Message Posts by jULY77
Posted by Sag89
Oh right, sorry I don't have to write a five page essay to get my point across. I guess that makes me vapid. Cause your " image "of a deep person is a picture you water signs always paint up in your head. Someone who poors a lot of genetic bullshit about feelings and emotions and crys at movies.
How shallow is that?
A little less of the hyperbole and vitriol. You're very defensive. Is it bravado, a gesture? If you are giving me a take it or leave it option, like it or lump it, you give me no choice. If I have no choice, then, I'm wasting my time.
If the only choice I have is your choice, there is no choice. I will leave you be. My choice. You're happy with things, I accept you're happy with things. If you have no space for compromise, ok, keep the whole lot. This is all I've communicated to my Sag 'friends'. I've been fair to them and fair to me. What more could you want?
Posted by Sag89Posted by jULY77Posted by Sag89Posted by jULY77Posted by Sag89
Lol obviously that was sarcastic, whiney cancers go somewhere else with your crybaby bullshit. It's so annoying.
I wish my lawn was as emo as you than it could cut it's self.
Ah, you're an eggshell Sag.
Your reference to self-harm, and wishing it on someone, is about as obnoxious as your 'sarcasm'.
That is funny. Since I have a cancer rising and all. Hey, do you know what an A-S-T-R-O-L-O-G-Y C-H-A-R-T is?
Do I know what an astrological chart is? Yes. You may need life spelling out, but why should I worry if people know where their sun is. They manage perfectly well as people, without knowing. We also have disagreements. I don't force sags to be
You don't listen, you try and dictate. Fine. You do what makes you feel good, I'm not compelled to think it's also good for me. blockquote>
Yea..you know so much about me from a random post on a blog on a website. Look if you wanna be negative and bitch all day maybe go to the scorpio board.
Lets face it, you're not sweetness and light. I can see from other posters, they talk. You don't. You just don't have any answers. You can just about manage a line of crap with no substance. Raise your game a bit.click to expand
Posted by Mooniemooneyes
Also think about it this way:
You are on tv, what do you want someone to know about you? DO you want the world to know your business and ins and outs of it? If no zip itBest practice is do not over share, do not share regular amounts unless someone asks you to. Then do it bit by bit.
I think you should have your boundaries firmly in place, connected to your self esteem. 3 strikes and they're out. You don't really want to hold back, in a relationship. Just don't be so free with the trust until you've tested.
As much as you might want give, there also the question of reciprocation. If you have a soft heart, don't put it past people to take advantage and find it a weakness. Anyone, worth knowing, will take good care of what you want to give.
There are people around with varying degrees of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You don't want to get hooked up with one of these. They lack empathy and will suck you dry of emotion. If you become emotionally involved with one of these you're in for a rough ride. Before you wise up, they'll play with you. You will try ever harder to try and please them, because you're emotionally attached. They will try and get you to take the blame for any failure. You will be giving and they will take without giving.
It will take you some time to face reality. They're a big pain. Learn about them. Please.
Posted by beautifulsoul74
I leave this thread with a thought for all Cancers who have participated. Regardless of what you say about us, or how well put together your thoughts of us are, there is a fundamental principle that exists with all people. It is this: conquer yourself, then you'll be in a better position to teach. While you're putting all this time and energy into fault finding, you could very well be putting those things into bettering yourself. Simply put, what are you doing about it? At you trying to be a better Cancer, person, or human being? Or are you just acting like a lot of people nowadays. Putting down others to build up false security because you lack the fortitude to control your mind and behavior.
Until you gain true knowledge of love and self you're simply pretending and guessing.
Beautifulsoul74,
Your are at least having a conversation. I'm not trying to be a better cancerian, just as a person will do. I don't enter into a relationship wondering about star signs. I'm curious, but not led by this knowledge. I also don't flick through religious doctrine.
If I can just explain. I'm an 'artist'. In my early informative period, I studied artists and art. Well, if you like, I fly by myself now. But, there's always room to learn from all quarters, I have a widely curious mind. I know what it is to teach and also see students posing questions that make me think. So, you never stop learning. There's no end to it.
