After you confess that you like the cancer guy?

I have a cancer friend, after on/off communication with him.
I finally confessed in letter that I like him but I got no respond from him.
but after 2 days I message him asking some advice to my problem and he responded,
he contact me when I contact him first but he never do the first contact even before

should I let him go?

Im scorpio w/ libra moon ascendant of sag
he is cancer w/ leo moon and ascendant of Aquarius

Posted by Claire
But I like scorps and sagis (bearing in mind scorps usually have sagittarius placements) for how they press an issue and are really ballsy about it .. it makes me smile. But i'm a female, ha!!

Where's his mars?? I had a cancer with a leo moon pursue me a while ago and I found his slowness a bit off-putting, tbh, and i'm a cancerian.

this is his chart

Sun Cancer 29.14
Moon Leo 3.02
Mercury Leo 25.17
Venus Cancer 19.21
Mars Aquarius 21.08 R
Jupiter Scorpio 26.36 R
Saturn Gemini 3.40
Uranus Libra 9.58
Neptune Sagittarius 0.25 R
Pluto Virgo 27.32
Lilith Libra 5.54
Asc node Aquarius 14.27


this is my chart


Sun Scorpio 6.13 Ascendant Sagittarius 19.39
Moon Libra 13.28 II Capricorn 17.26
Mercury Scorpio 23.55 III Aquarius 16.37
Venus Scorpio 20.03 R IV Pisces 18.14
Mars Scorpio 27.49 V Aries 20.42
Jupiter Leo 7.55 VI Taurus 21.23
Saturn Virgo 11.15 VII Gemini 19.39
Uranus Scorpio 16.04 VIII Cancer 17.26
Neptune Sagittarius 16.35 IX Leo 16.37
Pluto Libra 17.24 Midheaven Virgo 18.14
Lilith Leo 1.49 XI Libra 20.42
Asc node Virgo 26.05 XII Scorpio 21.23

this is giving me some perspective....
i'm a sag and i move really fast and i am really direct
and the cancer guy i was seeing said he got scared and that he doesn't know what he wants...

Personally, I don't like it when people put an emotional heavy on me. A confession of feelings puts the other person in a position where they HAVE to respond and there is usually a time limit expectation along with it.

I'd need to process... because
a) I'd have to make sure that my response is actually what I FEEL, and not something I'm responded to because I know it's what you want or I feel bad and don't want to hurt your feelings
b) I want my response to be genuine. In order for me to do that, I'd need to to reflect on my feelings. If I'm feeling you... I'll eventually let you know without question, but in my own way
c) If I'm not feeling you, but like you as a person, I need to find a way to let you down gently. This could translate as me ignoring the whole confession and hoping you get the point.

I'm a girl tho...

btw... if you didn't read into my last post.. I gave him a he!! of a lot of time to get his $ hit together.. with ZERO expection... However I did expect that once he made his move.. he would have made the decision to move forward... and not to the side by side dance... which he seems to still entertain at my expense...

There is only so much tolerance which can be expected... when someone elses heart is at stake.. Just saying

Posted by SweetSc0rpio
I have a cancer friend, after on/off communication with him.
I finally confessed in letter that I like him but I got no respond from him.
but after 2 days I message him asking some advice to my problem and he responded,
he contact me when I contact him first but he never do the first contact even before

should I let him go?

Im scorpio w/ libra moon ascendant of sag
he is cancer w/ leo moon and ascendant of Aquarius

I'm Aries and am interested in a Cancer guy I met recently too (have not confessed feelings for him) but we did end up in a rather steamy encounter one night and I have since told him that I would at least like to be friends and get to know each other. He stays very silent, but if I contact him, he always replies and is very polite and I'll suggest we meet soon and he always says yes, but he never initiates contact first... I am also not sure if I should just let him go or what. When I have asked him to come out he has always had family events going on which were important (b-days, visits from out of town). So it's understandable stuff... but he never makes first contact.

Cancer guys... what do you think?

@lotuslily

Should you let him go—?? You don't have anything solid to let go... So go on with your life.... Stop contacting him.. by whatever avenue... Don't get used by him.... Get a commitment or next. Cancers' play the really hurtful game...

He is letting you pursue him... rather than the other way around... Stop being predictable... Don't be eager to get it on with him... He will take advantage of you. Put them on hold...until they can't take the silence anymore... even then put him on hold a while longer. 😛

If you want to be friends..fine... but don't get into FWB mode... He will hurt you like no other. Just saying.

Don't suggest anything... let him come to you... kick his sorry a $ $ to the curb/woodshed.

I can count on both hands how many times I have contacted him in the past 4 years.... He needs double + that for the amount of times he has tried to contact me..incognito.. never leaving messages.. in order to get me to chase his sorry A $ $ ... I just don't bite the BS.

