Posted by aquarius09It's a sad and terrible state of affairs. This kid is just a victim of that, he wasn't trying to buy the girl. He just thought he should treat her as well as he could.Posted by incandescentcancerOh, I hear you. I use to work in a female dominated office and while conversing with most of them, I would zone out and think to myself, "Well, I know turning a lesbian isn't an option if I ever completely give up on men." LOL Seriously, I'm glad I'm in a new office.Posted by aquarius09All this sounds great and I agree with most of what you said. But, women today for the most parts are spoilt and entitled. The disrespect men put up with is extraordinary, personally I maintain distance from most women both due to lack of trust and active dislike. I may reach a point where I use women purely for sex and keep them out of every other aspect of my life. Frankly, each day I hear women and their shallow nonsense that add sounds more attractive.
OP, the girl is not interested in you. Her reason for going on a date can vary from giving you a chance to see what's out there to simply enjoying your company minus romantic interest.
YOU chose to spend so much money and do all the great things you did. She never told you to do that for her. Somehow you have this expectation/sense of entitlement that she should now reciprocate your feelings. That seems to be cancer male dilemma. I personally find cancer men in my life to be the type to buy someone's affection. I had a cancer guy friend who had a crush on me and after all his persistence I decided to give him a chance and went out with him. I only did it to get him off my back. He did go all out and I felt overwhelmed. After that date I told him that I don't think this is gonna work out and in his emotional outburst he said most of the things you're saying in your OP. Boy, oh, boy, did he go all crazy. He said, "WTF is your problem?! What kinda guy do you want anyways? The one that treats you like shit! I got your flowers and put candles all around! It took time to put candles all around. Who's fucking gonna do that for you? No one's gonna love you like I do" blah blah blah and once he was done I told him "Wow! You were trying to buy my affection...." Anyways after his outburst where his ulterior motive was showing, I didn't feel so bad.click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Huh? I am not raising someone else's child. I must be bonkers to do that....lol.Posted by incandescentcancerWhile I think it's a noble thing to do, why are you raising someone else's child? Is the biological father absent? If so, I commend you and I honestly have so much respect for someone like yourself who is doing right by someone else's wrong. That is truly selfless unless you have an ulterior motive which I don't know about.Posted by LuckyLibra979If the child is not mine and it is born to another person out of wedlock, technically the child is a bastard.Posted by incandescentcancerO that's your take on fatherhood? Taking care of another persons bastard huh?Posted by CancerOnTheCuspTell me what's the incentive to be a gentleman? So that I can have the pleasure of taking care of a bastard she had with some douchebag before she met me?
One doesn't have to be a douchebag IMHO. One can be a gentleman who doesn't suffer fools gladly.click to expand
Posted by incandescentcancerNo, his disappointment indicates that he was expecting something to happen between them, which I think is an unfair expectation. I just don't think he should've gone all out and nobody goes all out without expecting something in rePosted by aquarius09It's a sad and terrible state of affairs. This kid is just a victim of that, he wasn't trying to buy the girl. He just thought he should treat her as well as he could.Posted by incandescentcancerOh, I hear you. I use to work in a female dominated office and while conversing with most of them, I would zone out and think to myself, "Well, I know turning a lesbian isn't an option if I ever completely give up on men." LOL Seriously, I'm glad I'm in a new office.Posted by aquarius09All this sounds great and I agree with most of what you said. But, women today for the most parts are spoilt and entitled. The disrespect men put up with is extraordinary, personally I maintain distance from most women both due to lack of trust and active dislike. I may reach a point where I use women purely for sex and keep them out of every other aspect of my life. Frankly, each day I hear women and their shallow nonsense that add sounds more attractive.
OP, the girl is not interested in you. Her reason for going on a date can vary from giving you a chance to see what's out there to simply enjoying your company minus romantic interest.
YOU chose to spend so much money and do all the great things you did. She never told you to do that for her. Somehow you have this expectation/sense of entitlement that she should now reciprocate your feelings. That seems to be cancer male dilemma. I personally find cancer men in my life to be the type to buy someone's affection. I had a cancer guy friend who had a crush on me and after all his persistence I decided to give him a chance and went out with him. I only did it to get him off my back. He did go all out and I felt overwhelmed. After that date I told him that I don't think this is gonna work out and in his emotional outburst he said most of the things you're saying in your OP. Boy, oh, boy, did he go all crazy. He said, "WTF is your problem?! What kinda guy do you want anyways? The one that treats you like shit! I got your flowers and put candles all around! It took time to put candles all around. Who's fucking gonna do that for you? No one's gonna love you like I do" blah blah blah and once he was done I told him "Wow! You were trying to buy my affection...." Anyways after his outburst where his ulterior motive was showing, I didn't feel so bad.click to expand
Posted by incandescentcancerOkay, I thought you were from what you wrote and then BM said that as a follow up.Posted by aquarius09Huh? I am not raising someone else's child. I must be bonkers to do that....lol.Posted by incandescentcancerWhile I think it's a noble thing to do, why are you raising someone else's child? Is the biological father absent? If so, I commend you and I honestly have so much respect for someone like yourself who is doing right by someone else's wrong. That is truly selfless unless you have an ulterior motive which I don't know about.Posted by LuckyLibra979If the child is not mine and it is born to another person out of wedlock, technically the child is a bastard.Posted by incandescentcancerO that's your take on fatherhood? Taking care of another persons bastard huh?Posted by CancerOnTheCuspTell me what's the incentive to be a gentleman? So that I can have the pleasure of taking care of a bastard she had with some douchebag before she met me?
