Gday Aries women :) A question...
This topic was created in the Aries Women forum by minimalistmike on Saturday, May 11, 2013 and has 14 replies.
I'm a Scorpio male who was involved a few months ago with an Aries woman before she broke up with me, citing that she didn't want to be involved with anyone and needed time to herself. This I understand; as much as it hurts to lose someone you have feelings for, you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. That's just life 
I truly don't believe I pushed her away by being too full-on, or was possessive, or jealous, or any of the other traits Scorpio's are meant to be known for; I've been there and been that person in the past, lost people I loved a lot and paid the price in terms of conscience many times over before I learnt. If anything, I feel I treated her very well and everything was going along nicely until the breakup. Nothing ever felt forced so it was a bit of a surprise.
I did see it coming a few weeks beforehand but what gets me is this: I read that once you're in an Aries heart, as long as you don't play games with them, you'll always be in their heart and have their respect. I know I was in this woman's heart and that she had strong feelings for me. What I'm getting to is this: she said she wanted to stay friends after but her actions have been anything but that. There has been zero effort on her part to maintain any sort of friendship and it feels like she only said she wanted to stay friends because...I don't know, maybe because I was good to her? I'd say that's a key reason to stay friends with someone, if they've done nothing wrong, haven't played any games and are willing to try and put their best foot forward. After all, I don't want to not know her and she says the same for me, but I'm confused at why her actions are so completely opposed.
She has told me this much, straight out, and I appreciate that sort of honesty Aries are known for. She also says she feels ashamed, disappointed in herself for how she treated me when I treated her so well, that she knows she's given me nothing in return, and that she doesn't know how to make things right even though I feel like I've been 100% patient and receptive to her, and would've listened to any sort of solution she might have. I really did want a friendship with her and I don't know what else I could've done to convey this, as I've put my money where my mouth is and put in effort.
I truly don't believe I pushed her away by being too full-on, or was possessive, or jealous, or any of the other traits Scorpio's are meant to be known for; I've been there and been that person in the past, lost people I loved a lot and paid the price in terms of conscience many times over before I learnt. If anything, I feel I treated her very well and everything was going along nicely until the breakup. Nothing ever felt forced so it was a bit of a surprise.
I did see it coming a few weeks beforehand but what gets me is this: I read that once you're in an Aries heart, as long as you don't play games with them, you'll always be in their heart and have their respect. I know I was in this woman's heart and that she had strong feelings for me. What I'm getting to is this: she said she wanted to stay friends after but her actions have been anything but that. There has been zero effort on her part to maintain any sort of friendship and it feels like she only said she wanted to stay friends because...I don't know, maybe because I was good to her? I'd say that's a key reason to stay friends with someone, if they've done nothing wrong, haven't played any games and are willing to try and put their best foot forward. After all, I don't want to not know her and she says the same for me, but I'm confused at why her actions are so completely opposed.
She has told me this much, straight out, and I appreciate that sort of honesty Aries are known for. She also says she feels ashamed, disappointed in herself for how she treated me when I treated her so well, that she knows she's given me nothing in return, and that she doesn't know how to make things right even though I feel like I've been 100% patient and receptive to her, and would've listened to any sort of solution she might have. I really did want a friendship with her and I don't know what else I could've done to convey this, as I've put my money where my mouth is and put in effort.
Hit the word limiter; a long one, I know, but any help would be much appreciated and I hope I've made my position clear. Can anyone shed some light on this? She says it's one of the hardest things she's had to do; is there any sort of Aries trait regarding commitment that would cause any of this, or explain it?
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
She can't be friends because she's got emotions tied to all of this and is trying to cope with them.
She doesn't want a relationship right now because that's how she feels.
Until she can manage to be around you and not worry about non friendship feelings, she won't be around.
She doesn't want a relationship right now because that's how she feels.
Until she can manage to be around you and not worry about non friendship feelings, she won't be around.
Thanks for the comments
Involved for about 6 months, not sure about any of her other placements; never looked up her chart. I'd say we had equal feelings for each other, perhaps hers more than mine at times. It was hard to tell at the end, though...she was largely MIA for the last couple of weeks, cancelling seeing me and not picking up calls. Tried asking her if there was anything wrong, or anything I could do and then just gave her space because it felt like the right thing to do. I think by that stage it was already decided in her head; like I said, I saw it coming. I cared about her a lot so I was hoping we could work through it after a little time but it didn't turn out that way.
