Message Posts by Lucy1007
Thank you tiki33. Appreciate it! 
I have not heard from him in 8 days now, and I'm fine with that. I've come to terms with the way things are, and I will not contact him, for the simple fact that I deserve better. I have no urge to contact him, which tells me that I truly was not happy. No third chances. Moving on!
Thank you to everyone that responded, for guiding me through this, and helping me look closely at myself. I learned a good deal about me, and what I need to do in my next relationship.
Thank you to everyone that responded, for guiding me through this, and helping me look closely at myself. I learned a good deal about me, and what I need to do in my next relationship.
Thank you so much for this post, it's very kind, and honest. I don't think at my age, that I will get hard, I do care about others, and I just keep bouncing back with the hope my time is coming, LOL. I'm 48 BTW.
So please don't get hard.
Will you be okay if the future of the relationship is always directed by him?
The other possibility is that he's afraid you're going to leave again, so he's trying to preempt you. If that's the case, that needs to get out in the open before it festers and ruins everything.
To answer your first question above, no, I would not be ok with a relationship solely directed by him. I would like to think I am not a push over. I do have my limits.
As for your second question above, I know he had talked about me moving in, and I told him I was definitely open to it, just not now, it's to soon for me. That was just around the last time I saw him.....but the last time I saw him, I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks before that, so I don't think that is it.
He also seems to like me emailing him every day, and has commented when I don't. I stopped when he stopped responding. I did say something to him about the fact I never got responses, but he didn't say anything. I think he needs daily reassurance that I am here, but I have told him many times I was not planning on going anywhere.
I do hear what you are saying, am I really willing to live a life like this, and my answer would be a definite no. I just want to be sure this isn't for some very specific reason before I walk away.
Lol Elle.....we must have been typing at the same time.
I am not offended in the least bit by your response. The help I've gotten here has been amazing, and I know folks have my best interest at heart, while trying to help me at the same time.
I'm just about to walk out the door for work, and I want to read through your response again, it's filled with great info!! Just wanted to quickly thank you for taking the time to respond.
I am not offended in the least bit by your response. The help I've gotten here has been amazing, and I know folks have my best interest at heart, while trying to help me at the same time.
I'm just about to walk out the door for work, and I want to read through your response again, it's filled with great info!! Just wanted to quickly thank you for taking the time to respond.
I haven't heard from him since Sat night. This is the longest amount of time in between calls, and not speaking. I've had a great deal of time to think, and I remembered something he said to me after the first time he disappeared. He told me it was good to go through this, to see how I handled different situations. He said it would get better. At the time I remember feeling like I was being tested, and I didn't know why.
He's had a good deal of health issues these last three months, and I know it's worried him, and he works alot. I've noticed when he's been easy to upset, it was during times he's had little to no control over these health issues.
I'm not making excuses for him, and acting the way he has toward me is no excuse, but I feel I at least need to have a serious conversation with him, to express my concerns, and my unhappiness, give him the opportunity to see my side, give me the opportunity to see how he will react to hearing my needs. I've heard nothing from him in 4 days, and I haven't contacted him. It's typically been 2 days in between contact, but I've usually contacted him to prompt that call. Should I just wait to hear from him, or try to reach out?
He's had a good deal of health issues these last three months, and I know it's worried him, and he works alot. I've noticed when he's been easy to upset, it was during times he's had little to no control over these health issues.
I'm not making excuses for him, and acting the way he has toward me is no excuse, but I feel I at least need to have a serious conversation with him, to express my concerns, and my unhappiness, give him the opportunity to see my side, give me the opportunity to see how he will react to hearing my needs. I've heard nothing from him in 4 days, and I haven't contacted him. It's typically been 2 days in between contact, but I've usually contacted him to prompt that call. Should I just wait to hear from him, or try to reach out?
Thank you InLoveWithLife! I wish you the best as well. It's not easy to go through at all, it is a very confusing time, and you do second guess yourself sometimes. Day by day I always say.
InLoveWithLife......THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing your experience. I'm literally heartbroken sitting here realizing your experience is my experience, both for what you went through, and for what I now know I have to do. It's good to hear this though, to know I'm not alone in this. It's just sad.
daron76.....I do fully see what you are saying, and this is why I came here, looking for help. My original post and plan was only because I thought he was disappearing on me. It was a confusing time, and I'm not perfect, but I can learn, and that's what I'm trying to do. This has been a very enlightening place to be, and I'm grateful for the help. As we all know, relationships, and everything that goes along with them can sometimes be difficult. I'm just trying to figure it all out.
Yes, I am the only one who knows the situation best, and I do believe he wants me in his life. I also know he isn't respecting me either. After hearing from others on this, and that I was seeing things a bit wrong, my gut is also telling me that if he is doing this after giving him a second chance, the behavior may correct itself for now, but as I told him when we first reconnected, before I said yes to a second chance, I feel I would just be waiting around for the same disrespectful behavior to show up again. I think I may just be fighting that gut instinct telling me something is off, because I'm hoping to see the man I know he could be......or maybe that I wish he could be.
I am planning to give this alot of thought, and have a conversation with him. Put it all out there. I guess if he gets upset, and walks out, unwilling to hear me out, then I have my answer.
Thank you again for helping me through this.
I am planning to give this alot of thought, and have a conversation with him. Put it all out there. I guess if he gets upset, and walks out, unwilling to hear me out, then I have my answer.
Thank you again for helping me through this.
Thank you for the sincere, honest opinions. I feel like such a fool. I have let someone do to me what I said I would not ever again allow. It makes sense though, in the past 3 weeks, he has made time for me once, and it was one of the times we were intimate. He talks a good talk about our "relationship", the things we'll do together, meeting his kids, and our future, he had me fooled.
