How do I play it???
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by VenusLady on Wednesday, March 1, 2006 and has 8 replies.
My cancer man has come back into my life again!!!! After my last post (cancer men - help needed!) i had not spoken to my Cancer Man. During this time he has given me a few missed calls which i have ignored. Anyway last week i get an abusive phone call from him, telling me that i'm full of it and was just out to trick him, he even accused me of cheating and a whole lot more BS. Well, i had no choice but to give him as good as i was getting (u know what happens when you wave a red flag in front of a bull?). The funny thing is that he seemed to like the reaction he got out of me and once i had lost it he calmed down and started telling me how much he cared for me (it didn't take long before i was hooked again!). He then told me that he could not go one more day without me and that I should tell him a weekend that i could come and see him. I told him i would check and call him back later. OK, HERE'S THE DILEMMA:
I call him later that day (his mood seems ok). I tell him a date which when i will be available. There is a long pause and then his reaction seems to change and he starts acting as if its inconvenient for him. I tell him that i am willing to come anytime that suits him and he says he will get back to me with a date later that day. Well....that was 2 days ago!!! I havn't heard from him since. He knows i am waiting. The questions are: Do i call him or wait until he calls? If he does call how should i react? If he really wanted to see me wouldn't he have called back? Is it a test? Is he just talking BS? Please help!!!!(again)
This cancer thing is all waaaaaaaaaay toooooooooo confusing for me...i'm going craaaaaaaazy!!!
I call him later that day (his mood seems ok). I tell him a date which when i will be available. There is a long pause and then his reaction seems to change and he starts acting as if its inconvenient for him. I tell him that i am willing to come anytime that suits him and he says he will get back to me with a date later that day. Well....that was 2 days ago!!! I havn't heard from him since. He knows i am waiting. The questions are: Do i call him or wait until he calls? If he does call how should i react? If he really wanted to see me wouldn't he have called back? Is it a test? Is he just talking BS? Please help!!!!(again)
This cancer thing is all waaaaaaaaaay toooooooooo confusing for me...i'm going craaaaaaaazy!!!
"I tell him that i am willing to come anytime that suits him and he says he will get back to me with a date later that day." - Oh My Gosh Venuslady......fatal flaw my dear!....you never ever ever make yourself totally available to anyone, especially someone who is chasing you because then, subconsciously even!, the chase is over for them "for the moment" anyway!
My advice - you certainly do not ring him - always let the man get back to you - (except when you need to make things happen for yourself!!!...:-)
When he does ring you back (which he will!!)with HIS date, time and availability!, you don't go crazy or mad with him......you just casually and flippantly say...Oops, Sorry Mister! when you you didn't get back to me when you said you would, I went ahead and made other plans.....I'm not available for you that particular day:-) Because, as you will see, there's nothing or no-one so alluring, as the person who appears not to give a dam whether you are in or out of their world!
Have a good day VL.
Alana x
My advice - you certainly do not ring him - always let the man get back to you - (except when you need to make things happen for yourself!!!...:-)
When he does ring you back (which he will!!)with HIS date, time and availability!, you don't go crazy or mad with him......you just casually and flippantly say...Oops, Sorry Mister! when you you didn't get back to me when you said you would, I went ahead and made other plans.....I'm not available for you that particular day:-) Because, as you will see, there's nothing or no-one so alluring, as the person who appears not to give a dam whether you are in or out of their world!
Have a good day VL.
Alana x
You know what?
Maybe after talking to you he thought about the conversation and freaked out a little because he bared his soul. When you called back to tell him when you could go to see him, he probably reacted strange because he felt as if he told you "too much" in the previous conversation and placed the ball back in your court by doing so.
Now the "control" shifted to you.
My Cancer is a control freak. He absolutely HAS to have the upper hand in every situation. This ranges from where we will go to dinner to which type of room deodorizer to use.
You see, they have to THINK that they are in control. Learn his ways a little better and you will know how to deal with him in such a manner that he THINKS he's in control but in reality, you have a role in decisions as well.
NO, it's not being sneaky. It's called keeping the peace. You are not harming him or the relationship, you are just using different tactics that do not make him feel threatened.
They can feel threatened even if they are not being threatened. It's in their nasty little twisted minds.
It takes a lot of strategy to handle these creatures. Don't be your bull-self and fly off off the handle too often. Just save it for special occasions, hehehehehe (wicked snicker).
Maybe after talking to you he thought about the conversation and freaked out a little because he bared his soul. When you called back to tell him when you could go to see him, he probably reacted strange because he felt as if he told you "too much" in the previous conversation and placed the ball back in your court by doing so.
Now the "control" shifted to you.
My Cancer is a control freak. He absolutely HAS to have the upper hand in every situation. This ranges from where we will go to dinner to which type of room deodorizer to use.
You see, they have to THINK that they are in control. Learn his ways a little better and you will know how to deal with him in such a manner that he THINKS he's in control but in reality, you have a role in decisions as well.
NO, it's not being sneaky. It's called keeping the peace. You are not harming him or the relationship, you are just using different tactics that do not make him feel threatened.
They can feel threatened even if they are not being threatened. It's in their nasty little twisted minds.
It takes a lot of strategy to handle these creatures. Don't be your bull-self and fly off off the handle too often. Just save it for special occasions, hehehehehe (wicked snicker).
Hummmm, Alana's post may ring true for some but knowing Cancers....They like being paid attention to.
