Message Posts by WildatHeart
I love a man with a beard.
Posted by LostthoughtsI did tell him it felt creepy and he said that he was worried about me in a different town and googled the town to see if it was safe. It would have been different if it was someone I had been dating for awhile, but it was someone from a dating app that I had never even met and had only had one phone conversation with. That coupled with some other behavior that just felt very pushy and uncomfortable is what made it creepy.Posted by WildatHeartPosted by LadyNeptune
ok weird some of them aren't posting. But this is literally so common.
And yes some women get crazy and violent with rejection as well, just in far less numbers then men.
Ultimately protect yourself and do what's best for your comfort levels.
I can't see the images but this is definitely a huge concern as a single woman. I recently had a lovely phone call with a guy and agreed to a date. The night before the date he texted and I told him I was going out with friends out of town for the evening. I mentioned the town I was going to and that we were getting pizza. The restaurant had a old copper plate ceiling. When I got home I had tons of text messages from him, one telling me that he liked the ceiling at the restaurant. He had googled the town and found the only pizza place there so he that he could see where I was. It totally freaked me out!
That's a dork move and yes I'm guilty of this. Minus the "so he that he could see where I was..." part.
For sure: It means he is putting a lot of effort to continue or start a new conversation.
Good to know people react to this that way. Although, I'm most likely genuinely interested in the place, location, or subject🤷
Next time, be a dear but telling the poor dork you don't know him so that kind of stuff comes off creepy.
Also chill with the dark humour and sarcasm. Doesn't translate well over text with someone who doesn't know you well🤔
Shit, I just want to just relax and do me without the games and fronting. Duck it, people can really suck some times.
Well it looks like this conversation was more enlightening for me then you. Thanks hun!
Oh ya did he actually say or imply "so he that he could see where I was..." Or was that just your interpretation of it?click to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingValid points, never really considered that it was basically just another level of co-dependency.Posted by WildatHeart
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
It's not.
Your post reads like, you need to learn how to be okay with other people not being okay with your choice. You've stated you will tell these guys you're not interested in a second date, yet for some reason you get roped into these long a** phone calls and text. That suggest that you feel the need to please others.
If you stated "no thank you", then there is no need to go any further and you also can not be accused of "ghosting" because you told them what's up. If they don't want to pick up what you've put down after you've stated "no thanks", that's not your problem and you need to be okay with that. Your only job is to be clear and respectful, and stop answering anymore text or phone calls if you're truly not interested. By responding to anything they have to say past "no thank you, I'm gonna pass", you're sending mixed messages.click to expand
Posted by LostthoughtsI think it's more that I just don't know the rules. I was married for twenty years and before that in a long term relationship. I'm accustomed to always hearing the other person out. But it just dawned on me after a couple of bad dates that this can't possibly be the way everyone else is doing it.Posted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
If they are calling or you call and tell them you are not interested, that is the end of your obligation. How and why do you get stuck in long conversations with them?
Because that's a unusual phenomenon in itself.
Could you elaborate on this please?click to expand
Yes! Ok, you guys have given me hope! I was starting to feel like dating was far too much work.
If you have tried to do it the proper way and they still cant take a no for an answer, that is not ghosting. That is shutting the door after you have politely ask them to go.
Posted by pooface222I like this, it allows me to be kind to them and still take care of me. Thank you!Posted by WildatHeart
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
I don't think its ever ok to ghost someone. That's my opinion.
I think its so rude, and as you said, Shitty, to do to someone.
Its also cowardly too.
I think its best to yell that person upfront that you're not interested - which is what you have been doing anyway.
But if they don't get it, as they dont seem to be from what you have said, tell them, politely, that you're very sorry that you don't feel the same way,.and tell them that you dont want to speak to them any more.
Say that you "don't want to give the wrong impression, so after this call, or message, you won't be hearing from me."
Then don't reply to their messages or calls.
That way you have told them clearly they won't be hearing from you again; therefore ignoring their calls and messages, is ok because you are not actually ghosting them.
You're just following through with what you said you would do.click to expand
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-III have asked myself that question. I have no problem saying no and I have no problem holding my ground on that no. But the guy is every bit as much of a human being just trying to live a happy life as I am and even if I'm not interested in him it doesn't mean I want to be hurtful.Posted by WildatHeart
Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him".
