Aries Man Says He Needs Space

This topic was created in the Aries forum by grae64 on Monday, February 3, 2014 and has 79 replies.
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Gemini woman, dating Aries man 1 1/2 years. All of a sudden has decided he needs "space" to work things through specifically with his daughter but other areas of his life. Won't tell me if this is temporary or permanent "space" for us, said he hasn't been happy with a lot of his life for awhile. He has never said to me that anything was wrong or making him unhappy, I even asked him a few times, jokingly and seriously if he was sick of me, or things were okay and always got positive answers.
We spend a great deal of time together over the holidays and then for about 2 weeks while he recuperated from a surgery, I basically stayed at his home after work to make sure he and his children were taken care of since he could not drive nor had use of his right arm. I am giving him his space, but would really some thoughts of how Aries men think...I have read a lot that they will take this time to rethink, regroup and reinvent themselves, sometimes even as far as seeing or communicating with other women but will still come back. I was told he was on a dating site at one point, but has not been back on since...Just trying to gain some sanity here.
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"I want to see what my other options are and have the leeway to sleep with other women."
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Well that was nice of him to at least tell you. I dated an Aries w/Aqua moon and he just began distancing himself until I said heyyyy wtf is going on here??? He could never put into words what he felt.
Just enjoy the ride.
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I would really just like to know what type of space or length of this space is going to be...I appreciate his feelings but there are 2 of us in this relationship and if "We" are part of the problem then I wish he would talk about that to me.
I just wonder if Aries men are truly like this or if it is just in general a man thing???
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Prob a little of both?
Not sure you're going to get the communication you're looking for out of him. As many others on this site will tell you, just keep keeping on about your life and focus more on you and less about him. No one can predict what he's actually going to do. But I would bet the minute you get busy and stop thinking about him so much, he will pop back in. My ex does that. Weird.
What's funny is that's about the same timing of when he began distancing himself from me too. Year 1 was great then it began to slowly fade into the friend zone...but what can you do? Just carry on...or if it makes you feel better, give him a piece of your mind THEN carry on.
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Sounds like you need him a little TOO much... maybe you should take a step back and reevaluate yourself before trying to snag him back into a relationship.
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To me when a person says they need space, or need a break or anything of that nature I look at it as a breakup. Period. I don??t care if it??s temporary or not, it??s still a way of getting you out the picture for that time being so they can do whatever it is that they want to do freely. Not necessarily saying they want to be with the opposite sex, but they for sure don??t want to have a conscious eating away at them if they decide to. I know it??s hard, but I think you??ll do better just letting him be, and move on with your life. If he comes back, hopefully your still available and willing, and if not then it??s his lost.
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And to your other question, yes Aries are famous for taking time to themselves, to plan and execute that plan. They don??t just need time apart from you, they want time away from everyone. He said he was unhappy with his life, and you were apart of that, so it means he was unhappy with you as well otherwise he??d keep you around. That??s why I said, just let him go. He may come back, or may not. One thing I know for sure with them is if you push and nag after they??ve asked for space you will piss them off, and it will only make the time apart last even longer. You will get the best results by moving on with your life as best you can, and leave him be. Aries also distance themselves when they get in a funk like this because they don??t want to take it out on anyone, and they honestly don??t want your help. They are a very VERY independent sign and will very seldom ask for help. If you offer more than likely they will respond ???I got it.?? Or ???thanks for your concern, but I??m fine. Don??t worry.?? So you see, your best bet is to just respect his wishes.
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As far as the Aries side goes. He is usually pretty straight forward with every decision so this is why I am so puzzled with all of this, there has never been any real guess-work when he has something major going on.
Oh I am definitely giving him his space, without a doubt. He is a great dad and I know that any interruption with that sends him reeling. I will just sit back, do my own thing and wait to see what happens. Unfortunately, we live in a VERY small town and know most of the same people so the closeness makes it very difficult to detach completely. If nothing else we still have items of each others so at some point we will have to come eye to eye, should prove interesting.
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(Almost) 2 years is quite a bit of time invested into a relationship, especially if you're playing the wife and stepmother role. Sounds too me that he has found another interest and to keep the door open in case it doesn't work out with the other person, he's using the excuse that he needs to get his life in order. Regardless if a person is being so called "NICE", hurt is hurt whether is nice or nasty, so I say MOVE on..you should never put your life on hold for anyone regardless of how you feel about them. If it's meant to be, it will be. Besides, rockyroad icecream kinda told you how an Aries thinks...He's keeping you around as an option. You sound like a really sweet person, so I'm sure there's a man out there that will appreciate you.
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i guess...
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The bad and hard part of all of this is, is that he "normally" is a very warm, sweet, nice person. I am not going to sit on my sofa and wait for him to come back, but I am also not going to move forward with anyone else, not that I am emotionally ready for that anyway. But I guess how long do I leave my heart open for something back??? I am a nurturer and mom at heart so this type of behavior is very foreign to me.
And, yes, I have thought about the fact that he is indeed already looking, has found or contemplating someone else. But, it just seems so fast for this to be the case. We were (seemed) fine 3 days before all hell broke lose, I am very worried about him as to what actually triggered this behavior. I guess I did leave out the fact he has shut others out too including his oldest child, sister, me, etc. So there is a lot going on with him, but I am trying to be realistic about the whole thing...
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Posted by peaceloveandhappiness
Well that was nice of him to at least tell you. I dated an Aries w/Aqua moon and he just began distancing himself until I said heyyyy wtf is going on here??? He could never put into words what he felt.
Just enjoy the ride.


