enjoying this deepening of our friendship, and I have so much fun spending time with him. I have no interest in pushing his boundaries, and if he wants to stay in the friend zone with me, I still consider that a great thing (he’s gotten to know me better in the last five days than the last guy I dated over a year and a half). But I still have a crush on him and I would love for this to turn into something romantic at some point. Does this sound like he’s just being a gentleman and being friendly? Or maybe that he likes me and could possibly be romantically interested? I’m happy to let this play out and just really enjoy the friendship, but I’m trying to figure out my approach.
A few weeks ago we ran into each other again and talked for several hours, but again, it was just friendly. Then last week we realized we were going to be working in the same city this past week on the same days, staying in hotels three blocks apart, on the same flights to and from. Totally crazy. I invited him to a baseball game and he accepted enthusiastically, but I thought that was the only time we would get together during the trip. We ended up hanging out for several hours all four nights that we were there, through his initiative (dinner and drinks, walking half an hour to and from my hotel, the game, etc.). It was amazing! We just talked and talked, laughed, really bonded, got along so incredibly well, discovered we had so many things in common, similar values. We basically spent all our free time together. He always insisted on walking me to my hotel entrance, or making sure we got dropped off at my hotel first. Always a gentleman, being protective when crossing the street, stuff like that. He always asked me a lot of questions, wanted to know everything about me. He always gave me a great hug at the end of the night, but no real flirting or anything romantic.
After we got home, I wondered (sadly) if it would just go back to not really communicating much and just running into each other whenever. Plus, I thought he would be sick of me that point since we had hung out together for five days in a row (again, all his initiative, and he even wanted to try to sit next to me on the plane). He asked me at our home airport while waiting for my suitcase (he stayed with me until I got into my taxi) what I was doing over the weekend, I told him what I was doing that night – going to see a band we both like – and he said he would swing by to check it out. To be clear, I didn’t invite him, he just volunteered this. And just like he said he would, he showed up last night despite being exhausted and we hung out for another few hours. Again, he walked me to my car and just a really nice hug goodbye.
I am thoroughly enjoying this deepening of our friendship, and I have so much fun spending time with him. I have no interest in pushing his boundaries, and if he wants to stay in the friend zone with me, I still consider that a great thing (he’s gotten to know me better in the last five days than the last guy I dated over a year and a half). But I still have a crush on him and I would love for this to turn into something romantic at some point. Does this sound like he’s just being a gentleman and being friendly? Or maybe that he likes me and could possibly be romantically interested? I’m happy to let this play out and just really enjoy the friendship, but I’m trying to figure out my approach.
Posted by LadyNeptuneAgain, I don’t think I’m being clear. I’m not looking for an outcome. I don’t want to get back together with him. He is emotionally unavailable and can’t meet probably 90% of my relationship needs. Our life style s are not compatible. He’s the one who said he only wanted friendship, but he’s not acting anything like a platonic friend by being clingy AF. That’s what I’m trying to get at. I’ve already started going out on dates with other people, and yes, it is totally on me to put the brakes on this clingy behavior and remind him that he needs to act like a platonic friend since that’s what he wants. He’s pretty textbook cancer about almost everything, so I’m just trying to figure out if this post semi romantic messy situationship ending whatever, since you say it’s not a breakup, it’s typical for cancer men. He could just as well have started ignoring me or just saying hi and going about his business whenever we run into each other.Posted by Indigo1974Posted by LadyNeptune
But... a breakup didn't happen. So that's why he is acting like it didn't... because it didn't.
You have to be in a relationship in order to breakup.
Idk that I'd call him being his normal self around you as 'hanging on for dear life' type of behavior. Do you expect him to be an ass?
Seeking out second hand information from mutual friends, counting his likes on other peoples sm, you sure your not the one hanging on here?
Stick to your boundaries. He can't give you what you want. If that changes he can come to you directly and let it be known. Don't look for signs in his interactions with others.
I probably wasn’t clear. We were seeing each other at least once or twice a week, usually in group settings. We were regularly physically intimate with limits (all his). We texted regularly. Basically, we were a couple without the label. Everybody knew that we were “together.” All of that stopped and when I told him the situation was becoming too painful for me, and I went no contact. Maybe you don’t want to call it a technical break up, but a situationship can be ended by either party. We were definitely not acting like platonic friends. And as for him asking after me and talking about me and liking my stuff on other peoples posts, this is not information I have sought out. My friends have volunteered this information without me asking. I have worked so hard to physically avoid him, and it’s really difficult because we’re in the same circle of friends. Never once have I initiated contact with him in the last three months.
You may have been fucking, hanging out, affectionate, etc etc. But the facts are, he made it very clear that he did not want a romantic relationship.
I understand it wasn't platonic. That still doesn't make you distancing yourself from him a breakup.
Whether you sought out the info or not you seem to be reading into it, hoping for the outcome you desire. Again, if he has changed his mind he can be direct with you and let it be known. For your own peace of mind let this go completely. You can't control his actions and intentions, you can only control yours. Putting energy into interpreting him as 'hanging on' is not gonna help you let go.