One doesn't have to be a douchebag IMHO. One can be a gentleman who doesn't suffer fools gladly.click to expand
Posted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
Posted by incandescentcancerActually dating websites have a lot of women complaining about "guy invites me and then flops". That happens too. Check it out for yourself on pod forums if you don't believe me.
Just to make this simple, men don't invite or go out with women they aren't interested in.
Posted by aquarius09On both counts, women should turn guys down if right off the bat they find the person uninteresting or unattractive. This is the wrong time for empathy. Pity only earns hatred not gratefulness.Posted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
1) Women are also empathetic and they don't want to turn someone down and hurt their feelings;
2) nobody is saying he shouldn't be asking her out. I'm saying he shouldn't have put the effort that he did! When one goes overboard, there are high expectations and when expectations get shattered, people turn to DXPclick to expand
Posted by aquarius09I don't, I just don't agree that a man should go into a date without expectations. From the beginning of time, man has done things for the love of women, now that you have it all to say that we didn't ask for it is ridiculous. The world you live in wasn't built by women, it was built by men who shed their blood and those of others to make it happen. What you're saying is against the fundamental of basic human instinct.
BTW, don't take my comments as my defending this attention whore in the OP.
I'm simply saying that he shouldn't have put that much effort in the initial days and the effort shows high expectations on his end which got shattered pretty badly. I don't blame the OP for feeling shitty because the poor guy went all out for a selfish snake.
Posted by incandescentcancerAlthough I agree with that but that's not how things work in reality. There are times women turn a man down and he becomes more persistent. That happens as well. Im a straight shooter and I have said no directly to guys and they only became more persistent. They didn't back off. There's just no winning. Reject and it's a problem and if you're empathetic it's a problem.Posted by aquarius09On both counts, women should turn guys down if right off the bat they find the person uninteresting or unattractive. This is the wrong time for empathy. Pity only earns hatred not gratefulness.Posted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
1) Women are also empathetic and they don't want to turn someone down and hurt their feelings;
2) nobody is saying he shouldn't be asking her out. I'm saying he shouldn't have put the effort that he did! When one goes overboard, there are high expectations and when expectations get shattered, people turn to DXPclick to expand
Posted by aquarius09Tell them you'll get an injunction order if they don't fuck off. Never hold off on the big stick. I think NY women generally do a good job if saying no.Posted by incandescentcancerAlthough I agree with that but that's not how things work in reality. There are times women turn a man down and he becomes more persistent. That happens as well. Im a straight shooter and I have said no directly to guys and they only became more persistent. They didn't back off. There's just no winning. Reject and it's a problem and if you're empathetic it's a problem.Posted by aquarius09On both counts, women should turn guys down if right off the bat they find the person uninteresting or unattractive. This is the wrong time for empathy. Pity only earns hatred not gratefulness.Posted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
1) Women are also empathetic and they don't want to turn someone down and hurt their feelings;
2) nobody is saying he shouldn't be asking her out. I'm saying he shouldn't have put the effort that he did! When one goes overboard, there are high expectations and when expectations get shattered, people turn to DXPclick to expand
Posted by incandescentcancerWTH are you trying correlate here? Yes, a guy can pursue but he can do that without going overboard the way this Op did. Couldn't he just take her out for coffee and gradually moved up depending on her reactions?Posted by aquarius09I don't, I just don't agree that a man should go into a date without expectations. From the beginning of time, man has done things for the love of women, now that you have it all to say that we didn't ask for it is ridiculous. The world you live in wasn't built by women, it was built by men who shed their blood and those of others to make it happen. What you're saying is against the fundamental of basic human instinct.
BTW, don't take my comments as my defending this attention whore in the OP.
I'm simply saying that he shouldn't have put that much effort in the initial days and the effort shows high expectations on his end which got shattered pretty badly. I don't blame the OP for feeling shitty because the poor guy went all out for a selfish snake.
Say no in the future.click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Whether it's dinner, coffee or a peanut, he would have gone in with the same expectations. That's my point.Posted by incandescentcancerWTH are you trying correlate here? Yes, a guy can pursue but he can do that without going overboard the way this Op did. Couldn't he just take her out for coffee and gradually moved up depending on her reactions?Posted by aquarius09I don't, I just don't agree that a man should go into a date without expectations. From the beginning of time, man has done things for the love of women, now that you have it all to say that we didn't ask for it is ridiculous. The world you live in wasn't built by women, it was built by men who shed their blood and those of others to make it happen. What you're saying is against the fundamental of basic human instinct.
BTW, don't take my comments as my defending this attention whore in the OP.
I'm simply saying that he shouldn't have put that much effort in the initial days and the effort shows high expectations on his end which got shattered pretty badly. I don't blame the OP for feeling shitty because the poor guy went all out for a selfish snake.
Say no in the future.click to expand
Posted by incandescentcancerLet me simplify my point. I'm saying don't have HIGH expectations and THAT happens because A LOT of effort was put in. If he didn't put that much effort, he wouldn't have HiGH expectations. He would have the normal level of expectation and wouldn't be so hurt. He'd be hurt but not so much.Posted by aquarius09Whether it's dinner, coffee or a peanut, he would have gone in with the same expectations. That's my point.Posted by incandescentcancerWTH are you trying correlate here? Yes, a guy can pursue but he can do that without going overboard the way this Op did. Couldn't he just take her out for coffee and gradually moved up depending on her reactions?Posted by aquarius09I don't, I just don't agree that a man should go into a date without expectations. From the beginning of time, man has done things for the love of women, now that you have it all to say that we didn't ask for it is ridiculous. The world you live in wasn't built by women, it was built by men who shed their blood and those of others to make it happen. What you're saying is against the fundamental of basic human instinct.
BTW, don't take my comments as my defending this attention whore in the OP.
I'm simply saying that he shouldn't have put that much effort in the initial days and the effort shows high expectations on his end which got shattered pretty badly. I don't blame the OP for feeling shitty because the poor guy went all out for a selfish snake.
Say no in the future.
No man has ever asked a woman out without expectations.click to expand
Posted by aquarius09Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by aquarius09There's no high, low medium. We all go into it with the expectation of a relationship or at the very least to put you on your back with your legs in the air for a few hours. That's as simple as it can be.
Let me simplify my point. I'm saying don't have HIGH expectations and THAT happens because A LOT of effort was put in. If he didn't put that much effort, he wouldn't have HiGH expectations. He would have the normal level of expectation and wouldn't be so hurt. He'd be hurt but not so much.click to expand
Posted by aquarius09No, it isn't. Men always have the same expectations.
Whether you're a girl or guy asking a person out, level of expectations are built based on the effort you put out.
Posted by aquarius09Both, because both men have the same expectation. You're thinking from a woman's perspective which considers purely the material investment to outcome.
Tell me who's more butthurt:
guy A:
Cooks dinner for candlelight evening together. Nice jazz music with candles lit all around. And after reaping the joy, disappears on the guy
Or
Guy B:
Takes the woman out for coffee and then the girl disappears.
Posted by aquarius09Well I hope atleast some of them are smart enough to understand reality. I have personally never needed group support to make my point.
I want other men to come back you up on what you're saying. I will then understand that as male psyche and not your opinion.
I can't speak for men's psyche so I need to hear what men have to say on this.
Posted by aquarius09Ok My point is why did she go "overboard" with the texting and calling over the thanksgiving break. I really didn't have much time to talk to her over that break. But was polite about it. My family is huge on my dad's side. I had 60 ppl over at the house. Then all of a sudden her messages stop, and when I sent her a text, she never responded that night let me be clear on that. That's what's throwing me off. She still hasn't said anything, she's not really that attractive. I just thought she was sweet. So I'm not worried now about moving on. I have other optionsPosted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
1) Women are also empathetic and they don't want to turn someone down and hurt their feelings;
2) nobody is saying he shouldn't be asking her out. I'm saying he shouldn't have put the effort that he did! When one goes overboard, there are high expectations and when expectations get shattered, people turn to DXPclick to expand
Posted by Cancer2448Listen, I think you're fantastic for what you did on the first date and like Trucap said, it's her loss. I just don't think you should have gone up and beyond for a woman whose interest level you hadn't gauged in advance. Not everyone deserves that kinda treatment and when you give it to the wrong person, that's when resentment sets in like the title of this thread or some comments you've made about not doing this anymore. You shouldn't stop being chivalrous altogether. Just reserve it for later on who has shown you consistency for quite sometime.