I'm in no hurry to see him again...unless he is ready to come clean with his needs/wants of me... which I have asked for so many times... in which I guess he is still trying to figure out what the heck he wants of me.. Don't get roped into a BS relationship with an unavailable Cancer Man. Just saying.

Ask Wineaux..if she is still around.... She spent 1.5 years plus.. to get dumped without consideration of her feelings.
Wineaux was a saint that just did not see it coming... Send them to the curb first... you have control... Let them dump your A $ $ they control... In my case I dumped him first..He tried to get me back forthwith... I don't bite that easily... I need to see action... first and foremost....

Be very very protective of your heart/soul... I know I am.. which is why I am extremely vocal with mime... and only has seen him once in 4+ years in a chance encounter at a retail store... Show no fear...but don't bend on your principles either.

I should add for all the women on this site... that men laugh at women who do FWB.... They have zero respect for them...

At a client a year or so ago... an employee..cute guy... mid to late 30's revealed to me that he had a girlfriend in Florida (we are in Canada) which he visits from time to time... His final comment to me.. was an eye opener. "That is her problem" He has ZERO commitment... but does the FWB. She thinks they have a relationship going... NOT!

At another client the girl who did the accounting processing a few years ago... is no longer there... The owner who is married... She did the FWB with him...thinking he would dump his wife for her... NOT!!!! She was being used... Plain and simple.

My brother who I love a lot... says... he makes it clear from the get go... that he is not into long term relationships... The women think they can change his mind.... NOT!!!... When they want to define the relationship... he says "I told you at the beginning that I'm not into a relationships"... whatever you call it... listen to what they say... and don't give it up unless you are absolutely sure where the relationship is heading...

I know after 10 months of my Cancer's pursuit of me... I had not given it up...Not even close...My Cancer's response to me... was "You play hardball!!!" Yup I do... because I was listening and watching... and was not willing to give it up for FREE. 🙂

Just saying... Not all men are like this... however I can assure you... most are... Until they really really get hooked on a lady that won't put up with their crap... Cancer or NOT.. it does not matter.. They all try... and if you give it up... you are placed in short term category... Just saying.

I agree with shellschocker, I'm the same way. I have a very hard time with emotional heavy in the beginning of a rel OR with someone who is interested in me. I need things to be nonchalant, and if someone comes on too strong when I'm uncertain of them or if I even want to pursue a rel, it scares me off. It has to be totally chill, nonchalant, not anything like 'set up' so that I feel at ease.

I think it's a few things potentially in why he hasn't responded...both his sun and venus in Cancer is a given. I'm mars in Aqua, so it isn't that (someone else said that too). So def his sun and venus, but too if he's uncertain or doesn't have those feelings there it's going to cause him to withdraw. So the key is to no push the subject, or you will risk him completely avoiding you or icing you out...not to be mean, but as a retreat from the situation. But, you certainly can ask but in a non confrontational manner...next time you see him, or send a note "Hey, I'm sure you got my letter. Not sure what you think about it, if you don't feel the same I understand." Something to break the ice, open the door, and a leeway into the subject. Now, it could be too that he does like you but he's being shy about it now.

It kind of put a wrench into things by you telling him..changes the dynamics, he might be scared of that if he holds you close as a friend...so he doesn't know quite what to say or how to react. If he's needing time to think, he'll retreat. The hard thing is though, I guess when I know that I'm into someone and they're into me? I go full boar. There's no stopping me.

@OceanDeep I totally agree..with what you are saying... In my so call NO relationship with Mr. Cancer for 12 months.. it was easy.. and he fell for me... because he got to know the inner me.. as I did him...

However that was not good enough... because when we needed to talk really talk... he disrespected me... I walked that day... He continues to contact me... imo.. What is the point... I stated my case after 12 months... He grew on me... I fell in love...and so did he..He continues to contact me.. incognito at times... but I know it is him... What is the purpose of this game..at my expense BTW...

It was easy... really easy... for a year.. however .. he did not want the relationship ever to be defined... which is exactly what I asked for after 12 months..of his pursuit... Just saying.

To what purpose is this behaviour acceptable... It surely is not in my books... I could be waiting 25 years for this Cancer boy/child/man to come around... I will be dead by then... Hence a total waste of my time.

I'm hear to learn... but I get a lot of whitewash..on that blackboard... just saying.

BTW.. I do not wait for this man/child/boy... I have carried on with my life the day after he disrespected me. I concider this his problem and not mine... I encourage him to take it up with someone else.. as I do not accept the psychotic behaviour... Yup I have actually used those words.. But he still contact me... What is the purpose—?

