Need help with my Aquarius man..

This topic was created in the Signs an Aquarius Man Likes You forum by aniviel on Sunday, October 14, 2012 and has 7 replies.
Hi everyone,
I need assistance with an Aquarius man. We've been talking for months and he was always flirty with me, chasing me. We got close, as friends, and eventually started some sort of relationship, with intimacy, long chats, we just got closer I guess but it was sexual too, it was great. He used to be quite a player and he completely stopped with that since he knew it hurt me (even though we never talked about being exclusive). Sometimes however, he got a bit moody, distant. It's probably because he's bipolar. And while at times he'd talk about it, sometimes he'd just go quiet. So out of frustration, I said I'm not sure I can continue doing this because I really love him, and he said to me he loves me too and has been wanting to say it for a long time, but it is best that we just stay friends.
I was hurt by that, and avoided him for a few days, he contacted me saying he misses me, and why can't we be just friends... eventually I gave in, and we stayed in touch, 'as friends'. Yet we continued telling each other almost daily that we love each other (and back then he assured me his love for me was romantic). We even continued getting sexual and intimate.
At some point though, 2-3 weeks later, he began being extremely distant. Like, he'd still talk to me (we talk almost daily, he initiates 90% of the time) but wouldn't cooperate. Wouldn't ask questions, and gives one word answers... I felt how he changed with me, and one night during a discussion that got heated up a little he pretty much said (after I asked, he didn't randomly say it), that he doesn't think about me romantically at all anymore. And all the recent sexual things were because 'I wanted them' (not him). I took some distance from him again but eventually, we got back to chatting. Yet he's still distant, however if I say I love him, when he knows that's how I feel so there's nothing shocking about it, he still tells me he loves me too, I guess these are just words to him now but I'm unsure why he keeps saying it if he doesn't feel it anymore...
I do wonder, I do still love him. I care about him deeply even though he's not as close with me now. I know the reasons why he wanted to be friends and not romantically involved anymore, according to him, because he's lost right now in life and only focuses on the now rather than his future. He's also very lonely and I know for a fact I'm the closest person he has. But I know I made him happier when we were a couple, and he made me happier.
details
Just to ask, what are the options I have to go back to how things were.. Sad I know I can't just ignore his msgs, I can't abandon him. But the current interactions with him just make me miss how it was before.. A part of me would still like to hope he loves me, since he does still keep contacting me almost daily.
I'm a Leo bytheway if it matters. smile
details
Posted by aniviel
Just to ask, what are the options I have to go back to how things were.. Sad I know I can't just ignore his msgs, I can't abandon him. But the current interactions with him just make me miss how it was before.. A part of me would still like to hope he loves me, since he does still keep contacting me almost daily.
I'm a Leo bytheway if it matters. smile


Ithink in this situation knowing he suffers with a mental health illness are you going to be able to love him and be beside his side unconditionally knowing you are going to suffer with the highs and lows, often when you are with someone in this situation you will be faced with cruel projections onto yourself and you will, have to learn not to take it personally but at times that will be hard because the things that are most personal to you will be attacked, you wont feel that same love as what you would hope for in a healthy relationship, there will be times where his emotions are completely detached from you or you will be the target of whatever mood he is feeling at that time.. Im not saying this makes him unloveable, neither am i saying he doesnt deserve to be loved, everyone deserves love, what im saying is do you know what you are getting yourself into and if so why do you not feel you deserve a healthy loving relationship?.. Im not disrespecting you or being mean im just putting it to you because i have been in the situation and its really tough, it will strip away at you, maybe he knows this and knows it is better that you are his friend, but maybe his emotions are detached.
details
Posted by guccigemini55
Posted by aniviel
Just to ask, what are the options I have to go back to how things were.. Sad I know I can't just ignore his msgs, I can't abandon him. But the current interactions with him just make me miss how it was before.. A part of me would still like to hope he loves me, since he does still keep contacting me almost daily.
I'm a Leo bytheway if it matters. smile


Ithink in this situation knowing he suffers with a mental health illness are you going to be able to love him and be beside his side unconditionally knowing you are going to suffer with the highs and lows, often when you are with someone in this situation you will be faced with cruel projections onto yourself and you will, have to learn not to take it personally but at times that will be hard because the things that are most personal to you will be attacked, you wont feel that same love as what you would hope for in a healthy relationship, there will be times where his emotions are completely detached from you or you will be the target of whatever mood he is feeling at that time.. Im not saying this makes him unloveable, neither am i saying he doesnt deserve to be loved, everyone deserves love, what im saying is do you know what you are getting yourself into and if so why do you not feel you deserve a healthy loving relationship?.. Im not disrespecting you or being mean im just putting it to you because i have been in the situation and its really tough, it will strip away at you, maybe he knows this and knows it is better that you are his friend, but maybe his emotions are detached.
click to expand


Thank you for those wise words... I understand, and see, at first when we started talking and he had his highs and lows, I wasn't as patient with them. At some point though I started understanding, not long after that, he changed 180, it seems now he has forever in his lows. Like he's given up. I told him that, he says he hasn't changed but it's very clear he has (not just with me, but with everything. He used to be motivated about his future, nowadays he just doesn't care anymore). When he was flirting with me, I felt attached to him because I've been there too, well, I am bipolar and I go to therapy and take meds. So I know how it's like. And that's what connected us. He was motivated to get better. He even said once tha
details
I have male friends that I love - as friends, not romantically. So, can you love him as a friend?
That said, I think you should look into dating other people. This is going to be a very difficult relationship, most likely with more lows than highs.
details
truecap, I doubt that I can. I'm a good friend to him, but it's obvious for me that even this stays a friendship, and doesn't go back to how it was, it'll be over at some point. Especially if he keeps behaving the way he does, cos now he isn't even really friendly most of the time. I just think after he gets help and starts trying to make his life better, he might be open for a relationship as well.. I hope, which is why I wondered if Aquarius man can do that, "leave" and come back.. But until then, I'll be his friend and help him, or at least try.
details
Posted by aniviel
truecap, I doubt that I can. I'm a good friend to him, but it's obvious for me that even this stays a friendship, and doesn't go back to how it was, it'll be over at some point. Especially if he keeps behaving the way he does, cos now he isn't even really friendly most of the time. I just think after he gets help and starts trying to make his life better, he might be open for a relationship as well.. I hope, which is why I wondered if Aquarius man can do that, "leave" and come back.. But until then, I'll be his friend and help him, or at least try.


Sweetheart you cant help him, you can be there for him but you have to have your own life too, you must understand him more than most because you are able to understand how he feels at times, you are able to see from his side but you have to think about number one in this situation because when he is on a low theres nothing you can do to change that only he can change that, its going to be really really tough for you and it will strip away at you, both need the right regular support if you want to carry on.. he could actually be making this decision for you, im not sure but you know its going to be a painful roller coaster for both of you, you have got to have a strength beyond anything you have imagined because you wont even know its stripping away at you until its got you, im not trying to dampen your joy im just trying to be honest with you, for you.
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy