Cancer man: processing thoughts or just dishonesty
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by wondering scorpio on Monday, April 27, 2009 and has 12 replies.
I met this Cancer guy during my trip to Asia this winter. It was a nice and sweet friendship: elephant rides, swimming together, shopping, restaurants, romantic walks, sweet talks. His English is terrible, but the connection between us was perfect ??? very emotional and we could read each others minds! No sex, no messing around even when we slept in the same bed (it happened twice). He is 10 years younger, and I did not want to spoil anything by moving things too fast. I felt we were getting closer and closer, I sensed he was pulling me away from the rest of the group, smiling, calling me ???his girlfriend??, ???princess??, ???perfect woman?? - outside I acted like the one, but inside did not take it seriously. Thinking back I realize I probably provoked his jelousy too because I thought he was too passive.
The actual nightmare happened during the New Year beach party ??? he smoked a joint and got into jail for it. I know for sure it is not his first joint, but the alternative was to leave him in this nightmarish Asian jail for at least 3 months or bail him out for 1000 Euro. Well, I preferred the last option, staying one more day in this hell would have killed him for sure.
He came back home safe, called me in January, spoke very emotionally, talked about his mom crying over what has happened to him, about his dogs, wanted to return the money, was concerned about it. This amount equals his monthly salary, and I did not pressure him. Than he vanished for 3 weeks and re-appeared in February writing that he has got the money and again ??? sweet, long, very emotional, admiring telephone talks. I told him I would have liked to come and visit him in April, and we agreed to move our communication to a webcam the next day (it was his initiative).
And what?? He never called and just vanished! It has been 2,5 months since I heard from him. He did not transfer the money, never returned my call (I left a message once), did not respond to my recent email with a slight reminder about the debt. He cut me off! He is still among my facebook friends and I can see he has been there at least twice during this time, so the guy is alive. But when I call (even from hidden number), I get the answering machine.
My mind is boiling while trying to find different explanations. Did he move on and forgot about me and the whole story? Do Cancers have a short memory and forget people so quickly? What could be going on? What is my best strategy? I feel like I have fallen for t
The actual nightmare happened during the New Year beach party ??? he smoked a joint and got into jail for it. I know for sure it is not his first joint, but the alternative was to leave him in this nightmarish Asian jail for at least 3 months or bail him out for 1000 Euro. Well, I preferred the last option, staying one more day in this hell would have killed him for sure.
He came back home safe, called me in January, spoke very emotionally, talked about his mom crying over what has happened to him, about his dogs, wanted to return the money, was concerned about it. This amount equals his monthly salary, and I did not pressure him. Than he vanished for 3 weeks and re-appeared in February writing that he has got the money and again ??? sweet, long, very emotional, admiring telephone talks. I told him I would have liked to come and visit him in April, and we agreed to move our communication to a webcam the next day (it was his initiative).
And what?? He never called and just vanished! It has been 2,5 months since I heard from him. He did not transfer the money, never returned my call (I left a message once), did not respond to my recent email with a slight reminder about the debt. He cut me off! He is still among my facebook friends and I can see he has been there at least twice during this time, so the guy is alive. But when I call (even from hidden number), I get the answering machine.
My mind is boiling while trying to find different explanations. Did he move on and forgot about me and the whole story? Do Cancers have a short memory and forget people so quickly? What could be going on? What is my best strategy? I feel like I have fallen for t
oh gosh, sounds like you got swindled by a manipulative lying seducer, I have heard a few stories such as yours ):
Well, out of sight, out of mind. You didn't really know him that well....it was a flash in the pan sort of thing.
But the real killer was, of course, that you acted like a mom-figure, bailed him out etc. I'm sure he WAS grateful, but most Cancerian men HATE looking like idiots in front of their women. So he probably found a way to blame it on you in his mind -- ("Well, she's rich, she can afford it.") then skipped out.
If you'd been thinking straight, you might have gotten a promissory note from him, but I would let bygones be bygones. He sounds like a real loser. Most Scorp women I know can make 1000 euros in about 1 week anyway, we are awesome money-producers!
But the real killer was, of course, that you acted like a mom-figure, bailed him out etc. I'm sure he WAS grateful, but most Cancerian men HATE looking like idiots in front of their women. So he probably found a way to blame it on you in his mind -- ("Well, she's rich, she can afford it.") then skipped out.
If you'd been thinking straight, you might have gotten a promissory note from him, but I would let bygones be bygones. He sounds like a real loser. Most Scorp women I know can make 1000 euros in about 1 week anyway, we are awesome money-producers!
