cancerian/librian reunion?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by sweethearts on Tuesday, March 28, 2006 and has 14 replies.
My 1st love is the cancer in question. I was 13 and he was 14...25 years later we were bought together by the death of a mutual friend. Even though I was married for 20 years with 3 kids(an unhappy marriage in the last 6 years) and he was on the verge of moving out of town to live with a girlfriend of 6 months, he contacted me via email.
He moved in with his gf and we chatted through emails daily for the 1st year in which I had left my husband, Yes he helped me make up my own mind that I wasn't going to live that way anymore...miserable.
Our contact started with texting and emailing while he worked and we were together all day long. We talked about everything except his situation with gf. Firstly of course re-living our childhood and memories and then all our dreams, insecurities and fantasies! He started opening up and said that he was really comfortable with me. So comfortable that hecould talk about anything...well almost because I daren't touch on his current relationship. From a distance he is fairly happy living in her home and with his job transfer, neither have children, 2 cats each in fact! And he loves the city in which they live in. They didn't seem to do much together or have much in common. I was getting texts from the moment he woke up til the time he went to sleep... No an hour before he retired, and sometimes he even slept int he spare room which I found real odd.
I wondered how she couldn't see it? I'm talking 50 a day!!! Weekends could easily top 100 as the texting is free!
He said things to me that totally blew me away because it is rare that you cancerians really let go of your feelings like...I should've been the mother to his kids, he does regret that he didn't have any but feels he's too old and selfish now. That I got married when he was in a coma! hehe. He'd love to get to know my kids and that he's head over heels for me...no love didn't enter that phrase at that time although he often signed off love you or L me.
After almost 2 years of talking, texting and emailing we came to a point where we had to meet up. YEAH for the obvious!!! 3 fantastic nights, my dreams and fantasies coming true...
I had written a letter knowing how I ws going to feel about him flying home to her and that told him that now after consumating our relationship that it now puts me, in m y mind, as his lover/concubine/No2 and I couldn't handle the feelings of jealousy that I would now be feeling.
At this point he closes up and my stubborness abd morals get int he way too.
He had tried to talk over the phone once, he missed me and wanted to hear my voice, and he texted a couple of times. In turns we texted but only resulting in one each time. I'd rather talk about it but wanted him to go there and he ignored the situation, just saying he missed me.
DELIMMA:
Should I hang in there???
I totally understand how this would be a huge and scary step and how much your homes and comforts mean to cancerians. I on the other hand am materially comfortable so it's not a bill payer I'm after!
Should I lower my moral standards???
Living with someone outside of marriage while I teach my children the opposite!
I'd consider a compromise...for sure!
Or should I let go of my dream to be with the man that I've always loved and known it all along???
It's been 3 painful moths and it's not getting any easier. My friends don't know my secret so I can't talk to them!
Sorry I've nearly writtes a flippen book but any help would be appreciated.
Sincerely yours
He moved in with his gf and we chatted through emails daily for the 1st year in which I had left my husband, Yes he helped me make up my own mind that I wasn't going to live that way anymore...miserable.
Our contact started with texting and emailing while he worked and we were together all day long. We talked about everything except his situation with gf. Firstly of course re-living our childhood and memories and then all our dreams, insecurities and fantasies! He started opening up and said that he was really comfortable with me. So comfortable that hecould talk about anything...well almost because I daren't touch on his current relationship. From a distance he is fairly happy living in her home and with his job transfer, neither have children, 2 cats each in fact! And he loves the city in which they live in. They didn't seem to do much together or have much in common. I was getting texts from the moment he woke up til the time he went to sleep... No an hour before he retired, and sometimes he even slept int he spare room which I found real odd.
I wondered how she couldn't see it? I'm talking 50 a day!!! Weekends could easily top 100 as the texting is free!
He said things to me that totally blew me away because it is rare that you cancerians really let go of your feelings like...I should've been the mother to his kids, he does regret that he didn't have any but feels he's too old and selfish now. That I got married when he was in a coma! hehe. He'd love to get to know my kids and that he's head over heels for me...no love didn't enter that phrase at that time although he often signed off love you or L me.
After almost 2 years of talking, texting and emailing we came to a point where we had to meet up. YEAH for the obvious!!! 3 fantastic nights, my dreams and fantasies coming true...
I had written a letter knowing how I ws going to feel about him flying home to her and that told him that now after consumating our relationship that it now puts me, in m y mind, as his lover/concubine/No2 and I couldn't handle the feelings of jealousy that I would now be feeling.
At this point he closes up and my stubborness abd morals get int he way too.
He had tried to talk over the phone once, he missed me and wanted to hear my voice, and he texted a couple of times. In turns we texted but only resulting in one each time. I'd rather talk about it but wanted him to go there and he ignored the situation, just saying he missed me.
DELIMMA:
Should I hang in there???
I totally understand how this would be a huge and scary step and how much your homes and comforts mean to cancerians. I on the other hand am materially comfortable so it's not a bill payer I'm after!
Should I lower my moral standards???
Living with someone outside of marriage while I teach my children the opposite!
I'd consider a compromise...for sure!
Or should I let go of my dream to be with the man that I've always loved and known it all along???
It's been 3 painful moths and it's not getting any easier. My friends don't know my secret so I can't talk to them!
Sorry I've nearly writtes a flippen book but any help would be appreciated.
Sincerely yours
Poor Baby...
Sweethearts I am a bit confused on this. Has he left the girlfriend already? If he has then you got him...if not, I say run for the hills. Why do you ask?
1. You already know Cancers love stability and aren't real big on change so why would he leave a girlfriend that he is moderately happy with in a city that he loves and a job that he loves? Probably wouldn't
2. Men who want another relationship on the side are going to say whatever it takes to get that next booty call which all boils down to the excitement of it all. So does his actions prove to you that he misses you? And even if they do, it is not hard to text a person without your significant other know. Namely by silencing the notice of a text and you of course know texting is very quiet and can be done anywhere.
3. No offense meant so PLEASE don't take it that way but you have three children from a previous marriage that equals MAJOR baggage. So again, why would he leave the no-kid environment where he has alot more freedom? Not saying it doesn't or can't happen because I have seen it happen but it is RARE!
I hope things are not as I think they are, but I think this dude is playing you. Don't fall for it if that is the case. Oh yeah and sometimes us Cancers (especially the men
) aren't above using emotional manipulation so watch out!
Hope it works out for you
Sweethearts I am a bit confused on this. Has he left the girlfriend already? If he has then you got him...if not, I say run for the hills. Why do you ask?
1. You already know Cancers love stability and aren't real big on change so why would he leave a girlfriend that he is moderately happy with in a city that he loves and a job that he loves? Probably wouldn't
2. Men who want another relationship on the side are going to say whatever it takes to get that next booty call which all boils down to the excitement of it all. So does his actions prove to you that he misses you? And even if they do, it is not hard to text a person without your significant other know. Namely by silencing the notice of a text and you of course know texting is very quiet and can be done anywhere.
3. No offense meant so PLEASE don't take it that way but you have three children from a previous marriage that equals MAJOR baggage. So again, why would he leave the no-kid environment where he has alot more freedom? Not saying it doesn't or can't happen because I have seen it happen but it is RARE!
I hope things are not as I think they are, but I think this dude is playing you. Don't fall for it if that is the case. Oh yeah and sometimes us Cancers (especially the men
) aren't above using emotional manipulation so watch out!Hope it works out for you
Thanks Cancerlady, feed back noted and taken with a lump and a tear but much needed to keep strong. Truth hurts!
I'm sorry. I just know what it feels like to be held on a string (2yrs) and I don't want you to go through that.
Funny enough it was a libra that did that to me...But we are better as friends.
CL/Cm2
Funny enough it was a libra that did that to me...But we are better as friends.
CL/Cm2
Well I certainly couldn't go the friendship thing now, all or nothing and I'm not sure if that's a librian thing.
Any other advice is surely noted!
Any other advice is surely noted!
(((Sweets)))
He is a Drama King.
No you shouldn't hang in there. You see, he thinks because you went into the situation knowing you are number 2 that you have no reason to be upset with it and were quite comfortable being number 2. You have suggested that you don't need more. If you did, you wouldn't have settled.
You see people (usually men) start these things to avoid something. It is a distraction from something they don't want to face. They don't want love. They want validation, distraction, and drama. While they are focusing on deceiving, they aren't focused on what they really need to focus on. The elephant in the livingroom is avoided because he is busy hiding the elephant in the closet.
Actions talk. Words don't. He obviously loves his girlfriend and has no intention of leaving. If he did, he would.
And I know how hard it is to hear that.
(((sweets)))
He is a Drama King.
No you shouldn't hang in there. You see, he thinks because you went into the situation knowing you are number 2 that you have no reason to be upset with it and were quite comfortable being number 2. You have suggested that you don't need more. If you did, you wouldn't have settled.
You see people (usually men) start these things to avoid something. It is a distraction from something they don't want to face. They don't want love. They want validation, distraction, and drama. While they are focusing on deceiving, they aren't focused on what they really need to focus on. The elephant in the livingroom is avoided because he is busy hiding the elephant in the closet.
Actions talk. Words don't. He obviously loves his girlfriend and has no intention of leaving. If he did, he would.
And I know how hard it is to hear that.
(((sweets)))
Thankyou, yes it can be hard but it makes me stronger and that's why I need it. I've always been the pillar of strength in my friends love relationships but couldn't deal with my own...so any feed back just helps me cope with those moments when I'm alone and feeling desparate enough to even think about opening those doors again. You words of wisdom come into play then.