Nope, no actual excuse to ghost someone. We live in a society.
Ask yourself why YOU find yourself on the receiving end of "hrs of phone calls and texting" when you can just tell them how it is and BLOCK them if they refuse to play ball.
I don't understand why anyone would pit themselves through that over someone they have no interest in. Do u have a problem with saying No?click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneI can't see the images but this is definitely a huge concern as a single woman. I recently had a lovely phone call with a guy and agreed to a date. The night before the date he texted and I told him I was going out with friends out of town for the evening. I mentioned the town I was going to and that we were getting pizza. The restaurant had a old copper plate ceiling. When I got home I had tons of text messages from him, one telling me that he liked the ceiling at the restaurant. He had googled the town and found the only pizza place there so he that he could see where I was. It totally freaked me out!
ok weird some of them aren't posting. But this is literally so common.
And yes some women get crazy and violent with rejection as well, just in far less numbers then men.
Ultimately protect yourself and do what's best for your comfort levels.
My son was home from the Army for the holidays and when he flew back to base he tested positive for COVID a few days later. Obviously he could have caught it anywhere but none of his friends or family tested positive, including his girlfriend who he was steady swapping spit with until he walked through the airport doors. His flights were packed.
I have always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy and I should treat people the way I'd want to be treated. Lately I find myself going on a lot of first dates with guys that I'm just not that into. When these guys ask to see me again, and I decline, I sometimes find myself sucked into really long phone calls or hours of texting where they try to convince me that I'm wrong for not wanting to see them again. I was telling a friend about my most recent bad first date this afternoon and she very nonchalantly said "just ghost him". I've always thought of ghosting as a really shitty thing to do to someone, but I'm not sure I can spend another minute of my life trying to tell another 45 year old man (in the kindest possible way) that I'm not attracted to him, or that I don't get his sense of humor, or that he plain creeps me out.
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
So I'm posing the question...when is it ok to ghost someone?
Alternately, is there a proper way to tell someone you aren't interested without investing so much energy?
Posted by greylaternHey don't be so quick to jump to conclusions...it wasn't me!
Lmao nope. Not intentionally. That is a test. A very bold one. You woman and your mind games. I wait for a inventation.
That being said, If you left something unimportant and I noticed, whether I let you know or not will tell you how comfortable I am with you and if I would like you to return for it. I will take excellent care of it. Subtly people :-)
Virgo
Taurus
Libra
Sagittarius
The guy I'm seeing has started leaving things behind and I know it's not accidental because he is actually pointing it out to me.
I think it's a pretty ballsy move.
When I'm at his house I even take my garbage with me when I leave....it's like I don't want there to be any trace that I was ever there
Posted by AriquaI'm not saying you can't, I'm just asking if you would...not only leave it there...but call to thier attention that you are leaving it there...on purpose.
I’ve been seeing someone for months and I can’t leave something at their house?
M/F? Sun/Moon/Venus/Mars?
It's just not something I would do and I find it interesting.
Posted by C69What's your sun/moon/venus/mars?
if I had a legit reason
like my washing machine broke or smth
why on the nightstand tho
I’m the one to ‘accidentally’ leave things
but I’ve done it maybe twice in my life
leave a jewellery piece somewhere they’ll notice and ask it back type of bullshit
Posted by WolfInRamsClothingHaha! Right?
😂😂 no, sounds creepy, "my stinky shorts want to sit here."
Posted by LadyNeptuneYou are a Pisces, right? What's your moon/venus/mars?
Fuuuuccccckkkkk no
Scenario: You've been seeing someone for a couple of months. You've been invited to stay the night for the second time. You pack up your things in the same bag you brought them in. On your way out the door you set a pair of shorts on the nightstand and say "Is it ok if I just leave these here?" Would you do this? Why or why not? Are you male or female? Sun/Moon/Venus/Mars?
Aqua - I wasn't stuck on him 24/7 but I don't think I completely got over him until there was closure 25 years later. Now I can actually be friendly with him and have zero feelings.
Virgo - 6 really miserable years where he was on my mind constantly. Still not sure I could talk to him without the feels but I don't think about him much anymore.
Virgo - 6 really miserable years where he was on my mind constantly. Still not sure I could talk to him without the feels but I don't think about him much anymore.
