Message Posts by yummiekins
@creativecap & @peanutbutter so agree with both of you. It's like the most you can do is frame what you want as a request and let the other person decide if that's what they want to do for you & for themselves. It's like that way.. you feel secure that they're doing it b/c it's what they want as opposed to always questioning whether they're doing it b/c you pressured them into doing it.
& thanks @spicensugar. as we know, it's a process & relationships are an always evolving thing. i'm sure we'll have a dip again, but for now, it's good ;]
& thanks @spicensugar. as we know, it's a process & relationships are an always evolving thing. i'm sure we'll have a dip again, but for now, it's good ;]
hai guys just an update: since he's been back in town, he's been wanting to spend more and more time. plus b/c of a recent success i had career-related, he offered to help me whenever possible as he was really excited for me. at the same time, i've been expressive about how he's one of my favorite humans in general & how grateful i am that i met him. & after i expressed that, he's been a lot more affectionate than ever & just been so much more generous re: time, resources, etc. we've been doing a lot more sharing.. text msgs that we get, snapchats from friends, emails we've been receiving, lots & lots of stories, cooking dinner together & watching shows etc.
i know that a lot of us women are on that tip where it's like.. a man is SUPPOSED to do this and he's supposed to do that but to me.. i that no one's really obligated to give anyone anything. that's how i see it & b/c i have that perspective, i'm just grateful for what i do get from my cappy. don't get me wrong, i know i deserve "more" at any point at any time, but i also believe it's a process to get there. and while i can always have 'the talk' with him, i feel it's more fun to let it unfold organically. watch each other's actions while being expressive about how much we admire & respect each other, bring up things that i like & don't like as they happen & watch him adjust. if he does, he's into it. if he doesn't, he disqualified himself.
and so far.. my cappy hasn't disqualified himself. it's been a yes-yes relationship where anything i've asked from him, he's said yes. and anything he asks from me i say yes.
so.. am i backing out still? well.. is there such a thing as standing still? like @peanutbutter said, just stand there, be pretty & sweet & open... & i'll just watch him come to me.
i know that a lot of us women are on that tip where it's like.. a man is SUPPOSED to do this and he's supposed to do that but to me.. i that no one's really obligated to give anyone anything. that's how i see it & b/c i have that perspective, i'm just grateful for what i do get from my cappy. don't get me wrong, i know i deserve "more" at any point at any time, but i also believe it's a process to get there. and while i can always have 'the talk' with him, i feel it's more fun to let it unfold organically. watch each other's actions while being expressive about how much we admire & respect each other, bring up things that i like & don't like as they happen & watch him adjust. if he does, he's into it. if he doesn't, he disqualified himself.
and so far.. my cappy hasn't disqualified himself. it's been a yes-yes relationship where anything i've asked from him, he's said yes. and anything he asks from me i say yes.
so.. am i backing out still? well.. is there such a thing as standing still? like @peanutbutter said, just stand there, be pretty & sweet & open... & i'll just watch him come to me.
@noname heh what can I say, I go for what I want ;p I like to explore my feelings fully, see what's in store. it's kinda like an adventure & it's pretty fun. to me, anyway, I realize not many people think the way I do.
& as for the sexing, when we first started hooking up casually, we agreed we'd practice safe sex, etc & I've been checked every month since we started (6 months now) & all is clear. I agree it is gross if you're not talking about it at all but we have & we're adult about it.
shrugz, honestly I'm pretty casual about this stuff. I gave him the 6 months, asked others for insight, agreed with most & now moving on while @ the same time staying friends. I don't like to force things and have the definetherelationship conversations, in general. like someone said on here, it's about the timing & obvi timing is off.
so at the moment, i'm in the process of backing out. i'm not initiating communication as much as I was but still being friendly & open when he reaches out to me b/c I'm still smitten by him & still admire him - that doesn't change for me cuz he's still the same guy & i'm still the same girl! Just gonna look for other adventures outside of him & I'm pretty excited to see what else is out there.
