Message Posts by blushingpisces
Loulore,
I'm sorry you can relate to me this way! Insecurity is a HORRIBLE feeling. But, it was really cute how you described how slowly things move with you and your Scorp! I definitely agree with you on the slower, the better. I just have no patience! But I've never slept with someone too soon and for me, that has worked with relationships.
Thank you for input!
I'm sorry you can relate to me this way! Insecurity is a HORRIBLE feeling. But, it was really cute how you described how slowly things move with you and your Scorp! I definitely agree with you on the slower, the better. I just have no patience! But I've never slept with someone too soon and for me, that has worked with relationships.
Thank you for input!
Tiki,
Wow. You're good! You are right. I never realized the negative thinking is a defense mechanism.
The strange thing with me is I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable to someone, especially when I feel like they have revealed something about themselves that may in turn make themself feel vulnerable. Once I see they may be nervous, I will usually reveal something about myself to put them at ease. But, after doing that, if it seems like their guard is up pretty strong, then that is when I panic. I want them to know that they can make themself vulnerable to me and I won't use it to my advantage or play around with it - that they can trust me. If it feels like my effort failed to make them feel that way, that is when I panic, and start feeling majorly insecure. And I think that is what happened with Cancer.
After I went through my separation with my ex-husband, I did do ALOT of soul searching. Instead of just blaming him for what took place and being bitter, I looked within myself to see where I also may have contributed to his betrayal. Trust me, I'm not excusing my ex for cheating! But I felt that it was important for me, in order to heal, to see how I may have contibuted to him wanting to go outside of the marriage. It was a VERY healing thing for me to do. After that, I took time for just myself, didn't date for about a year and a half, and when I was ready, I was genuinely so full of confidence and really appreciated myself - I really learned to love myself and saw myself as a kick ass kind of girl! When I began dating, it was so FUN! I wasn't this insecure girl I am right now. I need to find a way to get back to that state of mind again. Talking to you ALL is definitely an awesome first step. Thank you!
Wow. You're good! You are right. I never realized the negative thinking is a defense mechanism.
The strange thing with me is I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable to someone, especially when I feel like they have revealed something about themselves that may in turn make themself feel vulnerable. Once I see they may be nervous, I will usually reveal something about myself to put them at ease. But, after doing that, if it seems like their guard is up pretty strong, then that is when I panic. I want them to know that they can make themself vulnerable to me and I won't use it to my advantage or play around with it - that they can trust me. If it feels like my effort failed to make them feel that way, that is when I panic, and start feeling majorly insecure. And I think that is what happened with Cancer.
After I went through my separation with my ex-husband, I did do ALOT of soul searching. Instead of just blaming him for what took place and being bitter, I looked within myself to see where I also may have contributed to his betrayal. Trust me, I'm not excusing my ex for cheating! But I felt that it was important for me, in order to heal, to see how I may have contibuted to him wanting to go outside of the marriage. It was a VERY healing thing for me to do. After that, I took time for just myself, didn't date for about a year and a half, and when I was ready, I was genuinely so full of confidence and really appreciated myself - I really learned to love myself and saw myself as a kick ass kind of girl! When I began dating, it was so FUN! I wasn't this insecure girl I am right now. I need to find a way to get back to that state of mind again. Talking to you ALL is definitely an awesome first step. Thank you!
Loulore,
I'm glad you also learned something from this thread! I agree with you about what Tiki said about men pulling back. If I feel like he is doing it again, I will try my best to just stay calm and unaffected. I will most definitely still be available for him to feel comfortable to keep coming to me to interact. Even when we are in same room (huge room) but doing separate things, if we aren't talking, we still will look at each other, smile, and make playful faces to each other. Hopefully he is trying to get more comfortable with me again to go out again!
I'm glad you also learned something from this thread! I agree with you about what Tiki said about men pulling back. If I feel like he is doing it again, I will try my best to just stay calm and unaffected. I will most definitely still be available for him to feel comfortable to keep coming to me to interact. Even when we are in same room (huge room) but doing separate things, if we aren't talking, we still will look at each other, smile, and make playful faces to each other. Hopefully he is trying to get more comfortable with me again to go out again!
Tiki,
You are right, I was becoming attached and started to definitely feel insecure. It is so weird to realize that I am still insecure with myself. I thought I was done with that crap! I am definitely MUCH more comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 years ago. I am around men ALL the time. I work in a predominantly male environment, get hit on several times on a daily basis (not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to explain things to see if anyone can understand why I'm having these issues!), and am very comfortable hanging out with men (I'm not a woman hater - love my girls too!)But when it comes down to it, no matter how much guys may hit on me, compliment me, etc, I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me. I don't knoiw why I feel this way. I am very personable and have a fantastic sense of humor. So why would I feel this way? I feel like when I am shiny and new to a guy, he's interested. But then I talk myself out of it. I don't get it.
I know I have to work on my insecurities, I'm just not sure how. I don't normally wig out over a guy the way I have with this one. Yesterday he told me how pretty I was and that my child is very lucky to have such a fun mother. He would then flirt more and even brought up a couple of incidents that took place when we went out on our dates. And I still walk away saying to myself "Is he interested? Is this what a shy guy does?" I am not going to swim away so quickly. I really am trying to talk myself out of panicking if he isn't flirting heavily one day as he does on others.
I am RIDICULOUS!!
You are right, I was becoming attached and started to definitely feel insecure. It is so weird to realize that I am still insecure with myself. I thought I was done with that crap! I am definitely MUCH more comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 years ago. I am around men ALL the time. I work in a predominantly male environment, get hit on several times on a daily basis (not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to explain things to see if anyone can understand why I'm having these issues!), and am very comfortable hanging out with men (I'm not a woman hater - love my girls too!)But when it comes down to it, no matter how much guys may hit on me, compliment me, etc, I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me. I don't knoiw why I feel this way. I am very personable and have a fantastic sense of humor. So why would I feel this way? I feel like when I am shiny and new to a guy, he's interested. But then I talk myself out of it. I don't get it.
I know I have to work on my insecurities, I'm just not sure how. I don't normally wig out over a guy the way I have with this one. Yesterday he told me how pretty I was and that my child is very lucky to have such a fun mother. He would then flirt more and even brought up a couple of incidents that took place when we went out on our dates. And I still walk away saying to myself "Is he interested? Is this what a shy guy does?" I am not going to swim away so quickly. I really am trying to talk myself out of panicking if he isn't flirting heavily one day as he does on others.
I am RIDICULOUS!!
Good one Pandemonium! Once my replies showed up on the Board, I was laughing so hard because it looks crazy!
SORRY ABOUT THE REPEATED MESSAGES! MY COMPUTER IS ACTING HORRIBLY!!
Shellshocker,
I LOVED your being blunt. As far as needing alot of reassurance and attention - GUILTY!!! I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. But I never had to ask for it from my relationships - I was very fortunate like that. They showered me with attention and love.
You are absolutely right on so many things - I don't want him to do something he obviously didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with. You made me see the "game" I was playing by pointing it out so clearly that I didn't even realize I was playing a game (about illiciting responses from him and cutting down most verbal contact). I never even looked at it that way. I WAS playing a game without even realizing it. I will say that there are two reasons why I cut down on the contact. The first is that I wanted to see if he missed our interactions and if he would come to me. The second is that if he wasn't interested in me romantically still, I would not have been able to do the whole "friend" thing because I was still so attracted to him and the chemistry just won't die out. It would have been impossible for me to interact with him and not want it to go further. And you made me realize another thing - yes, I am controlling! I can't believe how much you guys have opened my eyes the last week. Controlling is not fun because the minute it doesn't go the way you want, it sucks! And to answer your question, yes, I want to be the woman in a relationship. ABSOLUTELY!!I did ask him before what his deal is with the not calling and he said that "I use to call the girl, but you know how guys are about calling! I'm not the best phone person!" The couple of times we spoke on phone, it was for 1 - 1 1/2 hours. I would try to let him go (he would call me from work and I would feel bad about keeping him on phone), but he would keep on talking about a not a whole lot. Today he was talking about how stubborn he can be. He said "If you (not me, anyone in general)try to make me do something , I won't do it just out of spite because I don't like to be told what to do. Then I think, ok, I didn't give in. But then, when i realize i screwed something up just because I wanted to be stubborn, I'm like f@?k!"