Both the 'young and heading in different directions' and 'getting lost in someone else' sound pretty much like what she was trying to explain to me. I guess I couldn't (and still sort of don't) understand why someone would want to stop something that was, at least in my mind, a pretty good thing. Perhaps it's a fundamental difference between Aries and Scorpio, or women and men. Personally, I don't see how you can 'know' that you're going to go in different directions until it actually happens, and nothing major had happened to warrant that; nice having goals for the future and where you see yourself, but why sacrifice something OK in foresight of that, when it hasn't happened yet? I'd want to include someone I cared about in my future, not in a scary, committed way that a lot of people run away from, but just seeing someone because you enjoy their company. I was willing to see her it whatever capacity she was happy with, just didn't expect the bottom to drop out completely. It's a bit of a catch 22; the shift may have just been in her mind. Maybe I'm too focussed on real, tangible things to understand that.
Also, why give such strong feelings in the first place just to revoke them in the future? That did hurt...on the other hand, just because it's possible for me to withhold feelings like that doesn't mean other people/signs are able to. I guess we're known for that so it's a bit hard to fathom what is kind of like, from this side, a lack of self-control. Still, I respect her decision and have made up my mind to wait and see if she'll come back around to being friends. I know she wants to but I can't force whatever it is she's going through.
Thanks for the help, it's much appreciated. It was my first time being involved with an Aries and, for what it's worth, I'm a fan
Involved for about 6 months, not sure about any of her other placements; never looked up her chart. I'd say we had equal feelings for each other, perhaps hers more than mine at times. It was hard to tell at the end, though...she was largely MIA for the last couple of weeks, cancelling seeing me and not picking up calls. Tried asking her if there was anything wrong, or anything I could do and then just gave her space because it felt like the right thing to do. I think by that stage it was already decided in her head; like I said, I saw it coming. I cared about her a lot so I was hoping we could work through it after a little time but it didn't turn out that way.
Both the 'young and heading in different directions' and 'getting lost in someone else' sound pretty much like what she was trying to explain to me. I guess I couldn't (and still sort of don't) understand why someone would want to stop something that was, at least in my mind, a pretty good thing. Perhaps it's a fundamental difference between Aries and Scorpio, or women and men. Personally, I don't see how you can 'know' that you're going to go in different directions until it actually happens, and nothing major had happened to warrant that; nice having goals for the future and where you see yourself, but why sacrifice something OK in foresight of that, when it hasn't happened yet? I'd want to include someone I cared about in my future, not in a scary, committed way that a lot of people run away from, but just seeing someone because you enjoy their company. I was willing to see her it whatever capacity she was happy with, just didn't expect the bottom to drop out completely. It's a bit of a catch 22; the shift may have just been in her mind. Maybe I'm too focussed on real, tangible things to understand that.
Also, why give such strong feelings in the first place just to revoke them in the future? That did hurt...on the other hand, just because it's possible for me to withhold feelings like that doesn't mean other people/signs are able to. I guess we're known for that so it's a bit hard to fathom what is kind of like, from this side, a lack of self-control. Still, I respect her decision and have made up my mind to wait and see if she'll come back around to being friends. I know she wants to but I can't force whatever it is she's going through.
Thanks for the help, it's much appreciated. It was my first time being involved with an Aries and, for what it's worth, I'm a fan
Signed Up: Jan 27, 2012
Comments: 4343 · Posts: 13269 · Topics: 69
Comments: 4343 · Posts: 13269 · Topics: 69
"just because it's possible for me to withhold feelings like that doesn't mean other people/signs are able to."
This statement is loaded to the max and sends my mind into orbit - damn.
This statement is loaded to the max and sends my mind into orbit - damn.
Something's going on behind the scene..
'I read that once you're in an Aries heart, as long as you don't play games with them, you'll always be in their heart and have their respect.'
This is true of most, but she is not ready for this relationship or something is not right in it for her.
'What I'm getting to is this: she said she wanted to stay friends after but her actions have been anything but that.'
Still has feeling for you and doesn't know how to be friendly when part of her wants more than that. Scorpio attraction has been like the most magnetic and alluring energy I have experienced; however it was always bad timing for both of us. That didn't mean the feelings were not there and Scorpio was the hardest sign to separate from once it began for me.
'is there any sort of Aries trait regarding commitment that would cause any of this, or explain it?'
No, Aries can and do commit when they feel like it. If she was not sure of herself in the relationship then you are better without her; that is her opinion of it possibly and why she wants to move on.
'Also, why give such strong feelings in the first place just to revoke them in the future? That did hurt...on the other hand, just because it's possible for me to withhold feelings like that doesn't mean other people/signs are able to. I guess we're known for that so it's a bit hard to fathom what is kind of like, from this side, a lack of self-control.'
I have been known to be cold, distant and stoic in the middle of planning, restructuring and refocusing my life. People around me have voiced concerns and complaints, however that doesn't mean I don't care. It is because I do and have to go into myself to figure it out.
'Still, I respect her decision and have made up my mind to wait and see if she'll come back around to being friends. I know she wants to but I can't force whatever it is she's going through.'
That's very noble of you. In the meantime you can focus on you and your needs outside of all of this. Hope you feel better in doing so
This is true of most, but she is not ready for this relationship or something is not right in it for her.
'What I'm getting to is this: she said she wanted to stay friends after but her actions have been anything but that.'
Still has feeling for you and doesn't know how to be friendly when part of her wants more than that. Scorpio attraction has been like the most magnetic and alluring energy I have experienced; however it was always bad timing for both of us. That didn't mean the feelings were not there and Scorpio was the hardest sign to separate from once it began for me.
'is there any sort of Aries trait regarding commitment that would cause any of this, or explain it?'
No, Aries can and do commit when they feel like it. If she was not sure of herself in the relationship then you are better without her; that is her opinion of it possibly and why she wants to move on.
'Also, why give such strong feelings in the first place just to revoke them in the future? That did hurt...on the other hand, just because it's possible for me to withhold feelings like that doesn't mean other people/signs are able to. I guess we're known for that so it's a bit hard to fathom what is kind of like, from this side, a lack of self-control.'
I have been known to be cold, distant and stoic in the middle of planning, restructuring and refocusing my life. People around me have voiced concerns and complaints, however that doesn't mean I don't care. It is because I do and have to go into myself to figure it out.
'Still, I respect her decision and have made up my mind to wait and see if she'll come back around to being friends. I know she wants to but I can't force whatever it is she's going through.'
That's very noble of you. In the meantime you can focus on you and your needs outside of all of this. Hope you feel better in doing so
She just told me she's seeing someone else. As patient as I am, I'm a quadruple Scorp and I'm fucking BURNING up inside. I got 'restructured' out; all I can see at the moment is selfishness because this whole decision was based on her, about how she felt and what she wanted. She didn't put in any effort and she's already doing what I wanted to do with her - with someone else. Still, I know that if I lash out at her (and the desire is indescribably strong to do so) it makes me no better, considering I know I have the choice to wait on the situation without saying anything.
I think the majority of Scorp's problem is that we can say something we know will shake someone's ego to the ground, and the desire to deliver that sort of instant karma is absolutely unbelievable. Still, nothing gives us the right to pass judgement like that because it's all based on ego; we want someone else to hurt as much as we do, even though all they've done is follow their free will, an equal right which we'd be so indignant of if someone tried to revoke it from us.
Sometimes people try all they can to be the best of themselves and are still the ones who have to bear the weight of the hardest lessons.
I think the majority of Scorp's problem is that we can say something we know will shake someone's ego to the ground, and the desire to deliver that sort of instant karma is absolutely unbelievable. Still, nothing gives us the right to pass judgement like that because it's all based on ego; we want someone else to hurt as much as we do, even though all they've done is follow their free will, an equal right which we'd be so indignant of if someone tried to revoke it from us.
Sometimes people try all they can to be the best of themselves and are still the ones who have to bear the weight of the hardest lessons.
Posted by minimalistmike
Still, nothing gives us the right to pass judgement like that because it's all based on ego; we want someone else to hurt as much as we do, even though all they've done is follow their free will, an equal right which we'd be so indignant of if someone tried to revoke it from us.
Sometimes people try all they can to be the best of themselves and are still the ones who have to bear the weight of the hardest lessons.
And the ones who carry weight find that the harder lessons are worth to one's value of own's perception to process with a transformation whether for good or for bad. I am sorry to hear what happened. The way you treated her, you will find someone who treats you better in respect, love, dignity, and virtuous in the future. This female may have not given you her all; someone will be worthy in serving you for your good intentions and hers as karma makes it way back reviving you with a new love interest if she's not the one. : )
Love and Blessings sent to you.
