misswhitlock joined March 11, 2014
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scorpiofish, we were both close friends, and i want to be friends with him again too, we agreed that i need some time off-- possibly a few months and if i can still talk to him then and be friends with him without it hurting me then thats fine, but if i cant i definitely wont do it.
i just feel so empty right now idk.
i just feel so empty right now idk.
Whereas I shouldn't have casual sex with guys if I don't want my feelings hurt, we were both on the same page at the start. We were both interested its just it didnt work out and I have no idea why.
Just to update,
He was confused about how I felt cuz I was giving him mixed signals too. So I told him how I felt about him, that I wanted to see him more, and asked if he was into me or not. He told me that when he's with me he's fun but thats as far as he's thought about it?
I took this to mean that he's not interested in me as more than a friend, but I wasn't sure??? I just left him be for a week. Since I told him how I felt, I figure if he feels the same way he should be doing something about it. Instead, he would flutter in and out and seem interested, and then suddenly not. I called him out and said he was confusing me and that i needed some time by myself. He told me thats okay, he told me where he stood-- that he wanted to see me more.
???
So i took my few days not talking and came back to him with the thought of pursuing it-- he told me he wants to see me more, so I'm going to try- if he is. Then he suddenly tells me that he wants to be just friends. He said he's thought about it and he said I was right about his actions- that there's a reason for it. He told me it didn't feel the same with us anymore. He *was interested in me-- he also felt like our friendship was moving to something more so thats why we both slept together. But now it feels different. We haven't seen each other in two months and he hasn't done anything about it, and he feels like if its at a stand still now, it will be in a stand still in the future. He told me that he was unsure about his feelings and he put it in the backburner and didn't think about it ( which is why he would flutter in and out ) but now i guess its clear.
Now i guess we're going to have some time apart. And be friends in the future. I just dont know if I can. I feel like I'm always going to have feelings for him, and a part of me wants to pursue it in the future-- and do it right this time. It's not a good idea is it.
He was confused about how I felt cuz I was giving him mixed signals too. So I told him how I felt about him, that I wanted to see him more, and asked if he was into me or not. He told me that when he's with me he's fun but thats as far as he's thought about it?
I took this to mean that he's not interested in me as more than a friend, but I wasn't sure??? I just left him be for a week. Since I told him how I felt, I figure if he feels the same way he should be doing something about it. Instead, he would flutter in and out and seem interested, and then suddenly not. I called him out and said he was confusing me and that i needed some time by myself. He told me thats okay, he told me where he stood-- that he wanted to see me more.
???
So i took my few days not talking and came back to him with the thought of pursuing it-- he told me he wants to see me more, so I'm going to try- if he is. Then he suddenly tells me that he wants to be just friends. He said he's thought about it and he said I was right about his actions- that there's a reason for it. He told me it didn't feel the same with us anymore. He *was interested in me-- he also felt like our friendship was moving to something more so thats why we both slept together. But now it feels different. We haven't seen each other in two months and he hasn't done anything about it, and he feels like if its at a stand still now, it will be in a stand still in the future. He told me that he was unsure about his feelings and he put it in the backburner and didn't think about it ( which is why he would flutter in and out ) but now i guess its clear.
Now i guess we're going to have some time apart. And be friends in the future. I just dont know if I can. I feel like I'm always going to have feelings for him, and a part of me wants to pursue it in the future-- and do it right this time. It's not a good idea is it.
Thanks again for the input guys! It helps. ~the hint is taken that I shouldn't have casual sex if that's not what I want hahahahaha.
Posted by ScorpioFish
Listen, I am going through the exact same pain as you, only with a Cancer woman.
Thing is, some of them are really, really nuts.
Not saying ALL of them are, but some of them really are.
Want to know what I mean by NUTS?
Nuts is defined as irrational and hurtful behavior toward others with selfishness and other negative traits thrown in there.
If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....
He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH.
You need to delete his number and not look back.
Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.
The Bad Crabs out there do this all the time. They get intimate with you, and then hurt you over something stupid. Why? Because these awful people are too selfish to talk about whatever bothers them so that you can BOTH improve things together. They would rather just destroy what could be a beautiful relationship over the stupidest shit rather than tweak things a little through thoughtful discussion.
Stop me if I am wrong, but no one will because people know I am right on the money.
There are good Crabs out there, but you really won't know the good from the bad without a LOT of time and energy.
The unfortunate thing is that the awful ones have the exact same demeanor and attractive qualities as the good ones, but the difference is that the awful ones wear masks and you don't know who you are dealing with.
