Message Posts by Spooper
This person has been in and out of my life 3 times now over the span of 6 years.
First time (I was 16 he was 18) we were in a LDR for about 3 years, typical young love, our worlds revolved around each other.
2nd time, he tried to reach out to me again after about two years, as a friend, we stayed in touch for a month before he vanished.
This last time, starting in the beginning of January this year, and after we both had more RL dating experiences (we're both pretty introverted, he's probably more of an ambovert), we were trying to build a relationship again. But abruptly things started going downhill on his end. Going through a lot with his health, some financial issues, and the death of his father. He mentioned the notion of moving back in with his mom, to take care of her. I just tried to be as supportive as possible when he opened up to me and just appreciate that I was one of the few people he kept updated. I had gotten used to his pattern of abruptly going silent every other week, then coming back and explaining why (which he's always done). I've never had a problem trusting him, I've only ever worried about him. Never tried to control him, only asked for open communication. He did his best, which is all I could ever ask for.
Now I haven't heard from him in 3 or 4 months. I feel like I messed up. I let some friends get into my head, so after three weeks of not hearing from him I sent him something along the lines of, "Are you coming back? You never tell me anything." But who knows, he could've decided to go MIA before I even sent that. He hasn't blocked me from anything, so I'm assuming he's not done with me? He's definitely the type of person to block people if he never wants to talk to them again.
I don't try to reach out to him (I did once, just apologizing for my needy behavior and wishing him the best, but haven't since and don't plan to again), because if he needs to handle his stuff I don't want to get in the way. Just wish he would've given some of explanation instead of leaving me in the dark again. It's making me have a hard time letting go.
Thoughts? Advice?
First time (I was 16 he was 18) we were in a LDR for about 3 years, typical young love, our worlds revolved around each other.
2nd time, he tried to reach out to me again after about two years, as a friend, we stayed in touch for a month before he vanished.
This last time, starting in the beginning of January this year, and after we both had more RL dating experiences (we're both pretty introverted, he's probably more of an ambovert), we were trying to build a relationship again. But abruptly things started going downhill on his end. Going through a lot with his health, some financial issues, and the death of his father. He mentioned the notion of moving back in with his mom, to take care of her. I just tried to be as supportive as possible when he opened up to me and just appreciate that I was one of the few people he kept updated. I had gotten used to his pattern of abruptly going silent every other week, then coming back and explaining why (which he's always done). I've never had a problem trusting him, I've only ever worried about him. Never tried to control him, only asked for open communication. He did his best, which is all I could ever ask for.
Now I haven't heard from him in 3 or 4 months. I feel like I messed up. I let some friends get into my head, so after three weeks of not hearing from him I sent him something along the lines of, "Are you coming back? You never tell me anything." But who knows, he could've decided to go MIA before I even sent that. He hasn't blocked me from anything, so I'm assuming he's not done with me? He's definitely the type of person to block people if he never wants to talk to them again.
I don't try to reach out to him (I did once, just apologizing for my needy behavior and wishing him the best, but haven't since and don't plan to again), because if he needs to handle his stuff I don't want to get in the way. Just wish he would've given some of explanation instead of leaving me in the dark again. It's making me have a hard time letting go.
Thoughts? Advice?
As an introverted cancer, myself, I don't really relate to much of this post. But I do know that for us, sex can be a very complex matter. We always want sex to be this magical and special thing. So when things move fast or we give in to our intoxicated desires in the heat of the moment. We can have a lot of anxiety and disgust with ourselves, that we let our guard down so quickly. Then can associate that feeling with our sexual partner. Which can make us want to disconnect emotionally from that person. For trust for us has to be built and proven over the span of a decent amount of time and is usually almost impossible to do that over a few romantic nights together. But also if we know that someone will give into our seductions, we'll use them just for emotionally disconnected sexual interactions (which means no cuddling and no pillow talk). We don't do this to be selfish and uncaring. We assume the feeling is mutual.
The best way to get out of this is just to disconnect completely, and let them know you can't do this with them, if you do not want this. If you want to keep this person in your life or even just understand what happened, reach out to him from a vulnerable place. We do not respond well to aggression, it'll make us bring out our claws (snippy and short responses) or retreat back into our shell, which makes us come off as cold. Cancer's nature is to be empathic and nurturing, even with people we dislike the most, if they're coming from a genuine and soft place. (This does not mean overly emotional and pointing out their flaws and what they're doing wrong, try something like "when ____ happened, it made me feel like ____")
The best way to get out of this is just to disconnect completely, and let them know you can't do this with them, if you do not want this. If you want to keep this person in your life or even just understand what happened, reach out to him from a vulnerable place. We do not respond well to aggression, it'll make us bring out our claws (snippy and short responses) or retreat back into our shell, which makes us come off as cold. Cancer's nature is to be empathic and nurturing, even with people we dislike the most, if they're coming from a genuine and soft place. (This does not mean overly emotional and pointing out their flaws and what they're doing wrong, try something like "when ____ happened, it made me feel like ____")