PRChick1845 joined March 19, 2014
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Thanks all of you so much for the support. I am doing ok, trucking on and keeping very busy. Some days are worse than others but I have really held it together for the most part, which even surprises me sometimes 
@Bells93, thank you for your kind words, truly! And @Reddmann I am counting on your words to be true
Truthfully I'm not ready for him to come back now anyway. I am very, very angry with him and that needs to subside. I know I will be ok - I am a tough cookie!
@Bells93, thank you for your kind words, truly! And @Reddmann I am counting on your words to be true
Truthfully I'm not ready for him to come back now anyway. I am very, very angry with him and that needs to subside. I know I will be ok - I am a tough cookie!
Ughhhhhh I miss him so much. Today is Day 8 of not speaking since I told him he had to let me go so I could move on. This is torture.
Yep he was married. Traumatic event happened, his whole world came crashing down, his wife left him 7 months later (although they didn't have a solid relationship and he felt controlled and forced into the marriage...) Fast forward 3 years and he meets me not expecting to fall for anyone I'm sure. But I'm pretty awesome if I say so myself and have my sh-t together and own a hysterical little pup. He did fall for us...and then got scared over and over again.
But now he's on his own. I told him I'm done and exhausted and I mean it. And my friends and family will hold me accountable if I get weak.
But now he's on his own. I told him I'm done and exhausted and I mean it. And my friends and family will hold me accountable if I get weak.
No I know, and I am going to keep busy and am doing my own thing. We live in a city so I won't see him. I am just heartbroken and can't believe it came to this... this man has NO one in his life - he dives into work headfirst and hides and I assume that's what he will continue to do. He is incredibly damaged and doesn't view life from a normal/typical perspective. A year in, a year of giving my all, only to learn that he doesn't love me or think I'm worth it.
So I went from so hurt and sad and crying to complete anger at what a lunatic this a**hole I completely fell in love with turned out to be... basically he told me I am his guardian angel and he can't imagine life without me but then - JUST KIDDING - he's gotta do this on his own, he can't give me what I want and that's the end of the road for us.
I can't keep up. I think I'm just sick and tired of even trying to at this point...
I can't keep up. I think I'm just sick and tired of even trying to at this point...
Interesting thoughts Reddmann.... he just did a 180 from last weekend when I got THIS:
I have not grown closer to anyone in the last 4+ years. our time has been deeply special to me. The simplicity of the routine you described was genuinely perfect. And to say I miss it is ridiculously inadequate. You have opened my eyes to how stagnant I had become in so many ways and, through your own special persistence, have managed to nudge me forward far more than anyone else could; or even myself for that matter. I will always be grateful for this. Your encouragement has been unwavering and has given me incredible strength. without it i would not feel as i do now,which is truly poised to get to work on some of these yet elusive obstacles.
I'm not sure what exactly the future holds for us, but I can tell you that the thought you being completely absent from mine is excruciating.
To yesterday when I got THIS:
You can say I don't care about you all you want, but you know that isn't true. Our relationship had many great aspects as well as several significant bumps along the way. So saying you were completely blindsided doesn't quite add up. Granted, most stemmed from me more from me than you. Nevertheless, You conveyed your point of view, as did I. in the end, it didn't match. You wanted more than I could give. And i respect that, but it leaves us in a default situation. For that I am sorry.
I have not grown closer to anyone in the last 4+ years. our time has been deeply special to me. The simplicity of the routine you described was genuinely perfect. And to say I miss it is ridiculously inadequate. You have opened my eyes to how stagnant I had become in so many ways and, through your own special persistence, have managed to nudge me forward far more than anyone else could; or even myself for that matter. I will always be grateful for this. Your encouragement has been unwavering and has given me incredible strength. without it i would not feel as i do now,which is truly poised to get to work on some of these yet elusive obstacles.
I'm not sure what exactly the future holds for us, but I can tell you that the thought you being completely absent from mine is excruciating.
To yesterday when I got THIS:
You can say I don't care about you all you want, but you know that isn't true. Our relationship had many great aspects as well as several significant bumps along the way. So saying you were completely blindsided doesn't quite add up. Granted, most stemmed from me more from me than you. Nevertheless, You conveyed your point of view, as did I. in the end, it didn't match. You wanted more than I could give. And i respect that, but it leaves us in a default situation. For that I am sorry.
