Feeling like a doormat

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by pennystealing123 on Saturday, June 25, 2016 and has 32 replies.
What are the best ways to let my Aqua guy know I'm unhappy with how our relationship is going?

He's aqua sun, merc and Venus & Leo moon, libra Mars.



He'll get defensive and say that he's doing all he can, but he's not the same guy as in the beginning. I haven't faltered (and so he says too) in my efforts, but he's stopped courting me. It's gotten into a pattern of he gives very little and I'm still giving all. It's my nature to give and give, but I want what he used to give.

You would have sworn I was the best thing to ever happen to him. Now when I'll say "you are so important to me" he'll just say "me too"

How can I get him to treat me better?

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What in particular
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None at all lol

I'm Aries sun and merc, Taurus moon and Leo Mars
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Posted by Libra82
The honeymoon phase ended and the initial crush faded?
Can it be rectified?
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Posted by SagiScorp
He got bored. Also, you're giving more than you're getting - that's bad in any relationship.

Find someone that will reciprocate, you deserve it. Don't be surprised if he shows interest again after you've moved on.
You think I should leave? Not fix it?
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How can I be a Leo? In which ways?

And when I mean "fix it" I just meant to keep talking to him and getting him to be more aware
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Funnily I was going to say "Leave" as the first response to your post, but decided to refrain from being so blunt.

And to see what other perspectives might be offered up.


Now, I'm just going to agree with SagiScorp.

He's taking advantage of your relationship and the only way to "make him" act differently towards you is to not let him treat you the way he has been. You do that by leaving and not accepting the same kind of treatment if he should come back.
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Am I the only one that finds Aqua's behaviour normal?

Penny, what do you mean by he gives so little?

Courting is called courting because it's in initial stages...after that it's just normal companionship imo :p I know that Aquarius hate saying stuff like "oh I love you so much" etc...hmm... Confused

Anyway, what do you mean by he gives you so little?
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When women give too much, men lose interest. Don't give more than you're getting.

Men development a bond when they take care of us rather than when we take care of them.
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Posted by cliquey
Act like a Leo.
she has leo mars.


lol


have you seen Beyoncé?? that's why she has a fire sun man.

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Posted by pennystealing123
How can I be a Leo? In which ways?

And when I mean "fix it" I just meant to keep talking to him and getting him to be more aware


wha???


you have leo mars.

you have leo energy...

what are you talking about.


and leo women have relationship problems too.

a lot of women have problems in every sign.
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Stop giving. Stop making him a priority. Stop doing things for him. Otherwise be yourself and act normal.

Women mistakenly try to be the "best thing that ever happened to him". This is a mistake because men like how a woman makes them feel rather than what a woman does for him.



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Posted by pennystealing123
What are the best ways to let my Aqua guy know I'm unhappy with how our relationship is going?

He's aqua sun, merc and Venus & Leo moon, libra Mars.



He'll get defensive and say that he's doing all he can, but he's not the same guy as in the beginning. I haven't faltered (and so he says too) in my efforts, but he's stopped courting me. It's gotten into a pattern of he gives very little and I'm still giving all. It's my nature to give and give, but I want what he used to give.

You would have sworn I was the best thing to ever happen to him. Now when I'll say "you are so important to me" he'll just say "me too"

How can I get him to treat me better?

why don't you find the root of his problems. If men aren't happy doing their hobbies, and playing around, and still loving being around you, and all lovey dovey...

then something is wrong where something is bothering his mind, maybe something at work?

or something with family?

or maybe he is comfortable with you.

men are strange like that.


they pursue and pursue, and want to be with you ...then they're lazing around like a lion, all sprung out, tired, and they expect to be waited on hand and foot ...and preferably with a French maid outfit.

lol

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also why do you want everything to be like the beginning???

i'd be weirded out if my man is like that and not comfortable after awhile.

I don't want him to romance me 24/7 ...it' not realistic.

I expect farting around the house, scratching his belly, beer burps, and an occasional smooshy kiss, especially in bed.
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Posted by RumiL
Am I the only one that finds Aqua's behaviour normal?

Penny, what do you mean by he gives so little?

Courting is called courting because it's in initial stages...after that it's just normal companionship imo :p I know that Aquarius hate saying stuff like "oh I love you so much" etc...hmm... Confused

Anyway, what do you mean by he gives you so little?


I think you're just a bit more perceptive than most when it comes to Aquas.