I hope you will note that I've tried to respond to your statement. Now - will you respond to mind likewise. I'm interested to know what you think is the part that empathy plays in human understanding. In other words - walking a mile in someone else's shoes. I think it's really important. If your only perspective is your own, I think it severely undermines our ability to understand people.
To answer one of your other questions. I always look for the best in people and give my best. This is obviously a subjective call. However, if I see bad in return for good, I must be objective and face reality. Some people just don't have your best interests in mind.
Posted by Sag89Posted by jULY77Posted by Sag89
Lol obviously that was sarcastic, whiney cancers go somewhere else with your crybaby bullshit. It's so annoying.
I wish my lawn was as emo as you than it could cut it's self.
Ah, you're an eggshell Sag.
Your reference to self-harm, and wishing it on someone, is about as obnoxious as your 'sarcasm'.
That is funny. Since I have a cancer rising and all. Hey, do you know what an A-S-T-R-O-L-O-G-Y C-H-A-R-T is?click to expand
Do I know what an astrological chart is? Yes. You may need life spelling out, but why should I worry if people know where their sun is. They manage perfectly well as people, without knowing. We also have disagreements. I don't force sags to be like me. If you don't mind me saying it, I take critisism better than you. The impression I get of you, is someone jabbing a finger in my shoulder to try and impose your will on me. You're crude and you cannot persuade people by arguement or discussion.
If you want to understand people, you do have to get to know them. Anything else is superficial. It's the same with any subject you care to mention. You have to have an interest and take time. People who try and tell me what's best for me had better know me well.
You don't listen, you try and dictate. Fine. You do what makes you feel good, I'm not compelled to think it's also good for me. Your expertise is limited. I'm just wondering if you can actually be bothered to read this far down.
Posted by LigeiaPosted by jULY77
You're a petulant child.
.
Dude let's not make this thread about you.
I already got a winter coat. Get the fuck
off my back before I make you irrelevant.
Sags m.o. is I see/perceive, therefore I am.
A mental, spiritual sign. The only one in this
equation who isn't forward thinking and can't
see beyond their nose is your crabby ass that
gets blinded by illogical emotions. It's not
my fucking problem you can't discern figure of
speech. My original post wasn't meant for you
anyways.And I'm suppose to be ashamed of my Sag
nature just because you choose to sit on your hands
and play the watch life pass me by game. Puh-lease!
So take your self admiring, smug comments else where.click to expand
Haha!
I don't actually think you can dictate who this thread is about. And, in your first post, on this thread, you did ask for crustaceans to respond. Non specific - just crustaceans. I came, I saw, I responded.
Do you make a habit of making people irrelevant? You know, you can't go through life thinking you can make people irrelevant. This could be where you're going wrong. Maybe you should try to make people relevant. But, I'm sure, if you want to make me irrelevant, I'll need a sign. How will I know? Have you done it yet? - didn't feel a thing.
Don't throw away the water wings.
Posted by Ligeiaclick to expand
Posted by LigeiaPosted by jULY77Posted by LigeiaPosted by Sneaky
I agree with you, Mooniemooneyes.
Do not get me fucked up!
You don't know the topography with my relationship with
this Cancer. The "trust crap" was a figure of speech. I
know the severity of trust needing to be paramount in
making any relationship work. Save your little Sag jabs
dude. You know all of what 2 Sags. Now you're a fucking
expert on how we tick. I've chewed up and spit out plenty
of you. I'm not new to the rodeo. So don't concern yourself
with what my Cancer needs. I got that covered.
You're a petulant child. I get tired of walking on eggshells to please Sags like you. A cancerian will go a long way to accommodate people. Sags are not very good at forward thinking. They see only what's in front of them. Blinkered.
'trust crap'. Maybe you should choose your figures of speach more carefully. Forethought. Look it up in the dictionary.
Cacerians can think round corners; will see a problem, you'll just go headlong straight into it. You'll not be spitting this cancerian out. Do you think you're the only one that knows how to spit. It's a bit crude, but got to keep it on your level - so you'll get it.click to expand
You can't edit on this forum.