same with me i cant seem to tell this gemini how hes making me feel im not sure if its a flaw in my communication of if people dont care for emotions i have all this word vomit i continue to swallow because im just going to be humiliated.
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Posted by Chachacha
Posted by peaceloveandhappiness
Well that was nice of him to at least tell you. I dated an Aries w/Aqua moon and he just began distancing himself until I said heyyyy wtf is going on here??? He could never put into words what he felt.
Just enjoy the ride.


same with me i cant seem to tell this gemini how hes making me feel im not sure if its a flaw in my communication of if people dont care for emotions i have all this word vomit i continue to swallow because im just going to be humiliated.
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It must be hard to be on the other end. I'm a verbal person and it's easy for me to communicate and get most of my points and feelings across but I guess being smothered/confused or just the plain ol' not feeling it speech would not be a pretty one. As said above, no matter how you slice it, it will hurt. But leading them on, letting them think everything is ok until the sht hits the fan isn't cool either.
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It is very hard, and yes, as you can tell I am a communicator. He did seem to respond to anything we talked about, but like I said just a little while ago, this all came on very quickly. And you are right, I will probably never get everything or anything verbally that I am looking for. I am moving forward or keeping on moving I guess, I have things I do and have to do. It is just a lot more lonely especially with plans and places we already had set.
I am truly hoping the person I have known this last year and a half comes back out at some point and at least tells me something even if it is not what I want to hear. The leading me on is what I have the trouble with, and a part of me really doesn't think he is doing that, he has never, not just to me, but has never been that kind of person. But then again I am ALWAYS the "Polly Anna" that never sees the bad in anyone...
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Ok, how long has it been since you two stopped talking?
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Posted by peaceloveandhappiness
Posted by Chachacha
Posted by peaceloveandhappiness
Well that was nice of him to at least tell you. I dated an Aries w/Aqua moon and he just began distancing himself until I said heyyyy wtf is going on here??? He could never put into words what he felt.
Just enjoy the ride.


same with me i cant seem to tell this gemini how hes making me feel im not sure if its a flaw in my communication of if people dont care for emotions i have all this word vomit i continue to swallow because im just going to be humiliated.


It must be hard to be on the other end. I'm a verbal person and it's easy for me to communicate and get most of my points and feelings across but I guess being smothered/confused or just the plain ol' not feeling it speech would not be a pretty one. As said above, no matter how you slice it, it will hurt. But leading them on, letting them think everything is ok until the sht hits the fan isn't cool either.
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im a very verbal person as well but i just dont spit my emotions to everyone and thats something that makes me non verbal is when someone puts me on the spot in a negative way especially with something personal or false ive learnt to abondon the situation even though it doesnt do me justice because he only ever wants to argue infront of his friends just for me to feel like the antagonist. i feel like gems are a little to feminine for me i need a gentle man not an aggressive lady man
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It has just been about a week. Like I said I am giving him his space and it's not like I have something else wonderful looming in the eaves...I just really don't want to bug him and piss him off, that would only make things worse if there is ever to be a bright side...BUT...I can't live on-hold forever either...I care a lot about his kids, as do they with me, his family and friends so it is a lot more than just losing him. I'm a big girl and I really handle the truth very well, it is that stupid grey space that winds me up.
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Leove - I am so sorry this is happening to you too - Nice - good people deserve nice good things/people but it just doesn't always happen like that. I am almost 50 and so is he so I am sure that is playing into a lot of this...I just hate to see all the others involved getting hurt too. My kids are grown, they will be fine, but 2 of his are still fairly young and if nothing else I really hope he doesn't just pull someone new right into their lives...Not saying I am perfect, but you always have to think of those babies, no matter how old they are.
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Oh goodness only a week? Could be a while if he decides to return. He may just need to be away in order to move fwd...maybe to see if he misses what you guys had. But I feel if a guy really cares for you he wants you IN his life, to share the ups and downs.
Did u get mad when he told you that? I was very offended and blew up and said mean things but too bad that's how I felt. He wanted to remain friends, I said no and F you in so many words and didn't speak to him for 3 mos. We now speak here and there as friends...I still have feelings for him but I know it was for the best. Like I said, he usually texts me out of the blue, sending pics of his daughter to start a convo. Ok.
It's their loss. We deserve better.
*gets off soapbox*
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No, unfortunately I didn't get mad, I didn't cry, I didn't make a scene in front of his friends... now wish I would have handled it differently...And, yes, I agree this will definitely be his loss...unfortunately it will be a huge loss for his kids too, but he really doesn't see or understand that...
I truly love him but if this is the road he wants to take that is fine, just be up front and tell me...and let me deal with the separation not only from him but his kids and family...Trust me there is NO ONE out there that will take better care of him and his kids than me...but he will have to figure that out on his own...Like I said before, there is no one else on my agenda but if in there ever is again, I hope that is not when he tries to reappear!
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Posted by grae64
Leove - I am so sorry this is happening to you too - Nice - good people deserve nice good things/people but it just doesn't always happen like that. I am almost 50 and so is he so I am sure that is playing into a lot of this...I just hate to see all the others involved getting hurt too. My kids are grown, they will be fine, but 2 of his are still fairly young and if nothing else I really hope he doesn't just pull someone new right into their lives...Not saying I am perfect, but you always have to think of those babies, no matter how old they are.


peaceloveandhappiness and I share the same thoughts and ideas. grae64 and leove, you both seem like lovely women, so I'm trying to understand why if a man says " he can't confirm if this will be "temporary or permanent space " that you can't see the writing on the wall. Even if he returns, just the mere thought that he can walk in and out of your life when he wants is enough to make me re-think the whole relationship. You decided to hang in there with him while he was sick and shut in, and his appreciation to you is he needs time to think about the relationship now that he's feeling better?
I think in a situation like this, I'll just go ahead and make the decision for him. Life is too darn short to play mind games. I just think it's pretty selfish if an Aries man or any man for that matter, and especially at age 50 can't make up his mind about what he wants in a relationship. I thought with age~~comes wisdom? He would be simply foolish to let someone like you get away. There has to be a better way of communicating other than saying " I need some space right now, and I can't guarantee if the space will be temporary or permanent" Who does that at this age??? I dunno...seems very immature to me. However, if this is a true characteristic of an Aries man, then God Bless you.....you must have unwavering patience. I just think you both deserve much better than thatsmile
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Yes yes and yes. My guy was 48 and I said the same...but he's been a bachelor all his life, never been married but has a 3 yr old daughter. If he's still 'confused' at this point what could I say. If it's not there, it's not there...whatever. Time to march forward.
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why wouldn't you ask him how long he needs?
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I did, didn't really give a definitive answer, just needed to think all these "things" through...Hopefully he will think carefully before he jumps but we will see. Not going to sit and wait for long, way too many things to keep me busy, it still hurts my heart though.
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But of course....anytime you invest your heart and that much time into someone, it's disappointing when the dedication and emotions doesn't seem reciprocal or appreciated, but you are a positive person, so you will be fine. I have a funny feeling he will come around though, but the question is this: if you will still be there or if you will still feel the same about the relationship. Either way, the ball will be in your court. The fact that you are standing your ground and not settling says a lot about your character. You're on the right track. Good Luck, stay focus, keep busy and keep it movingsmile, and if all else fails, it will be his loss.
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Both of you are very right and very kind. I am a little confused, what is the "OP's" story?
My friends have all pretty much said the same thing about him, he really doesn't know what he wants. He was hurt very badly when his marriage ended about 4 years ago, not really sure he has or ever will get over her. She has moved on and I don't think he handles that well, in fact I know he doesn't, besides the fact she is now living with one of his "former" best buddies.
I am trying to keep busy, home time is the worst because it is idle time. I did, however, make it to the gym this morning at 5:30 with my gf, going to try to make it daily thing now that I have started. Keep my mind busy is the best thing for me try to keep finding new projects.
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Op stands for original post/poster.
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Thank you! I knew that, just haven't had enough coffee yet today...
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Posted by starlover
Confused at 48? Gosh, i doubt he will ever know himself or what he wants ?
My astrologer friend said to me, if a man hasn't copped onto himself by the time of his Uranus Opposition (roughly 42/43), there is rarely hope from thereon of movement forward
...oh yes and reading the OP's story confirms to me more than ever that Aries men rarely grow up