I could have done a lot of things like making him write a promissory note, getting wittnesses (our common friends who were there as well), taking his golden ring with diamonds (it pay at least one third). But I HAVE CHOSEN to do nothing, did not even get a receipt from the Thai police. Destiny gave me a chance to put him and our relationship through a test and I am grateful for it. Now it is only black or white, right or left, north or south, no shades, nothing in between...
I know, it sounds illogical, but there is usually not much logics when it comes to feelings and relationships. Human connections don't have much to do with timing either. Some people and things we come in contact with just briefly, but remember them to the rest of our lives. Especially under such circumstances.
The reason why I am biting my tail now is because I am afraid that he could turn out to be a bad lemon. My intuition was telling me good things about this guy and his heart. If the story is finished at this point, it means I cannot trust my intuition about people anymore. And it makes me sad.
Of course, it is not about money. It is about trust and his free choice. I am ready to lose this money, but how will he live with such a skeleton in the closet of his mind? Will he be able to ever FEEL good about himself even if he tries to look good in front of ladies?
My wicked scropio ways to test people...
I know, it sounds illogical, but there is usually not much logics when it comes to feelings and relationships. Human connections don't have much to do with timing either. Some people and things we come in contact with just briefly, but remember them to the rest of our lives. Especially under such circumstances.
The reason why I am biting my tail now is because I am afraid that he could turn out to be a bad lemon. My intuition was telling me good things about this guy and his heart. If the story is finished at this point, it means I cannot trust my intuition about people anymore. And it makes me sad.
Of course, it is not about money. It is about trust and his free choice. I am ready to lose this money, but how will he live with such a skeleton in the closet of his mind? Will he be able to ever FEEL good about himself even if he tries to look good in front of ladies?
My wicked scropio ways to test people...
Typical Cancer man trait!
Hi krobe03,
I have been reading your posts with great interest, you seemed to be a real cancerian expert. I am completely lost in this game, can you elaborate on your comment? What do you see here as a typical Cancer man trait? As I see it, you never fail to give a good advice. Just curious...
I have been reading your posts with great interest, you seemed to be a real cancerian expert. I am completely lost in this game, can you elaborate on your comment? What do you see here as a typical Cancer man trait? As I see it, you never fail to give a good advice. Just curious...
Cancer men love to take without returning the love! LOL!
I am not being funny about it and I am not just pertaining to a Cancer man - ANY man that you loan out funds to esp. a love interest will lose interest in pursuing something more with you. Esp. since he didn't give you ALOT more than you gave to him.
As women we want to help the men we love so we do things to add to his life and to lessen his pain. We love to create beautiful, pain free moments for our men. The only sad part about it is that is always backfires. Why? Because it makes us seem like to our men we are desperate for them. Like we will go out of the way to try and do things to please them when they do little or nothing for the favors. It makes us appear easy, like we don't know how to reconize game and aren't capable of taking care of ourselves from con artist users.
The whole concept is mothering him. Men cannot fall in love with a woman who wants to act like his mother. I have been in your shoes before so believe me, I know exactly how you feel. You would think our men would appreciate us more, love us more and return our love we give to them back. No, we are usually left heartbroken with pain.
Alot of pain because that HURTS when you are betrayed in such a doggish way. To beat the odds, next time it happens, don't give a fu@@! When a man goes to jail, that is his problem. If it was ME, I would make him pull out of his 401K savings, lifetime retirement, anything he had to give me my money back but that is just me. If he didn't give it back, everytime he tried to kick it with me I would stand his ass up. LOL!
I have had that same experience with a Cancer man, not $ 1,000 but ALL my money counts for me. I just let it go. I let the whole situation with trusting him ever again. YOU WILL NEVER trust him, it will never work out between you two and you will ALWAYS remember he played you. YOU WILL ALWAYS unconsciously punish him shall he return. Always, something in the back of your mind just won't let it rest. Heal yourself and step away from the situation and stop thinking about it. I know it will be hard but you are going to be very bitter behind it.
I am not being funny about it and I am not just pertaining to a Cancer man - ANY man that you loan out funds to esp. a love interest will lose interest in pursuing something more with you. Esp. since he didn't give you ALOT more than you gave to him.
As women we want to help the men we love so we do things to add to his life and to lessen his pain. We love to create beautiful, pain free moments for our men. The only sad part about it is that is always backfires. Why? Because it makes us seem like to our men we are desperate for them. Like we will go out of the way to try and do things to please them when they do little or nothing for the favors. It makes us appear easy, like we don't know how to reconize game and aren't capable of taking care of ourselves from con artist users.
The whole concept is mothering him. Men cannot fall in love with a woman who wants to act like his mother. I have been in your shoes before so believe me, I know exactly how you feel. You would think our men would appreciate us more, love us more and return our love we give to them back. No, we are usually left heartbroken with pain.