IMO, Aqua men are probably the most emotionally realistic of any sign when it comes to relationships. They don't get deep in the weeds of "the feels", which makes it hard for many women to understand. I know that this is a general statement, but I think it holds true much of the time.
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Just to clarify.

I give too much of myself in respect to things like trust, affection, love and the like. Im there for him when he needs a loan. (He's paid back in full) Im there for him when he needs a shoulder (he used to use, now he won't). I used to get him gifts for special occasions - no more. I am the one who asks to get together (sadly) and he acts like he's rearranging his whole life. I tell him something that's burdening me, and he can't wait until I stop talking. Needless to say, I can't even find comfort with him.

I am always grateful and give him his credit. But yeah I'm a doormat.

For the first year he would devote songs to me. He would write these gorgeous words of prose for me. He would see me all the time, and when he couldn't he'd say things like "I passed by your house today, it's enough for me". He would take off from work, just to spend a whole day with me.

He was amazing.

Sex is still awesome. But it's few and far between. When we talk, he wants to know what's on my mind - but he means sexually.

I have mentioned a few times how I'm feeling. He blames it on his two jobs, about being so busy, and that he wishes he could give me more.

Dude, what's stopping you? I'm really easy to please.

I do have all these great placements in my chart, but my insecurities are thru the roof lately.

I try to look within myself. Why did he change? Is it because of me? Did I change? But i don't see it. And he says it's not me, that he's just busy. But when we do talk, when we do spend time, how come you can't slip in a poem like you used to, or tell me that you miss me? How come its surface scratch, how come i feel it's just one of your chores to even speak to me?

Angry
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Penny Sad

He's just being normal..

I always follow your threads because I really love your Aqua! So simple, realistic. Big Grin

He didn't change..he's just normal smile infact only he is normal.

Thats it, I want an Aqua or a Cap! ?
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I'm not ridiculous. I don't expect a courting relationship for life. I expect farts and burps and being late and just wanting sex without the chase sometimes...

But I guess when the amount of love wanes, a person gets concerned. His desire to hang out with me as much had waned. His need to listen to me has waned. His effort has waned.

I am concerned about the future with this man, if he's already started being "comfortable" and "normal" and "simple" maybe I do need more and should move on...

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My initial question was, how do I do approach this in an aqua friendly way...
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Posted by AriesLady8
What are your placements?

I read what you were saying in another Aquarius thread. You sound as if you have some Pisces in you
A Pisces will know instinctively how to act.
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You seem reasonable, intelligent and likeable.

If you are unhappy and he does not help you, prepare yourself for ending the relationship. Become an observer, rather than an initiator. A taker, rather than a giver. See if he notices any difference after a few weeks. See if he changes his behaviour to maintain the balance in the relationship. If he doesn't, YOU need to end it.
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That's some great advice. Thanks smile

I don't want an ending Sad. I have invested a lot of myself. And he did too, for some time.

I can try to step back. It will be new for me, I just love love and doting and spoiling. But you're right, I need to see how much he'd give if I changed.

For someone like me, it will be hard.
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Posted by pennystealing123
That's some great advice. Thanks smile

I don't want an ending Sad. I have invested a lot of myself. And he did too, for some time.

I can try to step back. It will be new for me, I just love love and doting and spoiling. But you're right, I need to see how much he'd give if I changed.

For someone like me, it will be hard.
I was the same way and I had to end it to stop giving, and for him to stop taking. My advice to you was to cut to the chase because your instinct to dote will outweigh his to not, and you'll be in the same place a year from now unless something rocks his boat.
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Posted by sultrykitty
Posted by pennystealing123
That's some great advice. Thanks smile

I don't want an ending Sad. I have invested a lot of myself. And he did too, for some time.

I can try to step back. It will be new for me, I just love love and doting and spoiling. But you're right, I need to see how much he'd give if I changed.

For someone like me, it will be hard.
I was the same way and I had to end it to stop giving, and for him to stop taking. My advice to you was to cut to the chase because your instinct to dote will outweigh his to not, and you'll be in the same place a year from now unless something rocks his boat.
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Wow, what a powerful message. Thank you. my need to be super loving will always be there. But he may be fine with that.

I believe a rocked boat would be good. Although I'm not the type to rock, so maybe some gentle motions, like cutting back. I couldn't risk my relationship for a dramatic storm. Aqua right? He could emotionlessly my walk away if I do?
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Posted by pennystealing123
Posted by sultrykitty
Posted by pennystealing123
That's some great advice. Thanks smile

I don't want an ending Sad. I have invested a lot of myself. And he did too, for some time.