& as for the sexing, when we first started hooking up casually, we agreed we'd practice safe sex, etc & I've been checked every month since we started (6 months now) & all is clear. I agree it is gross if you're not talking about it at all but we have & we're adult about it.
shrugz, honestly I'm pretty casual about this stuff. I gave him the 6 months, asked others for insight, agreed with most & now moving on while @ the same time staying friends. I don't like to force things and have the definetherelationship conversations, in general. like someone said on here, it's about the timing & obvi timing is off.
so at the moment, i'm in the process of backing out. i'm not initiating communication as much as I was but still being friendly & open when he reaches out to me b/c I'm still smitten by him & still admire him - that doesn't change for me cuz he's still the same guy & i'm still the same girl! Just gonna look for other adventures outside of him & I'm pretty excited to see what else is out there.
@peanutbutter you know what you literally read my mind on that! I've decided to do exactly just that. I'll be open b/c ya know.. i still like my cappy, but decided to keep my options open. he snapped me a video of what he was doing tonight so i snapped him back with a guy who gave me a napkin with his number on it asking me if i wanted to do jazz night on sunday literally at that moment. so it might seem show offy but i want him to know that i always have options and ultimately, i chose him b/c i want him, not that i needed him. but yes.. already mentally putting the brakes on, but will still be friendly & myself, always admiring him, but less so making extraneous effort on my end. just gonna go with the flow & be open to whatever happens even if it excludes him.
thanks for all the insights guys! if you're int'd in knowing what happens next, i'll update when something happens!
thanks for all the insights guys! if you're int'd in knowing what happens next, i'll update when something happens!
hi @truecap, in hindsight, i can totally agree that i definitely said things way too early. if there's a next time that i'll be meeting a cap, i'll know better & will keep my lips shut until another couple months or so lol. and ok on the salary thing.
overall thanks for your insight! i'll definitely be considering it muches & so good to get another perspective. i think i will be backing off & cutting off the benefits thing, slowly ween myself off the cappy's teet ;p
overall thanks for your insight! i'll definitely be considering it muches & so good to get another perspective. i think i will be backing off & cutting off the benefits thing, slowly ween myself off the cappy's teet ;p
@spicensugar haha that's literally what happened when we first met, he was relentless.
so this just happened. he just told me the salary he'd be making if he were to take the position he'd been interviewing for (without me asking) & offered to see me as soon as he got back into town so he can share what happened during the negotiations. the salary disclosure is a big deal for a cap amiright?
beginning to think twice about having the conversation with him; depends on whether he decides to take this position (which is an out-of-state, out-of-country position). if he does take it, i'm not gonna even mention it & just continue being friends after we both move on career-wise. if he doesn't & we both end up staying in the area, then i'll bring it up. that makes sense right?
so this just happened. he just told me the salary he'd be making if he were to take the position he'd been interviewing for (without me asking) & offered to see me as soon as he got back into town so he can share what happened during the negotiations. the salary disclosure is a big deal for a cap amiright?
beginning to think twice about having the conversation with him; depends on whether he decides to take this position (which is an out-of-state, out-of-country position). if he does take it, i'm not gonna even mention it & just continue being friends after we both move on career-wise. if he doesn't & we both end up staying in the area, then i'll bring it up. that makes sense right?
@peanutbutter hehe i agree wichu! & thanks for not judging, this is the first that i've been in this position tbh & yeah.. i mean we both went into this telling each other we weren't looking for a relationship & then BAM! his mystery, his alpha-ness, his quiet confidence just got me after a month in. but you definitely have a point - it really could be that simple.
to address @fireykitty's question about what i really like well.. he's so different from any guy i've ever met that spending time with him is like its own adventure, except intellectually. have you ever met anyone that taught you so much about beautiful things? it's really amazing the vast knowledge that he has & he has a quiet power about him where he just ends up always alpha'ing the dynamic of a room effortlessly (very sexy & masculine - major turn ons) & a trait that not many people possess. (not over-exaggerating p.s., these are objective statements).