If our interactions keep going the way they have this week (he seems to be amping up his efforts in talking with me and hanging out), then I can hang in there longer to see what happens.
Thanks Shellshock!!
I LOVED your being blunt. As far as needing alot of reassurance and attention - GUILTY!!! I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. But I never had to ask for it from my relationships - I was very fortunate like that. They showered me with attention and love.
You are absolutely right on so many things - I don't want him to do something he obviously didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with. You made me see the "game" I was playing by pointing it out so clearly that I didn't even realize I was playing a game (about illiciting responses from him and cutting down most verbal contact). I never even looked at it that way. I WAS playing a game without even realizing it. I will say that there are two reasons why I cut down on the contact. The first is that I wanted to see if he missed our interactions and if he would come to me. The second is that if he wasn't interested in me romantically still, I would not have been able to do the whole "friend" thing because I was still so attracted to him and the chemistry just won't die out. It would have been impossible for me to interact with him and not want it to go further. And you made me realize another thing - yes, I am controlling! I can't believe how much you guys have opened my eyes the last week. Controlling is not fun because the minute it doesn't go the way you want, it sucks! And to answer your question, yes, I want to be the woman in a relationship. ABSOLUTELY!!I did ask him before what his deal is with the not calling and he said that "I use to call the girl, but you know how guys are about calling! I'm not the best phone person!" The couple of times we spoke on phone, it was for 1 - 1 1/2 hours. I would try to let him go (he would call me from work and I would feel bad about keeping him on phone), but he would keep on talking about a not a whole lot. Today he was talking about how stubborn he can be. He said "If you (not me, anyone in general)try to make me do something , I won't do it just out of spite because I don't like to be told what to do. Then I think, ok, I didn't give in. But then, when i realize i screwed something up just because I wanted to be stubborn, I'm like f@?k!"
If our interactions keep going the way they have this week (he seems to be amping up his efforts in talking with me and hanging out), then I can hang in there longer to see what happens.
Thanks Shellshock!!
Tiki,
You are funny about gnawing off your leg before dating a cancer guy! I agree, he definitely does have his issues. I don't know how long I can hang around or what I will do, we will see. I did cut off the flirting for the first month I think, and kept any verbal contact to a bare minimum. I know I can't do this dance again for too long or else I will resent myself for it.
You're right, it is what it is!
You are funny about gnawing off your leg before dating a cancer guy! I agree, he definitely does have his issues. I don't know how long I can hang around or what I will do, we will see. I did cut off the flirting for the first month I think, and kept any verbal contact to a bare minimum. I know I can't do this dance again for too long or else I will resent myself for it.
You're right, it is what it is!
one! Strange thing has happened last few weeks. I have been hanging out with an old friend of mine and just learned that two of her friends have known him since they were kids. They said he is very, very sweet, good guy, and shy! They also said that his last girlfriend really broke his heart. I didn't ask what happened because I didn't think it was right of me to ask. They both said he is not the player type. He told me after last relationship, he did go crazy with girls, but that it was a defensive mechanism. He said it got old, and he then just shut down from everyone.
I love your support for me about his type being "loser, and lacks depth", but he really doesn't strike me as that. He is definitely a deep guy, because when we are having discussions about things and not just flirting, that is when I see how many layers he has and isn't just a meathead. One cute thing though, he made himself blush yesterday when he said a very innocent flirty thing to me. Very cute.