No sht huh. We've actually been friends for about 20 years and he's been confused about everything. He's a free spirit and has always had a complex love life.
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You will be ok grae. I think sometimes we do a lot for them bcuz it's easy and we love them but it could turn out to be too much.
Can I ask what your sign is?
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Posted by grae64
Gemini woman, dating Aries man 1 1/2 years. All of a sudden has decided he needs "space" to work things through specifically with his daughter but other areas of his life. Won't tell me if this is temporary or permanent "space" for us, said he hasn't been happy with a lot of his life for awhile. He has never said to me that anything was wrong or making him unhappy, I even asked him a few times, jokingly and seriously if he was sick of me, or things were okay and always got positive answers.
We spend a great deal of time together over the holidays and then for about 2 weeks while he recuperated from a surgery, I basically stayed at his home after work to make sure he and his children were taken care of since he could not drive nor had use of his right arm. I am giving him his space, but would really some thoughts of how Aries men think...I have read a lot that they will take this time to rethink, regroup and reinvent themselves, sometimes even as far as seeing or communicating with other women but will still come back. I was told he was on a dating site at one point, but has not been back on since...Just trying to gain some sanity here.


We have a lot of pride; maybe the surgery was a bit of a health wake up call for him, maybe he was embarrassed that he had to rely on you while he was recuperating. Aries hate to rely on people; it makes us feel vulnerable. Maybe he realised his independence was at stake by having you wait on him. That feeling would freak me out, and I would want to run for the hills from everyone.
Not sure how old he is but it sounds like a bit of a mid-life crisis and there is a lot going on his his mind clearly. I know this may not help, but please don't take it personally; this is about HIS perception of things in HIS head and he has to deal with that himself. No amount of intervention is going to help with that, unless he initiates a request for help.
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You are right...I am definitely the one to do too much for everyone and tend to let things for myself go, fight with my gf's at work all the time about that...
I am a Gemini 6/14, but from everything that I have read about how Gemini's are supposed to be I don't really fit a lot of what is described...
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AriesGirl74: I'm not sure what is going on with him, and thank you for your insight. I have realized/accepted that this is nothing that I have done. Like I said we were fine 4 days before all of this happened. He had some type of argument/misunderstanding between one of more of his kids and I think whatever happened then set the tone for all of this.
He is my age, we are both 49, so the mid-life crisis is probably not too far from wrong. He has been through more major surgeries than this one but those where when he was married and had his wife there, who had always been for almost 20 years. So your thoughts on him depending on me and his space could very well have sent him spinning along with everything else, whatever the other things are going on in his head.
I have not made any contact with him in almost a week, since he said he needed his space, and trust me it has killed me not to talk to him or text or anything, but I am doing this not only because it is what he asked for, but also for myself, to get my thoughts in order too and just see what happens next. I am worried about him, but have enough contact with friends and family that I will be kept in the loop if necessary.
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Oh that's right you did say that. I think Ariesgirl has some good points. And as someone else said above, maybe during this separation, you can also re-evaluate the r/s and pull back just a tad. Were you really being treated the way a woman should be treated? Take note of any lessons learned for your next r/s.
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^^^ this is a good point, about whether you have been treated right. I know this sounds like a bit of a callous thing to say but we need to feel that we can look up to our partner, be inspired by them. In the past if I have chosen a guy whose behaviour shows up as being a bit "soft" then I have kind of trampled on them and they do not hold much esteem in my eyes. It doesn't feel equal.
I really don't mean to cause you any offense by this comment, or put you down in any way, but you have as said, you have put others first before you and its highly likely due to your overly helpful nature that you have been taken advantage of... by everyone in that family probably, even if it was unintentional. you have not only had to "compete" for him with the stepchildren (who Im sure adore you) but also the long term previous wife and all their history.
You need time out for yourself, put yourself first - you are a woman, not a housemaid and wet nurse
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I also meant to say... you DESERVE better
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Thank you and you are very right on all accounts. I did realize though that for many years of not being in a relationship where I could help someone with household things, cooking, cleaning, laundry, blah blah blah...I did learn that I do miss it when people actually appreciate it, I have vowed never to complain about those things again, when and if I am back in another relationship that I will have this again...
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I know this sounds like a bit of a callous thing to say but we need to feel that we can look up to our partner, be inspired by them. In the past if I have chosen a guy whose behaviour shows up as being a bit "soft" then I have kind of trampled on them and they do not hold much esteem in my eyes. It doesn't feel equal.


I totally agree and this is what I learned from that r/s. He was soft and too sensitive. I'm a pretty strong person and I really want/need someone strong too, that has a more direct approach with the everyday dealings in life. I was the stronger one in my marriage and found myself taking care of HIM, not me. I'm not trying to do that ever again.
Sorry, guess I'm ranting again Tongue
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Yes, always continue to do you.....
I would even call and check on him from time to time..maybe once every other week or so. I wouldn't call right now since it's only been a week, but after about 3 weeks to a month if you don't hear from him, give him a call just to say hi..hope all is well...just thinking about you kinda callish.
We all understand that you just don't get over someone that quick after you've spent that much time with them. That takes time, but calling from time to time is not a bad thing. Let's them know that regardless of the outcome of the relationship, you still think about them, because at the end of the day, friends WITHOUT benefits is always an optionWinking.
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Ok so I have to know...
How do you guys put the previous conversations in the boxes???
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Awesome, thank you!
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I totally agree and this is what I learned from that r/s. He was soft and too sensitive. I'm a pretty strong person and I really want/need someone strong too, that has a more direct approach with the everyday dealings in life. I was the stronger one in my marriage and found myself taking care of HIM, not me. I'm not trying to do that ever again.
Sorry, guess I'm ranting again Tongue



It's all good, we can't always get everything out when we want to. Plus we all learn from each other. I have always been this way and I know any counselor in the world will tell me I have to stop and I really just can't!!!
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Posted by LIb4Life
Yes, always continue to do you.....
I would even call and check on him from time to time..maybe once every other week or so. I wouldn't call right now since it's only been a week, but after about 3 weeks to a month if you don't hear from him, give him a call just to say hi..hope all is well...just thinking about you kinda callish.
We all understand that you just don't get over someone that quick after you've spent that much time with them. That takes time, but calling from time to time is not a bad thing. Let's them know that regardless of the outcome of the relationship, you still think about them, because at the end of the day, friends WITHOUT benefits is always an optionWinking.


I am trying... and not to worry, I am not calling or sending a text for quite a while. I will just miss everything and everybody that we were always with and that is what else makes it so hard. I will live though...just have to learn how to smile again!
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Posted by grae64
Posted by LIb4Life
Yes, always continue to do you.....
I would even call and check on him from time to time..maybe once every other week or so. I wouldn't call right now since it's only been a week, but after about 3 weeks to a month if you don't hear from him, give him a call just to say hi..hope all is well...just thinking about you kinda callish.
We all understand that you just don't get over someone that quick after you've spent that much time with them. That takes time, but calling from time to time is not a bad thing. Let's them know that regardless of the outcome of the relationship, you still think about them, because at the end of the day, friends WITHOUT benefits is always an optionWinking.