The last line of my previous post is ambiguous. 'Convenience' . The type of relationship I'm trying to descibe will not work well, being used in a convenient manner, or as the fancy takes you. This creates a certain amount of uncertainty.
Posted by LigeiaPosted by Sneaky
I agree with you, Mooniemooneyes.
Come on crabs! Where are you guys ?!
If there is a smidgen of mistrust with this Taurus.
No point on going any further. Can't build a relationship
based on that type of foundation. I've been in a similar
situation with my current bf(Cancer). And we worked the
trust crap out. So it does happen with you Cancers but
not often enough. I'm interested in hearing what your fellow
crustaceans have to say on this.click to expand
You talk about 'trust crap'. It's not a chore, it's fundamental. I know some Sags are afraid of commitment.
We get described as Clingy and Needy - these are meant negatively, as a rule. Wanting to be with someone, and trusting that that someone will also want that closeness is not clingy or needy. To varying degrees, it's sharing life together. Not sharing life apart, or only when one wants that to happen. Never too busy to pay attention. Always listening. People who want to pick up a partner and take them off, like a jumper, are just part-time. For some, that works fine. Horses for courses.
You are a Sag. Likes directness, honest and not really into mind games. Apparently, Sags don't make very good liars. If that's correct, I should imagine your cancer BF will find that refreshing. His biggest concern will be commitment. Are you going to be around when you want. Don't think you're going to be able to work it like a light switch. It's not going to fit in with convenience.
Posted by Sag89
Lol obviously that was sarcastic, whiney cancers go somewhere else with your crybaby bullshit. It's so annoying.
I wish my lawn was as emo as you than it could cut it's self.
Ah, you're an eggshell Sag.
Your reference to self-harm, and wishing it on someone, is about as obnoxious as your 'sarcasm'.
Posted by Sag89
If I try to control someone it's because I think they are a piece of garbage I can walk all over and don't care about their feelings, thoughts, or overall being.
I would never try to control anyone I respect or love.
You would, of course, be very philosophical about it if anyone did something disagreeable to you? You wouldn't mind, because you asked for it - right? Doormat material?
Posted by beautifulsoul74
@july77:
Here's a little food for thought. People rarely look at how their own actions/reactions contributed to the situation.
I'll accept critism for not being perfect and having faults of my own. But, the quote I've used is a false assumption, on your part. Empathy is not available to everyone. It is, however, important in understanding what we do and how our actions effect others. I know from bitter experience what lack of empathy does. I went out with a narcissist for a couple of years. If you are interested - look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
So, I have to disagree with you on your quote. Maybe Sags are existential, but not exclusively a Sag trait.
I can be judgemental, for sure. But, I'm slow to judge. Why would you think I'd go out with a Narcissist for so long. I tried to find every conceivable reason why I was wrong, until there was no other conclusion but get out of the relationship. I'd got myself involved with someone who had the emotional development of a child.
Posted by sexycdnsaggirl
Sneaky...
I get the impression that you have fallen for a few sag girls and they did not reciprocate, and you watched them make (what you thought were) bad choices.
You obviously have spent some time analyzing these women and their choices, so perhaps you should analyze another sign to find someone better suited for you...
I don't identify with any of your perceptions, as far as what you think our characteristics and behaviours are.
I've known both the Sags for 17 years as friends/acquaintances. One I fancy, neither have I approached for a date. The fact that they are both Sags may just be a coincidence. They both seem to have blind spots for thinking about people, as far as reciprocating what they have received as friends. And, both can be blunt. Saying things that, on quick reflection, were not very diplomatic and damaging to themselves. So, I think their forward thinking is not a strong point.
Let me, once again, use the example of my Sag friend's ability to crash cars with regularity. She finds it odd that I won't get in the car with her. I don't have a deathwish, it's quite simple to me. She can't put herself in my shoes and see where I'm coming from. She obviously hasn't modified her driving behaviour, even for her own sake. These Sags are not too adept at accommodating. It doesn't matter how expert I am at something, they want to follow their own judgement. After a while, you just stop wasting time, let them get on with it. She's a teacher, I'm a graphic artist. Being short of a few brain cells not an issue. They do both have dating probs. I think they both make very good good bossy boots.