the funny thing is when i decided to talk to other guys, one came to me, a very very handsome, successful, & fun one & is pursuing me aggressively but he's just not doing it for me & i'm kinda beating myself up like whyyyy am i not attracted to this onnnneee. B/c cappy's got me, that's why lol. & i feel like i'll always wonder about him after I decide to back off. but ya know how it goes.. as soon as you like someone, the feelings for the former one just begin to disappear eventually & yeah, I think that's what I'll do. I'll have a conversation about it with him first, though, b/c I did choose to be here on my own & while it's been super fun, I think it's time that I address & communicate that I want more & I'll hear him out with what he has to say & then most likely back off.
to address @fireykitty's question about what i really like well.. he's so different from any guy i've ever met that spending time with him is like its own adventure, except intellectually. have you ever met anyone that taught you so much about beautiful things? it's really amazing the vast knowledge that he has & he has a quiet power about him where he just ends up always alpha'ing the dynamic of a room effortlessly (very sexy & masculine - major turn ons) & a trait that not many people possess. (not over-exaggerating p.s., these are objective statements).
the funny thing is when i decided to talk to other guys, one came to me, a very very handsome, successful, & fun one & is pursuing me aggressively but he's just not doing it for me & i'm kinda beating myself up like whyyyy am i not attracted to this onnnneee. B/c cappy's got me, that's why lol. & i feel like i'll always wonder about him after I decide to back off. but ya know how it goes.. as soon as you like someone, the feelings for the former one just begin to disappear eventually & yeah, I think that's what I'll do. I'll have a conversation about it with him first, though, b/c I did choose to be here on my own & while it's been super fun, I think it's time that I address & communicate that I want more & I'll hear him out with what he has to say & then most likely back off.
thanks for the insight creativecap. our common goal in the relationship is to nurture a friendship based on high, mutual respect. That's the furthest we've discussed it which was initiated by me. It's kind of difficult for us to commit to anything long-term as there's a possibility that we'll both be moving away for our careers after the summer, which we both knew when we first met. & yeah, part of it is I feel like I'm not on the same status level as he is as he's graduated ivy, is well-connected, etc. while I never went to college. As for me liking him more, at first it wasn't that big of a deal b/c it was different. Objectively speaking, guys usually throw themselves, so he proposed himself as a challenge, which us Leos are apparently cynic in that way that we enjoy it. But like I said, I'm feeling like throwing in the towel - not in an angry or resentful way or anything, but just kind of exhausted at making the efforts, feeling resigned. & wanna enjoy giving myself some pampering & attention. The only thing I fear in doing that is from what I read, we're supposed to be super patient with cappy's, but idk. I think in this case, if I put myself first I'll win either way. what do you think?
leo
hiyeee everyone. so.. he's my first Cappy that i've fallen for. he pursued me aggressively at first & when i started genuinely liking him & expressing that in the first month we met, he started backing off. I played it cool, though, b/c as much as I did like him, it wasn't that big of a deal, there's others. We agreed to be friends but since then, we've become close. He's opened up a lot. We've hooked up and do so pretty consistently. He's said before.. why label. Which is a philosophy I hold, too. 3 months later, I noticed he was talking to other girls. When I asked him about it he was honest. Said he does, but goal isn't sex although sometimes they do sex him, but not regularly. So at that point I was like ok, it is what it is so I started talking to other guys. Once he found out, he exhibited possessiveness. He had been inching his way closer to me since & after having spent some ample QT, he's been backing off again.
I don't wanna put myself out there again and my patience is, unfortunately, waning. It sucks to know that as soon as I stop putting in effort, what we've built will wane, too. I know for a fact I like him more than he likes me, though, & the imbalance has been going on too long. 6 months, to me, is ample time to invest & I think now is a good time to start backing out. Anyone else agree?
I don't wanna put myself out there again and my patience is, unfortunately, waning. It sucks to know that as soon as I stop putting in effort, what we've built will wane, too. I know for a fact I like him more than he likes me, though, & the imbalance has been going on too long. 6 months, to me, is ample time to invest & I think now is a good time to start backing out. Anyone else agree?