Yes Tiki, maybe my tactics are outdated, but the guys I have gone out with (aside from this one!) were pursuing me right after the first date, but it just wasn't there for me.
Thank you again for all of your insight!
I love your support for me about his type being "loser, and lacks depth", but he really doesn't strike me as that. He is definitely a deep guy, because when we are having discussions about things and not just flirting, that is when I see how many layers he has and isn't just a meathead. One cute thing though, he made himself blush yesterday when he said a very innocent flirty thing to me. Very cute.
Yes Tiki, maybe my tactics are outdated, but the guys I have gone out with (aside from this one!) were pursuing me right after the first date, but it just wasn't there for me.
Thank you again for all of your insight!
Hi Tiki,
Thanks for your input!! I understand when you mentioned about maybe my timing was off when I asked him out, that I didn't give him a long enough chance, and that maybe he wasn't that "into" me for him to ask me out. My last relationship, oddly enough, started out the SAME EXACT WAY!! Trust me, I don't seek out these guys, they come to me. My ex-boyfriend (we were in serious relationship, 2 1/2 years & totally committed from day one), behaved in the SAME EXACT MANNER! He began with flirting with me, I wasn't truly, truly interested in him at first (same thing with cancer guy). The flirting went on for MONTHS, but he never asked me out. Couldn't figure it out. I totally got the vibe from him that he wanted to ask me, but he was gun shy (same vibe from cancer). I finally asked him out, and everything unfolded from there. He also apologized for not being the one to ask me out, he hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. He said that he was nervous of asking me out because he was attracted to me going back a couple of years, but knew I was married back then. He said when he realized I was finally available, he was nervous to talk to me. The flirting stage with cancer man has gone on for about 6 months. I knew he took a special interest in me going back a couple of years though. We were strangers that happen to be at the same place several times a week. I would notice him looking at me, and he would make attempts to say things to me. He started asking questions that seemed not what I was use to in this environment. They were definitely "getting to know you" questions, but at the time, I just thought he was being nice. We learned that we knew a couple of the same people, and once I broke up with ex-boyfriend, he just really started letting me know he was making efforts in trying to know more about what kind of girl I am through friends.
When I asked him out, he jumped right on it and asked if I would be available two days later. I held off for a week to go out. I totally agree with you Tiki, don't sleep with men too soon - and I KNOW I can NEVER be accused of that - and that's by choice, not opportunity! He also knows I am definitley not that type too. I also agree about wearing your heart on your sleeve - yes, we do want to keep the man guessing. That definitely keeps you somewhat mysterious to them and interested. That is how I am when I have gone out with guys - even if I am attracted to them. I don't ever obsess about them like this
Thanks for your input!! I understand when you mentioned about maybe my timing was off when I asked him out, that I didn't give him a long enough chance, and that maybe he wasn't that "into" me for him to ask me out. My last relationship, oddly enough, started out the SAME EXACT WAY!! Trust me, I don't seek out these guys, they come to me. My ex-boyfriend (we were in serious relationship, 2 1/2 years & totally committed from day one), behaved in the SAME EXACT MANNER! He began with flirting with me, I wasn't truly, truly interested in him at first (same thing with cancer guy). The flirting went on for MONTHS, but he never asked me out. Couldn't figure it out. I totally got the vibe from him that he wanted to ask me, but he was gun shy (same vibe from cancer). I finally asked him out, and everything unfolded from there. He also apologized for not being the one to ask me out, he hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. He said that he was nervous of asking me out because he was attracted to me going back a couple of years, but knew I was married back then. He said when he realized I was finally available, he was nervous to talk to me. The flirting stage with cancer man has gone on for about 6 months. I knew he took a special interest in me going back a couple of years though. We were strangers that happen to be at the same place several times a week. I would notice him looking at me, and he would make attempts to say things to me. He started asking questions that seemed not what I was use to in this environment. They were definitely "getting to know you" questions, but at the time, I just thought he was being nice. We learned that we knew a couple of the same people, and once I broke up with ex-boyfriend, he just really started letting me know he was making efforts in trying to know more about what kind of girl I am through friends.