Interesting. Thank you!
Posted by pisceswoman123So if you both want to pursue the relationship and see where it goes and you both drop the dating apps/talking to other people you are just automatically in a relationship??
As soon as we are exclusive
Posted by Lioness888Is two weeks in too early for that in your opinion?Posted by WildatHeart
Do you measure it by number of dates? Length of time you've known each other? How much you know about them?
Also...what placements make you hesitant to move forward or alternately placements that make you prone to jump in too soon?
After the exclusive agreement when both know the other isn't dating anyone else and both have deactivated all dating apps.click to expand
Do you measure it by number of dates? Length of time you've known each other? How much you know about them?
Also...what placements make you hesitant to move forward or alternately placements that make you prone to jump in too soon?
Also...what placements make you hesitant to move forward or alternately placements that make you prone to jump in too soon?
Take him at his word. If a Capricorn is interested he will pursue you relentlessly no matter how much you back off. The guy is either not ready for a relationship or he's not ready for one with you.
Posted by exsqueezemeYes, we did date briefly as the original post suggests. We have been friends for 25 years, he's been married for three. I'm not going to drop him because he's having issues.Posted by WildatHeartPosted by tctaaPosted by MadHatterPosted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
So, you're asking if you should turn down the opportunity for romantic love to make someone you know you don't romantically love, not be upset?
Yeah, it might be awkward for a little while, but who cares.. or skip the date and buy a cat... everyone seems to know someone in a small town... there is no escaping the 12 degrees of Kevin Bacon
Ah yeah I agree - not sure why this seems that awkward - how did you know they were friends? Just have a good time and be honest and tell what you know so it's all on the table. If he's squidgy with that, move on. click to expand
Dating app guy sent me a picture last night of him with a group of people, it included married guy.
click to expand
You don’t have feelings for him and have never dated him; he’s not an ex, so on paper it should be fine.
HOWEVER, you will cause a serious and grave issue for them as friends because there will be resentment and animosity hereafter. Personally you should not even emotionally be an enabler or target for his emotional cheating. You should’ve cut ties with this man who is pining for you a long time ago if it was never reciprocal and especially after he got married. click to expandclick to expand
Anyway I mentioned it to both of them in a very light way. They aren't that good of friends, they haven't talked in over a year. I thought they were much closer than they are.
Posted by C69So it's not the Virgo Venus after all huh? Maybe I'm actually starting to use those Cancer bits!Posted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
why would you ditch him?
like, I totally understand you here, I’d feel guilty of potentially hurting the friend too.... but at the end, it’s your life, your happiness, just do your thing, you can’t be responsible for his feelings!!
after all, it’s not like you’re cheating/leaving him for his friend, that would be a completely different situation. he’s married and you don’t love him anyways, so you can’t give him anything besides friendship.
btw, I’m also libra asc, cancer sun/mercury and cap moon, and I’d have the same thoughts going on if this was me, if that makes you feel better lol click to expandclick to expand
Posted by Mr_PinchyYou are rightPosted by EndlessPosted by Mr_PinchyPosted by saggurl88Posted by Mr_PinchyPosted by saggurl88Posted by Mr_PinchyPosted by saggurl88Posted by Mr_PinchyPosted by Boots1313Posted by Mr_PinchyPosted by Boots1313Posted by Mr_PinchyPosted by Boots1313
Sounds like you aren't really into dating app guy, if it's too "messy" of a situation for you.
Maybe I'm a cookiemonster, and my current bf is a cookiemonster, but I was dating his friend 5 months before I ended things and started to date him. Sure some awkwardness, but now when I see my ex we can all be civil and everyone realized we're all happier with how it is now.
Melrose place, yo. They want their tennants back. click to expand
Lol, I wasn't allowed to watch that growing up...or 90210 click to expand
You're living it. click to expand
Sweet...does it help that my boyfriend rents out ex's parents basement ? click to expand
One happy family.
Why weren't you allowed to watch those shows lol? I watched 90210 when i was like 10, 11 or something....crush on Kelly jajajajajaja click to expand
I was young too. Lol I hated having to go to bed at 9 and not get to watch! Lol click to expand
Hmmm....i didn't have that problem but that's probably because we got the show later than home audience (US) so it wasn't on in the evening but at 5-ish iirc. idk tho exactly when, feels like a lifetime ago LOL. click to expand
It does! Did you live on the east or west coast when you were young? I was on the west coast and thought I remembered it coming on that late. Maybe I’m mistaken. click to expand
I'm not from MAGA. click to expand
Lol. Is that Make America Great Again!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 click to expand
Ya click to expand
why every thread you're in @Mr_Pinchy get suddenly derailed? click to expand
So that your cap moon finally has a valid reason to complain thus fulfilling it's purpose.
Also, thread is over, date is happening. YOLO click to expandclick to expand
I did tell dating app guy an abridged version of the story. (I went out with your friend a few times and we are still friends, is that ok?)
We ended up going out last night.
He asked me out again today, so I guess it went ok.
Thanks for all of the advice folks. I had a serious moment there. I was married so long, it's been a long time since I have dated.
Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowVery good pointPosted by WildatHeartPosted by Squishy_MarshmallowPosted by WildatHeartPosted by Squishy_MarshmallowPosted by WildatHeartPosted by tctaaPosted by MadHatterPosted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
So, you're asking if you should turn down the opportunity for romantic love to make someone you know you don't romantically love, not be upset?
Yeah, it might be awkward for a little while, but who cares.. or skip the date and buy a cat... everyone seems to know someone in a small town... there is no escaping the 12 degrees of Kevin Bacon
Ah yeah I agree - not sure why this seems that awkward - how did you know they were friends? Just have a good time and be honest and tell what you know so it's all on the table. If he's squidgy with that, move on. click to expand
Dating app guy sent me a picture last night of him with a group of people, it included married guy.
click to expand
You didn't tell him you know his friend?
I would have in your place. click to expand
No, I did tell him immediately that we were friends. But I didn't go into detail about the history.
How do you broach that subject. Oh, that's one of my closest friends, he thinks he's in love with me. Still want to go out for Sushi on Saturday?
click to expand
You are in an iffy situation because your married friend happened to profess his love to you even tho he's married. I'm not blaming you but these kind of situations can get awkward.
And idk, it's your friends secret that he's married and is in love with you.
You don't have to tell the guy more unless you guys were to get serious. Then it's on your friend or you, or behave as if your friend never hit on you even tho he is married.
Looks messy tho.
click to expand
It feels messy, that's why I'm thinking I should just break the date and try another dating app. click to expand
I don't see why it should get messy. I don't date my friend's friends because my friends don't want me to. I don't even do anything or had anything with my friends but I have agreed to it since we became friends.
Few months ago, I met a guy while I was out with my friend and my friend didn't introduce us. The guy came and spoke to me on his own and I dated him. My point is had my friend introduced me, all their silly clauses would have been followed by me.
My point is, you guys made a connection even before knowing about your friend. Married friend. So don't worry about it.
Meet him. Again your friend is married. It's like the "sour grapes" story -- I can't have you, others can't have you either. Annoying af.
click to expandclick to expand
Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowIt feels messy, that's why I'm thinking I should just break the date and try another dating app.Posted by WildatHeartPosted by Squishy_MarshmallowPosted by WildatHeartPosted by tctaaPosted by MadHatterPosted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
So, you're asking if you should turn down the opportunity for romantic love to make someone you know you don't romantically love, not be upset?
Yeah, it might be awkward for a little while, but who cares.. or skip the date and buy a cat... everyone seems to know someone in a small town... there is no escaping the 12 degrees of Kevin Bacon
Ah yeah I agree - not sure why this seems that awkward - how did you know they were friends? Just have a good time and be honest and tell what you know so it's all on the table. If he's squidgy with that, move on. click to expand
Dating app guy sent me a picture last night of him with a group of people, it included married guy.
click to expand
You didn't tell him you know his friend?
I would have in your place. click to expand
No, I did tell him immediately that we were friends. But I didn't go into detail about the history.
How do you broach that subject. Oh, that's one of my closest friends, he thinks he's in love with me. Still want to go out for Sushi on Saturday?
click to expand
You are in an iffy situation because your married friend happened to profess his love to you even tho he's married. I'm not blaming you but these kind of situations can get awkward.
And idk, it's your friends secret that he's married and is in love with you.