I guess the lesson to learn here is to believe and accept people for where they are at, don't try to change someone. It'll just end in disappointment. Also maybe don't dip into the friend pool next time, awkward af when it implodes. Or if you do go there, take things slow very veeeery slow.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneI probably wasn’t clear. We were seeing each other at least once or twice a week, usually in group settings. We were regularly physically intimate with limits (all his). We texted regularly. Basically, we were a couple without the label. Everybody knew that we were “together.” All of that stopped and when I told him the situation was becoming too painful for me, and I went no contact. Maybe you don’t want to call it a technical break up, but a situationship can be ended by either party. We were definitely not acting like platonic friends. And as for him asking after me and talking about me and liking my stuff on other peoples posts, this is not information I have sought out. My friends have volunteered this information without me asking. I have worked so hard to physically avoid him, and it’s really difficult because we’re in the same circle of friends. Never once have I initiated contact with him in the last three months.
But... a breakup didn't happen. So that's why he is acting like it didn't... because it didn't.
You have to be in a relationship in order to breakup.
Idk that I'd call him being his normal self around you as 'hanging on for dear life' type of behavior. Do you expect him to be an ass?
Seeking out second hand information from mutual friends, counting his likes on other peoples sm, you sure your not the one hanging on here?
Stick to your boundaries. He can't give you what you want. If that changes he can come to you directly and let it be known. Don't look for signs in his interactions with others.
I know Cancer men tend to have a hard time letting people go, but this is just bizarre. I broke things off with him three months ago after a messy 7-month situationship. He didn’t want a relationship, I stayed in it longer than I should have, got fed up with the hot/cold behavior and feeling controlled. I broke it off (it felt kind of mutual), immediately went no contact and blocked him on all social media so I could heal.
I’ve run into him a few times since the breakup and he’s always extra, attentive, affectionate, clingy. Essentially behaving like we never split. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t magically want to commit after three months apart (and me being a ghost to him), and I have a feeling that if I reciprocated that energy and hinted at getting back together, he’d either reject me or we’d end up back in the same place.
Anyway, is this hanging on for dear life behavior after a breakup typical for Cancer men even if they don’t want a relationship with you? I love his company SO much and enjoy the attention, and I don’t want to hurt him by pushing back on our interactions. But I know I need stronger boundaries. I still have him blocked on all social media; he’s been asking mutual friends about me, bragging about me to friends, and liking photos/videos of me that other people post since he can’t see my stuff.
I’ve run into him a few times since the breakup and he’s always extra, attentive, affectionate, clingy. Essentially behaving like we never split. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t magically want to commit after three months apart (and me being a ghost to him), and I have a feeling that if I reciprocated that energy and hinted at getting back together, he’d either reject me or we’d end up back in the same place.
Anyway, is this hanging on for dear life behavior after a breakup typical for Cancer men even if they don’t want a relationship with you? I love his company SO much and enjoy the attention, and I don’t want to hurt him by pushing back on our interactions. But I know I need stronger boundaries. I still have him blocked on all social media; he’s been asking mutual friends about me, bragging about me to friends, and liking photos/videos of me that other people post since he can’t see my stuff.
Posted by Mission2VenusAre you being serious right now?Posted by Indigo1974Why do you think it’s so hard for me to walk away?
Aren’t you in a wheel chair?click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Mars in SagPosted by Indigo1974Posted by aquarius09
This Cancer dude’s Venus is Virgo? Mars in Cap by any chance?
Moon in Virgo, Venus in Gemini
Not shocked at Venus in Gem. Where is the mars?click to expand
Posted by borednbeautifulMars in SagPosted by aquarius09
This Cancer dude’s Venus is Virgo? Mars in Cap by any chance?
What about Mars in Cap? My ex Leo had that placement.click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Moon in Virgo, Venus in Gemini
This Cancer dude’s Venus is Virgo? Mars in Cap by any chance?
Posted by MyStarsShineLibra sun, Aqua moon 😊
Ask to tie him up and see what he says 😂
What sign are you op?
Posted by DMVI have no idea, that’s why I’m asking. I guess maybe because exposing a kink makes you vulnerable?
Why would he feel awkward?
Posted by alexscariesThank you!
There's a podcast and the guy on that is cancer and the woman is scorpio. I think it's called lovingbdsm.
Posted by Wizardz_I can’t thank you enough for this advice! This is all new to me, so this is incredibly helpful, especially from a cancer perspective. I want to enjoy all of this in the best way possible.