When I asked him out, he jumped right on it and asked if I would be available two days later. I held off for a week to go out. I totally agree with you Tiki, don't sleep with men too soon - and I KNOW I can NEVER be accused of that - and that's by choice, not opportunity! He also knows I am definitley not that type too. I also agree about wearing your heart on your sleeve - yes, we do want to keep the man guessing. That definitely keeps you somewhat mysterious to them and interested. That is how I am when I have gone out with guys - even if I am attracted to them. I don't ever obsess about them like this
Loulore,
I totally agree with you, I absolutely will take advice from either side, or that would make me an absolute fool! I just am all about DELIVERY when it comes to dealing with people. P-angel is just too bitter/coarse sounding for me. I welcome anyone's opinion to my situation and questions I have, just leave the bitterness at the door!
Cancer and I share a common, though misfortunate situation. Our mothers have had the same severe medical issue (his is passed on, mine is still with us, thank God). He asked about it the other day and how I was doing. He took me aside and just gave me full attention to what I told him, and had great, though blunt, advice for me on how to deal with it. He gave me all of his time and encouraged me to talk about it. I have noticed that he acts nervously around me (like he use to!), but we have been sharing alot of laughs again recently. He has complimented me greatly, and we just beam when we are around each other. I will see how patient I can be!
How is it going with your crustacean?I have no idea about my chart. Don't know how to do one, or read one!
I totally agree with you, I absolutely will take advice from either side, or that would make me an absolute fool! I just am all about DELIVERY when it comes to dealing with people. P-angel is just too bitter/coarse sounding for me. I welcome anyone's opinion to my situation and questions I have, just leave the bitterness at the door!
Cancer and I share a common, though misfortunate situation. Our mothers have had the same severe medical issue (his is passed on, mine is still with us, thank God). He asked about it the other day and how I was doing. He took me aside and just gave me full attention to what I told him, and had great, though blunt, advice for me on how to deal with it. He gave me all of his time and encouraged me to talk about it. I have noticed that he acts nervously around me (like he use to!), but we have been sharing alot of laughs again recently. He has complimented me greatly, and we just beam when we are around each other. I will see how patient I can be!
How is it going with your crustacean?I have no idea about my chart. Don't know how to do one, or read one!
The only 2 major relationships I've had were with a gemini (we were married for 9 years)and then a Libra. Both I got along with great and with both of them we jumped in head first from the get-go and never looked back. Never been involved with a Pisces guy though!
Hi lena828,
It's funny, I was never into astrology up until recently. I am 150 freakin percent a Pisces, and the more I have checked out people that are close to me and their signs and characteristics of their sign, it's crazy how true it all seems! I'm glad to hear that Pisces men and yourself get along fine!
It's funny, I was never into astrology up until recently. I am 150 freakin percent a Pisces, and the more I have checked out people that are close to me and their signs and characteristics of their sign, it's crazy how true it all seems! I'm glad to hear that Pisces men and yourself get along fine!
P-Angel,
Uh, actually, he did give me reason to swim away. I thought I was pretty clear in the first paragraph, but I will explain it to you again. I mentioned he seemed to be pulling back when things were going quite nicely.He would send me wonderfully flirty and sweet text messages, even would make up a little poem and send it to me. I absolutely was following his lead, letting him know I really appreciated and enjoyed receiving those from him. I let him know that I appreciated greatly when a man calls also, not just texts. He didn't follow through with that. I would bring it up nicely several times,not nag about it, because I could feel that I was running out of patience, and he would say he would, but then the texting continued. The way I looked at it was "If he was interested in me enough, he would call" (he called just twice). Combine that with that his texts near the end, they were not graphic, but had sexual connotations to it, and that did not sit well with me. He just didn't seem the way he was when we first went out.