You don't have to tell the guy more unless you guys were to get serious. Then it's on your friend or you, or behave as if your friend never hit on you even tho he is married.
Looks messy tho.
click to expandclick to expand
Ok, I'd like to reiterate. I've been super open with dating app guy. As soon as married guy popped up in the picture I told him that we were friends.
Do I need to mention to my friend that I plan to go on a date with his friend?
I get that he should be acting like a married man and getting his life together. I remind him of that every time he does it.
Do I need to mention to my friend that I plan to go on a date with his friend?
I get that he should be acting like a married man and getting his life together. I remind him of that every time he does it.
Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowNo, I did tell him immediately that we were friends. But I didn't go into detail about the history.Posted by WildatHeartPosted by tctaaPosted by MadHatterPosted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
So, you're asking if you should turn down the opportunity for romantic love to make someone you know you don't romantically love, not be upset?
Yeah, it might be awkward for a little while, but who cares.. or skip the date and buy a cat... everyone seems to know someone in a small town... there is no escaping the 12 degrees of Kevin Bacon
Ah yeah I agree - not sure why this seems that awkward - how did you know they were friends? Just have a good time and be honest and tell what you know so it's all on the table. If he's squidgy with that, move on. click to expand
Dating app guy sent me a picture last night of him with a group of people, it included married guy.
click to expand
You didn't tell him you know his friend?
I would have in your place. click to expandclick to expand
How do you broach that subject. Oh, that's one of my closest friends, he thinks he's in love with me. Still want to go out for Sushi on Saturday?
Posted by Squishy_MarshmallowPosted by MadHatterPosted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
So, you're asking if you should turn down the opportunity for romantic love to make someone you know you don't romantically love, not be upset?
Yeah, it might be awkward for a little while, but who cares.. or skip the date and buy a cat... everyone seems to know someone in a small town... there is no escaping the 12 degrees of Kevin Bacon click to expand
So it's okay to date guy friend's friend? Seriously!
😐 click to expandclick to expand
Thank you. That is exactly what I am thinking...
Posted by tctaaDating app guy sent me a picture last night of him with a group of people, it included married guy.Posted by MadHatterPosted by WildatHeartPosted by MadHatter
What is the question?
Does the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent. click to expand
So, you're asking if you should turn down the opportunity for romantic love to make someone you know you don't romantically love, not be upset?
Yeah, it might be awkward for a little while, but who cares.. or skip the date and buy a cat... everyone seems to know someone in a small town... there is no escaping the 12 degrees of Kevin Bacon
Ah yeah I agree - not sure why this seems that awkward - how did you know they were friends? Just have a good time and be honest and tell what you know so it's all on the table. If he's squidgy with that, move on. click to expandclick to expand
Posted by Mr_Pinchysigh. I really wanna go on this date. This guy's weird is so equal to my weird. I was having so much fun until this happened.
Go on a date ffs. Check the mood out then wing it in regards to telling, if it's even necessary.
Posted by MadHatterAnd also if I decide to go out with dating app guy, who do I tell what to? Am I obligated to tell my friend I'm going on a date with his friend? Am I obligated to tell dating app guy that I used to date his friend?
What is the question?
Posted by MadHatterDoes the fact that I dated this guy at one point, and that he still has a crush on me automatically mean I can't date his friend? I mean if the circumstances were different and I had met dating app guy out with married guy I would just automatically put him as off limits. But because I've been talking to him for a couple of weeks I don't know what to do.
What is the question?
My Virgo Venus just wants to go silent.
So here is the predicament I have myself in right now. What would you do?
I have guy friend that I've known for years, we went out on a couple of dates when we very first met many years ago but because of some weird circumstances it didn't go anywhere. We both moved on but we did remain good friends. Typically we have a very normal friendship, we talk once or twice a week about normal friend shit. However, every six months or so he expresses his undying love for me out of nowhere. I gently remind him that he is now married and that he should go work on his relationship. He'll disappear for a couple of weeks and then show back up like nothing happened. I deal with it because he's been a really good friend to me much longer than he's been married. I don't think he'd ever act on his feelings in anyway, I think he's just always had a thing for me and he's having marital problems and feeling sad and confused.
So...