I tried originally to get this girl to meet for drinks only originally. She doesn't drink anything but wine and she's 22. Right there I should have just given up on her. I'm not an alcoholic, but I'm not that much into wine yet.
Posted by Cancer2448I don't know how passive aggressive attention whores operate, but one thing I know is that she pulled a really shitty cowardly move. This person lacks integrity and be gone with all these utterly useless people. Now, I really hope you learned your lesson and when she comes back or responds, which I guarantee you she will, communicate to her why she doesn't have the privilege of associating with you. Diss and dismiss. Women like that don't deserve a kind no thanks.Posted by aquarius09Ok My point is why did she go "overboard" with the texting and calling over the thanksgiving break. I really didn't have much time to talk to her over that break. But was polite about it. My family is huge on my dad's side. I had 60 ppl over at the house. Then all of a sudden her messages stop, and when I sent her a text, she never responded that night let me be clear on that. That's what's throwing me off. She still hasn't said anything, she's not really that attractive. I just thought she was sweet. So I'm not worried now about moving on. I have other optionsPosted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
1) Women are also empathetic and they don't want to turn someone down and hurt their feelings;
2) nobody is saying he shouldn't be asking her out. I'm saying he shouldn't have put the effort that he did! When one goes overboard, there are high expectations and when expectations get shattered, people turn to DXPclick to expand
Posted by aquarius09Oh, I see now. Thaks for the answers.Posted by GemitatiIf I list each and every thing that he did to annoy me, then it would make sense. One would be to threaten to slit his wrist and I was young so I actually believed suicidal threats.Posted by aquarius09HOW in the world did you planned on getting him OFF your back by going out with you
OP, the girl is not interested in you. Her reason for going on a date can vary from giving you a chance to see what's out there to simply enjoying your company minus romantic interest.
YOU chose to spend so much money and do all the great things you did. She never told you to do that for her. Somehow you have this expectation/sense of entitlement that she should now reciprocate your feelings. That seems to be cancer male dilemma. I personally find cancer men in my life to be the type to buy someone's affection. I had a cancer guy friend who had a crush on me and after all his persistence I decided to give him a chance and went out with him. I only did it to get him off my back. He did go all out and I felt overwhelmed. After that date I told him that I don't think this is gonna work out and in his emotional outburst he said most of the things you're saying in your OP. Boy, oh, boy, did he go all crazy. He said, "WTF is your problem?! What kinda guy do you want anyways? The one that treats you like shit! I got your flowers and put candles all around! It took time to put candles all around. Who's fucking gonna do that for you? No one's gonna love you like I do" blah blah blah and once he was done I told him "Wow! You were trying to buy my affection...." Anyways after his outburst where his ulterior motive was showing, I didn't feel so bad.
knowing that he WANT you?click to expand
Posted by kissmygritsNoble as that might be as an endeavor, we all do things with expectations.
If you're doing things for others expecting a reward you're going to have a bad time.
Posted by BlackMambaNo worries girl. I like that saying. I've been let down so many times. It's my own fault really. Having expectations just makes you miserable. I started focusing on the feel good part of helping people out. If they don't reciprocate that's their problem. I'm not saying be a door mat but you can do things for others and don't expect anything in return. Or don't do anything. It's your choice.Posted by kissmygritsi hate that bs saying, im sorry, but as human beings nobody should be a doormat, we all have expectations to be loved and taken care of
If you're doing things for others expecting a reward you're going to have a bad time.
click to expand
Posted by Cancer2448You're not even attracted to her? What the fuck crab?Posted by aquarius09Ok My point is why did she go "overboard" with the texting and calling over the thanksgiving break. I really didn't have much time to talk to her over that break. But was polite about it. My family is huge on my dad's side. I had 60 ppl over at the house. Then all of a sudden her messages stop, and when I sent her a text, she never responded that night let me be clear on that. That's what's throwing me off. She still hasn't said anything, she's not really that attractive. I just thought she was sweet. So I'm not worried now about moving on. I have other optionsPosted by incandescentcancerTwo points to make:
@Aquarius09-
I think a man asking a woman out to a restaurant is a clear indicator of expectation and interest. You can't possibly tell me that a woman who accepts such an invitation is naive enough not to do that. If women are as honorable as everyone says they should straight away turn down dates with men in whom they aren't interested.
1) Women are also empathetic and they don't want to turn someone down and hurt their feelings;
2) nobody is saying he shouldn't be asking her out. I'm saying he shouldn't have put the effort that he did! When one goes overboard, there are high expectations and when expectations get shattered, people turn to DXPclick to expand
Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMemberPosted by kissmygrits+1
Yes have low expectations. Very low.click to expand
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →
