My boyfriend Cancer, sensitivity and walking away

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by peacelovetaurus on Sunday, May 5, 2013 and has 20 replies.
My Crab and I (Taurus) went out for my birthday on Monday. Part of the night was him proposing a plan about us moving in together. I loved his idea. He was very thoughtful in how it would work for us to make the move and live together soon. We have talked about living together and now was the time to discuss timeline and action. I agreed on his plan and told him I was excited to move in according to his ideas. Well during the night I said a couple things that hurt his feelings. His sensitivity can be emotionally exhausting as anyone on here knows about Crabs. ONE little thing can be taken the completely wrong way, and he runs away with his feelings hurt.
After dinner we were intimate and one comment I made that had to do with family completely ticked him off. A nice night turned into him wanting to get up and leave and throw everything away. The next day I called him and he was semi-respondant. The following day, I sent him sweet messages thanking him for staying together that night when it was easier to walk away. He ignored me. (Which is his usual tactic when hurt - silence.) So I've learned to ask, "Is there something the matter?" That's the only way to pull him out of his shell for the moment. He says, "Yeah, after I thought about everything I'm going to have to walk away. You told me flat out you're not sure if this is the life you want. I hope you find what you're looking for. Take care. No regrets."
Me being a Taurus, I have been practical and loving and loyal and persistent. I sent him a letter deep from my heart with total compassion and love telling him how I want to create a life together, was sorry for any misunderstanding, and I am ready to move in now. I sent a few follow up text messages letting him know I love him, need him and think the world of him. It seems he likes to relish in my sweet messages while ignoring me. But this time, I wonder if he really is walking away completely? I haven't heard from him in response to my email or text in days.
I've learned that as a Bull being straight-forward he is not. I guess I wonder if I should stop all contact, or keep sending him text messages (his favorite way to communicate when not in person) that are partly emotionally draining since there's no response yet I know he is receiving them and feeling what I have to say.
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He told you directly that he has to walk away. Let him. What's so hard about taking people at their word? No more love letters, emails, texts, blah. Enough.
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Posted by peacelovetaurus
Well during the night I said a couple things that hurt his feelings. His sensitivity can be emotionally exhausting as anyone on here knows about Crabs. ONE little thing can be taken the completely wrong way, and he runs away with his feelings hurt.
After dinner we were intimate and one comment I made that had to do with family completely ticked him off. A nice night turned into him wanting to get up and leave and throw everything away.
He says, "Yeah, after I thought about everything I'm going to have to walk away. You told me flat out you're not sure if this is the life you want. I hope you find what you're looking for. Take care. No regrets."
Me being a Taurus, I have been practical and loving and loyal and persistent. I sent him a letter deep from my heart with total compassion and love telling him how I want to create a life together, was sorry for any misunderstanding, and I am ready to move in now.


Ahhh bullette....
It seems you are downplaying the "one comment" you made. It may have been trivial to you, but it probably shed a fair bit of truth about your true feelings. "One little comment" is not going to make a Crab in love break up with a person they wanted to move in with. Sounds more like after saying "a few things over the night that hurt his feelings" you may have then presented the comment that broke the camel's back.
I'm sure he had overlooked many differences you have... even tho your comments in this post, make it seem like you did a lot of "enduring his emotions" even though you find them "emotionally exhausting".
A Cancer can't be with someone who trivializes our feelings. Sending sweet messages and trying to use affection to take away from the real situation (you don't sound compatible and the Crab has realized that) is not a good way to try and get the outcome you want (him to forget about what you said so you can move in with him)
Do you see what I'm getting at? If not... best of luck but this doesn't look good for the long term... forget about the short.
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The reason it's hard to not take him for his word,
is because with certain emtional things he doesn't stick to it.
His emotions are like a wave. They change.
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Shellshocker: Thank you for your feedback smile The comment was something taken in the wrong way. His perception of what was said was something he was struggling inside with not how I felt. The funny thing is he just assumed, didn't communicate and when felt rejected just wants to up and leave. This may have to do more with maturity as we grow. I have been very patient, compassionate, kind and thoughtful to his feelings since I've known him. That's one thing that he has loved about me most - my compassion and kindness towards him. The comment I made came after feeling lied to (because of something he was ashamed of) that he brought out to the open and took me for surprise. I find it interesting that many Cancers want compassion, understanding and kindess but when they feel slighted in some way many from my experience don't want to give understanding in return. I wrote a very thoughtful letter apologizing for anything I did that hurt his feelings, explained from my heart all I felt. And after all the mutual love, time and connection he has just shut down. It's sad. Like he has an expectation that he has to push away someone in order to get close or because he thinks he will be rejected. I won't walk away from someone unless I mean it. The difference is, his emotions are so up and down, that he changes after a few days or a week. So instead of walking of from him, I've reassured him of my love because that's what he needs and has wanted and responds to..and to me that is what true love really is...sticking through it all.
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Posted by peacelovetaurus
Shellshocker: Thank you for your feedback smile So instead of walking of from him, I've reassured him of my love because that's what he needs and has wanted and responds to..and to me that is what true love really is...sticking through it all.


I will respond in sarcasm...
So instead of listening to what he has directly told me... I will continue to push my feelings on him... because I know what he needs better than he does and because I have found this manipulation tactic is what he responds to. His perception is wrong... and MY perception of what true love really is... is right. I am a Taurus and I will stick to my stubborn beliefs.
Perception is a funny thing...
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Posted by shellshocker
Posted by peacelovetaurus
Shellshocker: Thank you for your feedback smile So instead of walking of from him, I've reassured him of my love because that's what he needs and has wanted and responds to..and to me that is what true love really is...sticking through it all.


I will respond in sarcasm...
So instead of listening to what he has directly told me... I will continue to push my feelings on him... because I know what he needs better than he does and because I have found this manipulation tactic is what he responds to. His perception is wrong... and MY perception of what true love really is... is right. I am a Taurus and I will stick to my stubborn beliefs.
Perception is a funny thing...
click to expand


Translation for the Bullette-

You are gaslighting yourself into believing what is not really there (see this as emotions, feelings, love and all that mush), creating another reality, doubting the one at present (his own) and alternating perception.
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ing... now I know what it means. thank you.
my response was too watery... idk Scorp but I believe yours may fly over the bullette's head as well
Posted by peacelovetaurus

Me being a Taurus, I have been practical and loving and loyal and persistent.



Posted by peacelovetaurus
That's one thing that he has loved about me most - my compassion and kindness towards him. \
And after all the mutual love, time and connection he has just shut down.
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Your perception of yourself is of being loving, practical, kind blah, blah blah... (very positive) Your description of your boyfriend is emotionally exhausting, too sensitive, does not show understanding, shuts down, emotionally unstable... ( all very negative)
If you are all these things you say you are... why did your boyfriend breakup with you? His perception is different, no matter how great you think you are
If your boyfriend has all these negative traits... why would he want to be with someone who feels that way about him? If your perception of him is true... why the hell do YOU want to be with him?
In reality... you are not as great as you think you are... and he is not as bad as you say he is. Doesn't have to be a wrong/right thing. Just a not very compatible thing
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Ay, ShellShocker, at least we tried!
Let's put it this way Bullette, we always see what we want to see and not what is in fact, right in front of us. Unfortunately at times that is human nature.
At worst, we might even mold our own reality to fit the one we want it to be and not the one that IS reality.
Reality, it is what it is and that can not be changed, it might not even be about compatibility, there are so many factors that may or may not come into play BUT he is made his decision, listen to a man when he has expressed what he feels and thinks, be it verbally, physically or even by detachment and silence. All these are signs, signals communicating to you what he believes is the correct step to take, pay attention to it, he may be much more clearer to you than what you give him credit for. Take a step outside the box, clear your head a little from the overclouding emotions, then you might be surprised to find yourself seeing a completely different picture than the one you had 'envisioned' it to be.
Whether he reaches out of not, both of these actions are conveying a message, no action and no words is in fact a statement in itself too, keep that in mind.
At the end of the day, if a man wants you he will hunt you down, find you, reach out to you and so forth, nothing will stop him but if you are not the one for him then think again. That is life, nothing particularly positive nor negative about it, just take it as it is, an experience smile
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Shellshocker, I'm going from my experience in interacting with each other. What I've observed. I guess perspective is everything. That includes your perspective, his, mind and everyone else. From what I read it comes off as I'm so blindsided by everything. I didn't say I'm so great. He has told me he needs to be reassured of his love, so that's what I give to him, because to me that is part of loving someone. That's his interpretation of true love as well. I appreciate your comments, your perspective and taking the time to write.. points well taken. I also think the way the information was delivered was a bit maybe condescending, as if I don't understand something. I think I realized from this that astrology plays some part in it, but everything comes down to circumstances, which have too many more details to come to a better understanding. I'm finding it's better to talk with people who understand the people and full detail than for me to post randomly select information on an online forum which in turn breeds generalizations based of little information.
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Posted by peacelovetaurus
Shellshocker, I'm going from my experience in interacting with each other. What I've observed. I guess perspective is everything. That includes your perspective, his, mind and everyone else. From what I read it comes off as I'm so blindsided by everything. I didn't say I'm so great. He has told me he needs to be reassured of his love, so that's what I give to him, because to me that is part of loving someone. That's his interpretation of true love as well. I appreciate your comments, your perspective and taking the time to write.. points well taken. I also think the way the information was delivered was a bit maybe condescending, as if I don't understand something. I think I realized from this that astrology plays some part in it, but everything comes down to circumstances, which have too many more details to come to a better understanding. I'm finding it's better to talk with people who understand the people and full detail than for me to post randomly select information on an online forum which in turn breeds generalizations based of little information.


