Do you...

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Hotgal78 on Thursday, November 29, 2007 and has 151 replies.
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Cancers acknowledge being possessive? (That is if you think you are or can be)
They say Taurus is one of the most possessive signs in the zodiac, however, they also say Cancers are too.
So do you try to act withdrawn/uncaring/detached as not to show you are possessive (secretly) or do you posses the ones you love openly/freely without hesitation or fear of being viewed as clingy/smothering?
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"So do you try to act withdrawn/uncaring/detached as not to show you are possessive (secretly)"
Yes I would always do this but it was only a front, if I wanted the person to be with the real me I had to express what was comfortable to me and see what response I would get and it was a positive one.
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meaning I went ahead and started doing this:do you posses the ones you love openly/freely without hesitation or fear of being viewed as clingy/smothering?
because thats who I really am and yes I will admit to being possessive and a bit controling.
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So do you try to act withdrawn/uncaring/detached as not to show you are possessive (secretly) -- Yes, I do this. I don't appear clingy on the surface but deep down I am possessive!
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I hear you CL. I am that way too once I have a comfortable footing into a relationship.
I don't wanna scare a poor man away before then by doing what I naturally wanna do which is ---- grab him by the member while saying.....
"YOU BELONG TO ME; NOW FOLLOW MY LEAD"
LoL
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I try to appear detached in the beginning of the relationship for sure-I dont want to scare them away : )...but I think as things progress and they sre more possessive-I feel more comfortable allowing that side to show through.
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Wow I do this too! I never knew that all cancers did that! I try to hide how jealous and possessive I can really be as to not scare my guy off!
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I would love it if the cancer I'm interested in would act possessive!
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I second that Angel.
Recently I tried to go on this "I'm yours and you're mine" declaration trip and he totally fell into it. I think all along he wanted to be free to admit that he was mine and in his mind I was his and it felt so liberating for me to do as CL said ,be true to who I am, and just tell him that in my mind he's mine and Im his. lostsoul and I also touched on it before, we, Cancer and Taurus, both secretly desire to be claimed just as much as we enjoy claiming. That Valentine's theme "Be Mine" had to either originate with a Cancer or a Taurus...but which one of us are going to step up and risk the embarrassment of being the first (and maybe only) to say "Im Already Yours(and I desperately want you to be mine too)"....
Thats why we fake and front on it and try to hide, almost everyone admitted it...that its fear of scaring the person away lol sending them running for the hills looking back to make sure the psycho isnt chasing after them declaring "mine mine mine mine mine" like a frazzled 3 year old....and somehow I imagine this scene plays rampant in the mind of a Cancer with a wild imagination.
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shoot, who am I fooling, it replays in the mind of little bulls and crabs. I cant lie I've been there a couple times myself
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"Thats why we fake and front on it and try to hide, almost everyone admitted it...that its fear of scaring the person away lol sending them running for the hills looking back to make sure the psycho isnt chasing after them declaring "mine mine mine mine mine" like a frazzled 3 year old....and somehow I imagine this scene plays rampant in the mind of a Cancer with a wild imagination."
That's EXACTLY it!
I never know if maybe I'm not showing enough interest...... but then I get scared that if I do I'll scare him off. Who knows - maybe he's thinking the same thing. Maybe I think I'm being clear and he doesn't, and maybe he's afraid he'll scare me off.... I know that's been a problem for him the past - trying to hard.
But hell, he can tattoo "property of Brian" on me for all I care!
and the thing about both taurus and cancer secretly wanting to be possesd as much as we want to possess is soooooooo true.......
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Lol SF, that's what i've been doing to my bull too! Are we having the same connections here?
And to my surprised...he mentioned that U R MINE to me few days ago!!!
I lurveeee all the possessiveness thing about him!
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Yes i am damnit,lol. I am. It shows dat u want her to be the one. Now there is possesive and being over possesive to the point you stalking and all kinda shit. Anytime you've reached that point you either dont trust the person or you dont want them to live a kinda spaced out life. But when i say "you my woman" means that i only want u basically.
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lol LS, we really must be in the same place.
Angel it was exactly like that for me: I thought I was being blatant and he felt I was being subtle (if that). I think unless they tell you to leave them alone they want to feel completely romanced.
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"I think unless they tell you to leave them alone they want to feel completely romanced."
SF you hit the nail on the head. If a Cancer says "LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE." 9 times out of 10 they mean it.
Remember we want to be possesed by those we love so when we say the opposite we aren't testing the waters, normally we mean it. We aren't the most direct to begin with so when we say something like that, the ship is sinking....LoL
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Very possessive and protective. I think it's just in my nature to be withdrawn, detached, possessive and protective. It's such a confusing combination of emotions. Make no mistake, Cancer men (for me), are solid men. I know it's hard not to take it personally when we are withdrawn or detached, but that doesn't mean that we don't love you any less.