Alot of pain because that HURTS when you are betrayed in such a doggish way. To beat the odds, next time it happens, don't give a fu@@! When a man goes to jail, that is his problem. If it was ME, I would make him pull out of his 401K savings, lifetime retirement, anything he had to give me my money back but that is just me. If he didn't give it back, everytime he tried to kick it with me I would stand his ass up. LOL!
I have had that same experience with a Cancer man, not $ 1,000 but ALL my money counts for me. I just let it go. I let the whole situation with trusting him ever again. YOU WILL NEVER trust him, it will never work out between you two and you will ALWAYS remember he played you. YOU WILL ALWAYS unconsciously punish him shall he return. Always, something in the back of your mind just won't let it rest. Heal yourself and step away from the situation and stop thinking about it. I know it will be hard but you are going to be very bitter behind it.
OH PS,
Don't look for him to give you your money back or apologize. In his mind, he is going to think that you are doormatish. Just drop the whole situation like it never happened even though I know that is hard for esp. a Scorp to do.
Don't look for him to give you your money back or apologize. In his mind, he is going to think that you are doormatish. Just drop the whole situation like it never happened even though I know that is hard for esp. a Scorp to do.
Thank you, magic woman, you are speaking from my heart. But it took me lots of pain and thinking to get there. It still seems like in this story I was placed between the devil and the deep blue sea. On one hand, my basic Christian values will not allow me to abandon any person under such hardship (and Thai jail is pure hell, believe me!), on another hand giving out so much for a man jeopardizes his feelings, it??s true. Tough choices! Knowing myself, I would be suffering much more if I had abandoned him in jail, I would be thinking low of myself. But it was a good lesson and I promised to myself that I will never ever open my wallet to a man again.
I did a few more things, you might consider them silly ??? I called the guy sometimes in April, we chatted for a few minutes and he told me that he has no internet and his apartment building is being taken down (I know he is not lying about this), and went on how unhappy he is as he has no place to live, no family who can support him, blah, blah, poor thing??_ Then he asked my permission to call me back in 5 minutes??_ And guess what??_
I did a few more things, you might consider them silly ??? I called the guy sometimes in April, we chatted for a few minutes and he told me that he has no internet and his apartment building is being taken down (I know he is not lying about this), and went on how unhappy he is as he has no place to live, no family who can support him, blah, blah, poor thing??_ Then he asked my permission to call me back in 5 minutes??_ And guess what??_
At that time I still had my illusions and did not believe that men could be so cynical. I thought he just does not have the money to pay me back and that??s why ashamed to talk to me. For some reason I really emphasized with him (typical female trait). Well, I sent him a message on his phone that money is just paper and he should not worry about it. A few weeks later I sent him a friendly supportive postcard telling that I am confident that he will manage with all the problems that fell on him and he should trust himself and believe in himself like I trust and believe in him. I think it is way better than to be a doormate, hopefully it will wake up his consciousness at some point.
But my question is, how will he live with such consciousness? Sold our friendship and his male honor for as cheap as 1000 bucks??_ I just lost the money, but this humiliating story will stay with him to the rest of his life. I don??t believe people (especially men) ??? I don??t care cancerians or not ??? can just erase such things from their minds. This question goes a bit beyond just male-female relationships, what do you think?
I do not intend to contact him anytime soon, and am actually going for a date with a local cancerian guy tonight. But in July I will be in France for a month on a course, only 120 km from the town he lives. It would be stupid not to use this occasion somehow, perhaps to return the money or teach him a good lesson??_ But how? Any creative ideas?
But my question is, how will he live with such consciousness? Sold our friendship and his male honor for as cheap as 1000 bucks??_ I just lost the money, but this humiliating story will stay with him to the rest of his life. I don??t believe people (especially men) ??? I don??t care cancerians or not ??? can just erase such things from their minds. This question goes a bit beyond just male-female relationships, what do you think?
I do not intend to contact him anytime soon, and am actually going for a date with a local cancerian guy tonight. But in July I will be in France for a month on a course, only 120 km from the town he lives. It would be stupid not to use this occasion somehow, perhaps to return the money or teach him a good lesson??_ But how? Any creative ideas?
But my question is, how will he live with such consciousness? Sold our friendship and his male honor for as cheap as 1000 bucks??_ I just lost the money, but this humiliating story will stay with him to the rest of his life. I don??t believe people (especially men) ??? I don??t care cancerians or not ??? can just erase such things from their minds. This question goes a bit beyond just male-female relationships, what do you think?