I am a very sincere woman, I try to be respectful, and I'm patient, I think I made it to easy to take advantage of that, I don't like confrontation. I was definitely not looking for a FWB situation either.
I am a very sincere woman, I try to be respectful, and I'm patient, I think I made it to easy to take advantage of that, I don't like confrontation. I was definitely not looking for a FWB situation either.
I neglected to mention he does have children that live with him full time, and he has a job that he is very dedicated to as well. He works alot.
Good morning! I'm new to this forum, so please let me thank you ahead of time for your help. I've been reading around other forums quite a bit, and have learned a tremendous amount about this Cappy male of mine. LOL! It's offered a great deal of insight to his way of thinking so far.
I am a Libra woman, dating a Cap male.
To give a background on us.....we actually met just about a year ago, online, and dated a few times. He was just not my type at that time, controlling, and arrogant. So, I walked away. I was going through a bad divorce from a controlling arrogant abusive man, and didn't need that in my life. Fast forward a few months, and our paths crossed again. We briefly spoke, he asked for a second chance, telling me it hit him so hard when I walked away. He said he went to counseling after realizing they were his issues that made me walk away.
I felt bad for not hearing him out, and in the end felt very strongly that I would regret us not both giving each a second chance. Things were going really good, he was very attentive, and romantic. Then he slowly stopped returning calls, and emails, stopped respecting my time, wouldn't follow through with what he said he was going to do. Basically, he disappeared.
I allowed him his space, emailing, or calling to leave a voicemail once each time he disappeared. I missed him though, and I initially allowed it to affect me emotionally, and was hurt. But, I learned valuable lessons going through divorce, and I'm not going to chase him. I'm the only one in charge of my happiness, and I'm not going to allow him to disrespect me like this.
After reading through some of the posts here, I've come to realize I need to take my control back, and follow through with what I've learned going through life's lessons. I have a good life, with many many positives in it already. But here is where I'm at right now. I do not doubt in any way that this Cap male wants me in his life. We've been intimate a couple times, and he's told me he needs me in his life. But he isn't respecting my time, and my happiness, he's putting himself first. It's ok for him not to return calls, or emails, but if I don't, he gets upset. That's clearly his arrogance showing through again. That doesn't fly with me. So, I am at the point where I am putting myself back in control, but I don't know what the right approach is, and need help.
I can pretend like nothing has changed, and for me it really hasn't, I care very deeply for this man, and want him in my life. I'm patient, but I know I need to go about my life with what I need to do to be happy, and he's either going to join in, or walk away. He likes to avoid me on my days off, and then call me in the mornings when I'm rushed, getting ready for work, and he's at work too. He likes to show up, unexpectedly, when I get home from work, when I'm tired from being on my feet all day, and just hang out on the couch, snuggling. I would like to date, on my days off, go out, and do things together. Feel pursued. But how do I change this dynamic I've allowed him to create? What is my next step? I'm planning to answer his calls, like nothing has changed, like what he's doing doesn't effect me, that I had an amazing day, even though he didn't call. He always calls a few min before he shows up, but he's already traveling, on his way. I was planning to not be home, be at my sisters, or something........just not home.
Thoughts on my next step?
Thank you!
I am a Libra woman, dating a Cap male.
To give a background on us.....we actually met just about a year ago, online, and dated a few times. He was just not my type at that time, controlling, and arrogant. So, I walked away. I was going through a bad divorce from a controlling arrogant abusive man, and didn't need that in my life. Fast forward a few months, and our paths crossed again. We briefly spoke, he asked for a second chance, telling me it hit him so hard when I walked away. He said he went to counseling after realizing they were his issues that made me walk away.
I felt bad for not hearing him out, and in the end felt very strongly that I would regret us not both giving each a second chance. Things were going really good, he was very attentive, and romantic. Then he slowly stopped returning calls, and emails, stopped respecting my time, wouldn't follow through with what he said he was going to do. Basically, he disappeared.
I allowed him his space, emailing, or calling to leave a voicemail once each time he disappeared. I missed him though, and I initially allowed it to affect me emotionally, and was hurt. But, I learned valuable lessons going through divorce, and I'm not going to chase him. I'm the only one in charge of my happiness, and I'm not going to allow him to disrespect me like this.
After reading through some of the posts here, I've come to realize I need to take my control back, and follow through with what I've learned going through life's lessons. I have a good life, with many many positives in it already. But here is where I'm at right now. I do not doubt in any way that this Cap male wants me in his life. We've been intimate a couple times, and he's told me he needs me in his life. But he isn't respecting my time, and my happiness, he's putting himself first. It's ok for him not to return calls, or emails, but if I don't, he gets upset. That's clearly his arrogance showing through again. That doesn't fly with me. So, I am at the point where I am putting myself back in control, but I don't know what the right approach is, and need help.
I can pretend like nothing has changed, and for me it really hasn't, I care very deeply for this man, and want him in my life. I'm patient, but I know I need to go about my life with what I need to do to be happy, and he's either going to join in, or walk away. He likes to avoid me on my days off, and then call me in the mornings when I'm rushed, getting ready for work, and he's at work too. He likes to show up, unexpectedly, when I get home from work, when I'm tired from being on my feet all day, and just hang out on the couch, snuggling. I would like to date, on my days off, go out, and do things together. Feel pursued. But how do I change this dynamic I've allowed him to create? What is my next step? I'm planning to answer his calls, like nothing has changed, like what he's doing doesn't effect me, that I had an amazing day, even though he didn't call. He always calls a few min before he shows up, but he's already traveling, on his way. I was planning to not be home, be at my sisters, or something........just not home.
Thoughts on my next step?
Thank you!