Message Posts by stormageddon
Thing is, I have found my answers, I think. You all have ultimately challenged me to really examine my situation to see if it was what you all thought it was. Some things I agree with, and some things I vehemently don't. I also think what I really need to do is just tell him all of this. It occured to me writing this that I should just be writing it to him. And then tell him I think I made a dumb mistake out of pride and fear of trust, and see what he makes of it.
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Pisces man is a very funny guy; he works in the public eye and is used to keeping 'em laughing. When the joke about my friend happened, it triggered a reaction in me - it appeared that my Pisces man saw people like my friend and I, in our profession (music), as losers. Then I started to look back on the jokes about my career and view them in this new light, of him thinking my career is Loserville. I had intended to deal with the issue of the joking the next time it happened, but because the next time was when my friend was brought into it, I snapped.
And yes, it was totally a prideful thing to do. But also an honest response. I have worked hard to be taken seriously as a female pro musician, and I've done it in a short period of time. I take great pride in being able to make actual money doing this, and now I am going to do it in partnership with my friend, who is, honestly, one of the best. It's a huge step up in the world for me, as a pro. Pisces man is a white privileged dude who works in a boys club, a man does his best to be open-minded, but who still views things through that lens until told otherwise. This has been an educational moment for both of us. He honestly did not see the joke that way until I pointed it out to him. I honestly did not know how much I had come to care about him until I apologized for being so childish, and we started talking again. and I realized I had been prideful and distrustful.
Pisces man asked me out by confessing that he's had a crush on me for 2 years. I don't think I am some passing lady for him. But in truth, I hardly knew him when we started dating, and I have been more cautious and reserved. I am always slow to let new people in. Perhaps I was looking for reasons to back away from a passion that was overwhelming to someone like me. But I am willing to admit I made a mistake like that.
I came here for honest input because I don't really have any Pisceans in my life and I don't know much about them and their emotional realm. Almost everyone I am truly close to seems to be Scorpio or Cancer! I was even raised by a Cancer mom. So I sort of know the watery realms, but not from Pisces' perspective. I know what I can find to read about Pisces, but thought it would be more helpful to hear from real Pisceans.
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And yes, it was totally a prideful thing to do. But also an honest response. I have worked hard to be taken seriously as a female pro musician, and I've done it in a short period of time. I take great pride in being able to make actual money doing this, and now I am going to do it in partnership with my friend, who is, honestly, one of the best. It's a huge step up in the world for me, as a pro. Pisces man is a white privileged dude who works in a boys club, a man does his best to be open-minded, but who still views things through that lens until told otherwise. This has been an educational moment for both of us. He honestly did not see the joke that way until I pointed it out to him. I honestly did not know how much I had come to care about him until I apologized for being so childish, and we started talking again. and I realized I had been prideful and distrustful.
Pisces man asked me out by confessing that he's had a crush on me for 2 years. I don't think I am some passing lady for him. But in truth, I hardly knew him when we started dating, and I have been more cautious and reserved. I am always slow to let new people in. Perhaps I was looking for reasons to back away from a passion that was overwhelming to someone like me. But I am willing to admit I made a mistake like that.
I came here for honest input because I don't really have any Pisceans in my life and I don't know much about them and their emotional realm. Almost everyone I am truly close to seems to be Scorpio or Cancer! I was even raised by a Cancer mom. So I sort of know the watery realms, but not from Pisces' perspective. I know what I can find to read about Pisces, but thought it would be more helpful to hear from real Pisceans.
more...
Wow.
So, just to clarify this, the friend in question is someone I have known for many years, who (being the Cancerian he is) stepped into the big brother role when I lost my real brother. We are close enough that once upon a time, he fed me when I was literally starving. Pisces man knows this man and knows we have a very family-like relationship. It's not like my "mere friend" is some random guy. I've only been dating Pisces for 2 months, and I've known my Cancer brother for years. So yes, I call the right to choose my friend first in this particular situation, and Pisces man GETS that. He is ashamed of himself because he didn't realize the way I would take this particular joke, and when he DID see it from my point of view, it was a fresh perspective for him to even see it that way.
Also to clarify, I have NOT asked Pisces man to come back. All I have done is apologize for responding to childishness with more childishness. I am not an evil person, and neither is Pisces man. We both like to think we are nice, good, gentle people with decent lives of our own, and I believe we think the same thing about one another. I certainly think it of him, and he has said it of me. He still says it, in fact. I think we are both basically grown ups who also have to deal with complicated life stuff sometimes, like everybody else. I don't think it's fair to paint him as manipulative or as someone insincere of future intent, any more than it is to paint me as desperate or a drama queen.
I came with a genuine question; I was kind of blown away by the bite of the responses I got. I felt defensive, kind of backed into a corner. I felt like you think I am a buttery, childish person, or that he is, and I almost didn't want to come back in here. I was feeling pretty emotional about it, when I wrote my post. And I have done some serious thinking, reading what others have written. In the end, I am grateful for that input. And props for breaking in a newbie.