Um take it from me, yes he can! LOL! I am not laughing because it is funny, I truly know it is so hard to believe but once you lower your value in his "eyes" it is hard to get out of that position. He is not humiliated to the least. I know Cancer-all- men "LOVE" to throw sob stories out on women. Why? Because we buy them. We are very empathetic creatures indeed and that is by nature. The sad part is MEN KNOW THIS-so they use their manipulative skills to suck us into their dark holes and the only ones left hurt is ME, YOU and yes, OUR wallet. God, give me the strength to say I have been there, done that and it won't happen anymore. I am not sleep in that department. I truly believe he is appreciative of your giving but it just erased what potential you two had with each other right now. You committed yourself to this man and he didn't earn it. A good heart just doesn't cut it out with men. None of them. You can be nice to a certain extent but not about money matters.
I do not intend to contact him anytime soon, and am actually going for a date with a local cancerian guy tonight. But in July I will be in France for a month on a course, only 120 km from the town he lives. It would be stupid not to use this occasion somehow, perhaps to return the money or teach him a good lesson??_ But how? Any creative ideas?
You are not going to get your money back. I would say just forget about it and keep your distance away from him. Everytime he steps to you, you are going to want to burn his ass.
Um take it from me, yes he can! LOL! I am not laughing because it is funny, I truly know it is so hard to believe but once you lower your value in his "eyes" it is hard to get out of that position. He is not humiliated to the least. I know Cancer-all- men "LOVE" to throw sob stories out on women. Why? Because we buy them. We are very empathetic creatures indeed and that is by nature. The sad part is MEN KNOW THIS-so they use their manipulative skills to suck us into their dark holes and the only ones left hurt is ME, YOU and yes, OUR wallet. God, give me the strength to say I have been there, done that and it won't happen anymore. I am not sleep in that department. I truly believe he is appreciative of your giving but it just erased what potential you two had with each other right now. You committed yourself to this man and he didn't earn it. A good heart just doesn't cut it out with men. None of them. You can be nice to a certain extent but not about money matters.
I do not intend to contact him anytime soon, and am actually going for a date with a local cancerian guy tonight. But in July I will be in France for a month on a course, only 120 km from the town he lives. It would be stupid not to use this occasion somehow, perhaps to return the money or teach him a good lesson??_ But how? Any creative ideas?
You are not going to get your money back. I would say just forget about it and keep your distance away from him. Everytime he steps to you, you are going to want to burn his ass.
Sold our friendship and his male honor for as cheap as 1000 bucks??_
Well I really believe he is distancing himself because he may believe you want more than he is willing to give to you right now. He may feel you are expecting some kind of response from him that he is not ready for.
On the other hand, he is well aware that his attraction level is amped up 1,000 times more right now. LOL! Men know that distance can bring the most "powerful" woman to her knees. That BS hurts to the "CORE". Men know how to keep the distance just enough to come back, give us crumbs of attention-(just like a dog looking for a treat)-get what they want again to start the cycle all over again. That is why he is throwing those empathetic stories of pathetic misery on you-he wants you to buy into them. He wants you to "feel" sorry for him. He wants you to think he isn't loved, no one understands him, he only has himself blah...blah...blah BS. It is all game so be wiser one and walk away. It is all game so you can feel sorry for him, take care of him or some need he wants met and then he disappears to reappear to do it all over again. You will be more attracted to him because of your empathy- STOP yourself from this madness! This behavior will drive a saint into a mad woman.
I am telling you from experience, LOL! Cancer men aren't a joke. Stay away and just date the new Cancer guy and see what comes out of this but don't be surprised and be out on the lookout for him doing the same thing.
Well I really believe he is distancing himself because he may believe you want more than he is willing to give to you right now. He may feel you are expecting some kind of response from him that he is not ready for.
On the other hand, he is well aware that his attraction level is amped up 1,000 times more right now. LOL! Men know that distance can bring the most "powerful" woman to her knees. That BS hurts to the "CORE". Men know how to keep the distance just enough to come back, give us crumbs of attention-(just like a dog looking for a treat)-get what they want again to start the cycle all over again. That is why he is throwing those empathetic stories of pathetic misery on you-he wants you to buy into them. He wants you to "feel" sorry for him. He wants you to think he isn't loved, no one understands him, he only has himself blah...blah...blah BS. It is all game so be wiser one and walk away. It is all game so you can feel sorry for him, take care of him or some need he wants met and then he disappears to reappear to do it all over again. You will be more attracted to him because of your empathy- STOP yourself from this madness! This behavior will drive a saint into a mad woman.
I am telling you from experience, LOL! Cancer men aren't a joke. Stay away and just date the new Cancer guy and see what comes out of this but don't be surprised and be out on the lookout for him doing the same thing.
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