Message Posts by lilbit78
Thanks for the insights. We have had the conversation about why he won't commit many times. He either says he doesn't know, he's got 'commitment issues' and is working on himself to 'get there' - or that I remind him of his ex and it scares him. He's said many times he's 'almost there' (whatever) - but that it scares him when i 'wig out' - which means show any form of emotion, especially irritation or anger at him when he lets me down. He can't STAND emotional confrontation or me getting upset, and so he avoids me when i'm upset - I think this may be the reason that he's scared to get involved with me, because being an Aries I am a very passionate and emotional person. Maybe he just can't/doesn't want to deal with it.
Either way - I know I deserve to have a commitment, but I guess I am just not ready to walk away from him yet, and if I'm going to give him an ultimatum, then I need to be sure I am ready to do that. I've tried it before, but then I end up missing him so much that I let him come back. It's really hard when you love someone and there isn't anyone else around that compares to them in your eyes! And since he always leaves an option of commitment as a possibility in the future, there is part of me that doesn't want to let go of that chance and that wants to give him the time he needs if he is being 100% honest about his feelings. I don't want to lose someone by pressuring them into something they aren't totally ready for. I guess I'm just being an idiot. He obviously doesn't want that with me, and even if he agreed to it he would end up dissappointing me anyway. I asked him if we could just be friends, but then when we hang out he always jumps all over me. BTW, we aren't sleeping together.
Either way - I know I deserve to have a commitment, but I guess I am just not ready to walk away from him yet, and if I'm going to give him an ultimatum, then I need to be sure I am ready to do that. I've tried it before, but then I end up missing him so much that I let him come back. It's really hard when you love someone and there isn't anyone else around that compares to them in your eyes! And since he always leaves an option of commitment as a possibility in the future, there is part of me that doesn't want to let go of that chance and that wants to give him the time he needs if he is being 100% honest about his feelings. I don't want to lose someone by pressuring them into something they aren't totally ready for. I guess I'm just being an idiot. He obviously doesn't want that with me, and even if he agreed to it he would end up dissappointing me anyway. I asked him if we could just be friends, but then when we hang out he always jumps all over me. BTW, we aren't sleeping together.
Hi. I need some advice regarding an on/off 'relationship' I've been having w/ an aqua man for about 8 months now. He's expressed deep interest in me from the beginning (even saying he thought he would marry me the first time he saw me!! - or that it would be so easy for him to fall in love w/ me), but he's never made a commitment to me (he knows I want one) and we go through these cycles where he avoids me and won't answer my calls for days-weeks at a time. He always ends up coming back to me with some excuse over something I supposedly did that weirded him out - but that's NOT really the way it happens. I have tried really hard not to be clingy - I don't call him but let him call me, because I've found if he WANTS to talk to me he'll do the calling. He's said that it bothers him before that I hardly ever call, but when I do he doesn't ever answer or call me back!!!
Anyway, I am in love with him at this point but I am tired of waiting, and tired of getting my feelings hurt. We'll hang out and have a GREAT time, then he pulls the dissppearing act, my feelings get hurt, and then I pull away from him. He tells me he has commitment issues (duh) but won't close the door on me completely. Am i kidding myslef into thinking it could ever be anything more after 8 months with no commitment? The reason i hang on is i KNOW that he feels something for me - he says he thinks about me all the time, but if that's true why doesn't he call or want to see me more often? I want to believe what he's telling me but I'm afraid he's just playing me or somehting. I don't want to give him an ultimatum because i think he'll run, but it's killing me feeling like I am stuck in limbo waiting on something that may never happen. Help!
Anyway, I am in love with him at this point but I am tired of waiting, and tired of getting my feelings hurt. We'll hang out and have a GREAT time, then he pulls the dissppearing act, my feelings get hurt, and then I pull away from him. He tells me he has commitment issues (duh) but won't close the door on me completely. Am i kidding myslef into thinking it could ever be anything more after 8 months with no commitment? The reason i hang on is i KNOW that he feels something for me - he says he thinks about me all the time, but if that's true why doesn't he call or want to see me more often? I want to believe what he's telling me but I'm afraid he's just playing me or somehting. I don't want to give him an ultimatum because i think he'll run, but it's killing me feeling like I am stuck in limbo waiting on something that may never happen. Help!