I can try to step back. It will be new for me, I just love love and doting and spoiling. But you're right, I need to see how much he'd give if I changed.

For someone like me, it will be hard.
I was the same way and I had to end it to stop giving, and for him to stop taking. My advice to you was to cut to the chase because your instinct to dote will outweigh his to not, and you'll be in the same place a year from now unless something rocks his boat.
Wow, what a powerful message. Thank you. my need to be super loving will always be there. But he may be fine with that.

I believe a rocked boat would be good. Although I'm not the type to rock, so maybe some gentle motions, like cutting back. I couldn't risk my relationship for a dramatic storm. Aqua right? He could emotionlessly my walk away if I do?
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I understand. I had been going like that for 5 years. So for me, there was no drama when I ended it, and I was willing to let him go. A "relationship" like that wasn't worth it to me at that point, no matter how much I loved him. I really had no intention of seeing him again as I suspected he would simply walk away as well. I suggested that we reconnect in a year to see how we felt, if there was still something there.

He accepted my decision graciously. 3 months later he contacted me and completely changed th3 way he acted towards me. 180° change. But that wasn't my intention for ending it, I had no ulterior motive. I think he understood that and realized that if he wanted to have me in his life, he would have to be PRESENT and engaged. Being apart (truly) let him really think about whether he wanted to go there or not.
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Are you still together?

I like the suggestion of reconnecting in a year as well.

I know my aqua wouldn't last without me, not that long.

But what you're saying is he had to realize it on his own, correct? You didn't do anything to sway his realization...
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Yes, we've been together since that 3 month breakup. It's been 15 years since then. We both had to meet halfway and we still go through phases of frustration and detachment, but I have no doubt as to where I stand in his life (which was never the case before). I didn't do anything to change him. He had to realize that what we had was important to him. I couldn't convince him and believe me I tried everything.
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Posted by sultrykitty
Yes, we've been together since that 3 month breakup. It's been 15 years since then. We both had to meet halfway and we still go through phases of frustration and detachment, but I have no doubt as to where I stand in his life (which was never the case before). I didn't do anything to change him. He had to realize that what we had was important to him. I couldn't convince him and believe me I tried everything.
you had a small break up?

Justin Timberlake had a small break up with Jessica Biel, I guess he was going....HOLY SHIT!!! seriouis shit here...then later married her.

XD
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Ok the reason you feel like a doormat is because you are literally lying on the floor for him to wipe his feet on. You are putting yourself in that position, you are doing all these acts of love and servitude for him and then you get angry at him when he doesnt reciprocate.....you need to take responsibility and put the mirror on yourself because youre the one with the problem and are getting the short end of the stick so you need to soul search and be honest with yourself, if its stability youre after then forget it, we are chaos personified and we dont adhere to anything. Pressure doesnt work on us, so if you do all these things hoping he will owe you then it will make him lose morale quickly because belive it or not we actually love to be romantic and thoughtful but on our own terms and we like to be authentic about things and dont like to over do it, making it cheap...if you want him to love you then do yourself a favour and go on youtube and type in "the languages of love" figure out his language and by the end of the week youll havr adifferent aqua
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Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
Ok the reason you feel like a doormat is because you are literally lying on the floor for him to wipe his feet on. You are putting yourself in that position, you are doing all these acts of love and servitude for him and then you get angry at him when he doesnt reciprocate.....you need to take responsibility and put the mirror on yourself because youre the one with the problem and are getting the short end of the stick so you need to soul search and be honest with yourself, if its stability youre after then forget it, we are chaos personified and we dont adhere to anything. Pressure doesnt work on us, so if you do all these things hoping he will owe you then it will make him lose morale quickly because belive it or not we actually love to be romantic and thoughtful but on our own terms and we like to be authentic about things and dont like to over do it, making it cheap...if you want him to love you then do yourself a favour and go on youtube and type in "the languages of love" figure out his language and by the end of the week youll havr adifferent aqua
Thanks for the tough love smile

I didn't think stepping back with the doting and doormat love and just not giving for a while was pressure... Is it?

I agree I need to soul search. I was just so smitten by him I went in feet first that I didn't give him a chance to give back.

I'm starting by not posting anything on fb and not texting him first or too many words. What do you think.
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I only text first about 1/4 of the time.
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Would you be able to remind me of what you said?
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