That being said, I have seen him over the last few days several times, and he has been more blatant about giving me attention, compliments, and even today just extended himself to help me out with something at my house.
I don't get how you think I am sending mixed signals - I haven't. So, wherever you got this idea from, is beyond me. I also readily acknowledged that I acted out of fear and insecurity, but yet you still feel the need to repeat yourself to me. And, forgive me, P-angel, for "daring" to try to figure out his feelings. Isn't this one of the things we do here, bounce ideas, theories, experiences to each other? You don't seem to offer much execept bitter sounding accusations towards me. Lighten up P-angel, life can be fun if you learn to do so. I won't be reading anymore of your responses if you should choose to chime in. I don't need only cheerleaders just being by my side and agreeing with me, I am open to people pointing out where I may have failed on my side. Seems like that's all you like to harp on though.
Uh, actually, he did give me reason to swim away. I thought I was pretty clear in the first paragraph, but I will explain it to you again. I mentioned he seemed to be pulling back when things were going quite nicely.He would send me wonderfully flirty and sweet text messages, even would make up a little poem and send it to me. I absolutely was following his lead, letting him know I really appreciated and enjoyed receiving those from him. I let him know that I appreciated greatly when a man calls also, not just texts. He didn't follow through with that. I would bring it up nicely several times,not nag about it, because I could feel that I was running out of patience, and he would say he would, but then the texting continued. The way I looked at it was "If he was interested in me enough, he would call" (he called just twice). Combine that with that his texts near the end, they were not graphic, but had sexual connotations to it, and that did not sit well with me. He just didn't seem the way he was when we first went out.
That being said, I have seen him over the last few days several times, and he has been more blatant about giving me attention, compliments, and even today just extended himself to help me out with something at my house.
I don't get how you think I am sending mixed signals - I haven't. So, wherever you got this idea from, is beyond me. I also readily acknowledged that I acted out of fear and insecurity, but yet you still feel the need to repeat yourself to me. And, forgive me, P-angel, for "daring" to try to figure out his feelings. Isn't this one of the things we do here, bounce ideas, theories, experiences to each other? You don't seem to offer much execept bitter sounding accusations towards me. Lighten up P-angel, life can be fun if you learn to do so. I won't be reading anymore of your responses if you should choose to chime in. I don't need only cheerleaders just being by my side and agreeing with me, I am open to people pointing out where I may have failed on my side. Seems like that's all you like to harp on though.
Ellybd,
I think that goes for all of us when it comes to beinglevel headed for everyone else but ourselves! I just hate how much I am overanalyzing my interactions with cancer guy. It's so hard for me not to. I don't know if I should be a little more flirtatious then I have been with him the last couple of weeks or just keep following his lead. My impatient side of me feels like telling him "We both know we are interested in each other and have great chemistry, so let's cut the BS", but I know I can't. I get a little panicked when I feel like he isn't laying the flirtations and innuendos on me a day after he was laying it on thick! It drives me crazy! He has mentioned to me a couple of times that his friend teases him about things he does by himself and tells him "Man, you are lonely!" Ellybd, any words of advice on what I should do when I see him next? I'm sorry, I am acting like you are my therapist! I promise I will cut down on the need for response soon!
I think that goes for all of us when it comes to beinglevel headed for everyone else but ourselves! I just hate how much I am overanalyzing my interactions with cancer guy. It's so hard for me not to. I don't know if I should be a little more flirtatious then I have been with him the last couple of weeks or just keep following his lead. My impatient side of me feels like telling him "We both know we are interested in each other and have great chemistry, so let's cut the BS", but I know I can't. I get a little panicked when I feel like he isn't laying the flirtations and innuendos on me a day after he was laying it on thick! It drives me crazy! He has mentioned to me a couple of times that his friend teases him about things he does by himself and tells him "Man, you are lonely!" Ellybd, any words of advice on what I should do when I see him next? I'm sorry, I am acting like you are my therapist! I promise I will cut down on the need for response soon!