If you've invested alot into a relationship, it's very difficult to simply ignore the gap that's left when it's over. It takes time to adjust. For me it does. At the end of that time I've washed them out of my mind, until they rarely pop back into it. If you like, I get rid of the baggage before starting another relationship. Hopefully, I've resolved all of the issues surrounding the breakup. I also won't go out with anyone who hasn't resolved a breakup. Anyone on the bounce is usually just looking for a crutch to get them over a split.
Really, with the last one, the red lights were coming on after 4 months. I should have had the courage to walk out then. But, I don't keep any lights burning for old relationships. Not really fair to carry anything to the next. Can't think of anything worse than hearing about an X. Except, of course, to fill in background material for a new partner.
Posted by justSophs
heheheh.......yeah some men are into that....supposed to be a better orgasm.
Slightly gay IMO.....but to each there own.
Well. I had this discussion with a female who also thought it was gay.
I don't think I look at a female and think.....mmmm, man. Kind of grown up knowing the difference.
Posted by CluelessCancer
Does one have to earn your trust or do you give it willingly?
Start a relationship with goodwill, not trust. There's a saying - before you have need of a friend, first try.
Only you will know what your boundaries are. But, you wouldn't go stepping onto an icey lake before you test its ability to support you. If you let yourself become emotionally involved with someone, you will have a vested interest to keep that connection. You will be more likely to make excuses, for a partner, to explain a partner's bad behaviour. People get into one-sided relationships, where one of the pair seems to be doing everything for the other. This not a healthy arrangement. But, being deeply emotionally involved will keep you accepting less than you should be getting, unless you have a partner that shares and cares.
Take it easy and stay in control of your feelings until you are sure it's safe to let go. It's a difficult one.
It's far to easy to generalise about people of a certain sign, but this is a Sag sign base. I'm Cancerian and friend is Taurian, who also thinks. A Sag friend always has to be right. Almost pointless to argue. Likes to arrange the rules to fit their point. Even though past events have shown that they are statically likely to come a cropper, they apparently don't seem to notice that and continue to repeat false assumptions. We're talking about a school teacher here.
I don't know what leads to their controlling habits, but control is the name of the game. Maybe they feel safe and satisfied to depend on themselve only. The do have an independent streak a mile wide. They like to know what they're dealing with and don't enjoy mind games. Makes them deeply negative. This also accounts for their honesty and conversely, their gullibility. Then you have the can't-be-arsed side of them; too much, can't handle this, can't be bothered.
Emotional attachment requires giving ground to another. Given that safety is in control, this side of a relationship could be a big challenge. It doesn't really smack of freedom, to be tied. So, a relationship with a Sag, not good for a clingy type. You can need them, but not need them. The schedule and the page you're reading from is Sag's.
They can be blunt. The present is for Sags and so is honesty. They're not going to think about your feelings. Isn't it obvious, 'your hair is a mess'. You want the truth? ask a Sag. It's their' truth, though. Not everyones.
Sags don't like suprises. They are very miffed when one happens. They didn't see it coming. This is where their avoidance of the past and future lets them down. To avoid problems you need to anticipate them. If you don't take note of the past your chances of anticipating the future is more reliant on luck.
Posted by chinkywinky
@ Crustacea & Dogma: it's been
I'm sure I will be fine, everyday I look up at the sky n take a deep breath whisper to myself 'it's going to be ok'. I'm so glad that I found this forum tho I have not met anyone of you on here but I really appreciate your opinions and sharing and listening. I wish all of you have a happy 2013 lol hope it's still not too late to say that lol!
Lots of love,
Chinkywinky (a cheeky taurus hehe)
You are you, and not with him. Being with someone may make you feel good, and being without makes you feel bad. Try not to obsess, support yourself. You can live without this guy. Don't crucify yourself over this non existent man. Lots of us meet the wrong types for ourselves from time to time. Maintain your self esteem. It isn't necessary for you to measure yourself badly. I don't think you should see it as a failure.