Him contacting you is his attachment to you, additionally it could be too that when you're close enough to someone people tend to think things will be water under the bridge type of things more quickly.

Don't back down, stand your ground. He needs to really see and feel to realize you are serious. I promise you, if he senses at any point that you are serious and you're not going to cave he will make his move IF he's serious about you. Right now this is his way of staying in your life, keeping that connection, even if it's a sideways antic. We're crabs, we'll come at you sideways...or appear to be moving away when in all actuality we're moving towards you closer. We're always one step ahead in our mind, there is a course of action always going on...wheels are always spinning, planning the next move or step. The term 'method behind my madness' is something I could use to describe myself when in the 'game' of love, or revenge too.

I will say, if he comes to you and confesses his feelings, and you still feel for him, do NOT turn him away. It doesn't mean that you have to say 'yes'right away, but don't dismiss what he is saying or feeling and don't ignore it or him. You'll be sure to lose him. As for now, you keep doing you 😉

@OceanDeep Thank you ... I don't know how this is going to finally play out...however imo... as I said some 4 years ago..when I left some 9k on the table... "That I would get it all back and then some...once he marries me" Call it bold.. however that is the way I felt at the time... and if you ask anyone around me... I have not wavered from this stance.

What I have gone through in the past 5+ years.. would be to me .. be playing my card so totally different from the past umpteem years of my life... I was just not going to accept any crap from anyone... I gave up dating useless/loser men almost 2 decades ago... in order to find myself and what I wanted... This man was my hero... and being a Leo... it takes a lot to get that badge... lol 🙂

I could never ever... not accept him back under the right conditions.... I have told him umpteem time what I am looking for... or GTFOOML... In 2009 which was my last message to him for almost 1.5 years... was "MFG... MU... OR... FO...AND..GL"

I have challenged him to be a man...or continue to be a wimp... for years... and then go into no contact mode... I'm waiting for that man I fell for to re-surface.. In the meantime.. I live my life...as I did 6 years ago...before I ever met him...I want what I want... End of discussion..

I really appreciated you imput in this matter... I have been back to NC mode for over a month now... after his barrage of calls that came in around his BD in July... OK.. I blasted him... came back to my forgiving self in the next 20 days... and then went back to the silent treatment.. he extends to me.. Mirrorring come to mind here. 😛

My lord, is it that hard to have an edit button? I suppose I could 'preview message' first lol

What do you mean by blasted him...let him have it, or you blasted him back with a barrage of texts/calls? But you haven't contacted him in about a month, have you heard from him in that time?? You haven't heard from him since his Bday in July?

Posted by OceanDeep
My lord, is it that hard to have an edit button? I suppose I could 'preview message' first lol

What do you mean by blasted him...let him have it, or you blasted him back with a barrage of texts/calls? But you haven't contacted him in about a month, have you heard from him in that time?? You haven't heard from him since his Bday in July?

lol...OcenanDeep....

Thank you for the pi $ $ in my pants laughter... hehehehehehe

I blasted him because he continues to play his MFG games even now 4+ years and counting on the BS stance.... as in send him back to the curb because he cannot find the strength to MU... One simple message via e-mail... I don't do barrage of texts/calls... not ever... As I said his problem not mine.....

In early June after a nice e-mail... I gave him an imaginary timeline of his BD to be a man... He fail my test.. but did exactly what I expected.. which was to try to contact me on around his BD... 4 times to be exact.

After letting my feelings known in one e-mail regard his mental Masterbastion at my expense..... which should be considered as me letting him him have it... communication....... I sent him two texts thereafter.. One which stated "Regardless..of our struggles.. I am very proud of you ... and what you have achieved... I knew... I always knew... imo.. More to come... Be Safe"

The second text... " I want a picnic"

No I have not heard from him since... but did not expect a response from any of my communicatons.... Very complicated I guess... but I just don't... I do know tho.. that he will be back... and I also know I won't cave in until we can have a face to face discussion.. to detail WTF. he wants from me..... Just Saying...

What you need to get... which I missed in my previous response... that he tries to contact me... trying to hide that he is actualy doing this... Yes I am psychic...lol... I just know it is him. lol

He doesn't want me to know that it is him trying to contact me.. so he uses Skype, Unavailable...(used by companies which he owns one or more) he is very tech savvy.. just saying... He gets another cell phone with a different number... with a female voice on the leave a message thingy... OK.. I could be daft.. but not.. He sends me texts from that cell... which I caught him.. hands down... He cancels that phone.. and gets another .. I caught him on that one too.. Just Saying...

I know he has a problem with me... I got under his skin.. and continue to do so it seems... lol

I just know he cannot hide from me...