Ellybd,
You're awesome!! Everything you have said is so true of me! I put my heart into absolutely everything I do, whether it's love, projects around my home, helping people with their problems, etc. And I find myself trying to gain wisdom and insight from people ahead of me in years, and I have a wide variety of friends from all types of background. But this cancer just has my head spinning, and I am finding it hard to not want to rush and let him know that I am still interested when he is showing interest in me. He loves to make me blush and I do it so easily when we talk at times. I feel like a 16 year old girl when I am definitely not!
Ellybd, I can never get enough of your insight! You rock!
You're awesome!! Everything you have said is so true of me! I put my heart into absolutely everything I do, whether it's love, projects around my home, helping people with their problems, etc. And I find myself trying to gain wisdom and insight from people ahead of me in years, and I have a wide variety of friends from all types of background. But this cancer just has my head spinning, and I am finding it hard to not want to rush and let him know that I am still interested when he is showing interest in me. He loves to make me blush and I do it so easily when we talk at times. I feel like a 16 year old girl when I am definitely not!
Ellybd, I can never get enough of your insight! You rock!
Dear P-Angel,
I understand why you would say that I am the player, but it's not what you think. You also said that I said he's playing games when in fact I ASKED if he was. Maybe I chose poor wording and didn't come across the way I really feel. It felt horrible "swimming" away from him when I did. I sincerely thought that he was losing interest and I was scared. I thought I could handle still feeling attracted to him and that by limiting my interactions with him, that those feelings would go away. I also felt like at the time that he would have felt relief that I ended it so he wouldn't have to. And today, he approached me a couple of times for idle chit chat, threw in a couple of flirtations, but did not come on as strong as he did earlier this week. This is exactly why I don't understand him. One minute he seems fiery hot towards me, then another minute he seems to back off. This is all after he said to me when I put an end to us romantically "We are in different stages of our lives, I am not that close to what you want".
I do admit, I have a flaky side to me, so maybe I am missing something that I am doing that you guys could give me some insight on.
I understand why you would say that I am the player, but it's not what you think. You also said that I said he's playing games when in fact I ASKED if he was. Maybe I chose poor wording and didn't come across the way I really feel. It felt horrible "swimming" away from him when I did. I sincerely thought that he was losing interest and I was scared. I thought I could handle still feeling attracted to him and that by limiting my interactions with him, that those feelings would go away. I also felt like at the time that he would have felt relief that I ended it so he wouldn't have to. And today, he approached me a couple of times for idle chit chat, threw in a couple of flirtations, but did not come on as strong as he did earlier this week. This is exactly why I don't understand him. One minute he seems fiery hot towards me, then another minute he seems to back off. This is all after he said to me when I put an end to us romantically "We are in different stages of our lives, I am not that close to what you want".
I do admit, I have a flaky side to me, so maybe I am missing something that I am doing that you guys could give me some insight on.
LouLore,
You hit the nail on the head - I did put an end to it because I just really felt like he wasn't that into me, and I was afraid that yes, he would have done it eventually, so I did it first. I had to do it though. I didn't like the way things got - I'm kinda old fashioned, yes, I love doing flirty texts through the day, but when that seems like the only form of communication when we are away from each other, it turns me off. I like it if the man picks up the phone - I let him know that, but I only got a couple of calls over a 6 week period. Plenty of texts, and plenty of talking face to face when I would see him several times during the week, but he would never really reveal too much of himself to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my life as an open book - I just have to learn that not everyone is like that. You are also right about overanalyzing - I am totally guilty of that. I am working on trying to fix this. Do I let him know that I was afraid, or just let things be and go with it like a clean slate?