Can't say I've always made the best choices. And, looking back, I'd probably have had a better time with some I've walked away from. Regrets don't really help. Just go on and look for the next person.
But, hang on to that self esteem. Your own worth and value. You don't need other people to give you that. Don't give them leave to take it away.
Posted by Sag89
Go back to sucking your mothers tit cancer!
Oh wait......................was that insensitive?
No - it's just the putting-one's-foot-in-the-mouth comment some Sags make. Leap, before you think.
Live-in-the-moment sort of stuff some sags do. Not bothering with the past, not thinking about the future. Not seeing brick walls where others would expect them. Crash! Oooo, where did that come from? Not looking where you were going, of course.
Hope luck holds out for you. You'll need it.
Posted by lildol
Are Cancers commitmentphobes? I have one that wants to marry me and has been telling me for years, yet never has proposed (said a few years back he was waiting for a creative way to do so). *tapping foot*
I should think, after years of togetherness, that your Cancer partner ought to know you well enough. Cancerians, speaking for myself, are not commitmentphobes. Marrying is not the most important thing, though. I personally don't like making promises I can't keep. Word and bond, and all that. Apart from the not-being-married bit, is your relationship solid.
I have friends who had been together for 20 years before they got married. They have chidren, too. The only reason they got married was to make it easier for one or the other, when either one dies. Transfer of property and kids inheritance stuff. They didn't need to be married to be sure of their commitment.
Are you not already a commited pair. What would a piece of paper do to change that. If it is very important that you become a wife on paper, do you already have your futures and plans firmly set together. I don't do casual. When I'm in it, I'm in it. The thought of trying it for a while never occurs to me. Maybe your guy is already married in spirit.
If he's looking out for you and sees that it's that important to you, I can't really see what his objections would be.
Are you just really comfy as it is.
Posted by Sag89
did you get burnt by some sag?
Me personally? No. But, of the ones I do know, my relationship will be strictly restricted to a level I believe they have the ability to respond to and reciprocate. It had to be tested first. There's no point banging your head against a brick wall and wasting time. I'm happy to let anyone be. But, when they ask for help and you give it as a friend, I sometimes feel that they would understand it better if the help came at a financial cost. Plain and simple, trade for trade. Leave friendship out of it. I don't like charging friends, it goes against the grain.
I did get burned by an Aquarian GF. I kind of look for keys words like - us, we, our. Not too many references to space and independence, I, me, mine; If those are what is wanted, it might be best to remain unattached.
It's no big problem if Sags want their own company, or anyone wanting to be alone for that matter. I'm ok myself, that way. But, I don't mind going 'out of my way'. That's no problem either. That's what friends do; look after each other. You know, sometimes I need help myself; any 'friend' who looks away then is going to have to work hard to get my attention back.
I read that Sags like to know what's what, in plain and honest terms. Not really ones for subtle signs, taking hints. It goes wrong and you wonder why. I have another Sag friend, she's had about six crashes in the car - looks bemused when I tell her 'I ain't getting in that with you at wheel'. Maybe she hasn't noticed the problem.
Posted by EISREGENPosted by WynterLike... There is always Drama!
Yes! Always drama. I would love to find someone who can just live for today, and experience those emotions without having to dwell on their past or the future. Seems like most men anymore have some sort of baggage they're dragging with them that I don't really want to know about and I just can't get away fast enough.
I'm too lazy to make a relationship work anyway, I guess
I understand that....
why can't they just enjoy life? enjoy love, life, happiness?
we are way too positive for all this....
All the things I want are so simple..... I just want to be happy. I want to share my happiness with other people, I wanna give them strength, I want them to inspire me and I want to inspire them. I want positive energy.
Why isn't that possible?click to expand
People are human beings. Not treats on a menu, a disk on a Juke Box, or a sweater in the draw. They may not be conveniently on your wavelength when you want and will require that you are able to tune into them in more than a superficial way and sacrifice what you want so they can have what they want, which in turn makes you happy to see them happy. Job done. This backwards and forwards exchange, and sharing is consideration. The only person, I think, who should expect things on their own terms all the while had better be called boss and pay well for that privilege.
