How to Get Away From Aries...

This topic was created in the Aries forum by leo/virgo75 on Monday, June 19, 2006 and has 27 replies.
Hi all;
I'm a leo/virgo cusp bday 8/24/75. I've known and been involved with an Aries guy off and on for nearly 15 years. Long story short: He's never done a thing for me and I'm done. Completely.
I've walked away from him several times, the last time was for more than 6 years. This time he says he loves me and wants us to stay in contact and be "friends" BUT he's never been a friend to me so I want no part of it.
I told him directly that I don't want anything to do with him and asked him not to call, so now he's *insisting* on calling me "just to see how I'm doing". Ugh.
What can I do short of play some game with him by pretending I want babies and marriage to scare him away? (By the way, I'm not into games)
Thanks for your help.
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Change your number....easy peasy....or get his no. barred!!!

A x
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I'm going to be kinda rude here.. please don't take it personally... I've been in a few relationships where the ex-bf is still around..friends..whatever!! You do whatever it takes.. you change your number, restraining order.. you get him ou tof your LIFE... your broken up remember.. no reason to still keep him in the loop. My ex-girlfriend, didn't know how to get rid of her ex-bf either... and guess what... he ruined our relationship and is most likely going to ruin future relationships... Why have them around.. She used to play the damsel in distress.. "how do I get away from him" but never did the obvious..restraining order.. I believe you keep them around because of some deeply rooted insecurity.. you like the attention you get, like the idea they are always around as a default. I am very impartial to this. I BURN BRIDGES... I break up it's over.. no need to keep the baggage around.. it's like a drug addict still keeping in touch with a drug dealer.. no good will ever come of it.
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I want to thank everyone so far for their comments. :-)
I've thought about pretending that I want marriage/commitment/babies but I'm just not good at pretending. :-/
Purplehaze I definitely appreciated your feedback. Not rude at all. I've been in the same situation with someone where they were still emotionally attached to their ex in a negative or positive way and it ruined our relationship. I'm also aware of many women(and men) who just looooooooove the attention they get from certain exes. I've never been that way and have burned many a bridge myself. I've actually changed numbers and relocated a couple of times before to get away, but with 2 kids now it's not so easy to do that.
I've also been in the situation of getting restraining orders and know that this is not that type of situation. He doesn't call me enough for it to be considered harassment, he has never physically hurt me or threatened to, and as far as I know he doesn't park outside my home or stalk me. The last time I spoke with him it was only because he called from an unfamiliar number, otherwise I was avoiding his calls. At that time I was much less than friendly and told him repeatedly and in no uncertain terms that I don't want any kind of contact with him. I'm really just tired of his bottomless pit of selfishness and neediness. We have known each other since high school so some of those characteristics were kind of ok then, now he's 33 and in the same mental and emotional state that he was in when he was 18. I'm 30 now and can appreciate the good qualities of people much better, but on the flip side, I *REFUSE* to tolerate poor treatment from anyone.
When I posted I was hoping for some easy way to talk to him to get him to see that I *really* don't want to have any contact with him without having to go to the measure of changing my phone number etc. But I may end up having to do that anyway.
If anyone has any more to offer please do. :-)
Thanks again.
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here here, purplehaze!
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ha it kinda hits home.... my ex-girlfriend's ex-bf.. was a total whacko... woudl call 30-40 times a day, stop by th ehouse uninvited all the time... would have girls call me posing as my ex-gf's friends.. whould break into her house.. and she STILL refused to get a restaining order... said she felt bad for him and didn't want a restraining order to go on his permanent record.. insane..
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^^^YIKES!^^^
That *IS* insane!
I had a "whacko" ex myself. I can't understand how people DON'T press charges or get restraining orders. It's amazing how when I tell most women about my experiences with being stalked they actually think it's "sweet" or say that they would feel flattered and don't know why I wouldn't get back with that person?!?!?
I feel for you Purplehaze. The relationship I had with the interfering ex was just as bad and she even tried to attack me once. I pressed charges, she was arrested and I got a restraining order. This nut I was with actually tried to talk me out of pressing charges against her!!! I dumped him after that, moved and changed my phone number. Somehow he got that info then HE was stalking me and SHE was stalking HIM!! They would both be parked outside my apartment and I got restraining orders against BOTH of them.
It was a NIGHTMARE!
