Capricorn in Distress

Sun: Cap, Moon: Canc, Ven: Sagg, Asc: Scopio
Non-religious, avid researcher, music lover, foodie and cook, social butterfly, got a 100 friends (literally), alpha female but single for 9 years, cannot find a connection with anyone. In 9 years, just 2 guys. One a Libra (Even though I love him,he is a player and I've told him I won't date him until he changes), and the second is a Scorpio. I'm emotionally unavailable and cold, yet both these men see me as maternal and have told me so. I can't fall in love easy either. Just twice in my life, A Gemini (who I was engaged to for 4 yrs, he cheated on me once and I couldn't take him back) and the Libra. I couldnt love the first 3 Bfs I dated. I cant have anybody take care of me either, I need to take care of myself. Estranged from my family. Im ready to let somebody in, but it seems to end in disappointment.