A phone I pay over $ 100.00 a month.. most surely cost me $ 25.00 per call I actually answer.. as most of soliciting BS which I never answer.. I have their numbers too... I guess NC is easy for me. because I don't answer any of my phones... unless I know who is calling me...which at this time... I cannot be sure of 90% of the calls I get.. I figure..if they are really want to speak to me Landline or cell.. they can leave a message...or be gone.. 😛

I expected him to try to contact me around his BD.. because for 4 years now that has been a crux for him regarding me.. So I was prepared for his nonsense.. so to speak.. He did not disappoint.. Let Me Tell You..

Yeah.. I could be delusional... but I don't think so... but what the hey do I know. Just Saying.

@Catin: Thanks for your advice.

I didn't explain my POV on 'relationships' though.

I am one of the most commitment phobic girls you will meet. I do not want to get married. I don't want children. I don't believe we were made to commit to one person for the rest of our lives. I believe we meet people who are right for you at that specific point in your life and so I think it's okay to have 'relationships' but that we need to let go of our attachments when that person is no longer right for you. People grow and people change. Just because they're the right person for you now, doesn't mean they'll be the right person for you in 50 years. So I don't mind getting into a 'relationship' but the only person I'm committing to is myself.
I also don't believe in boundaries or labels -- for my own sake. The minute a 'relationship' is defined as girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever, it brings up an entire endless list of expectations and obligations. If you don't have expectations, you can't be disappointed and if there are no obligations, I know the person is coming to you because they want to not because they are obliged to.

I have not met anyone who has the same POV as me on this and so I don't expect anyone to understand, but it's how I see things.

continued:

As far as the cancer guy I'm 'interested' in goes: whatever happened, happened. Although he said to me on the night (and I totally agree with you on "listen to what they say to you, they tell you from the very beginning") he didn't want more, his actions and the way he treated me that night and after showed me he was at least a good person who may be worth pursuing as a friend. We all want good people in our lives, and although I fully comprehend he is just a normal guy who enjoys playing the field, there is a separate side to him which showed through, and I want to get to know THAT guy -- as a friend. I told him the very next day he didn't have to worry about me wanting anything emotional from him because of my commitment issues, I did tell him I very much needed friends as I am new in this city and he seemed like someone who would make a good friend and that I wanted to get to know him more for that. His answer was that "friendship is what matters anyway".

So now, I ask again: he has been quiet and I have extended invitations and he has declined for valid reasons. He is friendly to me when I get in contact with him and seems very much open to being friends, but he just doesn't initiate contact. Should I let go of my pursuit in establishing a 'friend relationship' with him or sit tight?

If he's a typical cancer, maybe he's sussing it out silently from all angles like they are famous for. Just to make sure I'm not trying to creep my way into emotional stuff or whatever...

He's not initiating contact. He's not interested and if he was, your continuous initiating and invitations makes you look desperate and that is a turn off. Sit tight

Hey everyone 🙂 am new here 🙂
Plz contact me Ocean Deep.i need your help so urgently 🙂

Thanks in advance.

Posted by Maddy

Posted by catin
I'm dealing with a CANCER MAN HERE.... nuff said....

Cancer or no cancer, it looks like you're dealing with a 5 year old boy not a man.

click to expand

OH... how I know that ....lol.... I've been telling him for years now to continue to be a wimp... or decide to be a man... I want the man I fell for.. not the wimp/child he bacame after I asked for a sit down and talk... I stand my ground...

Posted by catin
I forgot to mention... that he was totally checking me out during the convo...from head to toe... and was also checking me out...while I was walking away from him.... Heck he did not close his door...until I was well seated in my vehicle 😛 lol

AND? A man checks out a woman... who is obsessed with him... and wearing stilettos and tight jeans... He's a MAN!

He didn't even come to you... you had to call out to him, so NO he was not looking for you. You even moved your car to be closer to his?

Woman... you have got some issues! Did he ask to call you? Did he say more than "we'll talk soon?" Did he do ANYTHING but make polite conversation with you?
Cancer or not, if a man is interested he shows interest. He is not interested. He is not calling you incognito and playing some big elaborate game with you.

When's the last time you saw him... 3.5 years ago?

*face palm*

@ Catin, what you have with your cancer sounds disfunctional and you sound like an idiot going on and on about what to do and not to do, and yet you dont realize your contribution to this sick merry go round you call a "relationship" My head was spinning after reading your posts, it sounds utterly ridiculous! And no, it cant be justified by saying he's a "Cancer" And lastly, how do you know specifically Wineaux was dumped or are you just assuming because she hasnt posted since her last issue. And if she was dumped I dont think she would appreciate you advertising it to the entire board-thats for her to do, not you.