If she's anything like me, and she does genuinely think she treated you poorly then maybe she's just too ashamed to even try because she's afraid you'll forever remember what she did to you. Maybe she thinks the relationship is just tainted forever and that there really is nothing she can do to fix it. This is just a thought, assuming she is like me. I hope things work out for both of you. I can never manage with Scorpios so it would be nice to see a Scorpio/Aries couple make it.
Move on. Her behavior is IDENTICAL to how I am in all relationships - she says she wants to 'stay friends' because she doesn't trust that you're as strong as she is to move the h3ll on - she's worried about how you're going to be able to cope. Aries talk a BIG game, which is why her actions aren't matching up to her words. Her actions are REAL, her words are only to help you HEAL. Let her go - she's already let you go months before actually doing it.
Posted by jdugan
Move on. Her behavior is IDENTICAL to how I am in all relationships - she says she wants to 'stay friends' because she doesn't trust that you're as strong as she is to move the h3ll on - she's worried about how you're going to be able to cope. Aries talk a BIG game, which is why her actions aren't matching up to her words. Her actions are REAL, her words are only to help you HEAL. Let her go - she's already let you go months before actually doing it.
I am EXACTLY the same. It's like we don't want a relationship with you but our protective side takes over and we want to keep you sheltered from the "blow" of rejection.
I just had a child hood crush pull this on me, and unlike you I was not as nice about it. I feel no remorse to my reaction, and my only regret is that I didn??t follow my first mind which was to let it go when I saw the signs.
Anyway, he was just like her; I guess trying his best to not hurt me, but he did it anyway because he still played the situation to his own advantage, and it got him cussed out and he loses not only me as a partner but as a friend. I don??t need a selfish friend, it??s enough selfish people in the world so I??m good. Plus I was in love with him, that does not go away over-night, and I refuse to slap friendship on it like my feelings were never there.
Anyway, in your case the moment I read that you treated her well, and out of nowhere she wanted to break up I knew it could only mean two things, she got bored and needs a new conquest, or she already found a new conquest and needs a way out. Gotta hand it to her though, at least she didn??t lie and try to place the blame on you. Hate when that happens. However she did lie about wanting time to herself, she just didn??t want to be in a relationship with you anymore and didn??t want to come right out and say that. My Aries was the same. As much as I hate to admit it, I guess it??s their way of showing they care, because when they don??t, they don??t 2nd guess their actions and for damn sure what comes out of their mouth. 100% blunt to the core Lol. Not to worry, you??ll find someone else and your not alone. It??s not easy to land a fire sign and it??s even harder to keep them interested. They bore so easily that you??d have to have multiple personalities to keep up, and then they??ll complain that your not grounded enough, still they??ll love the thrill of trying to see what you??ll hit them with next. Next time you fall for a fire sign, word of advice, just don??t ever let them know they have you completely figured out. They can know you love them, but they should never know your every thought and every move. Whether they agree or not, they like to know there??s much more to find out about you, but they don??t like to wonder where they stand with you. Find out how to do both, and let me know your secrete.
Anyway, he was just like her; I guess trying his best to not hurt me, but he did it anyway because he still played the situation to his own advantage, and it got him cussed out and he loses not only me as a partner but as a friend. I don??t need a selfish friend, it??s enough selfish people in the world so I??m good. Plus I was in love with him, that does not go away over-night, and I refuse to slap friendship on it like my feelings were never there.
Anyway, in your case the moment I read that you treated her well, and out of nowhere she wanted to break up I knew it could only mean two things, she got bored and needs a new conquest, or she already found a new conquest and needs a way out. Gotta hand it to her though, at least she didn??t lie and try to place the blame on you. Hate when that happens. However she did lie about wanting time to herself, she just didn??t want to be in a relationship with you anymore and didn??t want to come right out and say that. My Aries was the same. As much as I hate to admit it, I guess it??s their way of showing they care, because when they don??t, they don??t 2nd guess their actions and for damn sure what comes out of their mouth. 100% blunt to the core Lol. Not to worry, you??ll find someone else and your not alone. It??s not easy to land a fire sign and it??s even harder to keep them interested. They bore so easily that you??d have to have multiple personalities to keep up, and then they??ll complain that your not grounded enough, still they??ll love the thrill of trying to see what you??ll hit them with next. Next time you fall for a fire sign, word of advice, just don??t ever let them know they have you completely figured out. They can know you love them, but they should never know your every thought and every move. Whether they agree or not, they like to know there??s much more to find out about you, but they don??t like to wonder where they stand with you. Find out how to do both, and let me know your secrete.
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