Only when you tell them your true feelings (which is extremely risky, but F it, I would rather be open than closed about stuff like that) will you know who you are dealing with (good or ROTTEN).
I do agree that he doesn't want to talk about what bothers him, but doesn't necessarily mean he meant to hurt me, I think he is Friend Zoning me because he doesn't want the same things that I want. But yeah, I do feel like he avoids the topic altogether because he just doesn't want to deal with it, it is kind of immature and frustrating.
Posted by mihaPosted by misswhitlock
Thanks @pinklibra ! And no, he told me it's been 2 years since he's had any, but I get what you mean. And I think I watched the movie adaption of that book? I'm unsure though.
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite
do your friends know him?click to expand
Yup my best friend is friends with him. My other friends have only met him a few times though.
Hahah well I'll try my best.
Thanks @este8 I appreciate the honesty and knowledge 
I need to learn how to be less trusting. Sex always used to be such a casual thing for me, and it hasn't really hurt me in the past til this guy. I guess it's different since I actually had feelings for him, oh well.
I'll try to move on i guess
I need to learn how to be less trusting. Sex always used to be such a casual thing for me, and it hasn't really hurt me in the past til this guy. I guess it's different since I actually had feelings for him, oh well.
I'll try to move on i guess
Thanks @pinklibra ! And no, he told me it's been 2 years since he's had any, but I get what you mean. And I think I watched the movie adaption of that book? I'm unsure though.
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite
^ Yeah i get what you mean. I just thought that it was me, that I was confusing and frustrating him so he pulled away. I just feel led on now?... Even though I know he is a good guy, we're close friends and he does care about me, perhaps just not in that way. He's not being very direct with anything either so it's just confusing for me too.
@2BlackIndian3
Thanks for taking the time to help me! And he has been working at it for a year haha. I did it cuz I felt comfortable with him and it felt like a natural way of heading towards something rather than formalities. But you're completely right, I shouldn't have gone into it assuming more.
But I felt that he did care for me, or that he still does. >> after we slept together the first time I went away on holiday and he was showering me with compliments and he was saying stuff like "I want to make you happy" and said he missed me a lot and literally would not stop texting me and FB messaging me and instagramming, it was really overwhelming and I felt like he wanted more out of me.... i guess not?
Thanks for taking the time to help me! And he has been working at it for a year haha. I did it cuz I felt comfortable with him and it felt like a natural way of heading towards something rather than formalities. But you're completely right, I shouldn't have gone into it assuming more.
But I felt that he did care for me, or that he still does. >> after we slept together the first time I went away on holiday and he was showering me with compliments and he was saying stuff like "I want to make you happy" and said he missed me a lot and literally would not stop texting me and FB messaging me and instagramming, it was really overwhelming and I felt like he wanted more out of me.... i guess not?
Posted by pinklibra
I would say communicate your wants for more with him, but him avoiding me at a party would put a halt to that thought immediately. I wish I would sleep with someone MORE THAN ONCE, and show up somewhere he acts like he doesn??t know me. His number would likely get deleted right then and there. I read your story and I??m confused on where you sent mixed signals? It almost seems like you??re taking the rap for a guy that got busy with you and is now fading away. When a guy truly likes you he doesn??t act like that, and it doesn??t do you any good to baby him or make excuses for him just because he??s a cancer. Just saying.
Thanks for taking the time to help me!
He didn't ignore me completely at the party, we hung out like normal, it's just he was acting very distant and not like his usual self. What I am confused with is if he is not interested, why is he still initiating conversations? /maybe he wants to be just friends/ but in my experience, guys usually just completely disappear if they don't want to sleep with you again. And if he did just want to be that why was he clingy towards me after the first time? (Just to get me in bed again?)
And in my opinion my mixed signals were >> being platonic friends with him (he made a lot of moves on me when we were friends and I kept rejecting him), then suddenly sleeping with him, then pulling away, then sleeping with him again, then now that he's the one pulling away, i feel like im the one pursuing, etc. and its an ongoing thing.
I do know what you mean that I can't make excuses for him cuz he's cancer. and i do have to take that into account, I'm just at a loss. And I feel like I don't want to let it go cuz he's a really great guy and I really felt like he felt the same way towards me. We were pretty good friends too.. // I want to communicate my wants with him and tell him how i feel etc, but I find it really hard to bring it up, especially just over text, and i'm not sure how to go about seeing him in person for these types of things.
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Cancer
So I'm new to this astrology business but this cancer guy is a handful, it would be nice to get some help. I'm also an a
@misswhitlock
Joined: Mar 11, 2014 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 13