After that I became really wary if someone tries to contact me against my wishes because I learned that 1)it could lead to other things and 2)if anyone has 2 brain cells and the internet they can find out where you live. Hence - this thread. I know changing your number doesn't always work so I wanted see if anyone could offer advice on something I could do or say.
Thanks for sharing that though. I can definitely relate.
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Hmmmm, jrussou that's an interesting take on things.
Looking back on the whole "stalking" period of my life, now it is kind of funny, but at the time it was traumatizing. Seriously. Just imagine having to look out your windows before taking the garbage out because you never know if someone is going to be waiting for you to alternately give you flowers or curse and scream at you. Then if it's a *really* eventful day a second person will show up to scream and yell at the both of you. Then by the time the police show up the other 2 have taken the show elsewhere only to return at a later time when the police have left. This was 7 years ago and I still look out my windows before I leave my home...
And your perspective on what it could be with the Aries is..... interesting (to say the least). Your suggestion sounds doable. (rubbing chin)That might actually work.
I might try talking to another friend and see if that helps.
Thanks :-)
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Wow Leo/Virgo75~~~~ sounds like some drama... By the way.. serious question? Are you bi-sexual?? Hmm.. maybe I have to re-read your post Winking ha
But it's weird how lighty she took it... blew my mind.. I don't even have a theory on why she would do it. I'm guessing she is just totally insecure, or maybe she really wasn't ready to move on. It was a very messy situation.. so messy in fact, this guy creeped me out sooo much that I was scared for my own well being. I really thought that I would be waking up with an ice-pic in the back of my head. I used to ask her, doesn't this creep you out.. and she was like honestly.. no.. I was like WTF... he was friends with the family.. talked to her dad on a daily basis... He would even talk about abducting her and kiddnapping her.. and she would think nothing of it.... crazy flipping chick
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hahahahha...PH...she's not bisexual. She was being stalked by her ex AND his gf...re-read the posts! Aries are so cute!
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Jrussou - No, he isn't a psycho(as far as I know) but I seem to have a way of turning seemingly harmless individuals into crazed stalkers. So hopefully your suggestion will work.
Purplehaze - I can't say I'm actually "bisexual" but I love who I love and that isn't limited to one sex or the other(oh, and it didn't include the ex's ex)...
Your ex was uh, "special." What's f'ed up is I've also experienced people thinking that stalking and threatening is normal or even flattering. They don't know what it's like to be in your situation and worry about getting an "ice pic in the back of your head." They would actually thrive on the drama, excitement, and attention - even though it's negative as hell. Like the ex that stalked me, when HIS ex was stalking him, I KNOW he liked it. It was disgusting, I could feel him getting all excited emotionally when she would show up screaming and taking out his car windows with a baseball bat or trying to run him over with her own car.
The only word I have for it is - SICK.
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Funny story...My sister's friend married his ex stalker...despite the fact that she shot him and almost killed him. One can say that that is SICK, or, you can't help who you fall in love with.
OK...not really a funny story, but interesting!
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That is interesting. I couldn't imagine doing *that* but I'm sure it happens a lot more than we know.
I think a lot of people fall in love with/marry 1 of 2 people:
1.Someone who's emotional damages/karma compliments theirs so they *feel* completed(ie. 2 abused people clinging to each other, abused person and a "protector", neglected inner child person and clinging person, etc.)
2.Someone who's emotional damages/karma DO NOT match up so they are challenged to complete themselves.
Truthseeker, I have seen women marry men who were the most abusive, berating humans you can imagine - and they're happy(?). So, who knows?
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So what's the better of the two smile
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stay single? Winking
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LMAO...FB...that's right!
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Ding!Ding!Ding! Freebird gets the prize!(only sort of kidding)
Staying single is a pretty good option - date when you want to feel completed and take time to complete yourself in between.
Actually I believe you end up completing yourself *eventually* no matter who you are with(or if alone) but it may take longer if you keep trying to just *feel* completed instead of doing the work and allowing the growing to take place. A lot of relationships dissipate when the lover realizes the beloved DOESN'T REALLY complete them, so they move on to another and another looking for it. Once you realize and obtain completion for yourself you can take or leave people as they are. You can appreciate when someone is good for you and leave them alone when they aren't. You can also love in both cases but realize you DON'T HAVE TO cling to that person just because you love them.