Part of the excitement for him is exploring/releasing this side of himself so I wouldn't highlight it or refer to it. If you are excited by it too then it's sort of like the golden goose. Let it happen, one golden egg at a time, rather than confronting him and saying "so you want to be my Dom?" or you might end up causing too much stress
He is in the role of dominant so he should be the one to gradually ramp up the power dynamic which it sounds as if he is doing already... so I would say relax and as long as you are enjoying it then let him take control gradually at his own pace. It's highly psychological and there are a lot of guilt and morally tricky parts to negotiate, depending on what he is used to, what his upbringing was like etc. This can cause a lot of stress and end up in arguments. There is also the concept of "topping from the bottom" which is where you, as the submissive, end up trying to control things, for example, telling him to say this and not that etc. You said he calls you good girl after orgasming because HE knows you like that - this is a good sign
So what I am trying to say is there is a lot that could go wrong by you stepping up and trying to organise and control what is happening, when as the sub it is better for you to trust that he wants it to and he will make it happen at his own pace
Re: talking about safety limits, sure that is important but it doesn't sound that you are at a stage where that is necessary? and he is moving fairly slowly. I'm sure you will know when the time is right to discuss those matters. Sounds like you have great trust, which is the key to making it work. Take time to enjoy the journey and don't rush it
I have Cancer moon so I think I understand how sensitive a process it might be for him which is why I think it would be better if you let things take their course without any interference on your part
Cancer man and I have been seeing each other exclusively for seven months. We’ve had sex many times, but we mutually put it on hold a few months ago until he’s ready for the feelings (love) that will come with it (I broke it off for a little while in January because he was running hot and cold, that stopped and he’s been amazing since). In the meantime, we have become VERY close, very emotionally intimate, and we still have very physically intimate moments usually twice a week (making out, heavy petting). Dirty talk is a big thing for us, and we trust each other 100% and are completely comfortable with each other.
All that being said, I was a little surprised when he started getting more adventurous with the dirty talk in recent weeks. A couple of weeks ago, he called me “my dirty girl.” I loved it. About a week ago, he whispered to me under his breath while we were flirting heavily (at a restaurant) that I was a dirty little slut. Stunned, but I loved it. Then last night, while we were groping each other, he called me a little whore. Again, shocked, but I loved it. However, this was a stretch for him and showed me how much he trusted that I would not only not judge him for it, but actually like it.
I’ve always had sub tendencies (given his cancer intuition, I’m pretty sure he picked up on that a while ago), but I’ve never been with a partner where I felt trusting and confident enough to fully explore it. Given these three instances (and he always tells me I’m a good girl after I orgasm, which he knows I love), it seems that he has some Dom tendencies that he’s finally feeling trusting enough with me to test out. I know cancers are super super sensitive, and while I know that it’s important to talk about these things, boundaries, limits, etc. when engaging in BDSM/degradation play, I don’t want him to feel awkward about it. Do any of you have experiences with cancers that are into this sort of thing? I just feel so comfortable with him and I really want to explore this, and make him feel as comfortable as possible.
All that being said, I was a little surprised when he started getting more adventurous with the dirty talk in recent weeks. A couple of weeks ago, he called me “my dirty girl.” I loved it. About a week ago, he whispered to me under his breath while we were flirting heavily (at a restaurant) that I was a dirty little slut. Stunned, but I loved it. Then last night, while we were groping each other, he called me a little whore. Again, shocked, but I loved it. However, this was a stretch for him and showed me how much he trusted that I would not only not judge him for it, but actually like it.
I’ve always had sub tendencies (given his cancer intuition, I’m pretty sure he picked up on that a while ago), but I’ve never been with a partner where I felt trusting and confident enough to fully explore it. Given these three instances (and he always tells me I’m a good girl after I orgasm, which he knows I love), it seems that he has some Dom tendencies that he’s finally feeling trusting enough with me to test out. I know cancers are super super sensitive, and while I know that it’s important to talk about these things, boundaries, limits, etc. when engaging in BDSM/degradation play, I don’t want him to feel awkward about it. Do any of you have experiences with cancers that are into this sort of thing? I just feel so comfortable with him and I really want to explore this, and make him feel as comfortable as possible.
Posted by LadyNeptuneThank you so much 😊
I'm proud of you for sticking to your boundaries and holding him to the standard you deserve.
Some of you may have seen my posts from a few months ago of dealing with an emotionally unavailable cancer man. He was hot and cold, afraid to commit and kept me at a considerable distance while supposedly wanting to work on the friendship. We stopped having sex so that we could focus on the friendship, but agreed to remain exclusive. Yet, he wasn’t doing anything to actually spend time with me or grow the friendship. So I finally broke it off in mid January after explaining that there really wasn’t anything to break off since we weren’t really texting, we weren’t really spending time together, and we definitely weren’t sleeping together. He seemed surprised. We ran into each other about a week later and it was too hard for me, so I texted him that I would be blocking him for a little while because it was too hard for me to see him on social media. He said he was sad too, but he understood.
I went three weeks no contact before we ran into each other again. We sat down to talk, a conversation that ended up being four hours long. He cracked wide-open, telling me that he missed me, he had feelings for me, we cleared up all the miscommunication we had about feelings and things he had done for me that I didn’t even know about. he needed to sober up a little bit, and he wanted to spend more time together so we went to Denny’s for two hours and kept talking. He opened up about his family, his childhood, his fears, his insecurities, what happened with us, EVERYTHING. I took him back to his car, and we kissed passionately for three more hours until the sun came up.
One thing we talked about extensively is his fear of commitment, and that he’s not exactly sure where it comes from. He thinks it’s that he’s had to compromise so much in past relationships that he doesn’t want to be the one doing all of the compromising again. I told him I understood, and I would be willing to work with him on this. But I also told him I refuse to entertain anything with him if he’s going to go hot and cold again because it’s too much for me to bear. I also told him that I didn’t want to sleep with him again until he stopped being afraid of all the feelings that come from having sex with me. He agreed. I also told him that if he wants to work on commitment stuff, we were going to start meeting for brunch every Sunday, only an hour. He agreed.