I am trying... and not to worry, I am not calling or sending a text for quite a while. I will just miss everything and everybody that we were always with and that is what else makes it so hard. I will live though...just have to learn how to smile again!
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Don't do this. It's not beneficial in any way. All it does is appease your own emotions and possibly dredge up issues for both of you. It may also give him the green light to come and fuck around with you again.
People who keep in touch and "drop in" to see how an ex/previous lover are doing after dropping them are only doing it to ease their conscience. Not surprised that a Libra is giving this advice. :/ They're notorious for doing this, and it does nothing but send off the wrong signals/create confusion.
You have a guy who was trying to get cakey eaty. You do not need to be encouraging his bs. Be done with the dude already. The fact that he had the audacity to shift your relationship into a fwb zone speaks volumes about him and what he really thinks of you. Why would you want to keep THAT in your life?
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**couldn't do the quote because my post was too long, so I had to start a separate thread**
???rockyroadicecream", shows how much you know about Libra??s, and as usual, here comes your negativeness...Dayum..you can suck the life out of any positive conversation. When most Libra FEMALE??s check on a person, it??s out of genuine concern and nothing else! She said he was sick and recovering, so that's what I meant by checking on him, PLUS, I'm sure she had growned attached to his kids and that's not something you can easily forget. Well, maybe you can, but the average person, regardless of their sign, cannot just turn their feelings off like that. I know it's hard for you to digest, but we generally don??t have a hidden agenda to try and deceive a person in spite of what you and others may think about Libra??s. Must be a male species trait.

first of all, when we??re done with someone, we??re DONE! There is no going back.
Second of all, I find it very disappointing that of all people, you would not agree with keeping in touch...lol. Isn??t that what Aries men are notoriously famous for? Don??t you always keep in touch with your ex??s? Isn't that typical Aries behavior? So you can dish it, but can??t take it? Would you prefer that he's the one that contacts her first after his selfish behavior? Let me guess??_Yes..it??s an EGO thing for an Aries male??_.has to be first in everything....right? Also, remember, she didn't drop him, he dropped her so who's sending the wrong signal or creating confusion?
Suprisingly....you and I finally agree on something....he's a butt wipe for trying to treat her that way.

Well, at the end of the day, she can do what she pleases because she doesn??t need anyone??s approval of how to operate her heart. Bottom line, we're all different and handle our love situations differently and that's the way it should be. No two issues are ever the same, so we just have to agree to disagree. Aries do Aries, and Libra's do Libra and however it works out, take it as a lesson learned.
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Posted by SassyVirgo
Personally a break doesn't mean break up. My Aries told me stuff and I told him let's take a break while I'm traveling.
I told him I won't date / sleep with anyone while I'm on holiday. He told me he won't either. I told him it's just time for reflection. He hug and kissed me and said this doesn't feel like a break up.
Try to stay positive and take it as time for reflection. For future reference it's good to talk about the definition of break it will put your mind at ease


I am trying to look at this with both outcomes and weighing the good and bad in each. I know from knowing him and talking to his family and friends over the last year and a half, he is most definitely internalizes everything so I am just hoping that he will hold true as he has, not this long, but in the past to come back out of his shell and talk to me.
How did your situation come out?
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Sorry, didn't mean to upset anyone. I am just trying to remain calm, weigh either outcome and be prepared for the worst but hope for the best...I won't be anyone's FWB, way to old and stubborn for that. I will not let him see me be needy, clingy, emotional or sad. I do that enough at home and am trying to hold it together through the day at work. I will, though have to at some point if I hear nothing get in touch with him because: 1) I want to check in on the kids whom I am very close to. 2) Check on him and his mental state, not that I can change anything. 3) We have personal items of each others that will need to be taken care of.
This will not be anytime soon, I am respecting his wishes and giving him space and also doing a lot of soul searching for myself.
I do want to thank everyone though for this great outlet - I can be so much more verbal in writing than talking in person, my mind gets too jumbled up when I am speaking out loud and forget half of what I want to say, so this has been great for me. Besides, I am sure all of my friends are tired of listening to me...
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That's kind of the stance I am taking at this point, but it sure isn't easy.
Good Luck to You!
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I don't know if it just men or Aries...I wish they could just communicate and let others know what the heck is going on!
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