IMHO, I wouldn't choose that route (Alana's Post, no offense!). You will get him p'd-off and then he will do something to get back at you. I've noticed that there is a vendictive streak here and there. You have to be strategic. That way is too obvious.
Go see him, then cut the trip short. Do something like that so he will be wanting more. When he calls, be the first one to hang up. Be subtle. Have lots of legitimate things to occupy your time with so when he calls to ask you out or just to talk to you, it won't be as if you have nothing better to do and are waiting around.
Use your MIND, don't act rash or do things that are predictible.
Alana, (I don't know you but) shame on you! You're an Aquarius for God's sake you should know better. Aqua's are incredible at mental-chess games (brilliant people). Surely you could have thought of something more enigmatic. FYI Aquas are 110x more difficult to figure than Cancers. Whew! Very challenging indeed!
IMHO, I wouldn't choose that route (Alana's Post, no offense!). You will get him p'd-off and then he will do something to get back at you. I've noticed that there is a vendictive streak here and there. You have to be strategic. That way is too obvious.
Go see him, then cut the trip short. Do something like that so he will be wanting more. When he calls, be the first one to hang up. Be subtle. Have lots of legitimate things to occupy your time with so when he calls to ask you out or just to talk to you, it won't be as if you have nothing better to do and are waiting around.
Use your MIND, don't act rash or do things that are predictible.
Alana, (I don't know you but) shame on you! You're an Aquarius for God's sake you should know better. Aqua's are incredible at mental-chess games (brilliant people). Surely you could have thought of something more enigmatic. FYI Aquas are 110x more difficult to figure than Cancers. Whew! Very challenging indeed!
*UPDATE* I just received a text on my cell from my cancer man, it said "Good Morning. The end of next month is good". Lord give me strength!!!
Thank u Alana for your advice but i'm inclined to agree with librat. I think it's all about how you play the game when it comes to Cancers and i agree with you librat that being too predictable is not the way. They like to be in control (i have definetly seen that!).
The question now is what do i reply? the funny thing is I'm not going to be available at the end of next month anyway!!!
Thank u Alana for your advice but i'm inclined to agree with librat. I think it's all about how you play the game when it comes to Cancers and i agree with you librat that being too predictable is not the way. They like to be in control (i have definetly seen that!).
The question now is what do i reply? the funny thing is I'm not going to be available at the end of next month anyway!!!
No offense taken LiBrat:-) and yes I am aquarian:-)
All I can say in my defence....is that is the modus operandi I always use with all my men...no matter what sign!!!.....and it has always has worked for me:-) - without exception:-)
But your observations and suggestions are your way of operating and I like them too my friend:-) - it's just sometimes I find Librians and Cancers think about others "feelings" too much and try to get into how others are feeling and their mindsets....at the cost of not seeing the wood from the trees......
Anyway, glad he is back on the trail again Venuslady.......to be continued:-)
Alana x
All I can say in my defence....is that is the modus operandi I always use with all my men...no matter what sign!!!.....and it has always has worked for me:-) - without exception:-)
But your observations and suggestions are your way of operating and I like them too my friend:-) - it's just sometimes I find Librians and Cancers think about others "feelings" too much and try to get into how others are feeling and their mindsets....at the cost of not seeing the wood from the trees......
Anyway, glad he is back on the trail again Venuslady.......to be continued:-)
Alana x
Here's another bull with crab bf 
I can so relate to you VenusLady. We do tend to fly off the handle... in a fascinating way really lol But those crabs need to be put in their place once in a while...
But you know we can be extra charming also
Use that along with some aloofness or disinterest... never be too available and don't call him back. He's been getting into contact with you, it's only common sense that he wants to see you. He's either playing some little mind game, wants to be on top and sees no necessity to put effort forward... he's not worried because you seem so eager, he's got you! Don't start seeing red yet venus bull, use your patience and wait for him to call and if he doesn't call when he says he will, mention it somehow 'So we still on for Saturday? oh wait it's Monday lol'
When you've been showing lots of interest in them and then suddenly you're not so interested anymore they start to worry, trust me, sooner or later they get antsy. They aren't as solid underneath as they appear to be on the exterior... oh hey much like a crab lol
Rant rant rant sorry, keep us updated! Luck!
All of us in possession of a crab want to learn more
I can so relate to you VenusLady. We do tend to fly off the handle... in a fascinating way really lol But those crabs need to be put in their place once in a while... But you know we can be extra charming also
Use that along with some aloofness or disinterest... never be too available and don't call him back. He's been getting into contact with you, it's only common sense that he wants to see you. He's either playing some little mind game, wants to be on top and sees no necessity to put effort forward... he's not worried because you seem so eager, he's got you! Don't start seeing red yet venus bull, use your patience and wait for him to call and if he doesn't call when he says he will, mention it somehow 'So we still on for Saturday? oh wait it's Monday lol' When you've been showing lots of interest in them and then suddenly you're not so interested anymore they start to worry, trust me, sooner or later they get antsy. They aren't as solid underneath as they appear to be on the exterior... oh hey much like a crab lol
Rant rant rant sorry, keep us updated! Luck!
All of us in possession of a crab want to learn more
Venuslady:
You won't be available to meet him next month? OK, no big deal. Just tell him the truth and then tell him when you are available.
It's OK. No biggy, you'll hook up sooner or later
You won't be available to meet him next month? OK, no big deal. Just tell him the truth and then tell him when you are available.
It's OK. No biggy, you'll hook up sooner or later
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