Six weeks later and we have become extremely close and extremely intimate, and that’s without sex. He’s showing up for brunch, even when he’s only on a few hours of sleep. We talk about anything and everything. He gives me that look of awe and hopefully falling in love. We feed each other at meals. He’s been consistent in his behavior with me, still not ready to show PDA because we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but he’s always standing or sitting next to me wherever we are. He brags about me to people in front of me, and also to people when I’m not around because they tell me. He tells me all the time how proud he is of me. He’s very protective, and gets upset whenever somebody treats me with disrespect, especially because I’m a wheelchair user. He tells me secrets, he shares music he loves, and shows me photos of his children. We trust each other completely, and I’ve never had a friendship or relationship like this with anyone.
Anyway, I guess this adds to the stories of cancer men coming back. And I’m also glad I didn’t give up on him and gave us another chance.
I went three weeks no contact before we ran into each other again. We sat down to talk, a conversation that ended up being four hours long. He cracked wide-open, telling me that he missed me, he had feelings for me, we cleared up all the miscommunication we had about feelings and things he had done for me that I didn’t even know about. he needed to sober up a little bit, and he wanted to spend more time together so we went to Denny’s for two hours and kept talking. He opened up about his family, his childhood, his fears, his insecurities, what happened with us, EVERYTHING. I took him back to his car, and we kissed passionately for three more hours until the sun came up.
One thing we talked about extensively is his fear of commitment, and that he’s not exactly sure where it comes from. He thinks it’s that he’s had to compromise so much in past relationships that he doesn’t want to be the one doing all of the compromising again. I told him I understood, and I would be willing to work with him on this. But I also told him I refuse to entertain anything with him if he’s going to go hot and cold again because it’s too much for me to bear. I also told him that I didn’t want to sleep with him again until he stopped being afraid of all the feelings that come from having sex with me. He agreed. I also told him that if he wants to work on commitment stuff, we were going to start meeting for brunch every Sunday, only an hour. He agreed.
Six weeks later and we have become extremely close and extremely intimate, and that’s without sex. He’s showing up for brunch, even when he’s only on a few hours of sleep. We talk about anything and everything. He gives me that look of awe and hopefully falling in love. We feed each other at meals. He’s been consistent in his behavior with me, still not ready to show PDA because we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but he’s always standing or sitting next to me wherever we are. He brags about me to people in front of me, and also to people when I’m not around because they tell me. He tells me all the time how proud he is of me. He’s very protective, and gets upset whenever somebody treats me with disrespect, especially because I’m a wheelchair user. He tells me secrets, he shares music he loves, and shows me photos of his children. We trust each other completely, and I’ve never had a friendship or relationship like this with anyone.
Anyway, I guess this adds to the stories of cancer men coming back. And I’m also glad I didn’t give up on him and gave us another chance.
Some of you may have seen my posts from a few months ago of dealing with an emotionally unavailable cancer man. He was hot and cold, afraid to commit and kept me at a considerable distance while supposedly wanting to work on the friendship. We stopped having sex so that we could focus on the friendship, but agreed to remain exclusive. Yet, he wasn’t doing anything to actually spend time with me or grow the friendship. So I finally broke it off in mid January after explaining that there really wasn’t anything to break off since we weren’t really texting, we weren’t really spending time together, and we definitely weren’t sleeping together. He seemed surprised. We ran into each other about a week later and it was too hard for me, so I texted him that I would be blocking him for a little while because it was too hard for me to see him on social media. He said he was sad too, but he understood.
I went three weeks no contact before we ran into each other again. We sat down to talk, a conversation that ended up being four hours long. He cracked wide-open, telling me that he missed me, he had feelings for me, we cleared up all the miscommunication we had about feelings and things he had done for me that I didn’t even know about. he needed to sober up a little bit, and he wanted to spend more time together so we went to Denny’s for two hours and kept talking. He opened up about his family, his childhood, his fears, his insecurities, what happened with us, EVERYTHING. I took him back to his car, and we kissed passionately for three more hours until the sun came up.
One thing we talked about extensively is his fear of commitment, and that he’s not exactly sure where it comes from. He thinks it’s that he’s had to compromise so much in past relationships that he doesn’t want to be the one doing all of the compromising again. I told him I understood, and I would be willing to work with him on this. But I also told him I refuse to entertain anything with him if he’s going to go hot and cold again because it’s too much for me to bear. I also told him that I didn’t want to sleep with him again until he stopped being afraid of all the feelings that come from having sex with me. He agreed. I also told him that if he wants to work on commitment stuff, we were going to start meeting for brunch every Sunday, only an hour. He agreed.
Six weeks later and we have become extremely close and extremely intimate, and that’s without sex. He’s showing up for brunch, even when he’s only on a few hours of sleep. We talk about anything and everything. He gives me that look of awe and hopefully falling in love. We feed each other at meals. He’s been consistent in his behavior with me, still not ready to show PDA because we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but he’s always standing or sitting next to me wherever we are. He brags about me to people in front of me, and also to people when I’m not around because they tell me. He tells me all the time how proud he is of me. He’s very protective, and gets upset whenever somebody treats me with disrespect, especially because I’m a wheelchair user. He tells me secrets, he shares music he loves, and shows me photos of his children. We trust each other completely, and I’ve never had a friendship or relationship like this with anyone.