I started using a dating app about a month ago and met some real weirdos but a couple of weeks ago I met this guy who is awesome. We've been texting non-stop and I finally agreed to meet him for a date which we scheduled for this weekend. Except later in the conversation I stumbled upon the fact that he grew up with and is very good friends with my married friend.
It's a fairly small town so it's not unusual to know the same people. I don't want to tell dating app guy about married guy because it seems like a breach of my friends trust and he doesn't trust easily. Do I have to just drop dating app guy? WTF do I do in this situation?
I have guy friend that I've known for years, we went out on a couple of dates when we very first met many years ago but because of some weird circumstances it didn't go anywhere. We both moved on but we did remain good friends. Typically we have a very normal friendship, we talk once or twice a week about normal friend shit. However, every six months or so he expresses his undying love for me out of nowhere. I gently remind him that he is now married and that he should go work on his relationship. He'll disappear for a couple of weeks and then show back up like nothing happened. I deal with it because he's been a really good friend to me much longer than he's been married. I don't think he'd ever act on his feelings in anyway, I think he's just always had a thing for me and he's having marital problems and feeling sad and confused.
So...
I started using a dating app about a month ago and met some real weirdos but a couple of weeks ago I met this guy who is awesome. We've been texting non-stop and I finally agreed to meet him for a date which we scheduled for this weekend. Except later in the conversation I stumbled upon the fact that he grew up with and is very good friends with my married friend.
It's a fairly small town so it's not unusual to know the same people. I don't want to tell dating app guy about married guy because it seems like a breach of my friends trust and he doesn't trust easily. Do I have to just drop dating app guy? WTF do I do in this situation?
I really, really suck at letting go.
However, I've been doing this thing lately ...feeling my feelings. Not thinking about them. Not acting them out. Not trying to change them or smother them or make them feel better. Legit feeling them in my body. I'll notice the emotions in my chest, head, stomach, shoulders...there's always a physical sensation related to a feeling...and then I'll try to place why the feeling happened.
It looks like this.
**Butterflies in my stomach followed by weird uncomfortable tingle in the center of my torso.**
Me: I'm thinking about HIM again aren't I?
Let's see, I'm feeling hope followed immediately by fear and anxiety.
(typically I would be like, "girl, shut up and snap out of it, you don't have time for all that and I'd go about my day - feeling in my body doesn't go away though because I'm just stuffing it and it keeps coming up)
Instead I have been saying something more like this: "It's really nice that you feel hopeful and maybe something good will come out of, but it's also ok that you feel afraid and anxious. Anyone who had lived your life probably would feel that way.
And then I just focus my attention on the feeling in my body until it goes away.
That all takes about two minutes, sometimes longer if the feeling has really latched on or I've been bottling it up for awhile.
And then I typically feel better.
The bonus is since I've been doing this with my yucky feelings, when I do have positive feelings they are a lot stronger than they used to be since they aren't competing with all kinds of suppressed negative emotions.
However, I've been doing this thing lately ...feeling my feelings. Not thinking about them. Not acting them out. Not trying to change them or smother them or make them feel better. Legit feeling them in my body. I'll notice the emotions in my chest, head, stomach, shoulders...there's always a physical sensation related to a feeling...and then I'll try to place why the feeling happened.
It looks like this.
**Butterflies in my stomach followed by weird uncomfortable tingle in the center of my torso.**
Me: I'm thinking about HIM again aren't I?
Let's see, I'm feeling hope followed immediately by fear and anxiety.
(typically I would be like, "girl, shut up and snap out of it, you don't have time for all that and I'd go about my day - feeling in my body doesn't go away though because I'm just stuffing it and it keeps coming up)
Instead I have been saying something more like this: "It's really nice that you feel hopeful and maybe something good will come out of, but it's also ok that you feel afraid and anxious. Anyone who had lived your life probably would feel that way.
And then I just focus my attention on the feeling in my body until it goes away.
That all takes about two minutes, sometimes longer if the feeling has really latched on or I've been bottling it up for awhile.
And then I typically feel better.
The bonus is since I've been doing this with my yucky feelings, when I do have positive feelings they are a lot stronger than they used to be since they aren't competing with all kinds of suppressed negative emotions.
I think that depends on you and your ability to stay out of your head. I went NC with someone for over a year but I still thought about him every damn day and got all caught up in my thoughts so it really didn't help the situation.