You hit the nail on the head - I did put an end to it because I just really felt like he wasn't that into me, and I was afraid that yes, he would have done it eventually, so I did it first. I had to do it though. I didn't like the way things got - I'm kinda old fashioned, yes, I love doing flirty texts through the day, but when that seems like the only form of communication when we are away from each other, it turns me off. I like it if the man picks up the phone - I let him know that, but I only got a couple of calls over a 6 week period. Plenty of texts, and plenty of talking face to face when I would see him several times during the week, but he would never really reveal too much of himself to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my life as an open book - I just have to learn that not everyone is like that. You are also right about overanalyzing - I am totally guilty of that. I am working on trying to fix this. Do I let him know that I was afraid, or just let things be and go with it like a clean slate?
Hi Ellybd,
Thank you so much for acknowledging my post! I didn't think I would get a response because I think I sound kinda pathetic! But, for some reason, this guy just has a hold on me, I can't explain it. I am a strong, tough cookie for a pisces woman when it comes to men and making sure I stay true to myself when I date a man, but I have such a soft spot for him.The mental toll it takes on my mind is exhausting, but at times is worth it when he is really kind of putting himself out there to me. I really have to practice patience (which I have NONE of!). I am very black and white, and don't like gray areas, so if things don't seem clear to me, I have no patience and have to resolve it on way or the other. Before I put a stop to us going out again, I basically held his feet to the fire and asked him point blank if he was interested or not. Looking back on it, yes, I probably kinda freaked him out being so blunt, but I had to do it because it was driving me crazy. He had already started pulling back a bit before I asked him that. But, he still asked me out after I confronted him (I never would have done that with a random guy a went on just 2 dates with). He came on pretty strong the first month, and no, I did not do anything more than kiss him. He was total gentleman.Thanks for listening to my craziness!
Thank you so much for acknowledging my post! I didn't think I would get a response because I think I sound kinda pathetic! But, for some reason, this guy just has a hold on me, I can't explain it. I am a strong, tough cookie for a pisces woman when it comes to men and making sure I stay true to myself when I date a man, but I have such a soft spot for him.The mental toll it takes on my mind is exhausting, but at times is worth it when he is really kind of putting himself out there to me. I really have to practice patience (which I have NONE of!). I am very black and white, and don't like gray areas, so if things don't seem clear to me, I have no patience and have to resolve it on way or the other. Before I put a stop to us going out again, I basically held his feet to the fire and asked him point blank if he was interested or not. Looking back on it, yes, I probably kinda freaked him out being so blunt, but I had to do it because it was driving me crazy. He had already started pulling back a bit before I asked him that. But, he still asked me out after I confronted him (I never would have done that with a random guy a went on just 2 dates with). He came on pretty strong the first month, and no, I did not do anything more than kiss him. He was total gentleman.Thanks for listening to my craziness!
Hi! I went on a couple of dates with a cancer man I have been casual acquaintances with for the last couple of years (I was in a relationship that I ended before I went out with Cancer man). He made exhaustive efforts to find things to talk to come talk to me about when we would see each other,then he started with compliments, and once I started responding back to his compliments, he really amped up making contact with me when we aere around each other. The chemistry was CRAZY, totally attracted to each other, and we just really clicked and made each other laugh alot. I was the one to suggest we go out because it seemed like he was really struggling making that step. He was excited for us to go out. He also apologized for not asking me out first, he explained he has been out of the game for a couple of years due to being really burned by his last relationship. Our dates were awesome, and he asked me out for a third. It just seemed though he suddenly was pulling back a bit and acting a bit differently. I couldn't figure out what was going on, and out of fear, I swam away by telling him that I seemed more interested than he did. He basically said that we were in 2 different stages of life and that he isn't what I want. We agreed no hard feelings (I was bummed to hear that though!) Next day I saw him, said hello with a smile, no flirting though. I tried my best to avoid interacting with him, but he kept making the efforts to come talk to me about anything. The chemistry is still crazy,and we have so much fun talking with each other.He is once again starting up with the flirting and complimenting me. Is he playing games or is he still interested? I will not ask him out again.HELP!!