Anyway, I guess this adds to the stories of cancer men coming back. And I’m also glad I didn’t give up on him and gave us another chance.
I went three weeks no contact before we ran into each other again. We sat down to talk, a conversation that ended up being four hours long. He cracked wide-open, telling me that he missed me, he had feelings for me, we cleared up all the miscommunication we had about feelings and things he had done for me that I didn’t even know about. he needed to sober up a little bit, and he wanted to spend more time together so we went to Denny’s for two hours and kept talking. He opened up about his family, his childhood, his fears, his insecurities, what happened with us, EVERYTHING. I took him back to his car, and we kissed passionately for three more hours until the sun came up.
One thing we talked about extensively is his fear of commitment, and that he’s not exactly sure where it comes from. He thinks it’s that he’s had to compromise so much in past relationships that he doesn’t want to be the one doing all of the compromising again. I told him I understood, and I would be willing to work with him on this. But I also told him I refuse to entertain anything with him if he’s going to go hot and cold again because it’s too much for me to bear. I also told him that I didn’t want to sleep with him again until he stopped being afraid of all the feelings that come from having sex with me. He agreed. I also told him that if he wants to work on commitment stuff, we were going to start meeting for brunch every Sunday, only an hour. He agreed.
Six weeks later and we have become extremely close and extremely intimate, and that’s without sex. He’s showing up for brunch, even when he’s only on a few hours of sleep. We talk about anything and everything. He gives me that look of awe and hopefully falling in love. We feed each other at meals. He’s been consistent in his behavior with me, still not ready to show PDA because we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but he’s always standing or sitting next to me wherever we are. He brags about me to people in front of me, and also to people when I’m not around because they tell me. He tells me all the time how proud he is of me. He’s very protective, and gets upset whenever somebody treats me with disrespect, especially because I’m a wheelchair user. He tells me secrets, he shares music he loves, and shows me photos of his children. We trust each other completely, and I’ve never had a friendship or relationship like this with anyone.
Anyway, I guess this adds to the stories of cancer men coming back. And I’m also glad I didn’t give up on him and gave us another chance.
Update, I ended up breaking it off. It was absolutely suffocating. He was blowing up my phone if I didn’t respond within a couple of hours, talking about future plans months down the road, and it was just way too much. I very politely broke it off just saying that he was way more emotionally invested in this way too quickly than I was, and it just wasn’t going to move forward for me. He took it really well. Until he kept texting me the next day and calling me like nothing it happened. I ended up having to block him on my phone. Then he started messaging me on WhatsApp and I had to block him there. Crazy for sure!
Posted by ImperfectStormVenus in Aquarius
Boundaries with a Pisces man are very important.. they usually lack boundaries. Lol and with him being a mutable sign, he will likely swim back and forth, in and out so it’s wise to pace yourself with him. Be receptive with him while still being cautious, tell him to pump his brakes if he’s going too fast, too soon.
Do you know his venus sign? You can sometimes tell more from a man’s venus sign than his sun. If he has a fire venus that would explain the 0 to 100. Lol
fire + water = lots of steam 😅
I started dating a pretty awesome Pisces man a couple of weeks ago. However, things are going from 0 to 100 very quickly. While I’m thrilled to receive all the affection and attention and quality time, I’m feeling very guarded. I got all of this love bombing at the beginning from a cancer man not long ago (crazy water signs, I tell you), and after a few weeks he shut down, emotionally unavailable. Several years ago, Aquarius man did this at the beginning, then shut down, emotionally unavailable. My ex-husband did this, turned out to be an emotionally abusive narcissist. So you can imagine I have my guard up with this one. I’m having a great time with him and he makes me feel so good, especially after hot and cold emotionally unavailable heartache with a recent cancer man. I know that Pisces men wear their hearts on their sleeves and are super touchy-feely, but my past experience has me very wary. Not sure whether or not I should address it and verbalize some boundaries this early or just let it play out and enjoy it.
Posted by shellshockerSo from your point of you, it’s OK to just go around saying whatever you want to whoever you want without caring if it hurts them because you didn’t know? Don’t you want to know what hurts somebody so that you don’t do the same thing again?Posted by Indigo1974
UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know.
it sounds more like you're offended he wasn't jealous
comedy is subjective and it was said in jest. why does someone have to apologize for your sensitivities?
drama stirringclick to expand
Posted by AgentP911I just posted an update a couple of days ago. I am definitely not in the friend zone, lol. And he actually just left my house a few minutes ago.Posted by Indigo1974
I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends to get to know each other, give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this. We do still kiss and make out, and we are incredibly over the top still sexually attracted to each other, but we took sex off the table because he didn’t want to make past mistakes or hurt me (it’s too emotionally intense). Anyway, because he’s acting pretty laid-back and we’re not dating or sleeping with each other in the traditional sense, a couple of incidents have really caught me off guard, and I’m curious if these are signs of the notorious cancer jealousy.
About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.
Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!
Based on this, he was joking with you both times and certainly not being rude.