In my case with the Aries in question, I love him dearly but he's not good for me. I don't want contact with him because it's draining to care for someone who is not good for themselves or you. I have the choice of maintaing contact or stopping it. I choose to stop it because I would rather focus my energy and love in a more postive direction - on myself and others who can appreciate my love as I appreciate theirs.
Just my 2cents.
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Great 2cents LV75 Winking
Relationships - I think the key ingredient that is missing in so many failed relationships these days the lack of unconditional love. Most relationships are based on "conditional love" and these type of relationships leave each person empty - always in a state of finding happiness and most of the momentary happiness comes from external things...ex: sex, food, drugs, alcohol, material items and such. To be truly happy in a relationship both persons need to first love themselves (unconditionally). Then they have the opportunity to appreciate the differences in their partner. Unfortunately, most of us have not had the experience of being loved uncondtionally by our parents and other authority figures.
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Agreed 100% Freebird. I always luv reading your posts. smile
Unconditional love is in short supply these days. So is an actual understanding of it. So many think that to love unconditionally also means to relate unconditionally. As in "If you really loved me unconditionally you wouldn't care if I: beat you/cheat on you/steal from you/act in a cruel manner/take everything and give nothing/etc." That is so untrue. Because, as you said Freebird, to love others unconditonally you have to first love yourself. And I wouldn't allow someone I love to be treated poorly. That includes myself.
I am really loving these responses. smile
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I agree Kris, we are living in a time where everything seems to be based on materialism...we are also living in a time where most people are not happy and the reason for this is - they look to materialism for their happiness rather than going within themselves.
Change needs to happen - we can either go along with society and be miserable or we make a change for the better. WE HAVE CHOICES! We have only one trip to planet earth. Make the changes that you need to make to be happy so that you will enjoy this ride of life.
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Kris - You're right about how many people focus on money, materialism, and situations. For many they define love by how much money etc. is given or received. However, there are men and women who know that material wealth does not equal love and look for others, like themselves that can share a true and meaningful relationship void of greed and materialism.
Freebird is one of those who knows the difference and is speaking to others(like yourself) who also know the difference and understand what *really* matters. The rest probably aren't even reading this. Winking
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thank you both - kris and lv75(hope you don't mind me abbrev. your name) for your kind words.
Unconditional love is - carrying about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get in return.
So simple and yet can be so hard to do.
"to love others unconditonally you have to first love yourself. And I wouldn't allow someone I love to be treated poorly. That includes myself." I agree LV75! Along with that, you would not treat anyone poorly.
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Hey LV75 - If you don't mind me asking...I'm curious as to what your birthdate is.
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"Along with that, you would not treat anyone poorly." - We have another winner!!!(stop hogging all the prizes Freebird) Winking
I tend to treat people exactly how I would like to be treated - with love, kindness, respect, generosity, affection, encouragement, affection, etc. Now, a lot of people that I've dealt with (and dated) have had a problem with this. They look at it with suspicion because they believe that I'm either trying to overcompensate for all the mean nasty tricks they think I'm going to pull on them, or they don't believe they deserve it and don't think they can return the favor.
I've never expected to be treated exactly how I treat others because that is *my* way of loving, not theirs. They might not be capable of giving the way that I am, might not feel comfortable with it, or might not even know how. I'm ok with all of this because most people with kind, loving hearts will figure out their own way and I'm happy with what they give as long as it's rooted in love.
If, after some time, people don't get over their suspicions and figure out a way to extend their own love (unconditional love between 2 people tends to be symbiotic and just flows back and forth - that's the best) then I usually move on at some point because staying is like dropping money down a well. While I may have an endless supply, I'd rather be doing better things with it.
Sorry, I'm longwinded when I'm talking about L-O-V-E. smile
And - I don't mind the abbreviation and my bday is 8/24/75.
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LV75 - your b-day is the same as the Virgo I am dating. You both must have been cut from the same cloth! Winking
So do enjoy reading your posts lovely LV....you just gotta be you and keep on loving - those who understand will share your path with you and those who don't, well, they will with no doubt have been touched in some special way by your gifts.
Virgo on with your lovely heart Lady!
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Awwww, thanks Freebird. smile
That's funny that your honey and I have the same bday. Through your posts I can definitely see (at least a little of) what they would appreciate in you.
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Kris, the world is in the process of change. Sometimes we gotta get down to the bottom to say, "this is enough! there must be something better." Here come the wiser-uppers smile
"What you carry within you, you meet everywhere." ~unknown
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