The joking. I really don't think he was picking at me/my career/my friend on purpose. I would NOT have realized that if I had not gone back and apologized for my behaviour. My apology is what started conversation going again.
more....
So, just to clarify this, the friend in question is someone I have known for many years, who (being the Cancerian he is) stepped into the big brother role when I lost my real brother. We are close enough that once upon a time, he fed me when I was literally starving. Pisces man knows this man and knows we have a very family-like relationship. It's not like my "mere friend" is some random guy. I've only been dating Pisces for 2 months, and I've known my Cancer brother for years. So yes, I call the right to choose my friend first in this particular situation, and Pisces man GETS that. He is ashamed of himself because he didn't realize the way I would take this particular joke, and when he DID see it from my point of view, it was a fresh perspective for him to even see it that way.
Also to clarify, I have NOT asked Pisces man to come back. All I have done is apologize for responding to childishness with more childishness. I am not an evil person, and neither is Pisces man. We both like to think we are nice, good, gentle people with decent lives of our own, and I believe we think the same thing about one another. I certainly think it of him, and he has said it of me. He still says it, in fact. I think we are both basically grown ups who also have to deal with complicated life stuff sometimes, like everybody else. I don't think it's fair to paint him as manipulative or as someone insincere of future intent, any more than it is to paint me as desperate or a drama queen.
I came with a genuine question; I was kind of blown away by the bite of the responses I got. I felt defensive, kind of backed into a corner. I felt like you think I am a buttery, childish person, or that he is, and I almost didn't want to come back in here. I was feeling pretty emotional about it, when I wrote my post. And I have done some serious thinking, reading what others have written. In the end, I am grateful for that input. And props for breaking in a newbie.
The joking. I really don't think he was picking at me/my career/my friend on purpose. I would NOT have realized that if I had not gone back and apologized for my behaviour. My apology is what started conversation going again.
more....
I have been dating a Pisces man for a couple of months. He adored me right from the beginning, but I was more nervous and cautious. He has been going through some bad stuff, trying to get some kind of joint custody over his kids and not getting anywhere, and this has made him kind of negative and dark. Even so, I was starting to have feelings for him, until.....
Pisces loves to crack jokes, and one of the things my Pisces joked about often was my career path. I let a lot of it roll off my back, but recently, his jokes extended to one I considered mean, because it extended to making fun of my new business partner, who also happens to be a male friend I consider closer than a brother. I felt like my chosen family's honor had been insulted.
Yes, Pisces man apologized profusely and said he felt ashamed, but I was SO angry that I snapped and ended things. I said some harsh things, including that I thought he was too negative and not ready for a relationship.
A few days later, I wrote to him and apologized for snapping and for not handling things like an adult. He was still apologetic, and we both ended up apologizing to each other and expressing a wish that things were different, wishing each other the best in the future, etc. He is going into counselling for some of his issues. He seemed resigned to our break-up though.
I have been grieving harder than I ever thought I would, and I think I made a huge mistake. I think if I had addressed my concerns calmly early on, such as how much his joking bothered me, he would have dealt with this and we would have continued moving forward together.
I also wish he would have fought for me.
Is it pointless, to try to win him back? Can a Pisces man forgive a woman for snapping and cutting him loose so quickly? My instinct is to just be honest about where I am at and ask him if we can start over, but my pride is holding me back, and my head tells me the wrong things aren't supposed to last anyway. I don't know what to do.
Pisces loves to crack jokes, and one of the things my Pisces joked about often was my career path. I let a lot of it roll off my back, but recently, his jokes extended to one I considered mean, because it extended to making fun of my new business partner, who also happens to be a male friend I consider closer than a brother. I felt like my chosen family's honor had been insulted.
Yes, Pisces man apologized profusely and said he felt ashamed, but I was SO angry that I snapped and ended things. I said some harsh things, including that I thought he was too negative and not ready for a relationship.
A few days later, I wrote to him and apologized for snapping and for not handling things like an adult. He was still apologetic, and we both ended up apologizing to each other and expressing a wish that things were different, wishing each other the best in the future, etc. He is going into counselling for some of his issues. He seemed resigned to our break-up though.
I have been grieving harder than I ever thought I would, and I think I made a huge mistake. I think if I had addressed my concerns calmly early on, such as how much his joking bothered me, he would have dealt with this and we would have continued moving forward together.
I also wish he would have fought for me.
Is it pointless, to try to win him back? Can a Pisces man forgive a woman for snapping and cutting him loose so quickly? My instinct is to just be honest about where I am at and ask him if we can start over, but my pride is holding me back, and my head tells me the wrong things aren't supposed to last anyway. I don't know what to do.