Please plt, do not take it to heart, that is her Aries elements coming through and she was hardly condescending, she means well otherwise she would not have written so much! We are not saying you are blind completely, blindsided perhaps, take a step back, take a breather, sometimes one simple action could change your perspectives entirely and you would find yourself very much surprised. Astrology is never the be all nor end all and when you come here seeking for advice, take it with a grain of salt like any sane adult would, after all one only has what little information to work on as you present it, not necessarily faithful nor doing justice to the 'actual' circumstance at hand. Take it or leave it but most of us here have the best of intentions.
If you would like to make full use of 'the stars', both both your natal charts or if you would not like full disclosure then post the personal planets of both him and yourself smile
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LadyScorpio, I meant to say thank you for your words as well. I did find that in relation to Astrology both you two came off more like a typical stubborn Bull lol in this thread than one who is one. Meaning you both posted comments, with no room for me to respond, and then said "well we tried.." lol. She just won't get it. Maybe instead of assuming, let another person speak from THEIR perspective so we can all share in what we observe about life.
On the Cancer note, to clarify, I think he's the most amazing man in the world. We have had a great connection. It's been mutual, loving, and the best relationship I've been in. I LOVE being together with him, and he loves being together with me. When I said traits that sound negative like being sensitive it was in relation to that MOMENT not all the time. In fact, his sensitivity is what I am drawn to and one of the things I love most about him.
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Oh I thought shellshocker was a guy. Yes, it must be that Aries fire.
Very wise words, and the best advice I will take ... THANK YOU! I appreciate smile
"take a step back, take a breather, sometimes one simple action could change your perspectives entirely and you would find yourself very much surprised. Astrology is never the be all nor end all and when you come here seeking for advice, take it with a grain of salt like any sane adult would, after all one only has what little information to work on as you present it, not necessarily faithful nor doing justice to the 'actual' circumstance at hand. Take it or leave it but most of us here have the best of intentions."
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Haha, the "well, we've tried" comment was not targeted at you...only she would understand what I meant. It was in regards to our watery ways of communications and the way we expresses ourselves, that was the disconnect we were targeting about, not you per se.
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You seem rather wordy or verbose if one must make use of the proper term, let me take a wild guess you have various prominent Gemini placements within your chart? How far off was my gut feeling? smile
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Posted by peacelovetaurus
I also think the way the information was delivered was a bit maybe condescending, as if I don't understand something.
I think I realized from this that astrology plays some part in it, but everything comes down to circumstances, which have too many more details to come to a better understanding. I'm finding it's better to talk with people who understand the people and full detail than for me to post randomly select information on an online forum which in turn breeds generalizations based of little information.


no, you don't understand something. I think I was pretty direct in communicating that to you... oh well
I think what you have realized is that you are not going to get what you want to hear from most 3rd party people who do not have an EMOTIONAL involvement with you. (friends, family, ex's etc.) Those people will probably be more inclined to lie to you... in order to spare your feelings. This is why many "Why is my cancer man not doing what I want him to do" posts are ignored in the Cancer forum.
Turn to the people in your life... they will better assist you in your delusion. best of luck
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Posted by shellshocker
Posted by peacelovetaurus
I also think the way the information was delivered was a bit maybe condescending, as if I don't understand something.
I think I realized from this that astrology plays some part in it, but everything comes down to circumstances, which have too many more details to come to a better understanding. I'm finding it's better to talk with people who understand the people and full detail than for me to post randomly select information on an online forum which in turn breeds generalizations based of little information.


no, you don't understand something. I think I was pretty direct in communicating that to you... oh well
I think what you have realized is that you are not going to get what you want to hear from most 3rd party people who do not have an EMOTIONAL involvement with you. (friends, family, ex's etc.) Those people will probably be more inclined to lie to you... in order to spare your feelings. This is why many "Why is my cancer man not doing what I want him to do" posts are ignored in the Cancer forum.
Turn to the people in your life... they will better assist you in your delusion. best of luck

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As a Crab you are much more direct than I am, got to adopt that asap Big Grin
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No Gemini in my chart. I do have to say my posts come off as wordy. Not sure why. Maybe articulating emotion is challenging. I find reading back my own posts annoying in how wordy they are lol.
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SHellshocker I have to say you come off as very rude and unlike most Cancers I know. You seem to think you have the "right" answers of God and everyone else is delusional, or just don't get it. I'm not asking to hear anything particular. I was saying that talking to people that know more details and circumstance better gives more accurate understanding. Even then it's all perspective. In fact, this made me realize that the only relationship that matters is between me and him, and ultimately my relationship with myself and my own God.
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Posted by peacelovetaurus
Hello TrueCancer :-)...
The reason I ask is because I find Cancers to be in ways indirect and like to 'test the waters' to see if it's safe when asking for something. But for a Taurus who needs things blatantly spelled out (I don't take to subtleties) I'm not going to 'get it' unless it's spelled out word for word.



I didn't mean to hurt your feelings
You posted this on another thread about your Cancer. I would think you would appreciated directness... but maybe only when it supports your own feelings.
As the LadyScorpio said... mine is just an opinion, easily disregarded.
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