Really appreciated! Just out of curiosity which country do you live in?
I live in New Zealand.
Really appreciated! Just out of curiosity which country do you live in?
I live in New Zealand.
Little sparrow, should I have the last word? I sooo want the last word!!! Is that a librian thing too cos I always want the last word and if so from which angle shall I come from???
See all this advice had made me stop feeling sorry for myself and made me angry!!!
I can deal with a little of that. I'm not use to being weak.
See all this advice had made me stop feeling sorry for myself and made me angry!!!
I can deal with a little of that. I'm not use to being weak.
He's not going to let you get the last word if he can...I know I never do 
I live in USA...What is New Zealand weather like?
I live in USA...What is New Zealand weather like?
Thats ok it's not really in my make up to be nasty and to be perfectly frank...no matter what I couldn't be nasty to him!
New Zealand weather at the moment is beautiful, we have 4 seasons in 1 day alot of the time but I fly between Aussie (my family migrated there) and here and I do appreciate our climate better. Winters are very mild these days and can be quite sunny and warm. I live in Auckland and have to put up with the humidity and the overcast days but it's comfortable. The significant other lives in Christchurch in the South Island and that is either hot or bitterly cold from my experience. Hmmmm not to my liking. Where are you and how's your weather? Weather paterns are changing aren't they?
New Zealand weather at the moment is beautiful, we have 4 seasons in 1 day alot of the time but I fly between Aussie (my family migrated there) and here and I do appreciate our climate better. Winters are very mild these days and can be quite sunny and warm. I live in Auckland and have to put up with the humidity and the overcast days but it's comfortable. The significant other lives in Christchurch in the South Island and that is either hot or bitterly cold from my experience. Hmmmm not to my liking. Where are you and how's your weather? Weather paterns are changing aren't they?
Glad to help Sweets.
I am in Toronto Canada.
I am in Toronto Canada.
It's pretty dreary here...in the stage between spring and winter. If I was still in Atlanta...it would be sunny and beautiful.
Indiana SUCKS! But the Final Four is here this weekend!
Indiana SUCKS! But the Final Four is here this weekend!
He made the 1st move then and made the 1st move 25 years later. He taught me alot back in the early years but this time round I opened his eyes and taught him how to express himself freely...I think I taught him alot and that was before we met up over Xmas!!!
We loved and fought back then and we stil did it 25 years later, a definite tug or war between the two of us but it adds to the explosiveness of what we have.
More to the relationship we shared similar likes, wants and needs and both appreciate being teacher and pupil. We laughed alot and joked around too.
My hot temper would flare when I got frustrated over his actions or lack of and he thought that that was hilarious.
It certainly wouldn't be a walk in the park but well worth it!!
Why do you say that I need to be loved in a different way because I have children? Curious???
I'm 39 he's 40. My girls are 17, 13 & 10.
We loved and fought back then and we stil did it 25 years later, a definite tug or war between the two of us but it adds to the explosiveness of what we have.
More to the relationship we shared similar likes, wants and needs and both appreciate being teacher and pupil. We laughed alot and joked around too.
My hot temper would flare when I got frustrated over his actions or lack of and he thought that that was hilarious.
It certainly wouldn't be a walk in the park but well worth it!!
Why do you say that I need to be loved in a different way because I have children? Curious???
I'm 39 he's 40. My girls are 17, 13 & 10.
Thanks for you advice,
I'm at the time in my life where it's about me again. The kids, 1 of which is already moving out and on, and the other 2 are establishing thereselves as individuals and likewise my friends are rallying around again. I look forward now to travelling around the world and doing what I didn't when I was younger. My mate does that as he works with an airline and has opened my eyes to the world. He particularly likes the US but I'd like to see Europe 1st.
Back to Mr Cancer though, if he doesn't reach out and open up for whatever reason it just leaves me hanging and eventually I'll move on.
What do I do when he does look me up again?... I know he will, I told him I'd wait for him forever a year ago. But this, him choosing to stay with her and not even talking about any of this with me changes things.
I'm at the time in my life where it's about me again. The kids, 1 of which is already moving out and on, and the other 2 are establishing thereselves as individuals and likewise my friends are rallying around again. I look forward now to travelling around the world and doing what I didn't when I was younger. My mate does that as he works with an airline and has opened my eyes to the world. He particularly likes the US but I'd like to see Europe 1st.
Back to Mr Cancer though, if he doesn't reach out and open up for whatever reason it just leaves me hanging and eventually I'll move on.
What do I do when he does look me up again?... I know he will, I told him I'd wait for him forever a year ago. But this, him choosing to stay with her and not even talking about any of this with me changes things.
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