Example: Last night I'm hanging out with a woman that I'm seeing. After dinner we are walking in the parking lot to our car and some drunk asshole shouts something to her. I immediately get riled up and go over to the guy. Inside I'm pissed off, but my actions were pretty calm when I confronted him. Nothing escalated. It was ridiculous on my part to jump so quick. However, don't mess with girlfriends, friends or family. That is not an option in my world. I'm way too protective. My g/f or whatever you want to call her can take care of herself (Aries) and she just laughed and thought it was sweat. I don't know. I have to be more vigilant of these emotions. Protectiveness, possessiveness, withdrawn and detached.
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Dies, why are yall detached and withdrawn? I try not to take it personally, but it is an odd mix when the day before I see that protective possessive side of him. What's the reason for it?
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Its for protection. Its the work of our shell thats the purpose that it serves and we use it to the fullest. Until we get completly secure (which for some crabs may never accur) we're going to be withdrawn and detached. If we feel as though we are losing our self or control over the situation then we will go to acting detached and withdrawn to get the ball back in our court. We don't ever want you to get to comfortable and allow you to think that you got us. Even if we know you do we try our best not to let you know it, at least till we fill that you won't take it for granted.
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I don't see possesiveness or protectiveness as qualities to hide. I see those traits as positives. If someone acts protective or possesive (in a non-psychopathic way) towards me then I am endeared to them. I'll have their back 150% .
The withdrawl thing doesn't bother me either. I do the same thing and I'm not even a cancer.
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Are all Scorpio women like that? Aren't Cancers and Scorpios supposed to be a great match?
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I think the Scorp woman pairs well with the Cancer male but me being a Cancer woman I'm not into scorps like that. Their too controling. I like Taurus, their controling too but not over the top with it like I've found scorp men to be.
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"I think unless they tell you to leave them alone they want to feel completely romanced."
well the thing is HE doesn't tell me that - his sister does.... but like I already told you I actually think she's trying to F things up for me.
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unfortunately I'm not in a position to just ask - I was on thanksgiving but like an idiot didn't take advantage of the situation......
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his venus is in gemeini which could be a problem - except that I think my aries moon actually compliments it.... the ONLY good thing about an aries moon......
but going to any movie is not an option at this point....
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"Are all Scorpio women like that? Aren't Cancers and Scorpios supposed to be a great match?"
Diesel,
I can only speak for myself and not all scorpio women. I think my pisces moon makes me more "soft" than the typical scorpio so maybe that is why I prefer the posessiveness. Who knows? It just works for me.
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Cancer Lady,
Scorpio men generally frighten me off, but I get along great with scorpio women. I think you might be on to something.
Angel,
A cancer friend (male) is into romance and all of that but doesn't like it to be public which would call extra unwanted attention to him. Maybe there is a way to non-publicly romance him? Hope the sis isn't trying to sabotage you.
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scorpiochick the sister is a scorpio - enough said..... okay well maybe not - yeah she is.
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no - moon, I can't do ANYTHING with him right now. The only way I can go talk to him would be at his job which I don't want to do. But that would be the only way to clear up who's really saying what and I don't think that's an appropriate thing to discuss at his job.
Part of it is just me being scared that it really is coming from him and not his sister - but at the same time that doesn't make any sense because he has never been anything but sweet to me when I have seen him. And I went through the same thing with another scorp friend and a cancer guy where the scorp was talking shit to both of us behind the other's back to try to get us to hate each other..... I see the same sort of thing going on here and can't help but think that's what she's doing because he hasn't said or done anything himself to make thinkhe said any of it to her.
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Do you think she is jealous? It is not like you are stealing her man or anything, so I don't get why she would do that.
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Siblings can be jealous of significant others. My Cancers sisters/cousins are crazy protective of him. I think they'd tear me to shreds given the chance, not because I've done him wrong but because they're scared I would/could/will.
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well the thing is when she had a boyfriend she didn't have much time for me - and when things first happened she was all for us going out - but then she and her guy started having probelmes and they were off and on for a few months and then split completely - when they started having probelms is when she started telling me I should leave her brother alone.
And the thing is as much as I love her, it's a very one sided friendship - she has NEVER come into town to see me - she hangs out with me when she has to be here for something. But she will come down here to see her brother. But I always go see her to ahng out - she likes 70+ miles away.
And she flat out accused me of using her to get to her brother which is insane because I was friends with her for two years before I even met her brother.
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Sounds like my friend. Her husband is in the military and when he's home she doesnt give 2 farts about who Im with but when he's overseas and she makes all these plans for us to hang out nobody I talk to is up to her standards. I just started choosing who I wanted to spend my time with regardless of where he husband was or what she felt about my choice in men.