You are mistaken, if you think wanting is the be all and end all. You can't realistic expect something that you do not 'earn'. Only children want and expect. Lose the, ' I want, I want , I want'. You really want people to enjoy your life. What you want isn't possible, because you are the one setting the limitations. People cannot meet your terms and conditions. Maybe you would be happy with a world full of clones, like yourself. No problems. But, you don't like static things. Maybe you are bored with yourself really. Life is not all ups, for anyone. And none should expect to have people only at their best times. You are feeling less than keen when everything doesn't flow in a nice and easy way. It's called reality. You deal with it, go through it, get over it, grow and learn. Don't waste yourself or others.
My friend doesn't, I think, love herself. Don't know why she's so hard on herself. She has an Emo stall and I think, as far as I understand Emo's, she is very much one herself. Can be a world of their own, oblivious to words of comfort or encouragement.
I know this Sag site gets involved with characterising people through planetary influences and sign traits. For some reason, I kind of buy into some of this. I probably reflect my own sign (Cancerian). In fact, I live on a boat and like my home etc.
I actually think my friend is missing out on the world and never pursues something, getting bored too quickly, moving on to something that may hold more promise. We greet and part with a kiss on the cheek, or sometimes a good hug. I would be quite happy to meet halfway, more than halfway. But, if it's to be all in her direction, it will be at the times I have. Times when I know that's the way it is and accept it. Whatever help or good reasons friends offer, she admits, she is resistant to them. A difficulty being beholden to anyone for anything.
The stall I mentioned. I fitted it out. It was clean, bright, attractive and fresh. Within months she wanted to move elsewhere. My energy is not boundless.
I know this Sag site gets involved with characterising people through planetary influences and sign traits. For some reason, I kind of buy into some of this. I probably reflect my own sign (Cancerian). In fact, I live on a boat and like my home etc.
I actually think my friend is missing out on the world and never pursues something, getting bored too quickly, moving on to something that may hold more promise. We greet and part with a kiss on the cheek, or sometimes a good hug. I would be quite happy to meet halfway, more than halfway. But, if it's to be all in her direction, it will be at the times I have. Times when I know that's the way it is and accept it. Whatever help or good reasons friends offer, she admits, she is resistant to them. A difficulty being beholden to anyone for anything.
The stall I mentioned. I fitted it out. It was clean, bright, attractive and fresh. Within months she wanted to move elsewhere. My energy is not boundless.
First post here, here goes. What strikes me is that Sags have a fear of attachment, getting too close for fear it confines. I suppose it's a need to fulfill an independence that must be in control, but in itself is controlling. I have a sag friend who is like this. I restrict this control, or the amount I let this happen. I have to say - thus far and no further. For instance; taking her own sweet time to respond to a text (can't be arsed or bothered), and she isn't the only sag women I know that does this. They may not see it as such, but it's controlling the person waiting for a response, and not only with me. I have recently shut them out a little, but not given them any ultimatum. Really, I don't have time to indulge them. I'm tempted to tell them to grow up, think about other people. Somehow, I don't think it would help. Of course, I like them. They're both intelligent and can be lots of fun and funny.
The original poster seems to be self-absorbed, and I don't find this uncommon in my owm sag friend. She knows that she has a problem with relationships, has difficulty getting into the other person. The emphasis is always on remaining free to change course at will. This is very difficult when trying to cultivate a relationship. My friend is honest, but I think too quick to find chaps a scheming bunch. It's difficult getting into that close zone. The odds for any man are slim, getting through that defensive fence. I think some sags are a little short of empathy, and this is partly due to the focus being on control and not being controlled, almost to the point of paranoia. Keeping their' position, being slightly aloof. Difficult to get hold of and probably not wanting anyone to have that much effect on them. I've been very effected by this sag women, but I'm also quite sure I'd have to adjust to her as much as she'd have to adjust to me. I just think I would find it easier to do. I'm very much drawn to her, but wary. I'm probably not the best suited to a sag women, one-sided relationships aren't for me.