To be honest, I think he's friend zoned you and he's given himself a get out clause of 'not being ready' so he can say "it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends..." and voila, that's exactly where you already are.click to expand
Posted by geminiflybyNo, I have a media production company and so does he. I’m a brand ambassador for the company that makes my wheelchair, and he took some video of me to help promote one of their chairs. They liked it so much that they’re going to offer him some work. We’re both independent contractors so it’s not like we work together in an office; we both work from home.
Well that is an interesting turn of events! Is this the first time I'm hearing he is also a work colleague? So this is someone you can't get away from if things go bad again?
I hope things continue along this line or someone is going to have to dust off their resume.
UPDATE: OK. So, 24 hours prior to my intent to break it off completely with cancer man Thursday night, I decided to call one of my closest friends who I remembered is also a Cancer. She and I spoke for hours. I told her everything, and she encouraged me to stick it out for a little bit longer and just see how the evening went with him before dropping the hammer. She recognized so many things about what was happening with us in her own relationships, so she was really able to understand what was going on.
So this past Thursday was four full days of no contact with him. We worked on a project together, so I sent him some files that morning and that was it. No personal note, no text message, nothing. That evening he sent me a text first, for the first time in probably two months, lol. It was pretty simple and I sent him a simple response, but then he continued the conversation. As I mentioned, he’s been stalking my Instagram stories and knew that I was going out to the bar where we often hang out that night after the museum I was at.
I arrived at the bar around 10 PM and he was already there. I was wearing a pretty sexy outfit in the Instagram story, and he about lost his shit when he saw me in it in person. All over me, very affectionate. The Whole night it was attention nonstop, and apparently the dirty talk moratorium was lifted without sending me a memo. All night was nothing but dirty talk, flirting, touching. No kissing, but everybody in that bar (filled with our mutual friends) knew that we were together, I promise you. He was also talking to me about work, about stuff he wants to do music wise, just all sorts of stuff. Total word vomit, lol.
We closed out the bar (we were both sober) and he went with me to my wheelchair van to say good night, where he proceeded to adore and worship me for an hour during the most intense make out session I think I’ve ever had. And he was verbally emotional, OMG. First time since we started dating. Like, he actually expressed feelings out loud. I still can’t believe it. We both finally left, and he wanted me to text him when I get home. Then we proceeded to sext for another half hour, dirty photos, you name it. Mind you, this is something he has not wanted to do for probably two months.
I told my cancer friend all about this, and we both agreed that he was probably going to back off and need time to process and I probably wouldn’t hear from him for a few days. Well, I got a text message from him at 10:30 AM the next morning even though we both went to bed probably around 4 AM the night before. I was floored. Started out innocent, then quickly moved to a sext conversation for another half hour, continued to text me throughout the day. I sent him a quick text this afternoon just to see how his workday was yesterday, and he continued the conversation, not me.
So, here I am. I’m going to continue to stay in the backseat and see what he does. I will not be making any plans and will let him take the initiative for when he wants to see me again. But I really think we’ve had a good (and unexpected) turning point.
So this past Thursday was four full days of no contact with him. We worked on a project together, so I sent him some files that morning and that was it. No personal note, no text message, nothing. That evening he sent me a text first, for the first time in probably two months, lol. It was pretty simple and I sent him a simple response, but then he continued the conversation. As I mentioned, he’s been stalking my Instagram stories and knew that I was going out to the bar where we often hang out that night after the museum I was at.
I arrived at the bar around 10 PM and he was already there. I was wearing a pretty sexy outfit in the Instagram story, and he about lost his shit when he saw me in it in person. All over me, very affectionate. The Whole night it was attention nonstop, and apparently the dirty talk moratorium was lifted without sending me a memo. All night was nothing but dirty talk, flirting, touching. No kissing, but everybody in that bar (filled with our mutual friends) knew that we were together, I promise you. He was also talking to me about work, about stuff he wants to do music wise, just all sorts of stuff. Total word vomit, lol.
We closed out the bar (we were both sober) and he went with me to my wheelchair van to say good night, where he proceeded to adore and worship me for an hour during the most intense make out session I think I’ve ever had. And he was verbally emotional, OMG. First time since we started dating. Like, he actually expressed feelings out loud. I still can’t believe it. We both finally left, and he wanted me to text him when I get home. Then we proceeded to sext for another half hour, dirty photos, you name it. Mind you, this is something he has not wanted to do for probably two months.
I told my cancer friend all about this, and we both agreed that he was probably going to back off and need time to process and I probably wouldn’t hear from him for a few days. Well, I got a text message from him at 10:30 AM the next morning even though we both went to bed probably around 4 AM the night before. I was floored. Started out innocent, then quickly moved to a sext conversation for another half hour, continued to text me throughout the day. I sent him a quick text this afternoon just to see how his workday was yesterday, and he continued the conversation, not me.
So, here I am. I’m going to continue to stay in the backseat and see what he does. I will not be making any plans and will let him take the initiative for when he wants to see me again. But I really think we’ve had a good (and unexpected) turning point.
Posted by geminiflybyI went out on a couple of dates with a Gemini right before I ran into cancer man, who like I said I’ve known for almost 5 years. The Gemini man ghosted me so I never heard back from him after I started dating cancer man.
@Indigo1974 - ok, I'm gonna ask it. I saw on the Gemini Forum you were with a Gem around the exact same time as this Cancer. What's going on??
Posted by Moloko_vellocetYou clearly haven’t read anything I’ve written. If I really wanted to make him jealous, do you think I would do it simply by mentioning a man’s age? If I was trying to make him jealous on purpose, I have 100 different ways of doing that more effectively. And I’m ending it because he’s not doing his part to develop a friendship that he said he wanted
In hindsight, I think you were the insecure one and you initially tried to get a reaction to see if he’d get jealous.
Now that you know he teases women about younger guys, you don’t feel that special.
You want more and he isn’t giving it so you tried to make him jealous or see if it’s true about cancers.
You wanted him more than he wanted you, so now you’re running it off and ending it
Big ego
Posted by geminiflybyThank you.
His actions tell you everything there is to know. I was afraid it was going to go this route. So sorry this happened to you because I know how much this hurts. You were in it with your heart and he with his dick. If he REALLY wants you, he knows how to find you and how to get you. There is nothing more you can do here other than to learn and move on. You sound like a beautiful spirit and I know someone out there will appreciate you for who you are.
Posted by geminiflybyI’m breaking it off. All of it. He’s not putting in the effort and doesn’t seem to be interested in spending that much time with me, yet he pulls this jealous passive aggressive stuff. He says he wants me in his life, stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking, tells me how much he loves spending time with me, but I can’t be in his life at all if he doesn’t show interest or effort in being in mine. It’s confusing and unfair. I can’t do it anymore. I’m amazed I made it three months before hitting the breaking point.
Good for you! That's taking control. Now - observe and see if his actions line up with his words from now on.
UPDATE: so I told cancer guy how I felt about what he said, namely that his tone and what he said was hurtful to me and I felt disrespected, even if his intent was to be funny. I also told him that it was a painful trigger for me. (he knows that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive for most of our 10 year marriage). He said he understood, and that it was a “comedic misfire.” He said he often jokes around with women our age about ogling younger men, and then he meant no disrespect. I told him I appreciated that, and that I just didn’t take it as teasing. I said that given the complicated nature of our relationship (feelings involved), what he said about that guy being single and maybe my type hit me in a very soft spot. Then all he said this was easily avoidable, he just needed to edit his comedy routine. That’s it. I’ve told him twice that he said something that hurt me, and no apology. Just a passive aggressive, I didn’t mean it. That’s really all I need to know. 
Posted by geminiflybyThank you. I needed to hear this.
I had a similar (thankfully brief) experience with a Cancer guy and the sex was G-R-E-A-T. And I learned my lesson. Sex is not love. It was so passionate that I was literally blind to the fact that he was interested only in that. I gathered the little crumbs of time and affection that he tossed my way and thought if it was that good for me and I was feeling all these feels, then SURELY he must be, too. Wrong!
I put up with all sorts of his nonsense because I couldn't wait for our next romp. Dickmatized. Haha! He offered me an FWB and I just said sorry, no but I have more respect for myself and you for that. (I think I was lying about the "you" part to him but I did want him to feel like shit....so.....) And I left that gorgeous dick in the rear-view.
Maybe someone else would have been happy with that. Maybe you will be happy with what you get from him. You're gonna have to be because sister, he has all the "power" now. I see you repeating my mistakes and your ending won't be pretty. If you want the sex to continue, then by all means - do it! But it's gonna come at a price.
Posted by aquarius09Believe me, I’ve thought about all the different ways that this will not end well. We’re just so compatible in so many ways, and especially in the bedroom. It is really hard to walk away from sex that good, lol. Plus, at my age of 47 and being a wheelchair user, I really don’t have too many options here. I know that’s a crappy excuse for putting up with someone’s BS, but at my age in my situation, it’s just a reality. You put up with a lot more than you think you would in your 20s.Posted by Indigo1974Posted by Undine
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Close. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
If you’re a Libra with Aqua moon, save your time for an air or earth sign. Cancers can be pretty insecure. One of the cancer dudes I was interested in would get obnoxiously overprotective every time I spoke to another man, as if the next guy was ready to bite me. I wasn’t even dating him. We just liked each other. I called it off all together because I don’t even wanna see the big picture. Besides jealousy like theirs is all cute and nice in the beginning, for like one week. After that, it’s just plain intrusive.click to expand
Posted by TruemaraSo commenting on a man’s age is justification for Cancer rudely insinuating that I was checking this guy out and maybe I’d be interested in dating him when Cancer knows I’m only interested in him? And he’s the one who’s intentionally keeping me at friend’s length even though we’re both desperate to physically be with each other. This was his idea because he’s not ready to be a good boyfriend, not mine.Posted by Indigo1974Posted by Maxian
I think you're fabricating things that are not there. He just wants to work on the friendship, take his word for it.
If you're bringing up men as an incentive, that's not going to work and you'll only push him away further.
If his situation is a wonky offer to you, I'd suggest you move on and be really friends instead of this half-half stuff.
But I don’t understand how this is “bringing up other men.“. In the first case, it was not even a real person and just a joke. In the second case, it was literally just conversation about somebody he knows and commenting on their age.
He was joking backclick to expand
Posted by UndineAnd the first incident was just joking around, and the second was just commenting on a man’s AGE. How is that flirting or provocative? Can I no longer comment on anything objective without an opinion about a man? Like a silly pattern of a shirt, a crazy hair style , his shoes? Because apparently commenting on their age is off-limits.Posted by stardustmopPosted by Undine
Dxpers suggesting that a woman who mentions men (aka half of the population) working in her sight deserves to be subjected to abuse by a man she used to date are seriously deluded.
You said yourself it’s her attempting to flirt. So is she just casually chatting about her day or is she flirting by intentionally bringing up other men?
So what...? Is she not allowed to do both? Talk about her day and use some humour/banter?click to expand
Posted by geminiflybyThank you! It wasn’t even a real person I was joking about the first time, and I was only commenting on someone’s age the second time. I don’t even understand how that’s “bringing up another man” when it’s literally somebody he knows and that he stands in for in a band where I’m friends with two of the players. I really don’t think that saying, wow, he’s pretty young for playing in that band is provocative or flirty.Posted by stardustmop
To be fair you brought up the other men in both scenarios. If I were dating a man and he constantly brought up other women I would wonder if he was trying to friend zone me. Especially given that he seems to have baggage and commitment issues.
I don't see it that way at all! And if I was the OP I'd step on his shit HARD. He's acting like an ass when it was him who called for this arrangement. My reaction? Not funny and not appreciated. And he's certainly not even acting like a FRIEND at this point.
You are being FAR too nice to this guy. Dickmatized..........smh..........click to expand
Posted by UndineClose. Libra sun, Aquarius moon.
This is how Cancer's inability to banter looks like!
Are you a Gem? Some of your flirting talents might be wasted on him.
Posted by MaxianBut I don’t understand how this is “bringing up other men.“. In the first case, it was not even a real person and just a joke. In the second case, it was literally just conversation about somebody he knows and commenting on their age.
I think you're fabricating things that are not there. He just wants to work on the friendship, take his word for it.
If you're bringing up men as an incentive, that's not going to work and you'll only push him away further.
If his situation is a wonky offer to you, I'd suggest you move on and be really friends instead of this half-half stuff.
Posted by Moloko_vellocetGoodness, no! The first time I was just joking around. The second time was totally legit. He is a bass player and occasionally plays with that band. I’m good friends with the lead singer. It seemed totally normal for me to comment on the person that he occasionally stands in for with the band. I never imagined I would provoke such a response in either case.
First incident he was being protective.
Second incident he was being cheeky and sarcastic.
You’re looking for problems. Do you get off on provoking male jealousy?
It sounds like you’re trying to plant the drama seed.
I’m coming up on three months with my Cancer guy. Started out very fast and hot and heavy, we slowed down to dating, and now have slowed down to more friends to get to know each other, give him time to heal from some past wounds and be ready to commit. However we are exclusive, not dating or sleeping with anyone else while we do this. We do still kiss and make out, and we are incredibly over the top still sexually attracted to each other, but we took sex off the table because he didn’t want to make past mistakes or hurt me (it’s too emotionally intense). Anyway, because he’s acting pretty laid-back and we’re not dating or sleeping with each other in the traditional sense, a couple of incidents have really caught me off guard, and I’m curious if these are signs of the notorious cancer jealousy.
About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.
Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!
About a month ago, I was traveling and staying in a hotel room. I am a wheelchair user and often run into problems with the accessible shower hotel rooms. I was complaining to him over text that I would have to take a washcloth bath because I couldn’t use the shower. He asked if the hotel could send somebody to help. I joked around about them sending somebody to give me a washcloth bath, and that because of where I was staying it would probably be somebody who looked like Larry the cable guy, so no thanks. He quickly texted back, “absolutely NOT, lol. Tell them to just turn on the water and then get the F out, lol.” Then today, we were having a more serious conversation just kind of working out the logistics of how to move our friendship along. He was asking about my night last night, and I was telling him how I went to go see a live band that he occasionally plays bass for as a stand in. I casually remarked how my friend had said to me that their full time bass player is only 25 years old, which is notable because most of the live musicians where I live are in their late 30s and 40s. He then snapped very quickly, “oh, him? Yeah, he’s 25. He’s got lots of muscles. Big muscles.” I responded that I wasn’t looking at his muscles. Then he says “oh yeah, and he’s single. Although I don’t know if you would like them that young.” I was pretty stunned, and I just asked him, why would you say that? Then responded that he was just joking and being sarcastic. But he knows that I only have eyes for him, even though I’m barely hanging on by a thread while we’re going through this whole develop the friendship thing. At first I thought, is he maybe suggesting I date this guy? Then I really thought about it, and his tone of voice and how aggressive he sounded was just alarming. I’ve never heard him use that tone with me, and I definitely didn’t find it funny.
Anyway, I don’t wanna make too much of it because we’re just behaving as friends despite the intense physical attraction, and we’re only getting together maybe once every couple of weeks, texting every other day or so. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want me to catch too many feelings while he’s not ready to commit. But yet, these aggressive comments have come out twice now and I’m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for any enlightenment!