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I would love to have that option - but him neing her brother presents a problem there - especially if she's talking shit to HIM about ME like my other scorp friend did with his cancer friend I dated
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That wouldnt be such a problem if you and him set up ya'lls own system of communication that didnt involve her. Cut out the middle man, that way if they 2 of you are talking, then whatever she says is hearsay because yall know the real deal. Its kinda of a way to catch her in her own scheme too. If she tells you something opposite of what he told you then you can call her on it or you atleast dont have to worry where you stand with him because you got it from the horses mouth.
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not true - because it's his sister he might not even care if it's true - he may just want to keep the peace with her because she's family.
That's what ahppened with the other cancer - it wasn't family, but we both knew what was going on and he just didn't want to deal with it, so since it was his best friend I got shown the door
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well if he's that cowardly I would suspect you wouldnt want to deal with him anyway. I think every girl wants a guy that will stand up for her at some point yanno. If you and him trust one another then you really should be able to set up a system of communication that his sister cannot penetrate. lol Seems like you have a "oh but no that work work..." for every suggestion.
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You and I are in different situations - I'm in a very complicated one where we both have a close relationship with the person who is causing all of the trouble.
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I'm in a position where I can't MAKE an opportunity - I have to wait for one.
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plus I'm just plain scared to make a wrong move.
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and anyway - it's not :cowardly" this is his sister we're talking about - his FAMILY.
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lol my situation has its own ups and downs, but it takes a lot of determination on the part of any person in a situation where it calls for a will to make something happen instead of sitting around waiting for everything to be perfect before you make a move to make things happen.
There are a lot of aspects to my relationship that arent "perfect" or lend themselves to much more than patiently waiting, but when there is a useful solution to what could be a make it or break it type of problem I think most anyone would try it.Im not downing you, its just a difference of personality. I just think you would be so much farther ahead if you "damn what you cant and do what you can". The choice is always of course yours and I'll respect you whatever decision you make.
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I didn't say I wasn't willing to do anything - I said I'm in a position where I have to wait for the opportunity to arise for me to do something - and admitted that I had that opportunity on thankgiving and screwed it up.
My only other option is to go to the bar he works at and I am not going to go bother him while he's working.
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obviously I'm determined or I would have given up a long time ago
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lol its cowardly not to stand up to anyone that is selfishly pushing their will on any person or situation. "they're family" is an excuse, if they're wrong, they're wrong.
So would you tolerate him dissing you because "it's family" or would you expect him to stand up for you/yall/himself?
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if were in a relationship it would be diofferent - getting one started is a different situation. Andf I don't think he is saying anything bad about me - I think he is just not standing up to his sister. But I don't expect him to have more loyalty towrds me at this point than he does his own sister. I would expect that if we were in a relationship.
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we're talking about a man whose life is all screwed up and NEEDS the support of his family right now...... call it what you want, cowardly, or whatever, but I certainly don't hold it against him.
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Angel hon, I can tell you as a Cancer that our family and friends are important to us, yes, however, if/when we do find someone to be with as a potential mate, we may hear the opinions from them but we ultimately make our own decision
My mother (you know how close some Cancers are with their mothers) couldn't stand my ex-Pisces after we hit a road block in the relationship. She was telling me that he was a loser and to move onto someone worthy of my time and energy. She couldn't stand him and although I would talk to her the decision to be with him was mines alone.
I stayed with him for nearly 5 years and probably 3 of them my mother despised him. Then we have the ex-Aqua who she loves dearly. She wants so badly for us to work, and me I am just like it is over.
So that just goes to show no matter how much his sister may be trying to throw salt, the possibility is there that he could be with you regardless of the negative things she may be saying to him about you.
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I get what you're saying - but that's why I pointed out the fact that he's in a position where he really needs his family's support right now - and especially her because they're both the black sheep of the family and she's the one who stands up for him with the rest of the family.
He doesn't know me well enough to know that I would stand by him, I can tell him until I'm blue in the face but it's just words to him at this point.And that is a huge fear for cancer guys - cancer men and women are different - maybe this is one area in which they are different, especially since as a guy he doesn't want to feel like a loser because he doesn't have his life/finances together.
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I get what everyone is saying about him standing up to her making up his own mind etc. And maybe he's immature - but all I have to go on is what she says versus how he actually acts around me. It doesn't add up and I've been through this with a scorp and a cancer before. This sistuation is truning out EXACTLY like the other one. The difference is this guy is worth the headache. I still talk to the other one and he admits he had "issues" at the time. But like I said there's a difference between this guy and that one - mainly that I am willing to put up with it for this one.
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Just because you're willing to put up with crap because you want to be with this guy more so than the 1st guy doesn't mean the outcome is going to be any different than it was with the 1st guy. The fact that you have acknowledged that you are in the same situation you've been in before and it didn't turn out right means thats your red flag that this situation most likely won't be any different. You've been giving the signs and warnings now its up to you to take heat to what they are telling you. You can try and stick it out all you want thinking things are going to change for the better when 9 times out of 10 there not, but of course you'll have to hang around and see that for yourself.
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