Redmann, huh?
Well, it's definitely over... I got a few more spilling his guts type of emails last Saturday telling me I was the best thing to ever happen to him, he hasn't grown closer to anyone in 4+ years, I have pushed him in a positive direction to work on these obstacles he has in his life due to a traumatic parental issue, that this had nothing to do with me and it killed him to think that I thought I wasnt good enough, that he isnt sure what the future holds for us but that the thought of me being completely absent from his life is excruciating, etc. I waited and responded back with kindness but assured him too much that everything would be ok and that I would never abandon him like everyone else in his life. I was honest and remained very positive. From last Saturday, he's emailed me no fewer than 6 times - a random pic of my dog, a story link about a vacation I wanted to take, he liked an instagram pic, etc.
I have never initiated contact and have always waited to reply for a bit. Yesterday I needed to squash this one foot in, one foot out BS. I asked him in a response to a casual random email he sent what our next steps were. I said I was glad I was so instrumental in this self discovery of his and asked if he needs me to be there with him on this path or if he needs to do this on his own and I should step back.
He responded 12 hrs later with an email that sounded like it was written by a robot. So vague and speaking to me like a colleague instead of as a woman he was involved with for a year. Then threw it at the end that he needs to get to work on these issues himself, "however painful and ominous that may be." Then jumped immediately into a memory of my dog and a pic he had of her (which he then emailed me).
I put myself out there again and got clobbered again. I wrote back that I needed him to respect my decision that I needed to move on and that he should no longer contact me. I was nice but matter of fact. I said no more emails or instagram stuff, and I actually went ahead and blocked him entirely so I can't check his page or wonder what he's doing.
Am so sad but that's the end of our story I suppose... Would have been a year together this weekend.
But not once in this time period did he ask how I was or apologize for any of the hurt caused right before and during my bday. Can't believe this is the same guy I had...
I have never initiated contact and have always waited to reply for a bit. Yesterday I needed to squash this one foot in, one foot out BS. I asked him in a response to a casual random email he sent what our next steps were. I said I was glad I was so instrumental in this self discovery of his and asked if he needs me to be there with him on this path or if he needs to do this on his own and I should step back.
He responded 12 hrs later with an email that sounded like it was written by a robot. So vague and speaking to me like a colleague instead of as a woman he was involved with for a year. Then threw it at the end that he needs to get to work on these issues himself, "however painful and ominous that may be." Then jumped immediately into a memory of my dog and a pic he had of her (which he then emailed me).
I put myself out there again and got clobbered again. I wrote back that I needed him to respect my decision that I needed to move on and that he should no longer contact me. I was nice but matter of fact. I said no more emails or instagram stuff, and I actually went ahead and blocked him entirely so I can't check his page or wonder what he's doing.
Am so sad but that's the end of our story I suppose... Would have been a year together this weekend.
But not once in this time period did he ask how I was or apologize for any of the hurt caused right before and during my bday. Can't believe this is the same guy I had...
He actually did acknowledge he loves me (we havent said it to each other bc it's a hard subject for him - he told me that months ago). In the note I left him I said "I know you love me as much as I love you. It's a shame you can't allow yourself to me truly happy."
And his email said: I also just wanted to mention that there was truth to your note, about my feelings and to what extent I allow myself to be happy.
I wrote him back earlier thanking him for the heartfelt message as I really appreciated it and it made me smile on my bday. I also said I missed him, hoped he was well, and hope he's about to find happiness within himself. That's it and I'm leaving it at that. I visited my life coach again a few nights ago and am going to a great workshop tomorrow. I'm getting to a better place myself and am excited to do so... I wish the same for him from the bottom of my heart.
And his email said: I also just wanted to mention that there was truth to your note, about my feelings and to what extent I allow myself to be happy.
I wrote him back earlier thanking him for the heartfelt message as I really appreciated it and it made me smile on my bday. I also said I missed him, hoped he was well, and hope he's about to find happiness within himself. That's it and I'm leaving it at that. I visited my life coach again a few nights ago and am going to a great workshop tomorrow. I'm getting to a better place myself and am excited to do so... I wish the same for him from the bottom of my heart.
Well new friends... I got an email this morning at 930am. Thoughts? Thoughts? THOUGHTS?! His mentioning the "truth to my note" was about a note I put in his box of belongings that he picked up last Sunday. It said "I know you love me as much as I love you. It's a shame you can't allow yourself to be truly happy. I will miss you." Here is his email:
"So 3/21 is here. Perhaps the easiest day to remember, even for me. I would like wish you a happy birthday, in spite of what's happened. I have every confidence you will have a great birthday, immersed in the comfort/fun/shenanigans of your closest friends.
I also just wanted to mention that there was truth to your note, about my feelings and to what extent I allow myself to be happy. And while it is clear i have impediments and limitations to my own feelings, it is equally clear you do not - which is quite beautiful.
You don't need me to tell you that you are a stellar human being, full of goodness that flows effortlessly - with a heart whose compass could not be more true north. You have opened my eyes to many things and revived my soul in many ways. I care about you deeply and absolutely miss you. There is no question the positive impact you have made on my life and for that I am truly grateful.
From my point of view, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Anytime.
Happy Birthday.
"So 3/21 is here. Perhaps the easiest day to remember, even for me. I would like wish you a happy birthday, in spite of what's happened. I have every confidence you will have a great birthday, immersed in the comfort/fun/shenanigans of your closest friends.
I also just wanted to mention that there was truth to your note, about my feelings and to what extent I allow myself to be happy. And while it is clear i have impediments and limitations to my own feelings, it is equally clear you do not - which is quite beautiful.
You don't need me to tell you that you are a stellar human being, full of goodness that flows effortlessly - with a heart whose compass could not be more true north. You have opened my eyes to many things and revived my soul in many ways. I care about you deeply and absolutely miss you. There is no question the positive impact you have made on my life and for that I am truly grateful.
From my point of view, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Anytime.
Happy Birthday.
I don't think I can go to him Tiki. I'm sitting back and taking time. He crushed me dumping me 5 hours before my bday dinner with friends. So selfish of him. And today is my actual bday... If he says that he can't love me or treat me the way I need/want/deserves to be treated, maybe he's right. He has a lot of work on himself to do in order to make himself happy and whole. I'm praying for him and sending him love from afar while working on my side of the street - for MYSELF. I pretty much think it's over and I'll never see him again. Which probably means he will pop up soon lol. Thoughts on the situation?
Yep, I'm sure I'm Libra moon - just re-calculated... it makes sense actually looking more into it:
The combination of your Sun and Moon signs produces contradictions in your makeup because these signs are precisely opposite one another, a full 180 degrees apart. Aries is naturally independent; the Libra Moon is sometimes very dependent. Thus, there is a strong balancing element to this combination sugging an Aries Sun that is uncommonly open to outside influences. This is a difficult position presenting a problem between the emotional and mental nature. You are ambitious and eager to please people, with the sort of personality that seems to reach out to others as if you are in need of reassurance and guidance. Your nature is highly individualized, yet you are just as highly dependent on support and sympathy. The contradiction in your nature is that you value your freedom intensely, and while it would appear that your need for support could even result in you being dominated by another, this is never likely to be the case. You can ignore the feelings, opinions, and wishes of others when you get an idea in your head. The ability to concentrate on one thing for a prolonged period is very difficult for you. You can be daydreaming even when by all appearances you are hard at work. The dramatic side of your nature will always make it hard to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground and remain totally practical. Much of the strong executive skills of the Aries Sun become modified by the artistically balanced Libra Moon.
The combination of your Sun and Moon signs produces contradictions in your makeup because these signs are precisely opposite one another, a full 180 degrees apart. Aries is naturally independent; the Libra Moon is sometimes very dependent. Thus, there is a strong balancing element to this combination sugging an Aries Sun that is uncommonly open to outside influences. This is a difficult position presenting a problem between the emotional and mental nature. You are ambitious and eager to please people, with the sort of personality that seems to reach out to others as if you are in need of reassurance and guidance. Your nature is highly individualized, yet you are just as highly dependent on support and sympathy. The contradiction in your nature is that you value your freedom intensely, and while it would appear that your need for support could even result in you being dominated by another, this is never likely to be the case. You can ignore the feelings, opinions, and wishes of others when you get an idea in your head. The ability to concentrate on one thing for a prolonged period is very difficult for you. You can be daydreaming even when by all appearances you are hard at work. The dramatic side of your nature will always make it hard to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground and remain totally practical. Much of the strong executive skills of the Aries Sun become modified by the artistically balanced Libra Moon.
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